Well, for July 4th we had LOTS of YUMMY carb stuff at church today. I didn't eat even one bite. No BBQ chicken (carbs in the sauce), no potato salad, no coffee cake desert, no banana cream stuff that I wanted to eat half of the whole thing.

I did okay. :)

Ketosis

Woohoo! I finally got the ketone strips to turn color this morning! Yes yes YES! I've been waiting all week! I'm officially burning fat.

Now off to weigh myself. I will be happy with anything under 186.

New bed!

Woo woo! My Dad paid for a new bed for me after my friend and I went bed shopping yesterday. I'm getting a FULL! No more twin! :) It will be delivered tomorrow morning. The new bed is super firm like a board, just the way I wanted it. :) I can't believe I got exactly the bed I wanted! :)

The old bed died in a 2-3 year period, and the springs were already poking out. This bed has a 10 year warrenty. Hopefully it is better quality.

Are you Calvinist or Arminian?

Here are links to a couple of online tests:

http://www.hereistand.net/Arminian%20test.htm

http://www.allthetests.com/quiz07/dasquiztd.php3?testid=1076416296

I scored a 22 on the first test, and also came out Arminian on the second. :-p

These tests are too black and white, not allowing for middle ground.

And oh yes, both these tests are biased toward the Calanist side, with "Calvanism" being the best answer.

Murphey's in town...

And he brought his darn law with him.

I'm having a bitch of a day. And I've even been a good girl and prayed before bed last night. But some days, it just don't pay to get out of bed the next morning.

So I got into the City to check my P.O. box and my checks arrived. As usual, they screwed them up. I have been with this bank for 10 years and in that time they got ONE check order correct the first time. ONE. Every other time has taken two tries. So I go to the local branch office and tell them I'm not happy. I ordered Humane Society checks, not something called, "Puppies, puppies, puppies!" because the HS checks weren't available. Fine. Then TELL ME, by phone or even mail if need be. Do NOT order something I did not ask for.

So I try to order special checks with a Message on them (I have to look at these checks everyday - I like to look at something asthetically [sp] pleasing). They say they can't do the Message from the branch office and that I need to call customer service. Great. Moreover, since the charge for the messed up checks hasn't been deducted from my account yet, I have to take the checks with me and return them after the charge comes through. And oh, you can't take the check catalog with you; write down the numbers of everything and give those numbers to customer service. So I leave with numbers scribbled on a piece of paper, and the messed up checks.

I'm so (NOT) amused at this point.

So off to work and put in a call to customer service, who tells me they COULD have done the whole thing at the bank; it just required a call to the check vendor. So *they* call the check vendor and after about 20 minutes of explaining what styles and numbers and special features and all that junk, I *think* they have the order correct.

I can see this is going to be a bad day, so I have no idea what possessed me to call my ISP. I already knew it would turn out bad.

I try to get Earthlink to tell me how to set up a newsgroup account and we go around and around in circles only to have them tell me that it won't work because I have to be connected from my home computer and the work computer...well, evidentally nothing I can do at work because I'm not connected to Earthlink here. And I have no interest in accessing from home. I come home to sleep for a few hours; I don't actually LIVE there. (*gasp* The very thought.)

Add to all this the ongoing problems with Sutera on the Depression board. She is honestly more persistent than R-u-s-s. The Guide has set a 24 hour waiting period for people to post. This will give us a chance to recognize her names (she usually uses similar names - she *wants* you to know it's her) and have the Guide (Nancy) gag them. I do not expect she will leave. She ALWAYS comes back. Her life's mission is to get everyone off anti-depressants. She hates me because 1) I'm the only person willing to oppose her, and 2) my good experience with meds threatens every belief she holds. For these reasons, she attacks me mercilessly. She's been banned over three different TIME PERIODS (two years ago, several weeks ago, and now) under over a dozen (maybe two dozen?) names. So no, she won't go away. I'm praying that God will *make* her go away, and I don't care how, as long as she doesn't spread her lies on the Depression forum.

I've tried to guide Nancy through forum moderation procedures, only to discover that About doesn't allow many moderating options. Delphi offers tons more than About does.

And, if all that wan't bad enough, by body has decided that it LIKES weighing 186 pounds, and therefore I haven't lost an ounce in 3 weeks now. I'll go up and down between 191 and 186, but never lower than 186. And I've stuck to my diet! How do I get off a plateau?!?!?

Life STINKS.

Why do I serve Him?

You know, that's what it always comes down to. I could talk about all the wonderful things He's given me, the unexpected blessings, etc. I could talk about last weeks' wonderful sermon and what I learned about God from it. I could rant about what He won't do for me or talk about feeling abandoned by Him, or unanswered prayer.
But that's all beside the point.

Why DO I serve Him?

Quite simply, I'm constrained to. Whenever I get to the point of wondering if I should follow, I recall Peter's words to Christ, "Where else can we go, Lord? Only you have the words of eternal life." That's why. I know I have nowhere else to turn, that my former gods aren't real and are certainly less powerful than Him. He may not always be the most loveable, but He's the only game in town, and I came take Him or leave Him.

In a sermon on the 1st of the 10 Commandments today, the pastor at City Church said something interesting. He said that suffering is where we discover what our true gods are. And he asked if we have ever had something happen where we wanted to walk away from Christianity. I had to nod. He said the thing that made me want to walk away is a god.

More compliments

I'm getting more compliments. A guy at work complimented me. He lost weight on Weight Watchers, but then went off the diet and gained it all back. He said I look good and was amazed at my weight loss. :-)

A couple Mexican guys at the mall complimented my hair and said, "Is it true that redheads have more fun?" My natural color is brown. I die it the brightest red I can find because it always fades quickly into something that looks natural.

Some people at Curves also complimented me that I am looking better. And I *do* feel better now that my endurance has increased and I'm not lugging around all those extra pounds. Still have 27 pounds to go to be in the normal weight range, but 23 down is an accomplishment. :)

Compliments left and right today. :)

This is just not my WEEK

Why does it seem that this is "beat up on Victoria week"? First the hell on Friday, then Sunday was just horrid. Church was great, but everything else went wrong. I decided to listen to my Walkman on my way to church, and the batteries died, and I had no spares. Then, while waiting for the bus to work later that day, I saw the bus drive over the overpass and completely *skip* the BART station where I was waiting! I saw him. If he had stopped I would have only been 5 minutes late, but because I had to wait for the next bus, I was 20 minutes late.

Then comes quitting time and no one shows up. I check the schedule and Neil is written in and then crossed out. I called the boss, waking him, and he said Neil was indeed scheduled. So I call Neil and tell him to get to work. So Neil gets here about 40 or so minutes late, and I miss my workout Monday because I had to sleep in from getting to bed so late.

Then a former employee comes strolling through where I work with a friend of his. He quit back in 1994 when Mr. Camping started making predictions of Jesus' return that consistently failed to happen. He asked me how I was dealing with the new "end of the church age" doctrine now, and I said I mostly tried to ignore it. And he simply HAD to go and make a statement about how HE wouldn't be wanting to help build Satan's kingdom on earth.

Good Lord, where do these people get off? I'm having a bad enough week without people *I don't even know* bashing my choices!

Aaarrrggghhh!!! Calgon, take me away before the men in white coats come to take me away. :-p

My pastor's daughter, take 4

Latest update. Aunt gets custody for the next four months, then another hearing.
Honestly, I don't feel anything good is going to come of this. I have never felt as hopeless about a situation before. This kid is going to have to really hit rock bottom before she's going to see anything, and I can only pray that she hits it fast and not too hard. I can really see her pregnant by the time she's 15 or 16, and hope it doesn't happen.

My pastor's daughter, take 3

Final hearing is this Tuesday. Chances are that legal custody will be transfered to Julia's birth mom's sister (her biological aunt) because she won't run away from there. (Duh...there's no discipline. What child wouldn't want that?)

Jack Hayford

Victoria's gone penny-costal. Well, sort of.

Pastors Phil, Steve, and Jeff who run the C&C Listserve (a mailing list for Christians and Pagans), were in San Francisco for a church convention. I have talked to them online, but wanted to see them in person since they were so close. I met them Friday afternoon for coffee, and as they were getting ready to leave for the last meeting (convention was over that night), they invited me to come if I wanted. I wanted to hang out with them longer, and it sounded interesting, so I said okay. Then they told me that Jack Hayford would be speaking. Gravy!

So here I was at the last night of a Foursquare church convention. It was cool. I could have done without the couple of times everybody broke out speaking in tongues, but the worship ROCKED, and it was cool to see Pastor Hayford live and in person, even though he looked like a dot on the platform. ;) There were live screens, so people in the back could see better.

Total unexpected blessing from God. Sometimes He can be okay. ;)

Ok, I'm still bitter

There have been some problems on the Depression board where I've taken a beating from two people who hate me, callme names, and just generally can't deal with the fact that medication might actually work for someone. *sigh*

Anyway, it's upset me a great deal and I didn't know why until I finally got down and dirty with God on Thursday night. The reason: I'm still upset over the EW incident. I wound up in tears begging God to help me forgive, asking Him why He can't do NOW what we studied in Sabbath School last week - Rev. 21-22.

Why am I writing this? I have no idea. Certainly nothing anyone can do.

My pastor's daughter, take 2

The latest news is that when/if my pastor's family is cleared of any/all charges, Julia still may not come back. She's 13 and will keep running away, so Family Services will probably place her wherever she wants to be, irregardless of her legal adoption by the Crouch's.

I really think this girl is going to have to hit rock bottom before she comes back up. Please pray that her "rock bottom" won't be too low, and that God will keep His hand on her and meet her when she is ready.

*sigh*

Just For Fun

And just for fun, a wacko site that purports to tell you all sorts of things about you just from your name:
http://www.kabalarians.com/cfm/your.cfm.

Description of Your First Name of: Victoria

The name of Victoria gives you a clever, quick, analytical mind, but you suffer with a great deal of self-consciousness, lack of confidence, and much aloneness because of misunderstandings. Your idealistic and sensitive nature gives you a deep appreciation for the finer things of life and a strong desire to be of service to humanity. There are times when you experience inner turbulence at your inability to say what you mean. It is far easier for you to express your deeper thoughts and feelings through writing than verbally. You find pleasure in literature, in poetry, and in your ideals and will turn to them when you feel you have been misunderstood. You are deeply moved by the beauties of life, especially nature.

What Color is Your Energy?

Your Energy is Blue. You are a creative thinker with an active imagination. Artistic and talented, you want to reach the stars and bring them down to form. You are trustworthy, honest and reliable. Others feel comfortable in your presence as you project a non-threatening, serene energy. You would do well in any of the helping professions, as an artist, singer, diplomat, orater, or clergy member.

What color is your energy?
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Quizzes

You are Jocko Grinn. Quiet and thoughtful and afraid of large flesh-eating gastropods, you provide much of the wit and drive that has fueled the Brothers Grinn phenomenon. After pulling your brother's dead weight for so long, however, you are taking a break.

Which Grinn brother are you?
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September

Which month are you?
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Abby

Abby won't keep a collar on, so I had her vet microchip her. She won't get that off! Progress with her is slow but happening. When Eleanor came over a few weeks ago, Abby actually let her approach her and TOUCH her! That is the first time she has let anyone but me touch her. Also, the vet said she is young because her teeth are so clean. He said two years, but she was older than six months when I found her, so I think she is a little older. It's still good to have an idea how old she is.

Fitness and Meds

My weight continues to drop. I'm no longer clinically obese, just overweight. I was 186 at my last weigh-in. :) I hope I can lose some more before my body decides to hit a plateau.

I don't know if it's the Atkins, the Wellbutrin, or both, but I have so little of an appetite. I know Atkins is supposed to suppress your appetite. I often have trouble eating enough, and I am not getting nearly enough protein. To the naysayers at my church, I will soon be getting blood tests - a complete metabolic panel - repeat of the same a year and a half ago, and cholesterol. The last metabolic panel was good, and I expect this to be about the same, but I have never had my cholesterol checked. My doctor said Atkins should be a fine diet for me provided I don't use it as an excuse to eat lots of cheeseburgers. :)

The Wellbutrin is working fine. I had no side effects coming off the Zoloft - none at all! - and the only Wellbutrin side effect was the common hyperness for the first week. But since it's a twice a day pill, I just took it in the morning for the first week and had no trouble sleeping at night. I really thought the switch in meds would be rough, but I hardly felt a thing.

Aaaarrrggghhh!!!

God, what a couple weeks! Will it ever slow down?

May 16 was the Bay To Breakers race (page not finished yet). My official time was 1:56:34, and my actual time (from crossing the start line) was 1:54:41. I started off really well, jogging over a mile without slowing down to a walk, but I just pooped out. I think my low carb diet works well for my normal activity level, but is useless when excercising so much. I'll know better for next year.

I was supposed to be back at work the following Sunday (last Sunday), but I was sick. I actually missed church last Saturday because I was so tired. I was out from work Sunday and half of Wednesday this past week. I also had Thursday off as a sick day, but I was feeling better so I just took it as comp time.

As then my sister is in town this weekend. I spent 11 hours on Friday doing the "family thang" in the Sonoma wine country with Eleanor, April, and April's boyfriend Renato.

We visited three wineries for tastings. I learned the difference between red and white wine, and that the difference between champaigne and sparkling wine is something in the process of how it's made. April bought me a Gloria Ferrer sweatshirt from the first winery and I had my first wine filled chocolate. It was excellent.

At the second winery, Sebastiani, Eleanor bought me a bottle of Symphony, a desert wine. $15 a bottle! We also took part of the wine tour and learned about how wine is made.

At the third winery, Buena Vista, I had my first taste of Sherry. I have to say I was impressed with it.

April and Renato came over to see my apartment today and meet my cats, both of whom I got since the last time April and I saw each other. Hopefully that will be it for the weekend. This place was a mess, and though I hate working on Sabbath, I had to clean. At least the place looks better now.

We're Evil

And from Brian, this wonderful gem found on Christian Humor Refugee:

Let's face it; we're evil.

I was talking to someone yesterday who was fighting the fight and expressed discouragement because they're tired of being treated as if they were an "evil person".

Well, I thought about it, and I decided -- hey, why fight it? We ARE evil.

I mean, look at it from the world's point of view -- you've got these weirdos walking around who have made a covenant with this strange supernatural Power. This Power has declared itself at enmity with the world, sworn to destroy it and create a new world in it's place, populated only by its own creatures. Clearly an intolerant, imperialist bigot who can't accept differences or alternative lifestyles which the world in it's wisdom knows is just fine. Especially in what it demands from every human being, essentially, is "Surrender or Die."

A Power that means to destroy the world. Boy, that sounds evil, doesn't it? And these weirdos have WILLINGLY made a covenent, selling their souls in exchange for immortality. Sounds like some bunch of twisted vampires to me.

Every week -- or, among some, less often -- they re-enact a ritual which recalls some heinous act of blood sacrifice made in the distant past that started this bizarre cult. Not only that, but they continually wear around their necks replicas of the bloody bit of wood this grisly ritual was worked on, many with a man still writhing in pain on it. How morbid is that? Not only that, but all of them claim to be "indwelt" by some sinister force from beyond -- isn't that just a nice way of saying "possessed?" So whenever you run into these types, you have to remember they're not alone in there. Just who is it talking to you through that frame? Freaky.

Not only that, but this sinister Power has granted them strange supernatural abilities normal humans don't possess. They claim that they can call on Him, and that He will answer in power. There are all kinds of stories (and TV shows) bearing witness to these sinister abilities.

These cultists clearly pose a clear and present danger to the state. They must be disposed of.

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So yeah. From the world's point of view, we're evil. There's a REASON Christians in the First-Century were arrested (among other charges) for practicing magic (http://friarsminor.org/xvii5-2.html, http://www.catacombe.roma.it/en/ricerche/ricerca2.html -- which to the Romans meant accomplishing miracles and/or calling on supernatural powers outside the official approved state cults). We can tell them otherwise but let's face it -- we really ARE fundamentally at odds with the world. Our very existence is a denial of the values the world holds dear.

So the world will keep calling us evil.

Suits me. Evil Overlords have more fun anyway. [Picks up his black helmet and cape as the "Imperial March" swells in the background].