Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Leaving tomorrow!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1280
Fat: 27g (21%)
Carbs: 72g (25%)
Protein: 159g (54%)
Weight this morning: 126.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 292

a new low weightA new low weight for me! Yay! I know I will gain while I'm gone so I needed some good scale news this morning. Click the photo for a larger size. :)

Last day of work today and then I'll be away from my blog here for a week. Once again, if you are on Facebook you can find me here. I will update my status via my cell phone while gone. Any responses should be posted directly to my wall as all wall posts are sent to my cell phone. I'll be back posting here again next Wednesday.

Today I did a couple large loads of laundry, and some packing for the trip. Tomorrow I finish the packing and I fly to Seattle in the afternoon.

Friday my sister and I are driving down to southern Oregon from Seattle. Saturday we sort and clean. Sunday I suspect we will do more sorting and cleaning, then sis and I drive back to Seattle in the afternoon.

I fly back here on Monday night. It was the only cheap flight I could find so I'll be stuck in Seattle an extra day.

Exercise today was walking to the laundromat and back, then down to BART, then from my stop to work.

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Week 113, Day 3

Calories eaten yesterday: 1271
Fat: 23g (17%)
Carbs: 93g (30%)
Protein: 167g (53%)
Weight this morning: 129
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

snacks for my trip, plus my cat XenaHere's a photo of some bags of snacks for my trip. In these are beef jerky (for protein), pork rinds (for fat), and some granola bars (for a treat). I later bought peanut butter and low-carb bread for sandwiches while I am gone. Click the photo to enlarge.

Gym day - the only one I'll get this week. Did one hour of weight training, 40 minutes on the stairmaster (dripping sweat everywhere), and walked to work from the train station (30 minutes).

Tomorrow I am doing laundry a day early to prepare for my trip. I have to be up early because I am doing everything - blankets and sheets, and dividing whites and colors (using bleach on the whites). The whole nine yards.

Thursday I'll pack and then I leave Thursday afternoon. As I said before, I will have no Internet access during that time. Follow me on Facebook if you want as I will be able to sent text updates from my cell phone. I don't think you have to friend me to see my profile as I set it to public. You do have to be a Facebook member, though.

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Monday, August 24, 2009

Waka Waka Waka

Calories eaten yesterday: 872
Fat: 18g (21%)
Carbs: 52g (28%)
Protein: 100g (50%)
Weight this morning: 131.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 423

Today is my sister April's birthday! Happy birthday, sis! She's 37. I tried to call her to wish her a happy birthday, but had to leave a message on her voice mail.

Did a lot of walking today just getting things done. I walked down to BART intending to go the the Mission Distract of San Francisco where I knew they sold the type of rolling cart I need. I walked to Fruitvale and saw a bank branch. I needed to make a deposit and get cash for my trip so I did that.

As I exited I saw a store across the street with a rolling cart on display outside. Score! It was just under $20. I got the cart and pulled it back home.

After dropping off the cart I had enough time to go to Safeway to pick up the bread and peanut butter I need for my trip. I get a healthy whole wheat light bread and peanut butter without added sugar.

I dropped that stuff off at home, washed my hair, then walked down to BART. I took it one stop, then walked into work.

Total walking time - almost 2 1/2 hours!

Tomorrow I think I can hit the gym, then I am doing laundry on Wednesday so I can pack on Thursday. I fly out Thursday afternoon.

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Sunday, August 23, 2009

Week 112 Weigh-In

Start: 154
Week 1: 150 (-4) - Week 25: 137.6
Week 50: 138.4 - Week 75: 137.6
Week 100: 140 - Week 101: 138.4 (-1.6)
Week 102: 138.6 (+0.2) - Week 103: 139.4 (+0.8)
Week 104: 136.4 (-3) - Week 105: 137.8 (+1.4)
Week 106: 137.8 (-0) - Week 107: 138.2 (+0.4)
Week 108: 137.4 (-0.8) - Week 109: 136 (-1.4)
Week 110: 133 (-3) - Week 111: 134.2 (+1.2)
Week 112: 132.8 (-1.4)
Total loss since starting a low-fat diet: -21.2
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -73.2

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1225
Fat: 17g (13%)
Carbs: 98g (33%)
Protein: 124g (41%)

Calories eaten Friday: 1159
Fat: 5g (4%)
Carbs: 71g (26%)
Protein: 62g (22%)

Weight Thursday morning: 129
Weight Friday morning: 127.8
Weight Saturday morning: 128.2
Weight this morning: 132.8

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 292
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 35
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 71
Calories burned in exercise today: 166

A new low weight for me! I need to lose all the weight I can because I will spend this coming weekend with no control over my food intake. Add that to the stress of the situation and that equals weight gain. That's why I have been working so hard to lose weight lately - so I can gain some and not get too high.

Crazy weekend. Friday morning I had my doctor's appointment. He upped my Armour from 120mg to 150mg (1 1/2 grains). He said adding 50mcg of levothyroxine was a good idea. In case I run out of Armour I got scrips for Cytomel and 125mcg of levothyroxine. This is my fallback plan, but the Cytomel is $1 per pill. I could swing it for a short time, but it's not a viable long term option

So I am currently on 150mg Armour and 50mcg levothyroxine. I did not schedule a new doctor's appointment because with the changes in medication (old Armour, new Armour, possibly Cytomel) my blood levels won't be stable for testing for quite a while. I told them I would call and make an appointment later.

The doctor gave me a compliment. First he said I was a difficult case - the medications that should work are not and my numbers are all over the map. He then asked if I'd thought about going to UCSF Medical Center. I said no and then he added, "You probably know as much as they do anyway." I do try to be an educated patient. :)

Brad drove me home and then dropped me at the grocery shopping before heading back to work. I bought what groceries I could carry since my cart is broken. The bags were heavy on my shoulders for the walk home.

I called Dad to try to calm him down about the situation with the van. Didn't do any good and he refuses to sell. This means I have to fly back from Seattle since I won't be driving down in the van with Brad. Brad called my Dad that afternoon and was able to calm him down. They had a nice conversation but he still won't sell.

Friday afternoon I went to CVS pharmacy to see if they had any Armour. They did, but only 30s, 60s, and 90s. They refused to give me 60s and 90s to equal the 150 dose I am on. I will have to call the doctor's office on Monday and see if they can phone in a script for 60s and 90s.

Between that and Dad I was really depressed. I had some wine and no dinner and then went to bed. I was too depressed and angry to care about eating.

Xena at 7 years oldFriday night Xena didn't sleep with me, but I wasn't too worried and figured she was under the bathtub or something. Saturday morning I looked everywhere - in every nook and cranny. She was nowhere to be found and did not show up for breakfast!

My baby was missing! Xena is the one who's been an indoor cat her whole life. She can't take care of herself outside. She snuck out sometime Friday night and neither Brad nor I noticed (I had gone to bed early anyway).

I was pretty depressed at this point and craved sugar and chocolate.

Brad and I headed to church. Between my Dad, the medication issue, and Xena, I was too depressed to participate much. I hadn't slept well Friday night so after the worship service I just rested during Sabbath School, ate some potluck lunch, and then rested again while everyone else cleaned up.

I did get up once during Sabbath School and go to the 7-Eleven next door and bought a large cinnamon roll. I sat outside and ate it, then went back to the church and continued resting (laying down across three chairs).

After church we had a business meeting. I'm the clerk so I have to go. Thankfully it wasn't the three hour meeting it usually is. We wrapped this one up in two hours. Brad and I had our ride drop us by the binge into Alameda instead of at home.

We ended up going to Zeytini's for their Happy Hour special (buy one glass of wine, get the second one for 25 cents). Brad paid, but I did give him some money to help cover my glasses.

He also offered to buy me a Mochatini at Applebee's because he knew how stressed out I was. It's my favorite drink so I took him up on it. I also got a Diet Coke because I was sooo thirsty. Brad got an iced tea and the cheese sticks appetizer. I was saving my appetite so I let him have most of it and just ate two.

We stopped at Starbucks on the way back and I got my favorite coffee drink - a double tall skinny vanilla latte. I also got a piece of the reduced fat cinnamon coffee cake and a double chocolate biscotti.

Then we went next door to Tuttimellon and I had two yogurts with toppings - a small chocolate frozen yogurt with M&Ms and granola, and a small plain frozen yogurt with M&Ms.

We stopped at Safeway on the way back for my weekly Saturday treat of two Yoplait Light yogurts. I also got a package of Hostess cupcakes - I craved the sugar and chocolate.

I checked my cell phone when I got home and found two messages from my next door neighbor (I had altered her about my cat). She said she had found my cat and Brad and I rushed over to get her. She was safe and sound, though pissed off at me for leaving her outside to fend for herself.

We came back and I ate the stuff from Safeway plus a granola bar, and the healthy chocolate pudding I made the night before. I wasn't hungry for dinner and neither was Brad so we just went to bed.

This morning we got up and walked to the train, then from our stop into work. We stopped at WalMart and I bought stuff I'll need for my trip this weekend - beef jerky, pork rinds, granola bars, hand wipes, etc. I still need bread and peanut butter, but WalMart doesn't have the kinds I like so I'll have to stop at Safeway for those.

Tomorrow I hope to go into San Francisco and buy a new cart for laundry and groceries. There are lots of little shops on Mission Street that sell those and they are right on the train line so I won't have to take any buses.

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Saturday, August 22, 2009

Book review - The Day the Earth Stood Still

The Day the Earth Stood Still (aka Farewell to the Master) by Harry Bates

This book was short (38 pages) and bore no resemblance to the 1951 film, and even less the 2008 remake. How they got those films from this book I will never understand. Gnut (Gort in the films) lashing out in violence every time they is violence around him, Gnut being in the Smithsonian and moving around stealthily at night, Gnut trying to make another Klaatu – it’s not in the films, but is the central part of the book.

Basically, the movies are nice, but there is no woman saying "Klaatu barada nikto" to stop Gnut in the book, nor anything remotely close to it. Harry Bates would turn over in his grave to see what has become of his story.

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Thursday, August 20, 2009

La Vida Loca!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1269
Fat: 22g (16%)
Carbs: 100g (33%)
Protein: 125g (39%)
Weight this morning: 129
Calories burned in exercise today: 292

Crazy day. Exercise was just a buttload of walking. I switched out my old pedometer last night for a new one (same exact kind). The new one counts so much better! Who knew a pedometer could simply wear out?

Last night I went to get my rolling cart from the closet to get ready for the laundry today. I opened it and one of the wheels fell off! I looked at the wheel shaft and the metal is ripped completely away! The cart wasn't going anywhere except the garbage. I used my Pullman backpack and a garbage bag to get my clothes to the laundromat and back. :-p I don't know how I will handle groceries tomorrow.

After putting the clothes away and having some egg whites I went to Walgreens and spoke with the manager about my card. The person she needed to call at TransLink was on her lunch break. She said she would get back to me and I left the card there. They should be able to take my leftover bus pass money and turn it into regular cash so I can pay by ride. We'll see. But the next time I get my commuter checks I am buying paper tickets!

I continued down to BART, and then walked from my stop into work, stopping at WalMart for more Diet Coke. I took time out at both Walgreens and WalMart to compare prices on both Nature-Thyroid (similar to Armour with both T3 and T4) and Cytomel (a T3 only med).

I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow. I think I will ask him for a script for "dessicated thyroid" (that way I can get any available brand), and also Cytomel. That way if I run out of my meds I can at least pay for Cytomel. It's quite expensive but if I run out of options I want to be able to get my T3 in some form until Armour or Nature-Thyroid is back on the market.

I'm also going to ask the doctor to raise my dessicated thyroid to 3 grains (180-195mg, depending on brand), and to let me add some levothyroxine to the mix since my T4 levels have dropped on the Armour. I need to check my other prescriptions and see if I need new scripts on any of them.

It's been a year on this crazy thyroid journey and I'm still no closer to getting my levels where they should be. :(

My sister's in town this weekend. She's not planning on seeing me since I'll be flying to Seattle next weekend to see her and help clean out the properties in Oregon. I leave Thursday afternoon. I'll get to see Dad Thursday night. That will be good. :)

Brad is taking the bus up to take possession of the van, then we will drive back to California together late Sunday. I won't be updating my blog during that time, but I plan to post updates to my Facebook page. I have my page set to public, so if you have a Facebook account you should be able to see my updates. Facebook profile

Tomorrow I plan to buy groceries and prep salads for the coming week. I'll buy and cook chicken if it's on sale.

This Saturday Brad and I have to attend our twice annual church business meeting after worship. I'm the clerk and have to be there. Now that I have a laptop I just type the minutes as we go along instead of taking notes by hand. :) These meetings typically go about three hours so there goes the afternoon. I expect we'll get home around 7. We'll have dinner in since we are both broke. We can do hot dogs or a shrimp and veggie stir fry.

Mom has my tickets booked for the Florida trip in November/December! :) I don't have the exact days and times yet, but I know I am leaving the day after Thanksgiving and I'll be gone about a week. It will be good to see Mom and her husband. I miss Mom.

I'll weigh-in on Sunday. No weigh-in the week after that since I won't be here and won't be able to eat healthy during that time.

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

How fat is your state?

Calories eaten yesterday: 1096
Fat: 19g (17%)
Carbs: 83g (33%)
Protein: 129g (50%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

AbbyLet's state off with a random cool pic of Abby. I caught her at just the right moment as she took a bite of her cat food. Click the photo for a larger size.

Okay. Moving on. Didn't weight in this morning. I'm a bit constipated so I knew my weight would be higher than yesterday and didn't want to be depressed.

I'm working overtime today so my only exercise was walking to the train station and then from my stop to work - about 1 hour total. My pedometer is not counting steps very well. I changed the battery three months ago, but I wonder if maybe it's just plain wearing out.

Here's a cool tidbit I found online: How fat is your state? Where I live (California) 23.1% of adults are obese - not merely overweight, mind you, but obese - with a BMI of 30 or above. California rates 41st among 50 states plus DC - overall one of the slimmer states.

The fattest state is Mississippi with 31.6% of adults obese, and the slimmest state is Colorado with 18.4% of adults obese.

On another subject, a word to my critics who comment on the Blogger version of this blog. I am hypothyroid, people! Maybe you don't understand what that's like. Yes, my emotions get the best of me. Thyroid hormones effect every cell in the body. Every. Single. Cell. Messing with my emotions is just one aspect of many.

Then add severe clinical depression to the hypothyroidism. I take meds for it, but the meds make me hungry and hunger makes me more likely to go off also. If I eat enough to satiate the hunger I gain weight. Try walking a mile in those shoes and then come back and criticize me! I only noticed one comment from someone who thought the thyroid meds might play a part - only one person stopped long enough to consider all the data.

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Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Diet, Overtime, TransLink, & Armour

Calories eaten yesterday: 1303
Fat: 26g (20%)
Carbs: 72g (25%)
Protein: 150g (49%)
Weight this morning: 130.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 184

Settle in with some hot cocoa. It's been a busy day and this is a long post.

First, some interesting diet facts to keep you from having "just one bite."

Calories in
1 miniature peanut butter cup - 55
1 "fun size" chocolate bar - 37
1 Triscuit cracker - 20

Those calories are totally not worth the amount of "food" you get for them. I already gave up the mini chocolate bars and the Triscuits. I found out about the mini PB cups today. No more of those for me!

Well, there won't be any gym tomorrow. I was offered 4 hours overtime at work and need the money badly so I'm taking it. Today I walked down to the train station, took the train into San Francisco, ran errands, took the train back, and then walked from my stop to work. Just over 1 hour total walking.

I am so sore from working out yesterday! My abs are killing me! It must be the leg lifts I did in the Captain's Chair at the gym. I don't use it often, but it sure target those abs!

TransLink cardThe TransLink saga continues. There is way more to explain than there is room for here, but it all comes down to going into Walgreens after not using the card for 24 hours, having Walgreens call TransLink with me in the room, and hoping for the best outcome.

Additionally, another issue I had with the card: when I bought it I put $5 cash on it to test it. I tried to test it on BART last night. I swiped it to get in and it let me in and said I had a balance of $5. Ok, fine. I swiped it to get out and it said "See Agent." The agent had to let me out the gate. I tried to use it again today and it said "See Agent" again. The agent put the card in some sort of reader and told me I had no funds on it! Argh!

I called TransLink and they looked at my card info and said they could see the $80 monthly bus pass and that I had $5 cash with a $1.75 deduction (my BART ride last night), so I have a balance of $3.25. Ok good. At least they have my records on file with the info so I shouldn't have to prove anything with a receipt.

Anyway, with all this trouble I told the guy at work who does the commuter checks to keep giving me paper checks for now which I will use to buy paper passes. I am not going to use TransLink until the program gets the bugs worked out.

Brad has had no trouble at all with TransLink; my experience is the opposite and I gather that it's quite common. Walgreens hates the TransLink cards because of the problems, and TransLink admits there are a lot of kinks to work out.

Armour thyroid medicationIn other news, I'm trying to get ahold of enough Armour thyroid medication to last me through this shortage. I bought out the remaining stock at Walgreens. They only have the 60s which means taking two a day. At first they said they gave me 60 pills last week so I only had 40 remaining. I argued that since I have to take two I should get 80 pills. They finally listened and gave me 80. That's enough for 40 days, plus the 30 days worth I have at home. I called around to other pharmacies to see if anybody had more. One had a few 90s in stock, but only a few; the rest only had 30s and 60s. I may have to switch to Nature-thyroid. With the prescription plan ($35 a year) at Walgreens it would run me about $12 a month. I'm seeing the doctor this Friday and not sure what to do. Armour is completely unavailable.

my P.O. boxThe property check for just under $200 came today, but I also received a bill for $92 for P.O. box rental. I had to write out the check on the spot and give it to them. :-p On the bright side, my phone refund card came today and that's worth $50. :)

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Monday, August 17, 2009

Idiotic Cashiers

Calories eaten yesterday: 886
Fat: 18g (20%)
Carbs: 63g (32%)
Protein: 98g (48%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 405

Broke my fast after a little over 17 hours yesterday. I ate healthy - celery, salad, and chicken breast and cottage cheese later.

Went to the gym today. Did an hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio on the stairmaster. I dripped sweat all over the floor. :) Walked to work from the train station. Tomorrow is my bimonthly trip into San Francisco to check my mail. I should get some good walking in.

My TransLink card is all screwed up. Some idiotic cashier took my $80 of commuter checks and put them on an AC Transit monthly pass. I haven't been using monthly passes for a long time because I don't ride the bus nearly as often; I can walk many places I used to need a bus for. I wanted my $80 to be put on as regular cash and then pay per ride for the bus and train.

Unfortunately, I threw away the receipt thinking I didn't need it anymore and it didn't click in my head until last night what they did to my card. I never asked for a monthly pass! I only asked that the money be added to my card. Now I am stuck with an $80 monthly pass (and no train fare once my current paper pass runs out) that I have no use for. It's the cashier's fault, but I am the one who has to suffer the consequences of her stupidity and lose tons of money because of it!

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Sunday, August 16, 2009

No weigh-in

I binged Wednesday and Thursday last week. I fasted for 24 hours on Friday, but did wake up in the early a.m. hours and had some food. The numbers below don't reflect my 12:30 a.m. meal. It had been more than 24 hours without eating and I was too hungry to go back to sleep. However, I didn't eat any breakfast Saturday morning until I got to church.

Calories eaten Friday: 480
Fat: 4g (8%)
Carbs: 23 (19%)
Protein: 6g (4%)

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 184
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 237
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 306
Calories burned in exercise today: 293
(I did some walking every single day.)

After binging for two days straight and gaining 10 lbs. there was no way I was weighing myself this morning. I fasted Friday but ate way too much on Saturday. I'm hoping to fast for most of today to make up for eating so much for three out of the last four days.

Friday I went grocery shopping and then walked down to Walgreens to pick up a month's worth of the old Armour tablets. They tried to tell me they didn't have any Armour; I insisted they did and waited while they filled it. I tested it in Saturday and it is the old Armour. The tablets has a distinctly sweet taste when I bit into them. They only had the 60mg pills so they gave me 60 tablets and I'll take two a day. I'll use up the Armour I have first and use the newer only if I have to (I probably will).

Saturday after church Brad and I went to the pet food store up the street for some of the healthy but expensive cat food they carry. Then we walked all the way to Alameda Towne Center. We had happy hour drinks at Zeytini.

We were fighting part of the way there and during drinks. I finally got upset and told him and I wanted to be alone. I had told him earlier but he finally listened. I walked part of the way back home, decided maybe dinner at Applebee's would be nice, but never made it because the bus just didn't come and it was getting late. I decided to head back home and eat there.

Brad had left me a message saying he wouldn't be saying at my apartment that night, but later decided he was too tired to travel to Concord. We ended up on the same bus home. I mostly ignored him and stuffed myself with mostly healthy food when we arrived home; I ate well beyond when I was full. *sigh* Brad was too upset to eat anything and I didn't offer.

Today we walked from my apartment to work - I need the exercise. I'm fasting part of today, but Brad was hungry (no dinner last night and no breakfast this morning) so we stopped at KFC on the way into work. I let him eat (I didn't even have one bite since that would break my fast), but I asked him to buy me a large Diet Coke and then engrossed myself in Solitaire on my iPod to avoid watching him eat.

Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym and I'll report how long my fast lasted. I do plan on eating today; I just haven't done so yet. I had a cup of sugar-free Jello this morning, but I don't count that since it becomes a liquid almost as soon as you swallow it (Jello liquefies when warmed).

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Saturday, August 15, 2009

Dear Fatty...

I did not write this. I found it and cleaned up the grammar, spelling, punctuation, and a reference to anorexia. This is a mean letter, but it makes a good point.

Dear Fatty,
You, you’re fat.
When you sit down to eat
people will think, "God damn is she really going to eat all that?"
Why yes, yes you are.
Because that’s how you got so fucking fat in the first place,
and apparently, it’s too damn hard to put down the fork and walk away.
I mean, that’s one of the hardest things you have to do in life!
Some people are coping with people dying or having severe injuries.
But nooo, you seem to believe those are easy things to deal with.
The real struggle is not eating that pizza or that cookie.
I’ts just sooo fucking hard for you
because you are a fatass,
because you will shove anything down your fucking throat,
because you don’t have enough self-control to say "no" to ONE single thing. ONE thing you WILL eventually eat,
but right now ask yourself, “Do I REALLY think I deserve this? REALLY?” I hope you don’t.
I hope that nowhere in your mind you have reasons as to why you deserve to eat bad foods.

You do, however, deserve to be fat.
You deserve to be the fat friend, deserve to always feel disgusting when you sit down and all your rolls come together,
disgusting when you can’t fit into any of your old jeans,
deserve, how you’re afraid to even wear any type of revealing clothing.
Because honestly, who wants to see your fat ass?
And those stretch marks you hate so much. Ohhhh, should’ve listened to your mother when she said they’d only get worse. But you just passed it off.
She was just "being a bitch," right?
You know what's a bitch - that you can’t show of your legs without feeling like everyone is staring at those disgusting marks. But if you’re skinny, honestly, someone might look at them for half a second ,and that will be it.
If I'm fat with stretch marks, they'll think , damn she really needs to lose weight.
If I’m skinny ,they might just think I lost a lot of weight, or had a growth spurt. It wont matter.
You'll be thin!
Put that fucking fork down.
Your happy weight will only take LONGER to reach if you don’t stop fucking shoving that disgusting high fat food down your throat.
That food is so disgusting.
Imagine a fat girl , eating away at McDonald’s - no way could that EVER be attractive.
People will look at you and think,
"Damn, she needs to not come here anymore."
But if a thin girl eats there, it looks like she’s just stopping for a quick snack, like she’s too busy having fun to care.

Which one do you want to be?

Oh , I guess you decided to be the fat bitch
because it was too hard to not eat that bowl of ice cream.
Damn you have it SOOO hard in life.
I hope that ice cream hits the pit of your stomach
and packs right in your already disgusting ass
and adds on to your double chin.
"But, I can’t help it I just didn’t have any control I wasn’t even thinking.”

No, but you WERE thinking.
You were thinking, "I am going to shove everything down my throat even if I’m not hungry
just to prove to everyone how much of a fat fuck I am."
HONESTLY, do you expect me to feel bad for you because you ATE?
Honestly, did somebody TIE you up and told you they’d slit your throat if you didn’t eat? No? I didn’t think so!
What I do know is that you were sitting there, being the fatass you are
when you could’ve been working out.
A thought of food came to mind,
and you tried to push it away. You said "I’m better than this. I don’t need it"
Yet, haha obviously you’re NOT because you FINALLY got off your ass,
and took that ass into the kitchen.
You make me sick.
You probably make other people sick too, but no, go ahead, take the easy road, give in "just today."
Ill see you in 5 years, at over 300 pounds,
having to breathe heavily just to walk out of the house.
Keep going the way you are you fat fuck.
Hope you enjoy being miserable.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Epic Fail

Weight this morning after yesterday's binge: 134

This is a lower weight than I really am because I woke up dehydrated. It was unbearably hot and I slept on top of the covers last night, sweating.

Why do I binge? Sometimes I don't know myself. I just know that I have two ways of dealing with stress - drinking alcohol and eating crap. Why do I do destructive things to myself?

Normally I can binge and get right back on plan, but last night I went to sleep craving chow mien noodles. The little restaurant in the laundromat has them. I had that and macaroni and cheese when I washed my clothes today. I also had a cinnamon twist donut. I was craving that, too. And that was just breakfast. :-p

I ate lots more on my way to work and after I got to work. I feel like a fat cow today and the stress is joined by self loathing. I don't think I will weigh in this Sunday. Hopefully I can pull myself together and get back on plan tomorrow. :-p I need to get back on plan because the sugar am eating will cause me to break out.

The only exercise I got was about an hour of walking. I would have walked more but I was an hour late to work as it was.

I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate everything.

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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Discouragement = Binge

Calories eaten yesterday: 1162
Fat: 19g (16%)
Carbs: 73g (27%)
Protein: 117g (43%)
Weight this morning: 128.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

How the hell did I gain a pound since yesterday?!? I ate healthy yesterday. I was stressed and cut out one cup of cottage cheese so I could have a glass of wine before bed. That helped relax me. So my calories were where they should be (under 1200 as you can see) and I am still up a pound this morning. I am so discouraged. :(

In the end I binged. Between the stress at work and from family stuff I just couldn't take it anymore. I ate and ate and ate and even bought a six pack of light beer and drank it in a paper coffee cup so no one would know. *sigh* I eat bad foods when I get stressed. :( But I will do better tomorrow.

I stuck to plan yesterday because I hoped to see a new low on the scale today. When I came up gaining a pound I just couldn't take it anymore. I've felt this binge coming on for a while and knew it was just a matter of time.

At least I made it to the gym. I did one hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio on the stairmaster. I dripped sweat all over the machine and floor. :) I walked to work from the train station. I'm still a little sore from Monday's workout and now I'm even more sore. My butt, back, and triceps hurt, but it's a good hurt. :)

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Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Easy Come, Easy Go, & Family Craziness

Calories eaten yesterday: 1316
Fat: 29g (21%)
Carbs: 80g (26%)
Protein: 169g (53%)
Weight this morning: 127.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Not much to report today except a weird incident that happened as I walked to the train station. I walked down Fruitvale as usual, absorbed in the music on my iPod and my own thoughts when I suddenly came up a bunch of money! I don't know how much it was but there were 20s, 5s, and 1s - I'd say $75-80. I didn't see anyone immediately around. The wind was blowing and I knew it would scatter the bills so they had to have just been dropped. I picked everything up and stuffed the bills in my backpack.

I spotted a guy walking down the street who had been close enough to me that the money might be his. I tailed him, lost him at one point, then found him coming out of a store. I walked up to him and asked him if he had dropped something several blocks back (not stating that it was money). He checked his pockets and finally pulled out his wallet and said yes, he had had more money in it. The two bills remaining in his wallet looked crumpled, just like the one I had found. I told him I had found his money, pulled it from my pack, and gave it to him. He was grateful to get it back.

It's too bad I found him because I could have used the money, but I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I kept it.

No exercise today. I was able to sleep in and then did an hour of walking (30 minutes to the train and 30 minutes from the train to work). I stopped at Starbucks and downloaded the New American Standard Bible from Amazon Kindle to my iPod. :)

I hope to make it to the gym tomorrow.

Now for family stuff. I've been in contact with Dad, my sister April, and Mom working out my transportation to and from Seattle and trying to get Dad's permission to sell his van. It's been crazy and it's not over yet.

I'll post my itinerary when I finally get it nailed down and say whether Dad will sell the van. I think I finally wore him down today. All I know for sure right now is I am flying to Seattle the afternoon of Thursday, August 27. I will not have computer access at all during the time I am gone.

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Monday, August 10, 2009

Week 112, Day 2

Calories eaten yesterday: 937
Fat: 21g (21%)
Carbs: 61g (27%)
Protein: 116g (52%)
Weight this morning: 129
Calories burned in exercise today: 402

Worked out today - 1 hour of weight training and 40 minutes on one of the new ellipticals at that gym. We have new ellipticals, new stair steppers, and new bikes, and pretty soon we are getting some new treadmills. :)

Anyway, after my workout I hopped the train and walked into work (35 minutes). I stopped at WalMart to see if they carried any other thyroid medications besides levothyroxine and Armour, but they don't, and of course I can't get the Armour because it's back ordered. :-p When I run out of Armour I will do the best I can and take 150mcg levothyroxine until I can get it. :( Nothing else I can do. Maybe I should just start alternating them now. :(

I want to binge. I think that's why Saturday became as much of a binge as it did. Saturday's eating did help quash some of that desire at least. I am planning a binge the day I come back from Washington, but I need to work on losing weight until then which means being strict.

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Sunday, August 09, 2009

Week 111 Weigh-In

Start: 154
Week 1: 150 (-4) - Week 25: 137.6
Week 50: 138.4 - Week 75: 137.6
Week 100: 140 - Week 101: 138.4 (-1.6)
Week 102: 138.6 (+0.2) - Week 103: 139.4 (+0.8)
Week 104: 136.4 (-3) - Week 105: 137.8 (+1.4)
Week 106: 137.8 (-0) - Week 107: 138.2 (+0.4)
Week 108: 137.4 (-0.8) - Week 109: 136 (-1.4)
Week 110: 133 (-3) - Week 111: 134.2 (+1.2)
Total loss since starting a low-fat diet: -19.8
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -71.8

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1361
Fat: 25g (18%)
Carbs: 76g (24%)
Protein: 150g (46%)

Calories eaten Friday: 1499
Fat: 28g (18%)
Carbs: 76g (22%)
Protein: 134g (38%)

Weight Thursday morning: 127.2
Weight Friday morning: 128.4
Weight Saturday morning: 129.6
Weight this morning: 134.2

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 292
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 120
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 153
Calories burned in exercise today: 181

I lost 3 pounds last week so seeing the scale bounce up a bit isn't surprising and I'm not too upset. Besides which, I absolutely stuffed myself with macaroni & cheese and enchiladas at the church potluck yesterday. I ate more than I normally do on a cheat day and it was more like a binge so I deserve to gain and am happy that it was only 1.2 lbs.

I must lose weight because I am going to gain like crazy during my Washington/Oregon trip. There will be no healthy food for 4 days, much less fresh food. I'm taking low-carb bread and unsweetened peanut butter with me, but peanut butter is high in calories and will make me gain even though it is healthy. Maybe I can also bake some wheat gluten bread for something to munch on. I'm also planning on taking celery so I at least have something fresh the first day or two.

Xena's pawsBefore I relate my weekend, here's a gratuitous photo of my kitty Xena's paws. I took several good shots of her yesterday because she posed so perfectly. Click the photo to see a larger size.

Ok - my weekend. Friday I went grocery shopping, baked chicken breasts, and washed and cut zucchini. Bagged salads were on sale so I just bought a bunch of them.

Saturday Brad and I got home late from church and sipped wine and beer, munched some leftover veggies from the tray I bought to church, and pay-per-viewed Pink Panther 2. In the evening we walked down to Walgreens to put more money on my TransLink card using my commuter checks, then up to Safeway so Brad could buy cottage cheese. We also pick up wine and one Yoplait Light yogurt for me.

I did eat some donut holes and part of one of Brad's donuts that we bought down by Walgreens. Then I wanted cookies from Subway or McDonald's but thank goodness they were closed by the time we walked by.

Today we slept in, then walked down to the train station, and then from our stop to work - about 1 hour total. We stopped at WalMart so I could buy some Diet Coke.

I will not be weighing in the last weekend of this month while I am away, so whatever week I am on will be repeated twice.

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Thursday, August 06, 2009

Translink, and a Rant

Calories eaten yesterday: 1352
Fat: 30g (22%)
Carbs: 79g (26%)
Protein: 165g (52%)
Weight this morning: 127.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 292

Lots of walking today - about 5 miles. I walked down to the laundromat and back, then down to the train station, and then from my stop to work. Whew! Stopped in the the Walgreens by the laundromat and bought a TransLink card. I put $5 on it to test it, but I will have to take my commuter checks to Walgreens to load it when I get more. Unfortunately, high value BART tickets are only available using autoload online, so I am out of luck saving money on that. :(

I'll weigh-in on Sunday, but I haven't lost any weight this week over the same time last week so I have a feeling it will be depressing.


Now for a rant:

I hate my boss! All he ever does is chew me out. Yesterday he accused me of being "lazy" and not doing my job. Why? Because the ALX system is very complicated and I remembered all but one part (a part I had never run into before). The fact that this little factoid that I needed to know isn't in the almighty "book" (a huge binder that I am supposed to memorize) escapes him.

Boss J is in the Air Force Reserves and treats our department like an Air Force boot camp. There is no such thing as forgiveness with him. He doesn't even know the word. He has stated (in so many words) that "sorry" means nothing.

He is not manager material. He left yesterday for three weeks away which will leave us to do our job without being berated - thank God! I should have just called Brad with my question yesterday. Brad is always very helpful and doesn't chew me out. J refuses to answer questions! He also wants everything logged, and important issues have to be logged in triplicate.

He doesn't do his job and thinks he can do ours better than we can. :-p

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Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Thyroid Test Results

Calories eaten yesterday: 1168
Fat: 23g (19%)
Carbs: 73g (27%)
Protein: 147g (54%)
Weight this morning: 127.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Today I dragged myself to the gym and somehow got through my weight training. I did better on cardio. It was easy to keep going once I started. Tomorrow is laundry day.

Feeling so tired, but my thyroid tests came back today and they are normal. My Free T3 is not over range at all. I have to post to the Thyroid Disease group and see what they think. The test results are below.

Previous test results (on 100mcg T4):
Thyroid panel:
TSH: 0.66
Free T3: 169 (230-420) (-32% of range)
Free T4: 1.1 (0.8-1.8) (30% of range)

Results from this Monday (on 120mg Armour - 2 grains):
TSH: 0.02
Free T3: 271 (230-420) (21.6% of range)
Free T4: 0.9 (0.8-1.8) (10% of range)

For the first time in forever my T3 is higher than my T4. I'm sure that's a shock to my body because I have been low in T3 for so long. I'm not sure where to go from here. I'll get opinions from other thyroid patients and make a plan.

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Tuesday, August 04, 2009

James White vs. Harold Camping links, take 2

Calories eaten yesterday: 1144
Fat: 24g (20%)
Carbs: 70g (27%)
Protein: 143g (53%)
Weight this morning: 127.8
Calories burned in exercise today: 169

my new haircutThis photo is of my new haircut that I got on Friday. My hair is very dry and splits and breaks because it's been thrashed so much. Cutting it helps keep frizzy hairs under control. Click the photo to enlarge.

I set my alarm, but forgot to turn it on so I overslept. I woke up too late to go to the gym, so I'll do the gym tomorrow. Today I took the train into the City to check my P.O. box.

I finally managed to download the KJV Bible (with book and chapter navigation) onto my iPod using the iPod Kindle app. Yay! I had to do it at Starbucks where I have WiFi access and it took about three sittings to download what I needed, register, and find the book I wanted.

Ok, I now present the rest of the James White and Harold Camping programs on Iron Sharpens Iron. I could not find the links on Dr. White's Website, so here they are directly from the Iron Sharpen Iron Website, where the quality is not quite as good. These links go directly to the mp3s of the broadcasts.

James White Reviews His Debate with Harold Camping
Harold Camping Reviews His Debate with James White

If you missed the two days of debate between White and Camping, the links to the mp3s can be found in this post.

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Monday, August 03, 2009

Blood tests today

Calories eaten yesterday: 1085
Fat: 23g (21%)
Carbs: 75g (30%)
Protein: 126g (49%)
Weight this morning: 131
Calories burned in exercise today: 248

I was so hungover yesterday. I feel a bit better today, but decided to skip the gym. I think I may be on too high a dose of Armour and going hyper. That could explain why I've showed a drop in weight on the scale the last two weeks. I go into more detail in my Armour journey post.

I decided to get my thyroid blood tests today. Those should be in by the end of the week and I asked them to fax them too me. I called the doctor to reschedule since the original appointment was made before Brad's car broke and the original time is right when the car he needs to borrow is not available.

It's a good thing I called because the doctor's office had me set up with another doctor! No way no how am I seeing anybody else! I like Dr. Turns and refuse to see any other doctor at that practice. I now have an appointment with Dr. Turns for the following week (August 21) in the morning.

My exercise today was walking from the place I got my blood tests at Alameda Towne Center all the way into work - about 1 hour 25 minutes and 4.5 miles. :)

I have found the last two parts of the James White/Harold Camping programs on the Iron Sharpens Iron radio program, and will post those tomorrow. Unfortunately, I have to link these from the ISI Website and they only keep programs for 30 days.

Tomorrow I am planning on hitting the gym; I will do my City mail run on Wednesday.

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Sunday, August 02, 2009

Week 110 Weigh-In

Start: 154
Week 1: 150 (-4) - Week 25: 137.6
Week 50: 138.4 - Week 75: 137.6
Week 100: 140 - Week 101: 138.4 (-1.6)
Week 102: 138.6 (+0.2) - Week 103: 139.4 (+0.8)
Week 104: 136.4 (-3) - Week 105: 137.8 (+1.4)
Week 106: 137.8 (-0) - Week 107: 138.2 (+0.4)
Week 108: 137.4 (-0.8) - Week 109: 136 (-1.4)
Week 110: 133 (-3)
Total loss (since starting a low-fat diet): -21
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -73

Body fat on Tanita scale:
Year start: 25.9%
Last month: 25.4%
This month: 25.7%

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1207
Fat: 24g (19%)
Carbs: 65g (24%)
Protein: 121g (43%)

Calories eaten Friday: 1596
Fat: 29g (18%)
Carbs: 90g (25%)
Protein: 134g (36%)

Weight Thursday morning: 128.6
Weight Friday morning: 128
Weight Saturday morning: 131.4
Weight this morning: 133

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 277
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 172
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 38
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

I really thought I'd see a big rebound because I ate horrible on Saturday - really, really bad. I think my weight dropped because I'm dehydrated from alcohol and expect it to go up tomorrow instead of down. :-p

Friday was rough. My sister called me and asked me to find a flight to come to Oregon to help clean out Dad's house at the end of this month. It has now evolved to me flying up to Seattle and then driving down through two states with her, clean stuff out, and drive back up to Seattle to fly south back home. WAY out of my way.

Between this and Brad not showing up on Friday until 10 pm when I wanted to go to bed, I ended up having an emotional meltdown Friday night. I woke up Saturday morning feeling emotionally drained. I was depressed and self-medicated with carbs and wine. Today I feel even worse because I'm hungover. Carbs increase serotonin in brain and I know I was depressed and trying to self-medicate.

I stuffed myself with vegetarian chili with cheese yesterday at the church potluck. In the afternoon Brad and I went to a jewelers at a little shopping center, but they were closed. We went to the Safeway there to get a diet energy drink. They had samples of lemon cake and spice muffins sitting out, so I took one of each to try. They were delicious!

Then we went to Alameda Towne Center, ran some errands (Trader Joe's and Safeway), and had drinks at Applebee's. Then we went to Tuttimelon on Park St. for frozen yogurt. I had a small chocolate frozen yogurt with granola topping and then had another frozen yogurt - a small plain with mini M&Ms topping. I was a carb maniac! The two yogurts together (not counting toppings!) had about 50g of carbs. The toppings were pure carbs, plus some fat in the M&Ms. Yikes! At least the frozen yogurt is fat-free and not too bad calorie-wise.

When I got home I drank more than one bottle of wine all on my own, had some snacks, and then had Brad make me a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches with the low-carb bread and fat-free cheese before falling asleep without brushing my teeth and with the sugar-free jelly sitting open on the counter and a piece of bread in the toaster!

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