poem: The Goddess

Untitled
Alone and frightened, I walk in the dark,
Above me glows a waning moon,
It speaks of death and life to come,
And I ask the question, "But how soon?"

"A mess I'm in!" I cry aloud,
"I've dug myself into this dark.
My Fire of Will lies dead and cold,
Who can relight it with their spark?"

Sadness now around me swirls,
While anger's Fire burns passion bright.
My Fire of Will may be dead and gone,
But can I turn the anger into light?

And now I tread through quickened time,
My future seen in one event,
Sadly now to sit and write,
Another lesson Goddess-sent.

I sadly sit here, realize slow,
That I'm not as mature as I had thought,
All my dreams that seemed so close,
Are gone again, and must be sought.

Once there was hope that kept me sane,
Once there was hope to give me light,
And now it's gone to ne'er return,
As my day turns into night.

So down my inner streets I go,
Looking for a sign of life,
Looking outside no stars glow,
Looking inside only strife.

Life's walls around me crumble now,
Faith is here, but hope is lost,
I'm on a journey of no return,
As on life's seas alone I'm tossed.

So on a journey just begun,
I stand here naked in the cold,
I walk on stones with bleeding feet,
Toward other pains as yet untold.

Good-bye to home, good-bye to hope,
Good-bye to all I hold so dear,
Alone I sit and weep aloud,
As inky blackness draws now near.

poem: The Broken Torch

The Broken Torch
I walk down a hallway of lackluster light,
Feeling how bad lonliness can bite,
And wondering if I'll ever find the light,
Of a new day dawning in my heart.

I fight my way through the days so cold,
The stone in my heart gives miseries untold,
And after five days this song and dance is so old,
And I just want to go home.

It's true tonight what he spoke to me,
If anything happens, it's I who'll make it be,
But sometimes in the dark it's just so hard to see,
And sometimes I can't light the torch.

I find it hard to just embrace the storm,
To leave behind all that's safe and warm,
As me and the known asunder are torn,
And God I'm feeling homesick tonight.

Now I'm center stage and on my own,
It's all up to me and I feel so alone,
And the certaintly of it chills me to the bone,
And I need some help to get by.

So friend I leave you now with this,
A final hug and one last kiss,
Then voyage I must into the mist,
And out lives part, broken by fate.

poem: Six Months After - For Rosebud

Six Months After - For Rosebud
And she died.
They killed her.
Six months ago
Today. the
Roses we planted in the Park
Died, too. her
Death showed just how close to
Death the will of the people is.

One more person.
One more person
Dead, and
Six months removed from
This world.
Six months does
Something to dull the
Pain.
Time gives us other concerns so that we
Forget.
The memories remain.
Conjure them up at will and
1993 disappears,
Replaced by whatever time you want.
Life is for the living, but the
Dead must be
Remembered.
And what is remembered,
Lives.

poem: Seeing Red - For Rosebud

Seeing Red - For Rosebud
I keep thinking I see you,
A head of long blonde hair
Walking down the street.
But every time I see one of those posters,
Or see the volleyball courts decorated in black,
I know you are gone.
I'll miss your smile, your energy, and your dedication.
I'll miss seeing you at the Quarter Meal and on the street.
Something has happened; the wait is over.
James Rector stirs, but does not waken.
I keep thinking I see you,
But all I'm really seeing
Is memories in black ribbon and
Red rosebuds.

poem: I Walked By Last Night

{Later note: This is embellished, but is based on a real event one night.}

I Walked By Last Night

I walked by last night and
Looked in your window.
I saw you dressed in a bathrobe and slippers,
Drinking hot chocolate and watching TV.
Outside, I stood freezing in the snow.
I stood watching you,
Vicariously living through you.
Wishing I had a home,
Wishing I had heat,
Wishing I had love.
I used to believe in God, but
God has forsaken me in your favor.
God is not love.
God is a child,
Playing with us like toys.
One day, maybe God will throw
You out in the street, too, and then
You will feel the way
I do.
I walked by last night and
Looked in your window.

poem: The Streets of Berkeley

The Streets of Berkeley
Sunburned, but cold as hell,
Oh, the stories she could tell.

All of you just pass her by,
Is her life to be a lie?

No one listens, no one cares,
No one looks. No one dares.

She only eats one meal a day,
She doesn't laugh, she doesn't play.

She has no tapes, she has no books,
Gets no respect, only dirty looks.

Someday you may see the light,
Someday you may share her plight.

poem: Out

{Later note: My parents kicked me out and I became homeless June 24, 1991.}

Out
When youth was lost
In front of my parents,
I didn't cry.
But I did long for the wine
Of youth lost,
Of innocence lost,
Of pride, freedom, and hope lost.
But I didn't cry
Because I know that they'll use it against me.
Scream,
Claw,
Curse the Goddess,
But go on.
I am an outcast,
Truly rejected,
No friends, no direction, no hope, no tears.
Too stunned to feel anything
But pain.
When I look at my eyes in the mirror,
I see fear and confusion.
I see someone desperately seeking for something
That is not there.
I see the time for tears is past,
And the time to fight for my life has begun.
Ready...
Begin Round One.

Eric Pryor

[11/30/05: This is from Kerr Cuhulain's article on Eric Pryor. I include this here as a sort of journal entry of what happened as I was at the protest, at least at the beginning. My friend and I left early to go to a Samhain ritual put on by Starhawk.]

The following is an excerpt from the Volume XXIV, No 93 (Litha 1991) issue of the Church of All Worlds magazine The Green Egg which outlines some of Pryor's background:

{snip large section}

"They hadn't seen him since, until about a month before last Samhain [1990]. Kenny and Tzipora were doing an Earth First! benefit at Ancient Ways in Oakland, California, and Eric (Pryor) showed up dressed right fancy with his current lady, Cassandra, who was head-to-toe leather and spikes. Eric told them that he'd just come into a lot of money and was working with Jubilee Christian Center to set up a big benefit concert for the homeless, for which he wanted to get Kenny and Tzip to perform. He also mentioned that he was setting up the anti- Larry Lea demonstration. He inquired after a chalice he'd given Kenny & Tzip to hold back in 1983, telling them to keep it and asking them to come to his place where he had a wand he wanted to give them "to protect it". From what?..."

The protest that The Green Egg is referring to here occurred on Halloween night in 1990. Pentecostal evangelist Dick Bernal teamed up with Texas televangelist Larry Lea in San Francisco to organize a mass "Prayer Breakthrough" meeting by "Prayer Warriors." Lea was the host of the Dallas based show "Change Your Life." Bernal was the founder of the Jubilee Christian Center, a Pentecostal church with a congregation of about 5,000. The purpose of this "Prayer Breakthrough" meeting was to "attack... the satanic forces of witchcraft, drugs and perversion in San Francisco." Bernal was quoted as saying that they "We're praying to God for people, all people, against the powers of darkness. The ultimate goal is to save the fallen angels of the city from Satan, from evil immorality."

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poem: Forget the Fact

[There is no time or date on this poem, so I'm just saying September 1. This is the earliest poem I could find. I can't find the "cleaned up" version, so this is typed from the original, and put together as best as I can figure out.]

9/90

Forget the Fact

Forget the fact I was at Redwood Summer,
Forget the fact I tried,
Forget the fact I'm battling at home now,
Forget the fact I cried.

Forget the fact I'm from a middle class home,
Forget the fact you're not,
Forget the fact I'm only 19,
Forget the fact I have to learn a lot.

Forget the fact of clear-cuts,
Forget the fact of jobs,
Forget the fact of exports,
Forget the fact of logs.

Forget the ritual circles,
Forget the Affinity Groups,
Forget the Sequoia Rendezvous,
Forget that we're the trees' troups.

Forget the fact of hood ornaments,
Forget the fact of greed,
Forget Pacific Lumber,
Forget where Redwood Summer may lead.

Forget the fact I love Mother Earth,
Forget the fact of trees,
Forget the fact of "I love you,"
Forget the falling leaves.

Forget the fact of sleeping bags,
Forget the fact of stars,
Forget the fact of the waxing moon,
Forget the drums and guitars.