Which famous Shakespeare play are you?

Ohhhhh, my! You're 'Othello!'

Which famous Shakespeare play are you?
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Back to the More Mundane

Been working on my Web pages. Xena's site is updated to make finding certain pages and photo groups easier. Still some organization to do, but some things should now be easier to find.

Also been working on the Revelation 1:10 page on my Sabbath pages. Still has a ways to go, but I finally got my butt in gear and pounded out some more thoughts.

It's Not What You Think

I wish this were about Witchcraft...I honestly do. Because then you all would be able to understand. Unfortuntely, Satan knows that he can't get to me that way anymore, so he found something completely unrelated to tempt me with. I've never dealt with it before or even thought about it before, so I never saw it coming. It hit me like a freight train coming out of nowhere.

As it is, only one person (Veronica) knows the whole story. F knows part of the story, but I never told her exactly what I'm involved in.

I thought I had this put behind me 2 1/2 weeks ago; I really did. But now it's back stronger and more alluring than ever. I don't want to stop.

I'm so sorry.

All Screwed Up

[cries]

It's ALL screwed up, ok? I just can't do it. I can't. I love God, but I love my sin more. God is better off without me because I bolt at the first sign of trouble. I've dragged His name through the mud today. I feel lower than low. I just wanted to have fun, not hurt His name. I know He's angry. It doesn't matter.

He shouldn't trouble Himself with me any more. I'm a terrible failure, not willing to repent, so what's the use? It's pointless. I'll never be who He wants me to be and I'll just hurt Him all the time. I'm not worth it. I will never be worth it.

[cries]

*Sigh*

I don't think I will ever understand why I do the things I do. Why do I keep going back to sites I know I shouldn't? I love God - I do - so why do I trade it for momentary fun? Yeah, Friday and Saturday night I was right back doing things that I repented of not two weeks ago, and told God I wouldn't do again. *sigh* Why do I do it? And why does God keep after me since I am so obviously a lost cause?

Another billing mistake

Don't mind me, but this is out of hand.

A week or two ago I saw a new doctor to get my prescription. I explained to the receptionist that I didn't have insurance and didn't have a lot of money and she said she'd see what she could do about charging me less.

When I came out and asked her how much I owed she said $75 and I wrote her a check for that amount. Today I got a bill in the mail for $35 for the "remaining" part of my bill.

I called the number on the bill and explained that I had asked how much I owed and was told $75, so why were they billing me for more? They asked me a few questions and said they'd not bill be for the extra $35.

*sigh* Twice in two days is just a bit much don't you think?

Pacific Gas & Electric, take 2

Well, I spent time running around outside at midnight trying to find and read the meters for them. The lady on the phone determined that there HAD been a misreading at some point in the past, and she sent a note to the billing office about the mistake. They'll send me out a new bill, and she encouraged me to write a check for the approximate amount.

So that crisis is resolved. Still have lots more to do tonight so I need to get offline. Gosh, what a crazy, busy day it's been.

Pacific Gas & Electric

Ok, as most of you know, this is my first apartment of my own, so I had to set up as account with PG&E, the local utility here who provides gas and electric service. No problem. Setting up the account was very easy since all the pilot lights and such were already lit.

Well, I get my first bill in the mail today and it's for $127! $3 for electric and $114 for gas (!), plus assorted miscellaneous charges. Naturally, I called PG&E about this. The guy said the bill was only for 10 days, and yes, $114 for gas for 10 days did seem wrong. He asked me to look at my meter but I wasn't home so I couldn't. Will do that tonight or tomorrow.

It's still warm here so it's not even like I had a heater on or anything. I've only had to turn on the heater a handful of times, and then only for short periods. This is the Bay Area; we don't have "cold" and "warm" seasons; we simply have "wet" and "dry."

This is NOT the way to make a good impression with me. I have NEVER dealt with this company before and they screw up my very first bill?!?

Cleaning Up, Cleaning Out

Did a bunch of cleanup last night and today. Deleted a bunch of my bookmarks to the sinful sites. Changed my desktop picture to one of my kitty, and trashed and deleted the three pictures I had saved on my hard drive. On my work computer I changed my screensaver. I had it written in Wingdings so no one else would know what it said, but it reminded me.

I've purposed to never again use the new AIM account I created.

The Table

The table....the table...it all has to do with the TABLE. This isn't just "Please forgive me Lord and thank You." It starts there, and cleansing feels good, but the table! That's the exciting thing to me. I have only to truly confess, and He is asking me to the table!

Agh! I can't put it into words. *bangs fist on desk* It all has to do with the table!

[Edit, 2 hours later.]I think I've figured out a bit of how to put this into words. It's not just about forgiveness, but restoration. That's what the table symbolized to me today.

Forgiveness and Grace, take 2

There's a verse...can't remember the address of it, but it says this, "When we are faithless, he is faithful, for He cannot deny Himself."

For the longest time I thought this was a verse of hope. But it's not. God faithfullness in this verse is His faithfulness to wound us when we are straying to bring us back. When we are faithless (by indulging in sin), He is faithful (to do whatever it takes to bring us back), for He cannot deny Himself.

In my experience, He first tries to love me back when I am straying. Good things will happen. When that fails, He'll start turning up the heat and bad things start happening. The longer I resist, the hotter He turns it up. Only once has He had to bring me to the point of utter despair before I'd listen. Usually I give in before that.

Today, I'm thinking that "forgiveness" and "grace" are about the best two words in the whole English language.

Forgiveness and Grace

Well, I got hit with the "clue by four" yesterday and it was QUITE painful. God's tried various ways to love me back to Him, but when that failed to work, He pulled out the "clue by four" and whapped me with it. It got my attention, I'll tell you that!

Among the stupid sinful stuff I've been doing, I did something else just as stupid yesterday, and this one I will share with you all - I got drunk. Not just got drunk, but then proceded to seriously get sick and threw up into the toilet for a while. Then as I lay in bed feeling awful I realized I'd been thwapped.

I crawled off to City Church this morning still feeling a bit hungover, and it all stops here today. I'm putting this secret sin I've been indulging in behind me (not the drinking since some drinking isn't wrong IMHO, I just overdid it majorly - the other thing) and I want to start over with God again. I felt so ashamed in church today, and all I wanted from God was for Him to forgive me. And I needed to be reminded of grace.

And grace I got. Because not only does He forgive, but He invites me to the table. The wine and bread have never meant so much to me. Me, who was screwing up in so many ways yesterdays, partaking in so many sins...He invites me to the table! I can't tell you what a beautiful thing that was today, to be able to take the wine and bread and know that He accepts me and cleanses me.

I feel both overwhelming sadness and happiness right now.

I don't know why I do this sometimes, going off my own way and hurting the One who loves me most. He's given me so many good gifts lately, and I just snubbed my nose at Him and took the gifts and used them on my own selfish desires. How stupid could I have been?

So God, I ask for Your forgiveness and I thank You for it. I thank You for getting my attention even if it had to hurt. And I thank You for the wonderful grace and beauty I saw in the table today. Thank You for letting me come. Thank You for grace.

He is so good.

Please, all of you, forgive me for my foolishness. I've been blind.

Prayer and Praise

A week or two ago my Dad sent me $200. Money has been very tight since the move, so I cashed the check and used it to buy food and such. But by last Wednesday, it was all gone, and I had a doctor's appointment that ate up another $75. I turned in my receipt that very afternoon, but I knew reimbusment would take a while. I asked Ray (down the hall at work) to pray for my money situation. Thursday afternoon, in the fastest turn-around time ever, Lupe had a check for $60 for me (80% of the doctor's cost)! It's not a lot, but it should be a BIG help in getting to the next payday.

The doctor's appointment also went well. I should be able to get my meds from him, and only see him about every six months unless my med needs change.

What Kind of Evil Are You?

What Kind of Evil Are You?

Missed Last Bus Home

Because of where I live now, I often barely catch the second to last bus home. So one missing bus with the next bus being late (unavoidable if the first is missing), means I miss the last bus home. This is where I found myself last night. The first driver was a newbie who got lost and was running in tandum with the bus behind, so they just sent him back to the bus garage.

Well, it was 11:30 at this point and I could tell that there was no way I'd make it to my transfer point by 11:55 when the last bus home came through. My friend encouraged me to talk to the driver about it and I finally did, asking her if there was any way to hold my connection until I got there.

She was very understanding and immediately made some phone calls to see what could be done.

When we arrived at the Eastmont Transit Center she pulled over and talked to her supervisor. The supervisor said she'd drive me! She took me all the way home and even made sure I was in the building before driving off!

The AC Transit Board of Directors may suck rotten eggs, but some of the "little people" working for them are great. I never expected anyone to care about my getting home safe.

Tiff with God, take 2

I know I have to talk to Him soon about this, as soon as I work up the courage to approach Him. :-p I don't think it'll be the nicest conversation since I don't like Him much at the moment, but He can handle it.

He really does mean everything to me, but sometimes something outside the boundaries is just sooo cool. Not only that, but some parts I don't see as sinful at all, some as questionable, and some as completely wrong. And even if He does answer, I'm not sure I'm prepared to do what He says right away.

This is so stupid. I can see that this is probably Satan (well, one of his minions - I'm not THAT important) trying to pull me away from God, yet I'm allowing it.

I'm so confused.

Tiff with God

I don't want to go into details but I've gotten into a little tiff with God so that neither of us is real happy with the other at the moment. Basically, I want to do something that I see no harm in, and I feel like He's saying no. In fact, I'm afraid to ask Him because I'm afraid He'll confirm the no answer.

He wins in the end - He always does - but I'm just being a bit obstinate and angry right now. I'm basically just staring Him down with my arms crossed and saying, "No!"

Don't know what to ask people to do. I know He'll win out. This sucks big time.

I've noticed this happens a lot. I'll make some sort of big step forward (like getting my own place), and then something will happen so God and I get into it. I don't wanna have to choose.

And On the Subject of the Fuzzbutts...

I got Abby trapped Saturday night and she broke my heart with her pleadings to be let out of the cage. She's SUCH a sweet cat, and did calm down after a while.

The move was hard on both of them. I let Xena out in the large walk-in closet while the men continued to move stuff in. She hid in her carrier the whole time.

I let Abby out as soon as the men were gone. She promptly sniffed her way to the kitchen and peed on the floor. At least she did it on the linoleum and not the carpet, so it was easy to wipe up. Then she hid under my bed in the furthest corner.

Meanwhile, Xena was STILL in the walk-in closet. She had climbed into the cage and was hiding in the litterbox. She came out as she was ready.

Abby seems distressed that the view from the window has changed. They are both exploring a bit when it is quiet and they feel safe, but they both slept under the bed last night. They will probably do a bit of exploring while I am at work today.

Abby seems grateful that I'm around and climbed around on the bed a bit and let me pet her. She also dozed a bit on my legs, until I had to move.

All in all, I have two very freaked out, traumatized cats on my hands, but they will adjust in time.

I have to smile every time I open a cabinet and think about how ALL the space is MINE, or go to the bathroom and have to think to leave the door open JUST BECAUSE I CAN, or wear whatever I want without having to worry about modesty. I ordered a little nightshirt to celebrate that I CAN FINALLY WEAR IT!

For the time being, I'm leaving out food and water in bowls. I'll fill up the water dispenser and put them on a feeding schedule once I decide where I will feed them. The place it's sitting in now - I can just imagine stumbling into the kitchen half awake and spilling everything. :-p

I am no longer leaving classical music on when I am gone. I pay the electric and gas, so nothing should be in use while I'm gone. The furfaces will just have to deal with it.

Oh, Frodo died. I think it was my fault. I filled his tank back up after the move, but didn't add the conditioner. I found him floating on his side at the bottom of the tank this morning. I'll get another one. They are fairly cheap. And this time, I will always remember to put water conditioner in. :-p

A Day In Hell...

...would be better than what happened during my move.

I'm not even sure when to start. My shoulders are locked up and ache, and my pecs are sore. Will have to see if heat helps at all. Also need to see the massage therapist and the chiropractor. It's been too long.

I was scheduled for a move at 11 a.m. At 11, no truck, so I call. They will be there between 11 and 12. Ok, no prob. 12 comes along, still no truck. I call back. A woman tells me they have broken down and are running 2 hours late. Great . So I wait 2 hours. Still no truck. I call again at 1 p.m. She says that the truck could have arrived anytime between 11 and 12, so I need to wait another hour until 2. So I wait. Still no truck. I call again and a man answers and tells me no, no one's broken down, they are just running late. He gives me the driver's cell phone number and tell me to call them. (What the heck?!?)

I call the driver and he says that his men hadn't eaten that day so that has to be done first. They will arrive around 4. He also needed my address. Evidently, even though I had scheduled this, the driver knew nothing about any of it until I called. Hence, no address and no contract.

At 3:30 they called and said they were on their way. They arrived about 3:45, five hours late.

Well, the driver - his accent and light skin tell me he's probably Israeli - took one look at Abby in her cage and said they can't take live animals in the back of the truck...I needed to remove Abby and break down the cage, which, as you all know, is completely impossible. I offered to waive any rights to damage if anything happened. He kept saying no but I was very insistent and eventually he called his boss and got clearance for me to waive those rights.

And oh yes, I was told there would only be two people, so I assumed there would be room for me in the cab of the truck. Nope. They brought 3 people so the cab was full. I would have to take the bus and pay them while they waited for me. I offered to ride in the back of the truck and waive any right to damages from that, too, but they said no. (I'm just going across town, people!) I finally had to call the building owner, who offered to come and pick me up and lead the way to the new place. (The movers didn't know that either.)

The main guy, the driver, was very argumentative. Every box was another reason to argue about why they couldn't take it. They insisted on having everything boxed up tight as if we were driving cross-country. I was criticized for not being ready and not taping the boxes correctly. I was criticized for some boxes not having lids and "We can't take it if it doesn't have a lid."

Money was another argument. I was quoted one price on the phone - $278 as the minimum. I figured we could move in the minimum amount of time. I took out $440 just to be plenty safe. Well, the price now skyrockets because we've got 3 men, tape for the boxes, boxes to box stuff that doesn't have lids and such. I tell him I only have $400. He argues for a while longer but figures $400 is better than the full amount by credit card, and takes the offer. I hold back $40 for myself to buy necessary stuff until the holiday is over and I get settled and learn where to shop and such.

They were fast, but fairly careless and the driver spent more time arguing with me than working. For example, parking is impossible in my neighborhood so he said he could either double park and have me pay the ticket if they got one, or park legally further down the street and pay for the extra time it would take to walk back and forth. He said the ticket would be cheaper so I told him to go ahead and double park.

The whole thing was a fiasco. I have never seen a more insolent and argumentative mover, especially when I'm giving him $400 in cash for just a few hours' work. The entire thing was one long argument from start to finish.

Moving On, Moving In

This will be my last entry before my move. As you can see from the above entry, I did manage to get Abby trapped. Tomorrow is the big day. There is still so much to do! I need to get back to packing. I hope and pray we get Abby to the apartment safe tomorrow, and that the move is smoothe. God be with me! I will see you all at the new house!

The phone was supposed to be turned on today, but the Direct TV won't come until Thursday. :-p I'm going to demand a credit for those days. The movers are supposed to be here at 11 a.m. I hope they are on time. Before we leave I need to call Nick and tell him we are on our way. He said he would meet us there with the keys. I have $440 in cash to give to the movers. I think that should be enough. It better be!

Abby, Still Wild

God, this hurts. I'm on my second glass of wine because I feel so bad. I managed to get Abby in the cage for the trip tomorrow. I have a bed, litterbox, and food already in there. She is busy trying to get out and pulling (hard!) at the cage bars with her claws. She is also meowing mournfully. She is so scared and unhappy. I feel terrible. *I* know it's for the best, but she doesn't realize that.

Pray I get her there safely and that she doesn't find a way to get free.

Here's a page with old pics of her back when she was still known as "Momma."
http://xenakidden.home.sunlink.net/html/feral8mom.html

And here's the cage she's in. It's large because I can't handle her to put her in the carrier. She is still very much wild. The setup of the cage is different. The setup in this picture is for a small kitten. The cage no longer has the ramps, the two perches are together,and the hammock was removed.
http://xenakidden.home.sunlink.net/html/xenastart.html
I got her into the cage by feeding her all her meals there, and then just closing the door on her.

The New Apartment

I should probably describe the apartment, shouldn't I? Well, like I said, it's a large studio on the third floor with a view of the city. When you walk in the door, you enter a hallway. On the left side is the bathroom. On the right side is a vanity. If you turn right into the vanity and then turn left, you enter a large walk-in closet. I'm planning on using this closet for storage.

As you walk down the hallway, there is another small closet to the right. I plan to keep my clothes in this one.

At the end of the hallway is the living room/bedroom. On the far side of the main room, off to the right, is the kitchen. On the back wall of the main room is the window.

And that's about it.

It's all carpeted except for the bathroom and kitchen. Cats never used to be allowed in the building, but it just came under new ownership and the new owners allow cats.

He also said it would be okay for Abby to run around outside a bit, as long as I let the neighbors know she's not a stray and is mine. I felt I needed to be upfront about that because, while I can keep her in most of the time, she does get stir crazy eventually.

Xena I'm NOT going to let out. Tough toenails.

Anyway, I'll be offline for a bit during that time. My only Internet access will be from work.

I move this Sunday morning.

Monday I went to a Public Storage and splurged on some boxes. I'm short and I'm tired of using dumpster boxes. So I bought 10 good quality ones. Getting them to work and then home was difficult at best.

Tuesday I dragged the vaccuum cleaner onto the bus, got it fixed, then had to drag it to work and back. I got the belt replaced and a new bag put in. When I move out I will need to clean the room. There's a thick layer of fur on the carpet from the cats. Last Friday I bought some carpet cleaner that you shake onto the rug and it's supposed to help make the fur easier to vaccuum.

Today I was so exhausted that I slept a solid 9 hours last night. I feel best on 9 hours, but don't usually get it. Of course, I was up until around 2 a.m. last night packing.

Please pray that I get my deposit of $100 and my two weeks unused rent of $250 back. I don't think Lou will give me any of the money because he never has any money and he will consider the two weeks' rent simply forfeited.

INDirectTV

Excuse me while I scream.

I HATEHATEHATE Direct TV! These people are messed up and EVIL! I rue the day I signed up with them and decided against basic cable.

Now they are telling me that I can either pay $25 and sign up for yet ANOTHER year of their "service," or pay $99 and keep my current contract! [rolls eyes] I tell you, neverNEVER*NEVER!!!* sign up for (in)Direct TV "service." You'll be doing yourself a DISservice.

EVERY SINGLE TIME I have called, their computer system has been DOWN, and so we've been playing this charming game of phone tag for the past several days.

Oh, and they don't do installations on Sunday. What the hell is a major company doing only working 6 days a week? Can you understand why this is frustrating for a Sabbath keeper whose faith tells her that she can't ask them out Saturday and so she has to wait until MONDAY to get anything done?!?

Please, if you guys hear nothing else I say, DON'T EVER BUY DIRECT TV!!!

I am so frustrated at this stupid company that I could just cry!

Missed the Last Bus Home

It was a mess last night.

Tony said he'd be there at 11:30. I knew he'd be a little late, but I figured leaving at 11:25 would safe. I caught the 11:30 58 bus and took it most of the way home. At midnight, with Tony still not at work (I called and got no answer), I decided to head back. At about 12:15 or so I got ahold of him at work and so headed back home.

But by then I'd missed the last bus. I took the 58 as far as I could to the Seranader bar, then called for a cab from there. It was $5 for the cab ride home from there and I called Tony and told him that I expected him to pay for it. It's not my fault he overslept, and it's not my fault that traffic was heavy. *He* needs to think these things through.

When I told him he I expected him to put $5 in my box at work, he asked if I could wait until the next pay day. I asked him why he couldn't pay now - we were just paid last Thursday. The call ended with no clear resolution. I also told him that from now on when he was late and I missed the last 57 bus home, I would expect cab fare from him. I could be fired for leaving early and I don't want to do it anymore.

Grrrr...don't these people understand? Or do they drive so they don't care and can't comprehend that some of us are at the mercy of the public busses?

How To Piss Off Victoria...

...be late to work so that I have to make a choice between leaving my post early (punishable by firing) or missing the last bus home. Thanks for the great choices.

Grrr...

My relief, Tony, overslept again and called to say he'd get here as soon as he can. And so I end up breaking the rules and leaving my post before he gets here to catch the last bus home. He drives. He doesn't understand. I already know I will have to leave early tonoight because he called me at 11 to say he'd be here in a half hour. (Yeah, right...make me laugh.) Anyway, I have to leave at 11:25 to catch that last bus home. :-p

I am hopping mad about it. He can't leave HIS post to drive me home, and I can't afford a cab, even if I took the 58 bus as far as I can to the Seranader bar and called from there for a cab. It's still a couple miles and still costs money.

Ok, let's see.

I was on the phone with Direct TV for the better part of an hour. I spent the first half hour just trying to talk to an actual person. The auto system kept asking for my zip code at my new residence - something I don't know. I *finally* just entered my work zip so I could get through to be put on hold. There I sat for another half hour before talking to a person who told me that someone would have to call me back - their computers were down and they could do nothing.

I also called PG&E to start electric and gas service. That was the easiest thing I've done all day. Too easy. I know something will go horribly wrong in the process just to frustrate me.

I have the move-in cost for the apartment, but I got the wrong amount. He wanted $1390 and I only took out $1300. He called and asked if it would be okay to take my $100 deposit check and cash it and then he would own me $10. I said yes. I will mail the $1300 tomorrow. It is in an envelope and everything. At his request, I faxed him the money orders so he would see that I do have the money and that he will have it soon.

I'm going off now to make a list of things to do, both those that have been done and still need to be done.

Why, when I am using so much energy every day, am I getting so little done? I still haven't started packing; I have rarely been home all week except to sleep. :( I miss my babies. They need their Mommy. And they don't even care if I'm an emotional basket case. They love me anyway. :-D

More Credit Crud

Grrr... It only gets worse. I got my verification code from TrueCredit today and followed the instructions to the letter. Steps 1-3 went fine, but when I hit submit on step 4, it STILL refused to give me my dang credit report! I'm obviously going to have to call them tomorrow.

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

Moving Day

Looks like I'll be moving August 29th. It's the Friday closest to the end of the month and my day off.

Milestones

Well, due to my previous news I'm not dancing around as I post this news today. I wish I could.

I found an apartment yesterday and am signing the agreement today. He sent me a fax of the agreement and it's fine with two caveats:

1) (And he will send a new page for this.) The dates for the first month's rent were wrong. He will correct those dates when he re-faxes that page.

2) The agreement said the cats have to be boarded somewhere while I am on vacation. Not only will this cause stress on them to be taken from their familiar environment, and I don't have that kind of money, but also no place will take Abby because she's not tame. He said it was okay to just have someone look in on them. That should help quite a bit. I did note that on the agreement in my handwriting. I also crossed out the original lines, as the owner said to do.

He also faxed me a mold addendum to sign.

When I looked at the place yesterday, there were two apartments, #2 and #27. Number 27 was slightly bigger with a nicer view and on the third floor (which I don't mind at all). There is a small elevator in the building. #2 is on the ground floor and slightly smaller. Both are very nice and spacious as studios go.

Originally I was told that #27 might already be taken. I expressed that I would prefer #27 but that I would take #2 if #27 were already taken. But the owner called me this morning to say that he would give me #27.

The cats probably would have preferred the one on the ground floor, but tough.

Anyway, I should be happy and dancing around. This is a landmark day in my life, the realization of a year-long dream. But I am worried about the whole situation with the doctors, so I'm not happy and dancing. Instead, I am peeved, exhausted, and numb.

Doctor's Orders

As most of you know, I have to take a prescription medication to be able to function like normal people. Well, I tried to call my doctor today to make another appointment. The receptionist said they don't take psych patients anymore and that they are referring them out to psychiatrists. Well, psych docs charge a lot more and insist on seeing you once a month, AND my company only pays for half the cost, not 80% like with a regular doc. Oh, and the yearly cap is lower. It wouldn't work. I can't afford both my medicine AND to see a psych every month.

Besides which, it's MY disease and MY body and I'm an adult - I can decide how often I need to see a doctor for reevaluation.

Anyway, our health person here at work, Lupe, thinks the real reason the doc won't see me is because I was late once paying my bill. The receptionist on the phone tried to tell me that they really aren't seeing psych patients anymore and that she told me all this at my last visit. NO SHE DIDN'T. She's LYING and thinks I won't notice?!? I liked the doctor, too.

So now I have to start over AGAIN (for the third time) with a new doctor. Lupe said not to mention anything when signing up for the initial appointment and to only mention it once I'm there. I have an initial intake appointment scheduled for Sept. 17 at the cost of over $150 that I don't have.

Needless to say, I'm highly stressed, pissed, and upset over this whole game.

God promised me a long time ago that He would make sure I could always get my medicine and not to worry about the money, but each time I have to start over I worry that He will fail me and that I will go without. Life off the medicine is a living hell, and to be honest, God means little in that state. I would kill myself sooner or later. That's not a threat; it's a sad statement of fact.

Anyway, your prayers on this would be appreciated. Remind God of His promise to me.

I don't know how I will get through this, especially seeing as how my rent is going from $500 to $700 next month.

Keep On Trucking

Ok, let's see. Two appointments today and two more tomorrow. (Managed to scheduled another one this afternoon. Originally I had only one appointment tomorrow.)

The first apartment is a second floor walk-up in a converted hotel. People would stay in the hotel for long stretches, hence the reason for the full kitchens.

It's SMALL, too small, and has no storage except a large closet which may or my not be large enough. The windows open onto a large ledge which connects to the stairs of the building next door, so Abby can get out and run around. The kitchen and bath are nice, and the price was lowered from $695 to $650. They said I was the first person to apply for that apartment. There was a $25 credit fee. I made out the application and paid the fee on the spot. They said that MAYBE if I signed a lease I'd get the first month free. I told them I was interested in that.

The second place was larger and nicer. There were also a TON of other people who had already submitted applications.

This place was first floor, private entrance, and it's own garage space that could be used for storage. It only had a shower however. It also had no washer/dryer and the closest one was too far to walk, necessitating a bus ride. Large enough for all my stuff and the cats, though.

Two more appointments tomorrow before work. We'll see. I'm not making any commitments until I've at least seen the two tomorrow. Not that anyone is begging to have me as a tenant.

A Moving Experience

Well, almost. I have 2-4 weeks to move. I am looking at two apartments today, one on Tuesday, and one on Friday. Surely somebody has to want me. I'm praying for God's help.

And now...I have to be up early so I better get going. *yawn*

*beats head against wall*

I'm TRYING (unsuccessfully) to get a d*mn credit report. No one can identify me.

Yeah, there were a couple student loans. They were PAID OFF by my parents YEARS ago. I don't know who they were with or how much they were for or anything.

And so I'm having to jump through hoops and have passwords and user names USPS mailed and e-mailed to all different addresses I've had, and then run around and try to collect it all together and log back into the sites and CONTINUE their little game. It's a mess, a royal MESS. And I'm $50 in the hole for playing their games.

So now I have 3 appointments to go to and no credit report to show them for at least a week, probably longer. And by then someone ELSE will have my apartment!

Grrr.....

I need prayer BAD and NOW! It's a dog eat dog world and I'm getting ripped to pieces.

The fun continued last night getting home. The 11 p.m. bus just simply never showed up. The 11:30 one was right on time however. :-p This led to much grumbling on the bus and LOTS of kevetching among the passengers. I must admit, it was more than usual.

When the driver spoke loudly to get our attention over the ruckus, I thought she was going to castigate us for complaining about things so much. But she didn't. Instead, she handed out a petition and some other info. to us about the upcoming cuts in service and raising of fares. We all passed the petitions around and signed them. I ended up with two partially filled sheets that I intend to get fully filled and then, as she said we should, give them to another driver to turn in. The drivers are against what is going on because there will be so many layoffs.

I arrived home a half hour late at 12:30 a.m.

The phone wasn't back on yet, so I couldn't get online. I got ready for bed and relaxed in front of the TV, going to bed around 3 a.m.

I woke up sometime around 10 or 10:30 this morning by Lou calling to me that the man from the phone company was here. I was dreaming at the time. :-p After looking around he said that when Lou's phone was disconnected, someone must have accidentally disconnected mine, too. He said that with the way the lines were, it was an easy mistake to make.

At any rate, I'm back online now.

In other news, SimpleText isn't cutting it for this blog. I think I will have to start using ClarisWorks. SimpleText documents just don't hold enough text before I have to move on to a new blog page. I'll have to run some tests, but it should work.

One of Those Days

Well, today has been One Of Those Days (tm). Murphy's Law has been in full swing in my life. Everything that possibly could go wrong, has.

I got to stay late last night at work (overtime, yea!) and got driven home. Because of this, I accidentally left my punch card in the back pocket of my jeans. I got home about 12:30 a.m. About 2 a.m. my little reminder to give the cats their flea treatment started flashing. I dug the treatment out, but Abby could read my mind and wasn't letting me near her. Oh well, wait until morning.

I tried to set up the new aquarium I bought, but after setting everything up it just sat there. I carried it into my room to test it in a different plug just in case, but nothing. I'll have to call the company later, maybe send it back.

I managed to get Xena's flea collar off, but was too tired to put the new one on. That would also have to wait until morning.

A program about Lord of the Rings was on, so I stayed up until 3 to watch it. Learned some cool stuff about the books and movies.

As a lay in bed I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten to take my vitamins and medication. No big deal. I would just do it in the morning. Being 12 hours late with my medication has never been a problem. I was tired and only wanted to sleep at that point.

Slept in until 11:30 this morning. Before I got up, Abby settled down on my bed and put her back to me. I took the flea treatment and squeezed it on her neck. I managed to get most of it on before she could react and run off. She wouldn't let me near her for the rest of the morning.

I managed to get Xena's new flea collar on, though she put up a fight. I also put what little remained the the flea drops I couldn't get onto Abby, onto her.

I had to wrap my sister's birthday presents and get them out. I had no birthday wrapping, so I put them in Christmas wrap. I ran out of tape as I finished wrapping the last one, but I knew where more was and reloaded the dispenser.

I turned on my computer to do some quick surfing before work. My modem couldn't detect a dial tone. Since I only have my modem hooked up to that line (I don't even know what the number is), I went digging through my closet for a phone to plug in and test. I hooked the phone up - nothing.

I got into my e-mail and found an old e-bill they had set me and called the repair number on my cell phone. They asked for my number and I didn't have it. Neither is it listed in the bill. They said they couldn't help me, that they'd have to transfer me to customer service and THEY could give me my number. I was transferred and got the number, then transferred back to the repair center. I set up an appointment for tomorrow morning. I do have insurance so hopefully I won't have to pay. (Never trust a landlord; they are slow on fixes. I always pay for the insurance.) I talked to my live-in landlord before I left and he said he'd see what he could do. He said it was because he canceled his AOL. (Huh? And that matters because...?) I checked his phone and it was also not working.

No time for coffee this morning, and no time to call the aquarium company.

So I leave for work, late. I get an energy drink on the way because I hadn't had coffee.

I'm already at the bus stop when I realize I forgot my punch card and my medication. Too late to go back, though.

I get on the bus and am tipping my head back drinking the last of the energy drink when my sunglasses start slipping off. I jerk my head up to keep them from falling, smashing my lip into the can. (The glasses fell off anyway.) I cause several tiny cuts inside my lip.

I stop to copy the bulletin for church, then go to the grocery store to buy a bus pass. This is the last month I can use BART Plus; from now on I have to pay for everything separately. I start by buying the bus pass. The express line at the supermarket is slower than molasses in January, but eventually I get through. I arrive at work 10 minutes late.

Because I left my card to clock in in my other jeans, I have no card. I talk to my boss and he says to send him an e-mail about it so he can manually add my punch. I do so.

I go downstairs to our mail room to mail out my sister's presents. The guy assumes I want Priority Mail and doesn't ask. Parcel Post was over a dollar less and I would have gladly done that, but he's already printed out the sticker and everything and it is "too late." By now I am in a very bad mood and make a snarky comment on my way out.

I haven't eaten so I ask my co-worker Brad (yes, OUR Brad) to go to the burger joint next door and get me a burger and a diet Coke. I give him the money and he goes down. He comes back with a regular Coke and I nearly have a hissy. He goes back down to get the right drink.

So, that's my wonderful day. So if I'm more curt than usual it's because I haven't had my medication (I need it to be normal), and have had everything go wrong.

What Herb Are You?

What herb are you?

Victoria's Vacation Updates

These were all posted at once, assembled from electronic "postcards" written over the course of the week.
Victoria's Vacation updates

These updates are arranged backward chronilogically and were written during my vacation in Newberg, Oregon at the Seventh Day Baptist General Conference. Pictures from Conference can be found here. Monday, August 11, 2003 This will be my final update. I'm still tired from my trip, but I will attempt to make this something resembling coherant. - Friday, August 8 The evening service was good. It had a mixture of traditional and contemporary music, though all was played on the piano and organ. It was interesting hearing contemporary music being belted out of an organ. I was able to get into it a little bit and raise my hands in praise. (Indeed, Conference is one of the few places where I feel totally free to do so.) We did communion which was cool. I just love taking communion with a few hundred other people. The closing song was very special. It was "Wonderful Grace of Jesus," which included this: Chains have been torn asunder, Giving me liberty; For the wonderful grace of Jesus reaches me. He has indeed removed my chains and set me free. I don't deserve it; it's all grace. - Saturday, August 9 We started off with Sabbath School. I went into Stephen James' class when I saw Jane Mackintosh and Dave Johnson there. We studied the Helping Hand lesson for the week on Joel and repentance. After Friday night I was expecting Sabbath morning worship to be a let down like it was last year. But it wasn't. There were some good contemporary songs played like they should be - with guitar and drums, as well as the more traditional hymns done in the contemporary manner. I was able to praise God with raised hands. Our closing hymn was "Great Is Thy Faithfulness." This is one of those songs that God has used to tell me to look back - it makes me thankful for how far I've come. I remember singing it in the choir at my old church when the Billy Graham Crusade came through town in 1997. I flashed back on that, how much time has passed since, and where I am now. Thank You, Father. You ARE so faithful. After that was a very nice Sabbath "dinner" (what we left coasties call "lunch"). I spent the afternoon resting until it was supper (dinner) time. After dinner and before the last meeting I packed my stuff up. I was late to the final meeting, but it wasn't a worship service so I didn't miss anything except the instalation of the new president. The new president, Pastor Dale Thorngate, gave a short speach and unveiled his theme for next year, "Seeking God With All Your Heart," based on Jeremiah 29:11-14a and Matthew 6:31-33. Next year Conference will be held in Kalamazoo, Michigan. Sunday, August 10 I was up, as usual, at 7 a.m. But my roommate had gotten up at 5 and I had a hard time going back to sleep. I ate breakfast and turned in my key then. Then I went back to the room and finished packing, then dragged my bags to the auditorium where we gathered waiting for the bus. The bus trip to Portland airport was uneventful. I took my hairclips off (the ones that hold my covering in place) while going through the metal detector. It didn't beep this time so it must have been the clips that set it off on the way out, causing me to have to go through the wand search. They checked my shoes going both ways, too. I don't know if my shoes would have been checked on the way out, however, if I hadn't set the metal detector off. Our bus had left on time, about 10:15 a.m., and I got to the airport, checked my bags, and through security by shortly after 11:30. I had THREE hours to kill before my plane took off. I went to a bookstore in the airport and bough a book and a couple other items, then had some lunch (a hot dog and a beer - haven't had a drink in over a week), and finally ordered some lunch to go at another restaurant there. I also had another drink there, which turned out to be one too much. The flight was uneventful. We were only a few minutes late. When I got home I scooped up Xena and she licked me, but no purring this time. Abby had hidden under the bed, but came out as she realized it was me. I'm still working on the pictures page. I just have to go back and make sure things are (mostly) in chronilogical order. Then it will be ready to share. That's about the extent of things. I'll probably add more as I remember things I forgot. Sorry this is so long. There was just so much to tell. There was lots of really good fellowship this week. Mealtimes were chances to talk with others. I love being around people and talking, but I must say, I got so little alone time this week. Even my room wasn't a haven because it had to be shared. I am looking forward to catch up on being alone now that I am home. 14:39 Friday, August 8, 2003 Well, this will be my last update. I have found that there is no lab open on Saturday, so I won't be able to write tomorrow. - Thursday, August 7 The evening worship service was nothing but music (non-interactive), but I got some good pictures. I'm getting bolder about creeping right up to the stage during the service to get the pictures I want. Some member of our little choir sang a song last night. At that moment I wished I was in the choir. I am, however, considering joining the Conference Choir next year, if they will have me. - Friday, August 8 The other computer was messing up, so I hopped on this one. Those laptops are so tempermental. Techie companies should make them WORK and not concentrate so much on making them SMALLER. :-p Anyway, Bible study today was good. It was calling "Sharing in Christ's Riches," and put paid to the "Name It and Claim It" movement. Instead of asking God for a Rolex (we don't NEED it), we should sell our Rolex if we have one in order to help the poor. God takes care of our needs, not always our wants. I really wish Wolf...er, Doctor...was here. I think he'd get a lot out of studies like this. Hey, Conference will be in Kalamazoo, MI next year! Want to come? No? How about West Virginia the year after? Hey Kathi, how close is that to you? As it's Friday, we have some free time this afternoon, so I showered for Sabbath and now I'm here. Last year we did communion Sabbath morning; this year we are doing it tonight, so I sense this will be the big, important service this week. Oh, one other thing I forgot. At the Wednesday service, a man gave his testimony of all he's been through on his job to keep the Sabbath. Over and over he mentioned how he compromised his beliefs to keep his job, and yet I was struck by how God kept working with him, kept growing him in other areas...such grace and forgiveness time and again! He is truly so good. I guess that's about it except that I really wish some of you were here, not just for the fellowship, but because some of you could really learn a lot from the daily Bible studies and worship services. (((Hugs))) all. Sorry I won't be around tomorrow. I'll miss you all. I fly back Sunday afternoon assuming I make my plane. Please pray that there are no lines and I do. 14:02 Thursday, August 7, 2003 Skipped "morning worship" after breakfast because it's really just a musical performance of whatever group and not interactive. I went and laid down in my room and just rested until it was time for the Bible study. After the Bible study I again went back to my room while Committees presented reports. Then some other business which I did attend, lunch, and more business. I think someone switched the leaded coffee this morning for unleaded - I had a hard time staying awake all morning, and felt no caffeine rush at breakfast. At lunch I drank a bunch of Mountain Dew and now I am ok. Anita from church arrived, bringing the total number of people (including children) from my church to 15, 7 of whom are adults. This is Anita's first Conference. We finally got her to come! Afternoon business was interesting. Reference and Counsel finally got their report passed, but not without much debate. Feelings are still raw from last year's problems relating to the Alfred, NY church and so many amendments were proposed and voted on before the report passed - R&C is trying to get into place a procedure for dealing with problems like this in the future and we were haggeling over the specifics of the language. It's good to be a delegate and be able to vote on stuff like this. I even got up and briefly (VERY briefly) spoke a couple of times about my committee's report, which included stuff about upgrading the General Conference Web site and moving in the direction of online registration for Conference. The moves we made this year will pave the road for that at a later date. There's a lot of old people here who don't understand just how important the Internet is. The younger generation has more vision. I did have to be moved to an earlier bus on Sunday. Somebody put me on bus #4 as if I could check in and get through security at the airport in a mere hour. The earlier bus is still pushing it, but will give me two hours to do all that. *hugs and kisses* I'll try to get on tomorrow for another update. Hope you don't mind my little vignettes. I'm hoping to turn this into one huge blog entry when I get back. 15:37 Wednesday, August 6, 2003 Tuesday the 5th was okay. We had young adult interactive worship in the morning. In the afternoon, the skies clouded over and we had thunder and lightening and a shower. (Typical Oregon weather - lots of rain!) My interest group meeting lasted THREE long hours, with no break. :-p But we did get proposals together to bring to the Conference floor, including upgrading the main Web site (for non-SDBs), and, in the future, online Conference registration (for current SDBs). That last one is still a ways off, though. Evening worship had little music and included a lengthy presentation about a lady's short term mission trip to a foreign country, something that's never interested me. Wednesday the 6th was better. The sun came back out, and intead of interest groups, we had a choice of seminars in the afternoon. I attended the one on Islam and Muslims and it was quite enlightening. I minored in religious studies in school, but Paul (the presenter) had a bunch of material that I didn't know. The seminar lasted three hours, with a short break. But I found it interesting, which mitigated the boredom. I came to this mini computer lab right after. The Women's Banquet is tonight. I went last year and was not impressed. It's one of those things where EVERYONE goes and shows off their best clothing. I hate that sort of thing. Anyway, that's today's report. There's lots of other things - denomination business, kids from our church and the things they are doing here, and other stuff, but these are the highlights. I'm learning a lot about how the denomination functions on a national level. Last year it was just confusing. This year I'm beginning to assimilate it all. I've been hanging out a lot with Pastor Ray Milalki, a pastor of a small church (4 members right now) that's starting up in Pennsylvania. He tends to be very conservative (religiously), so we have a lot in common. He's been to my home church once, and I also talked with him a bit at Conference last year. Attendance is much lower than last year (400 compared to 800 last year). Most SDBs are consentrated on the east coast and don't seem to want to fly out to the west coast. I honestly think we had a better showing of west coast people at last year Conference in NY, than we have east coast people at this year's Conference. At least us left coasties are dedicated! Still need to get more pictures. I'll upload them sometime after I get home and make up a little Web page. The pictures will be dark. The dang thing is terrible in low light conditions, which all indoor pictures are. God bless you all and I'll "see" you all next week! 16:33 Tuesday, August 5, 2003 - Sunday, Aug. 3 Wake up around 9 a.m. Leave house around 11:30 a.m. Arrive Portland airport, find a boy holding a sign that simply reads "SDB." Wait 60-90 minutes with others but a "tour bus" type bus for about a 1 hour ride to the Conference site. Arrive site around 6 p.m., register, collect packet and nametag, leave luggage at Registration and procede directly to dinner before they close. Go to my room with my luggage after dinner. I am in Pennington #121 with an elderly (80+ year old) roommate. - Monday, Aug. 4 Lock myself out of my room at 3:30 a.m. Have to wake roommate to get back in. Tract and communication Council meeting, 2 hours. Track down computer lab to get online. Nothing interesting for Tuesday yet except that morning worship was contemporary and therefore better than expected. I had some other thoughts to share, but they appear to be in the bulletin, not my notebook, and I only have my notebook with me. Oh, also, I once more forgot the address to my exwitch mail account, so I can't access it unless someone tells me what it is (again) or I suddenly remember it. :-p It's wonderful being able to do so much fellowship and worship and Bible study. Last night after the worship service, which included a lot of readings from Revelation, I went back to my room and read Rev. 4 and 5, then prayed for some of you people here, and then went to sleep. I love God and want to serve Him with my life, I know this is right! He's given me so many gifts, not the least of which is making me his adopted daughter, a princess, an heir. No matter what I don't have, I have Him, and no matter who others think I am, I am His. Let's not just live FOR Christ, but live IN Him! Ok, off to lunch now. I'll try to come on tomorrow. God is good, all the time! 11:08 Monday, August 4, 2003 Don't know how often I will be able to get here this week. I'm currently on a laptap in some building here and the equal sign key is where the backspace should be. Anyway, a quick update from here. Arrived here at George Fox at about 6 pm Sunday night. Since dinner was over at 6:30 we dropped our bags, got our packates (sp), nametags, and room keys, and went straight to dinner. Then we went to our rooms. My roommate (they found me one - yea!) is an 80+ year old lady named Margaret who walks soooo slow. We are late to stuff. She also takes forever to get ready in the morning; I can be out the door on my way to breakfast in 20 min. Lots of meetings today; more tomorrow. The rest of the day should just be dinner, worship (every night - yea!), and then I need an early bed. I can't function on the sleep Margaret seems to get. Perhaps she is taking naps. Anyway, other than being chronically tired so far I seem to be doing okay. Will try to take more pictures. I enjoy the fellowship over meals with various people. Good way to meet people. I've never been shy or had a problem with that. Dr. Who - I did get your IMs you sent to my phone. Thank you. I have also sent you a couple. God bless you all. I'm in Internet withdrawal here and came straight here to get my fix. Victoria Shephard 16:02

Leaving Tomorrow

So here am am just a day away from the start of Conference. I'll be leaving tomorrow, arriving sometime in the evening. This will be my second year going. I won't be updating my blog at all at Conference; I have no way to upload. So I'll be seeing you all on the other side. I'll try to make myself write about it when I get back. I'm trying to rest today because it's Sabbath, then finish packing tonight.

I'm going to miss the cats. I decided to leave them here locked in my room with plenty of food, water, and two litterboxes filled with non-scooping litter. They'll be okay.

Murphy's Law

I've been running around all day so far and have accomplished very little. In fact, the only completed thing is I now have a new cell phone number because when going to a pre-paid plan they have to close out your old account and start fresh. I am NOT amused. On top of all that, I was an hour late to work.

Anyway, I still have half a BILLION things to do. I still haven't eaten today and it's 4:30 in the afternoon. I'm hungry, but just no time. :(

Oh yeah, the Teen Challenge movers said they are booked through October so it is looking like I will have to go with Delancey Street movers at a minimum cost of $400. *cries*

I guess I should update the meds situation first. The meds arrived last Friday, and Brad was nice enough to drop them by my house. Not that I was that desperate; I just felt better with them in my hands.

Xena went to the vet on Wednesday. She was not amused. She was shedding like crazy she was so scared! They eventually took her into a back room and gave her two shots, one deworming pill, and clipped her claws (they charged me $12 for that!). All together it came to $100. This is one expensive cat!

I went to the pet store up the street from the vet after that, and bought some cat food, and a dog bed big enough for both of them. They have steadfastly refused to sleep on the bed. Wednesday night Abby laid curled up next to me, and Xena slept on her cardboard scratching post.

Thursday night Xena went out the back door. I started to get worried because not even the clicker trainer brought her back. She finally came back in - and promptly went out the front door, which was also open. I finally managed to get her in and up the stairs, but Abby's still out.

My nail lacquer for my fungal nail infection arrived this week, so I'm busy using it. The doctor said to put it on once a day, but the directions say every other day. I'm putting it on every day anyway. I want to get rid of this infection.

Here's what it looked like shortly after the doctor got done with it. He cut it way back, dug out all the crud, and then sanded down the high portion at the back that was growing straight up. It sounds awful, but it didn't hurt at all. I wish I had a "before" picture to post.

God seems to be working in Wolf's life. What he will do with it, I don't know, but God is definetly at work. God spoke to him and simply said, "I love you," and it seems to have really rocked his world. (Yay God!) Bobby (Clip the Apex) has recently made the jump and professed faith. Chris has asked God to get rid of the critters in her life, and He did. (Self-deliverance anyone?) And of course Veronica gave her life to Christ a couple weeks ago. Of course we've been praying for everybody.

Susan in in the hospital to have her gall bladder removed. The situation is quite a bit stickier than that, but that's what it boils down to. She has stones that are having trouble passing. Surgery will be either later today or Saturday.

No wonder people on the board, like K and Susan, are having problems. God is at work!

Lost medication?, take 5

Ok, last update for the night, and then maybe I can finally eat. So far I've been too stressed to care. Talked to Canadameds on the phone. They said they have delivery confirmation that it arrived here at 11:10 this morning.

I talked to the front desk, but they had nothing. I searched the "mailroom" but nothing was there. The guy in our little mini post office here was already gone for the day, but his supervisor let me in and we searched the office. No package.

He said it would be impossible to know what time something was delivered to this building, so perhaps it was delivered at 11:10 to the main post office where we pick up our mail. (As a company, we have hundreds of pieces of mail each day.) They said to wait until tomorrow and see if that's what going on. I'm off tomorrow, but I will call. (Please pray that's where it is!)

[signs off to read messages and eat her long-cold burrito]

Lost medication?, take 4

I will check with Brad at work tomorrow on the off chance that it's just been delayed and arrives late.

Lost medication?, take 3

I keep trying to call Lupe, but she's still not in her office.

I tried calling my old doctor (a clinic who always has samples on hand), but they said I'd have to come in as a new patient ($200) because I've been away too long, and that they couldn't get me in for a month anyway. So that was pointless. (I was in tears at this point.)

I tried to call the company (Canadameds.com), but the number keeps connecting me to a local number. (I've had this problem before - the phone fails to recognize the "1" meaning a long distance number). I just faxed them asking them to call me.

I called my Dad, he is sending some money that should arrive later. With that on the way, I intend to reorder from Canada as soon as I can get ahold of them.

Unless I want to pay $300 for one month's worth of pills here in the U.S., it looks like I will have to wean off with the remaining pills I have (remember, I had hoarded a small number). It will mean that I'll be one messed up person for longer, but should help prevent some side-effects. I'll start tonight.

Now excuse me while I go cry.

Lost medication?, take 2

Let's see, I've already made three phone calls today. I called my doctor to see if I could maybe get samples. The receptionist said they didn't have any, they give them out to "patients who need them." Like I don't ?! She simply said they didn't have any and if I don't have the money to pay $300 for one month of pills from the U.S., then oh well, there was nothing she could do.

Then I called the USPS, who said they don't track Global Priority Mail and they can't help me. They suggested I wait 10 *business* days. (Mail doesn't move on weekends?) Customs said the same thing; they don't track packages and if it got delayed, they would have notified me right away. At least the man tried to be nice.

I'm currently waiting for Lupe (the health adviser here) to get back to her desk so I can ask about a new doctor. "I'm sorry; we can't help you," is not an acceptable answer to a patient in dire need who doesn't have $300 for US pills and another $200 for Canadian pill.

I was really hoping to get out of this financial hole with this paycheck. Looks like it won't happen. $500 out of it will leave precious little for little things like food and bills. (One bill just arrived today.)

Lost medication?

After all the problems mods here seem to have had, it seems to be my turn.

My medication appears to have been lost in the mail. I took a look at the tracking online tonight. The meds left Canada and entered the U.S., but when I go to the USPS site and enter the tracking number there, they have no record of it. The meds should have arrived no LATER than today or yesterday. If they are not at work tomorrow I will start making inquiries to the USPS, Canadameds, etc.

Besides not having another $200 to rebuy these, I DON'T have another month's worth of meds until the replacements can arrive. Quite simply, if the ones in the mail don't arrive soon, I don't have the time or money to wait for another shipment. I'll run out and go into withdrawal.

Which is why I'm here at past midnight posting an urgent prayer request.

Please pray; I'm worried.

Sniffle Sniffle, Sneeze Sneeze

I've reached the end of my rope today. My alergies were so bad that I had to take one pill towards the start of the service, and another at the break. The second one helped knock out most of the alergy symptoms, but also knocked me out; I was tired.

I can't do this anymore. I'm ready to take a daily medication if need be. The doctor gave me a prescription for Zyrtec; I think now I will fill it. Not sure if I will do it in Canada or at the local Walgreens, though.

Bleah. I need relief.

Today I also patched the puncture the cats put in my air mattress. I'm currently testing it to see if it still leaks. Dear God, please let this patch hold, and don't let these cats put any more holes in the mattress. :-p

Light and Power

This is America's 227th birthday. It is also the first July 4th in a long time that I got to see fireworks, and boy was it cool! I really hate having to work some holidays, and this is one. Too bad it falls on a Sunday next year. :( Maybe I can get the night off.

There were lots of red and blue fireworks, and some new cool stuff I hadn't seen before: fireworks in the shape of smiley faces, and two offset rings inside one another, like some nuclear thing, only with fewer rings.

The Grand Finale was the best I've ever seen. There were so many fireworks going off at one time, and low, that I began to wonder if the lauch site wasn't exploding! (c:

Thank You, God, for this country and the freedoms we have. Protect her through everything for the sake of Your remnant. There are still those of us who stand against the tide. Protect her for our sake, Father, and the sake of Your name.

Sometimes We Win One

This is old news, but worth recording. Saturday morning I woke up to read in the forums that Veronica has asked Christ into her life on Friday morning. Evidentally, the thing to push her over the edge was a talk she had with God Thursday night, and then the first post she read Friday morning (Brian writing to Clip) touched on that same subject.

I thanked God on my way home from work Sunday, thanking Him for what He's done so far, and praying for her growth in Him. I also thanked Him for all the work Socrates invested in her, answering her questions, and challenging her.

Despite all this, I knew she would come to Him, knew it was just a matter of time and that I just needed to wait on God. Some people you know don't stand a chance. ;) She's been hanging out at EW for a couple years now, and has consistently stayed with us, and drawn closer to God.

I think that's the key - does the person draw closer over time, or stay at the same distance, or worse, retreat further? It is those people who could go either way and you don't know. Right now Wolf is like that, and I see it in Chris, though she says she has crossed the line, and there's a good chance she really has.

Gay Pride Day, take 3

Final tally: one AC Transit bus, one BART train, three Muni busses, and three hours. It should take only one AC bus, one BART train, one Muni bus, and about an hour and a half.

Gay Pride Day, take 2

I just set a new record for the longest time ever getting to church - three hours even. I arrived just after church let out. To get there I took a 14 Mission south, a 47 Van Ness northwest, and finally a 38 Geary west. I got to the church at 1 p.m. No sign of Carol or Janice, so the morning was a complete and total loss. Next year, I will stay home. They win. No point in even trying. I have better things to do with my time than spend three hours getting to church.

I love this City so much and hate to see such pride in sin. It quite literally makes me sick. God is not here.

Or rather He is. In small enclaves there are groups of His people. Such a minority, so outnumbered. Lord, for the sake of Your remnant, have mercy. Kyrie eleison. Pray with me for my beloved City. Kyrie eleison.

Gay Pride Day

"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." --Emo Phillips

This was one of those mornings.

So here I sit on a bus on Sunday morning in San Francisco, trying to get to church. The Gay Pride Day parade is preventing me. I left the house at 10 this morning. It is now past 11:30 and I am still downtown, crawling along on a 14 Mission bus that is stuck in traffic. The 38 Geary was nowhere to be found, even though I went to the Transbay Terminal. Market street is closed for several blocks, so Mission is getting all the traffic. In the last half hour we've gone 6 blocks. I think I will set a new record today for the amount of time and number of busses to get to this church.

I don't know when or if I will make it to City Church. Maybe in time for communion at the end of the service. Maybe not.

I told another lady on the bus, also trying to get to church, that I should have stayed in bed. She said that God honors our efforts. Somehow that made me feel better.

I will write more later and update.

Payday?

Yesterday was payday. All the money was literally gone before I got it, so I find myself once more with no money and two weeks until payday. :-p I am getting some medical reimburcement, which will go into checking to buy food, and Dad is sending me some money, but I had hoped to put it back into savings as I've taken so much money out recently.

Miscellaneous

Another church was doing a yard sale yesterday in the parking lot, so while Rocky was casting "demons" out of people I went out to look at the wares. I ended up buying a spaghetti strap shirt for sleeping, a blue denim hat, a lime green bath towel, and pink bunny ears. :-D I have no use for the bunny ears, but there was no way I was passing them up!

A bunch of us from the church sat in the foyer talking while Rocky did his thing, and some of us also went to the 7-11 for Slurpies. I had a blue one (of course!). It was a relaxing day, with perfect weather.

Conference is coming up in just 40 some-odd days and I still don't have my registration in. Perhaps when I get paid on Thursday. Also need to pay for my plane ticket.

A Holy Alphabet

A lthough things are not perfect
B ecause of trial or pain
C ontinue in thanksgiving
D o not begin to blame
E ven when the times are hard
F ierce winds are bound to blow
G od is forever able
H old on to what you know
I magine life without His love
J oy would cease to be
K eep thanking Him for all the things
L ove imparts to thee
M ove out of "Camp Complaining"
N o weapon that is known
O n earth can yield the power
P raise can do alone
Q uit looking at the future
R edeem the time at hand
S tart every day with worship
T o "thank" is a command
U ntil we see Him coming
V ictorious in the sky
W e'll run the race with gratitude
X alting God most high
Y es, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...
Z ion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

--Author Unknown

The Rocky Path

I've had a night to think about yesterday, and I am deeply disturbed by it. To believe Rocky Peterson, one would have to believe that pretty much every person in the world, including just about every Christian, has several demons each.

Even more disturbing that pastor gave this guy the pulpit. What kind of church am I in anyway? I think I need to talk to Pastor Steve. It probably won't do any good, them being friends and all, but I think it needs to be said by somebody.

As Brian so aptly put it on EW: Look at the NT -- Paul doesn't waste time telling people to seek out the particular demon of hatred, adultery, oppression, whatever. These things are caused by the FLESH, not by demons. Sure, demons can TEMPT you toward them, but it's the flesh that holds you in 'em.

Weird Sabbath Service

I'm not even sure where to start, or how to keep this short.

We had a speaker at church yesterday, Rocky Peterson...he runs a Chistian camp/conference center in Southern California, and does deliverence, but not in the way we often think of it. There were a lot of red flags that went up (like the mention of Bob Larson), yet I can also see that he does some good, so I'm not prepared to condemn him.

He spoke at length, and then people could go aside privately and he would work on helping them to get rid of their demons. I can deal with the idea of Christians being oppressed by demons, and having the authority of Christ over them, but the whole idea of spirits of hate, adultery, anger, etc....that sent up more red flags. If it works, great, but spirits? - I have reservations.

I will say this. We occationally have this crazy guy, David, show up at the church from time to time. He knows he'll get a free meal out of it and that we won't totally shun him for his psychosis, so he drops by from time to time, but blessedly he hasn't for a while. I have trouble thinking it's coincidence that he just happens to show back up the same day this guest speaker comes. Rocky was going off to see if he could help him at all when Anita and I finally left.

At least Eric was at church, so we had some cool music for once. :-)

Unlucky 13

Went to the dr. yesterday to get a new prescription - I have gained 13 pds. since my last appointment 6 months ago! That's what...a pound every other week?!

ARGGHH!!!

What am I going to do? I'm over 200 pounds now. :...( I was always a very respectable 170-175...stayed there for many years...a tad overweight, but as long as I was stable, I decided that I'd like myself that way. And I did. I became comfortable with my body.

And then Zoloft came along and it was a miracle drug and lifted my depression....I felt normal again. But to gain...what...about 30 pounds, almost half of that in the last 6 months alone? That is depressing.

I also have to see a podiatrist...the dr. said it is an infection under the nail..she said it's so misformed it may just have to be removed. Will make an appointment with that dr. tomorrow (he's already gone today). I want to be able to wear sandels again! It doesn't hurt...it just looks real bad. I'm not afraid to have the nail removed. It sounds like a fairly simple procedure.

Also gave me some samples of Zyrtec for alergies, and a 'script to fill if it works for me. She tried to give me Alegra, but I said I'd tried some a co-worker gave me and it did nothing. It might as well have been a sugar pill. I only get alergies occationally, so I don't want to have to take something daily. I've been using OTC stuff, but one time it took three pills to knock out my alergies, and in the process it knocked out me. As in...asleep at work.

Got my Zoloft 'script into Canada today, so 3-4 weeks before my pills arrive. She had no samples to give me, so I'll just keep taking 100mg in the meantime to stretch out what I have. Life sucked on 75. It's amazing what that extra 25 does for my outlook. So perhaps in a month I can go back to the 150 I'm supposed to take.

Hammer and Nails

Where the hall and my room meet, the carpet does not meet. For ages now Xena has been digging under the carpet edges to get the padding out from underneath. It's nothing but a game to her, something fun to do. But this is destructive and could result in my losing my security deposit. So for a while I've been thinking of nailing the rug down to keep her from doing that. I decided to do so this afternoon and pulled out my hammer and nails. In the midst of the project (I don't even remember where), the power went out. All of it. All over the house.

I let Lou know, and he called PG&E, who came right out. He found a lot of bad fuses, but finally found one good one, and added one of his own from his truck. As he stuck the second one in, something evidentally sparked. He told Lou that he would have to call an electrician, and that most likely two wires were crossed.

I told Lou what I'd been doing when the power went out, and he came up with his toolbox and pulled out the nails on one side. He found that at least one had gone directly through a line or cord of some sort, and that that had caused the short. Once the nails were removed and the breaker turned back on, everything was fine. [insert embarrased icon here]

Friday the 13th

Today is Friday the 13th! :-D

Well, I'll was able to get ahpold of the receptionist at the doctor yesterday, and she said they can see me on Tuesday at 2:15. Jon said that's cool as long as we're back by 3:30. It'll be tight, but we can do it. I already feel better being on 100mg rather than 75. That extra 25 makes a big difference. But then, halving my medication suddenly probably would be rough on my body, especially on the days I only got 50mg - 1/3 of my normal dose.

Our staff dinner was at El Torito last night. Since it happened during my shift, Michael Wood filled in for me and I got paid to go to dinner. (c: I stuffed myself with Mexican food - I wasn't even hungry when I got home from work last night. I took some as a doggie bag and that will be dinner tonight.

More on Meds, take 2

I called the doctor yesterday as she is finally back from vacation. I talked/argued with the receptionist. She totally did not have a bead on my situation. She finally said she'd have the doctor call me back. I'm still waiting for the call. Guess I will have to call again.

I sat down and counted out my pills last night. If I take what I'm supposed to (150mg a day), I have about 40 days' worth. If I take 100mg a day, I have about 70 days worth. (This includes the pills I've hoarded over time. What I have left from my prescription is quite a bit less.) So I guess I'll take 100mg a day and hope that I have enough. Perhaps I'll feel more stable than I have on 75mg. The last few days have been hell. Last night I took 100mg and got a good night's sleep and I actually feel somewhat human today.

Tomorrow is a staff dinner at work. Since it occurs durung my shift, I get to go AND get paid for it! :) I'm not complaining. Michael Wood will fill in for me. Of course, I do have to start my shift and come back after the dinner to finish it.

More on Meds

I'm running low on medication. I last time I saw the doctor was in January, and she gave me a prescription for six months worth of meds. The problem is that my next appointment wasn't scheduled for seven months. So, I'm running low now, and had to cut way back if I want to have any hope of making it until I can get more. Right now I'm taking about half what I should. Instead of 150mg a day, I'm taking 100mg one day, 50 the next, 100 the next, and so on.

Tony was late to work last night. He overslept and showed up about 15 minutes late. I would have appreciated a call. I can miss the 11 p.m. bus, but if I miss the 11:30 p.m. bus, I miss the last bus home. In which case I take 40 bus and walk a mile over the hill in the middle of the night in a dangerous city. :-p I was so tired it was hard to focus in prayer. I took a couple sleeping pills to help me sleep deeper and now I'm zonked this morning. Gack. I had been up since 7 a.m. because I went to church yesterday morning - not a good day for Tony to be late.

At least church was good. Good music, reminding me of all God has brought me through and how far I've come, and a good sermon based on John 20. I took so many notes I filled every line on both sides of a sheet in my Steno book. Yea God!

It was also funny that the pastor made a point of mentioning that he had three points (the traditional 3-point sermon), and during his sermon, my pastor had also made a point to mention his three points. There were actually six, he said, but that was too many, so he broke it down into three groups of two, which it did neatly. I had never noticed there were six points and could be grouped into pairs. Amazing the little nuances I keep discovering in the Bible.

Taize

Laudate Dominum, laudate Dominum, omnes gentes, alleluia. So goes one taize chant in what I assume is Latin. It means, "Praise our God, all you peoples, alleluia." Paul took me to taize tonight in Burlingame at the Mercy Center, which is a combination retreat center and convent. It was cool, though I could have been in a more prayerful attitude. Where I am spiritually determines what kind of experience I have.

I haven't been in ages. I think it's been over a year. Hard to believe that it was seven years ago last month that I went for the first time. God has done so much in my life in the last seven years. Now I pray he will also work in power in the lives of Veronica, Wolf, Chris, and MCC.

Some Assembly Required

I bought a new pedestal fan on Tuesday and put it together that night. So much assembly to do! Knowing what I know now I probably could have fixed the old one. I had no idea it could be put together by hand. So now I have two pedestal fans - one new and one used and somewhat dilapidated.

Web page updates

I did some updates on Xena's pages today. Three new pictures at the bottom of this page of Xena playing with a new toy.

Two new pics of Abby playing with a stuffed bear at the bottom of this page.

Two new pics of them together at the bottom of this page.

And what is up with AC Transit? Why are they buying all these cool new busses when the deficit is so serious they have to raises prices yet again? Hmmm? Or is this just a way to finance all the new busses? And how come Muni still costs the same as it did when I was in high school?

The last two nights I haven't been able to buy groceries because lots of people are now shopping at 11:30 at night. Sunday night they actually had two lines open. And both days there was some idiot trying up the line, copping an attitude, and just generally making things go very slow. I have a bus to catch, and there's only 15 minutes between my first bus and my transfer to get home. I can shop in 5 minutes flat, but I don't have 10 minutes to wait in the line, plus time to walk to and from the stop. It's a hlaf hour until the next bus comes along if I miss one. I guess I'll just keep trying until the idiots decide to stay home for the night.

New week and new month

Well, here we are at the beginning of a new week (and a new month!). I'm pretty battered from all the recent scuffles, but perhaps things will calm down a bit now so I can concentrate on recovering.

The only news is that MCC is reading this blog because she commented on it in a PM to me, saying that she still is and always has been a mod at Dave's forum. *shrug* After this weekend, I don't even care anymore. I have more important things to do than worry about the latest juicy gossip. I also haven't seen Ana around lately. Don't know what's up with that.

Oscar (our piano player) is gone right now, and will be for something like four weeks. Since Eric (our former guitar player) is working Sabbaths, we had to sing a capella this week. Anita (my ride each week) is supposed to play next week. Some of the older kids were laughing at us singing without accompanyment. And I didn't even know the songs. Pastor picked songs he was familiar with - Bill and Gloria Gaither, but I wasn't. So I struggled to read the music.

Apology, take 2

There were no responses to my apology all day yesterday, though it had been viewed many times. Perhaps no one will respond. At least I have done what I need to do. Though I do still feel I owe K an apology.

My contact over on D's board told me that MCC is no longer a mod there. I checked and sure thing... Don't know why or what that means. I think a lot of communication goes on in other ways. Interestingly enough, after MCC had me blocked on AIM the last few days, she reappeared today. I didn't message her, and she didn't message me.

Apology

Well, I apologized to A yesterday. She'll probably either ignore me or say something semi-conciliatory. At least I've done what God told me to do, and while the chance of furfilling His purpose for me remains, I must follow.

Also found out yesterday that bus fares will be raised. The BART Plus pass, the way I get to work, will definitely be taken away. As will the 31-day pass, to be replaced by a 15-day pass that costs more. A quick crunch of the numbers shows that this will probably cost me around $35 more per month than I currently pay, and I already pay $56! How am I supposed to afford that?! :( Also, the 58 line that I take every day will be discontinued and replaced by the 61, which will only run out to the airport every 30 minutes, even during peak times. These are just the changes that effect me. The actual reach of these changes is far more. It will all go into effect in December. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from AC Transit. :-p

A Very Bad Day

Well, Tuesday was A Very Bad Day. Not only was I catching it from both sides - both enemy fire and friendly fire - but everything went wrong. First, I didn't have time for coffee. Then I left my bus ticket in another pair of pants and had to go back for it after I was already at the bus stop. But it didn't matter because the bus had broken down and the next one did show up. However, due to this, I was late to my appointment. Just as I was getting to work, I stepped in some gum on the street, and stopped in a driveway to scrape it off, a driveway that a car soon wanted in so I had to move to continue the process.

AND it was incredibly hot, and the heat just made everything more miserable.

I know I have to apologize to Ana. I don't want to, but God says I have to, so I will. I didn't do it today because I needed time to think and pray and not just rush into an answer. I know I'm screwed up, so already asked God if I can start over. I took a trust He gave me and used and abused it. It was a gift, and I used it wrong. God, can we please start over? :(...

The Measure of A (Wo)Man

Can't stay on long. It's 12:30 a.m. and I still need to have dinner and get to bed.

K took my suggestions about requirements for mods in the future and how we shouldn't use new believers in that role. Still she says Missy and MCC had come to her asking to do something, so we will need to find some role for them.

MCC took her name off all the folders and asked K if she should still be a mod and that K could take away her mods if she felt it was the right thing to do. K did, so now MCC is no longer a mod. If she can pull herself together, and get her life sorted out, then we will welcome her back. I wish Rose could mod again. It was very good to have a very levelheaded practicing Pagan on staff.

The Hands of the Potter

I saw the second movie on video last night. This one made me less uncomfortable and had more fantastic things than the first one. How can anyone say this is Witchcraft?

It was also quite scary (do little children freak out?) and a nail-biter. As with the first movie, someone who you trust turns out to be thoroughly evil. Can't wait for the third installment, though I don't know how "dark" I can handle before I balk. I like entertainment, not being scared.

I liked it better than the first one. To bring more continuity from film to film (and book to book), perhaps Rowling should have spent more time developing Jenny Weasley's character in the first book, since she plays a much bigger role in the second one. Also, introduce "Moaning Myrtle" in the first book. It would make her inclusion as a major character in the second book a bit more personal.

The filming was great. Awesome special effects. I especially loved it when the Chamber of Secrets opened. That was such an awesome scene.

Two more for the bathroom...

Two women have moved into the middle and back rooms this week. I'm terrible with names, but there's now three of us sharing the bathroom up here. :-p Not too happy about that, but oh well. I really need to get my own place, just me and my cats.

The Betta Version

Yesterday I bought a Betta fish at a pet store. I thought it might entertain the babies. That it's done. It's a beautiful purple male Betta that I've decided to name Frodo. The little aquarium it came in has a lid with vents, and looked sturdy enough that it might not tip over.

But I was wrong about the tipping over. Last night I placed it on the windowsill by my bed, and Xena manged to tip it over, spilling about half the water all over my bed. It was only 6 a.m., so I placed the fish in the bathroom, wrapped myself in my comforter, and went back to sleep.

Bay To Breakers, take 3

And here's the
pictures of the race, all ready to view. I threw this together fast. I may make minor changes.

Bay To Breakers, take 2

Well, I completed the course in about 1:54 yesterday. Official time (because it takes time to get across the start line) was 1:58. The extra weight I have, and the desire to take pictures to post here, slowed me down. I didn't push myself very hard, and just run-walked most of the course.

I'm very sore. I'll feel better tomorrow. I slept about 14 hours last night, getting lots of sleep to recover.

Bay To Breakers

Ever since I first saw the race on TV the year Mom and I moved to California, I wanted to run in it. Once again, for about the 10th time, I am. My shoulders are tight - that will significantly slow me down. :( Time to see the chiropractor again. I'll tell about the race here later. Currently, it's only 5:30 a.m. and I'm just getting ready for it (8 a.m. start in downtown San Francisco). The race/fun run/walk goes from the downtown (near the bay) out to the Great Highway (near where the ocean waves break). It's 12k - 7.49 miles.

Wish me luck everyone!

Salt and Pepper and Weirdos

This has happened twice in the last two days now, and I've decided I mustorder some pepper spray.

Wednesday night I was waiting for my bus at the Eastmont Transit Center. It's well lit, near a police station, there's always people around - it should be a safe place, even at 11:30 at night.

Well, some psychotic black guy came up to me, saying something about "white women," and lightly bapped me on the head with his fist. He talked the whole time, so I couldn't say anything if I wanted. He departed daring me to call the cops. I just sat there - he was clearly delusional and in need to psychiatric help.

He came back several minutes later, and this time I was ready. I pulled out the latest Left Behind book, Armageddon - the only book I had that was hardcover - and when he came up to me, I threatened him with the book. He threatened to beat me up if I hit him, but he backed off and walked away so that wasn't necessary.

I ordered the pepper spray online the following day (Thursday).

When I got to the transit center Thursday night, I was approached by a Puerto Rican guy (he told me he was) who was clearly quite drunk. He kept saying what sounded like "salam," and at first I thought it might be a Muslim greeting, so I told him I wasn't Muslim. I still have no idea what he meant, but as time went on it was clear that it wasn't Arabic and he wasn't Muslim.

It will be nice to get some pepper spray to protect me from these weirdos.

Pagan Acquaintances

If this happens one more time I swear I will go crazy. Although I do believe that yesterday's incident will be the last.

Yes, I ran into yet ANOTHER old Pagan acquaintance. The Bay Area must be smaller than it seems. I forget the lady's name now. I ran into her on the Muni bus in SF. I know her from the days I was involved with CUUPs at the UU church. Back then we called our group P.I.G. - the Pagan Interest Group. Today, however, she told me that some people had protested the use of a pig as a symbol. Honestly, it never bothered me. I thought it was cute. We had a little sign outside the room we met it with a little pink pig on it. She said they are now called the Pagan Interest Circle.

I gave her my business card, and since she was staring at my shirt (why do I always run into these people when wearing my D t-shirt?), I scribbled the Web addy for the main site on the back. She invited me to a ritual next Saturday, but could tell from the way I smiled and the business card that I wasn't interested. I thanked her for asking anyway.

Depending on how you look at it, this is the third or fourth incident since just before Easter:

Dale at the Episcopal church
Lezlie on e-mail
Artemesia on the AC Transit bus
the UU lady on the Muni bus

God's Gifts

Spiritual gifts test: http://www.elmertowns.com/spiritual_gifts_test/

Your Spiritual Gifts

Gift Measure of Spiritual Gift Score

prophet
79
helper
75
exhorter
68
giver
66
mercy shower
50
administrator
50
teacher
43
shepherd
35
evangelist
26

Your highest gift
PROPHET: That special ability to see the influence of evil as did the Old Testament prophets and warn God¹s people of its damage. The prophet has a deep passion to defend God¹s reputation, stand for issues. She uses negative motivation, i.e., "thus saith the Lord ..." (I Cor. 12:10,28; Eph. 4:11-15; Rom. 12:6).

Re-birth-day

From an e-mail to a friend:

Hi Charles,

Just wanted to be able to share with you that today is my seventh [spiritual] birthday! :) Can you believe it? It doesn't seem like seven years since that Friday night on the phone with you.

For some reason, seven years seems like more of a milestone than five. I don't know, Charles - words are so inadaquate to try to recapture that day. I only know that everything changed for me that night.

I guess I don't have words. Just thank you for your sacrifices for me, and celebrate this day with me. :)

More on INDirectTV, take 3

Well, no sooner do I post that than Lou pounces on me about the remainder of the rent, which I do owe, and would have been happy to write him a check right then and there. But no. He needs cash because checks take time to clear. He wants to take me to the bank tomorrow to withdraw the money. I didn't try to explain the Sabbath concept and how I don't like to handle money and so forth because I know he wouldn't understand. He doesn't have the Holy Spirit and, like most intellectuals, thinks he knows more about the Bible and Jesus than any conservative. No, he wouldn't understand and would probably blame me for not getting him the cash earlier. Lord, forgive me for having to handle money tomorrow. Please get me OUT of this situation and into a better one, a studio apartment, a nice one that I like and will accept my cats, and where the owner will accept a CHECK each month.

And oh yeah, if I pay by check, he wants the money on the 15th from now on, so that it can clear by the 20th so he can pay all his back bills. L-O-S-E-R! [screams and runs away]

More on INDirectTV

Well, the fix-it guy showed up and found the cause - the cable had been unscrewed and disconnected. He told me confidentially that it was deliberate. Lou's cable was loose. Lou called them about charging me for it and they said no charge, I was still under warrentee. (Finally, the guy does something useful!) The tech said whoever had installed it had done a lousy job and it needs a lot more work. Anyway, that's the quicky update.

More on INDirectTV

X-Satellite got back to me yesterday and told me I was not under warentee anymore. (Dish warentees only last a month.) The DirectTV technician was supposed to be here between 8 a.m. and 12 p.m. At about 10:30 he called to say he was going to be late. He'd be here around 1 p.m. Ok, cool. I can deal with that. At about 12:30, I got a call from a woman at DirectTV saying that now the tech would be here at 3! I complained, as I have better things to do than sit around all day waiting for a tech to show up when he feels like it. I told her to have the tech come by at 4 so I can run some errands and make it back. So now I have to jam out of here. :-p

Yet another reason NOT to get DirectTV. If I could do it over, I'd go with Dish Network or regular cable. Please, take this seriously, do NOT NOT NOT get DirectTV!