Someday
Someday the pain and tears will be over,
Someday the work will be done, the harvest in,
Someday, yes someday, the faith will be sight,
Glad faces turned upward in joy of hope fulfilled.
Then our final good-byes will become hellos -
The grave has not triumphed,
Death has itself had death imposed -
Then we who toiled in the heat of the day,
Side by side or miles apart,
Will rest together in the shade of our Lord's presence.
I have many people I will look for.
Some will be surprised I am there.
I can't wait to see their faces -
"You? You made it here? Oh, God is so good!"
Yes. Oh, yes. Our Lord is wonderful.
And we will rejoice.
Others will be friends I have not seen in years.
I will find the lovely man who led me to Christ.
There, at the foot of our Savior
We will do together what in life we had always done apart.
Worship.
In that great someday the only tears shed will be of
Joy, the only worship will be of
Christ, the only life will be
Eternal.
Someday, my friend, we will meet and greet,
Live and love,
Joy and delight,
At the foot of
Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Wednesday, June 24, 1998
Thursday, April 09, 1998
poem: Thorns and Scarlet
Thorns and Scarlet
Out of slavery, out of sin, out of Egypt, enter in.
You our God and You our stay, You our Savior light the way.
Blood of lambs upon our door, that the wrath of God won't pour
On our homes, but rather save, redeem us when we were a slave.
And then You came and taught in love, the glories of the One above.
You came rebuked, reproved, and taught, and wept with sorrow as You sought
All the lost, too numb too feel; show them love that You may heal
Their hurts and failings of the past, as You put death to death at last.
So thorns and scarlet wrap around, You let Your hands and wrists be bound,
Beaten, spat on, mocked that day, the Son of God our crimes did pay.
I cannot fathom love that fierce, love that would His own hands pierce.
God let His anger fall on His Son, until He cried out, "It is done!"
All glory to God and God alone, the God who loved and did atone
For things that we should have to pay, but for us in love did lay
Down His life that we may live, through the Son He did forgive
All we've caused, pain and strife, and gave instead eternal life!
(With thanks to Shantyman magazine for the title.)
Out of slavery, out of sin, out of Egypt, enter in.
You our God and You our stay, You our Savior light the way.
Blood of lambs upon our door, that the wrath of God won't pour
On our homes, but rather save, redeem us when we were a slave.
And then You came and taught in love, the glories of the One above.
You came rebuked, reproved, and taught, and wept with sorrow as You sought
All the lost, too numb too feel; show them love that You may heal
Their hurts and failings of the past, as You put death to death at last.
So thorns and scarlet wrap around, You let Your hands and wrists be bound,
Beaten, spat on, mocked that day, the Son of God our crimes did pay.
I cannot fathom love that fierce, love that would His own hands pierce.
God let His anger fall on His Son, until He cried out, "It is done!"
All glory to God and God alone, the God who loved and did atone
For things that we should have to pay, but for us in love did lay
Down His life that we may live, through the Son He did forgive
All we've caused, pain and strife, and gave instead eternal life!
(With thanks to Shantyman magazine for the title.)
Wednesday, April 01, 1998
Lessons of the Labyrinth
I wrote this for a writing contest for a now-defunct devotional for high school and college students called Campus Journal. What has replaced it is Our Journey, a devotional available by paid subscription only. It was put out by RBC Ministries, and is now published by Walk in the Word.
This was written sometime in the Spring of 1998, so I'm sticking it here as a rough guess.
Here's the other contest entry I wrote.
----------
Read: Psalm 46
Verse: "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." --Proverbs 3:5
In Vacaville, California there is a huge maze called the Wooz. The point is to get through it, hitting each of the four towers, in a certain amount of time. It's tricky because it's so easy to get lost, backtrack the wrong direction, or otherwise wander aimlessly.
Sometimes our lives seem like a maze, and at those times it can be difficult to trust God. Your boyfriend breaks up with you, you don't get the classes you want, you're turned down for the perfect job. The medieval symbol of the labyrinth offers insight into these contemporary problems.
I walked a labyrinth once. It showed me things about life and trusting God.
It might seem that, like the Wooz, your life is a maze right now, but rest assured that if you are a Christian you are on a journey that ends at only one place - Jesus. Will you take the challenge and trust Him in the storms of your life today?
Reflection
Do I feel lost in a maze, or safely on the labyrinth's path with Christ?
How has God showed His love for me? Is that a love I can trust with my life?
In what areas of my life am I having difficulty trusting God? How can I begin to trust Him today?
This was written sometime in the Spring of 1998, so I'm sticking it here as a rough guess.
Here's the other contest entry I wrote.
Read: Psalm 46
Verse: "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." --Proverbs 3:5
In Vacaville, California there is a huge maze called the Wooz. The point is to get through it, hitting each of the four towers, in a certain amount of time. It's tricky because it's so easy to get lost, backtrack the wrong direction, or otherwise wander aimlessly.
Sometimes our lives seem like a maze, and at those times it can be difficult to trust God. Your boyfriend breaks up with you, you don't get the classes you want, you're turned down for the perfect job. The medieval symbol of the labyrinth offers insight into these contemporary problems.
I walked a labyrinth once. It showed me things about life and trusting God.
- The labyrinth I walked had no dead ends, no way to get lost. In this way, it differed from the Wooz. Christ at the center was the only and inevitable conclusion. Once Christ finds us we can't be lost again (John 10:28).
- The room was dark and votive candles let the path. Sometimes our lives seem dark, but when we trust God we are given enough light to know the next step, and the next.
- When life's pathways twist and turn and we can't see very far ahead, we need to remember that God is with us in our struggles. He cares. He can see the big picture. He has plans for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11).
It might seem that, like the Wooz, your life is a maze right now, but rest assured that if you are a Christian you are on a journey that ends at only one place - Jesus. Will you take the challenge and trust Him in the storms of your life today?
Reflection
Do I feel lost in a maze, or safely on the labyrinth's path with Christ?
How has God showed His love for me? Is that a love I can trust with my life?
In what areas of my life am I having difficulty trusting God? How can I begin to trust Him today?
Friday, March 27, 1998
Hired at Family Radio
I'm writing this way after the fact, but this is just a "placeholder" post so that I know what day I was hired at Family Radio. I talked to Louise downstairs and she said it was March 27, 1998. :)
Saturday, March 07, 1998
poem: Evangelism
Evangelism
Lives of quiet desperation, crying for a sure salvation.
Darkened hearts and darkened thoughts, knowing not what should be sought.
They stumble in an aimless maze, afraid to peer through holy haze.
They live and work and die in vain, never knowing One who came
To save from sin and pain and woe, defeating Satan's final blow.
Surely I am not this bad, surely my state not so sad!
But at the cross I kneel and see, any sin's too much for Thee.
I have hurt and sinned and lied; You have loved so You have died
For everyone upon this earth, offering a second birth.
Touch me, Lord, and heal my sin; bow my heart and enter in.
Lives of quiet desperation, crying for a sure salvation.
Darkened hearts and darkened thoughts, knowing not what should be sought.
They stumble in an aimless maze, afraid to peer through holy haze.
They live and work and die in vain, never knowing One who came
To save from sin and pain and woe, defeating Satan's final blow.
Surely I am not this bad, surely my state not so sad!
But at the cross I kneel and see, any sin's too much for Thee.
I have hurt and sinned and lied; You have loved so You have died
For everyone upon this earth, offering a second birth.
Touch me, Lord, and heal my sin; bow my heart and enter in.
Wednesday, February 11, 1998
poem: Psalm
{Later note: I wrote this after being laid off from my job at the college bookstore, a job I actually liked. It was a temporary job, but everyone knew that a few lucky people would get to stay, and I prayed that I'd be one of them. Instead, after making it through the first round of layoffs, I was caught in the second, and had to go back to my old job at McDonald's, which I hated.
What I didn't know at the time--had no way of knowing--was that if I had gotten a permanent position at the bookstore, it would have been very difficult, if not impossible, to transition into my job at Family Radio. They would have fired me. McDonald's, desperate as they are for help, would not fire me, and put up with all of my "I can't come to work tomorrow because my other job wants me" shenanigans. It was only with hindsight that I could see it was God's goodness that I was laid off from the bookstore. However, I wrote this before I knew all that.}
Psalm
Yet I will praise Him...
Though my life changes
And hope is crushed,
Though He gives only to take,
Though dreams are shattered
By nightmare's dark ride,
Yet I will praise Him.
Though darkness' flood overwhelms
And I drown in despair,
Though God's gentle hand becomes rough
And I am crushed under the weight,
Though only starlight lights the path
And the sun has fled,
Yet I will praise Him.
Though friends be far and will not talk
So that I must cry alone,
Though my thoughts tell me all is lost
And dark voices assail my ears,
Though God's hand seems to be against me
And trust is tested,
Yet I will praise Him.
For this I call to mind:
His mighty deeds for my ancestors,
His past mercies toward me,
And most of all, His grace revealed in
Salvation.
For though even life has lost its appeal,
I will rejoice in my salvation
Which cannot be lost like a job,
Or trampled underfoot like hope,
But shall remain.
So, though all seems lost,
Yet I will praise Him
For my redemption through Christ's blood.
Yes, I will praise Him.
What I didn't know at the time--had no way of knowing--was that if I had gotten a permanent position at the bookstore, it would have been very difficult, if not impossible, to transition into my job at Family Radio. They would have fired me. McDonald's, desperate as they are for help, would not fire me, and put up with all of my "I can't come to work tomorrow because my other job wants me" shenanigans. It was only with hindsight that I could see it was God's goodness that I was laid off from the bookstore. However, I wrote this before I knew all that.}
Psalm
Yet I will praise Him...
Though my life changes
And hope is crushed,
Though He gives only to take,
Though dreams are shattered
By nightmare's dark ride,
Yet I will praise Him.
Though darkness' flood overwhelms
And I drown in despair,
Though God's gentle hand becomes rough
And I am crushed under the weight,
Though only starlight lights the path
And the sun has fled,
Yet I will praise Him.
Though friends be far and will not talk
So that I must cry alone,
Though my thoughts tell me all is lost
And dark voices assail my ears,
Though God's hand seems to be against me
And trust is tested,
Yet I will praise Him.
For this I call to mind:
His mighty deeds for my ancestors,
His past mercies toward me,
And most of all, His grace revealed in
Salvation.
For though even life has lost its appeal,
I will rejoice in my salvation
Which cannot be lost like a job,
Or trampled underfoot like hope,
But shall remain.
So, though all seems lost,
Yet I will praise Him
For my redemption through Christ's blood.
Yes, I will praise Him.
Friday, December 05, 1997
poem: Yesterday's Wine
{Later note: Coming down from the high of the Billy Graham Crusade, I found myself in much the same place spiritually as before, yet with a love for God in my heart I had not known before.}
Yesterday's Wine
I tasted tomorrow,
The food of heaven, the wine of the Lord.
I woke up, gazing anew in Your eyes,
Seeing You for the millionth time, yet the first.
Waking from the dream of my own desires,
To who I am in You, who I can be with Your help.
Lord, why have You given me this,
Blessed me with these gifts?
I who profane Your name with my disobedience,
Spurn Your love with my self-sufficiency.
How can You love when I return hate?
How can You, why do You, love me?
Like Camelot, the gift fell through my fingers like sand,
Fading as reality fades into a dream, like falling back asleep.
But there is a new purpose in my heart, a love not beating there before because
I tasted tomorrow.
Yet now I find myself empty,
Drinking the bitter dregs of the wine of yesterday.
Yesterday's Wine
I tasted tomorrow,
The food of heaven, the wine of the Lord.
I woke up, gazing anew in Your eyes,
Seeing You for the millionth time, yet the first.
Waking from the dream of my own desires,
To who I am in You, who I can be with Your help.
Lord, why have You given me this,
Blessed me with these gifts?
I who profane Your name with my disobedience,
Spurn Your love with my self-sufficiency.
How can You love when I return hate?
How can You, why do You, love me?
Like Camelot, the gift fell through my fingers like sand,
Fading as reality fades into a dream, like falling back asleep.
But there is a new purpose in my heart, a love not beating there before because
I tasted tomorrow.
Yet now I find myself empty,
Drinking the bitter dregs of the wine of yesterday.
Monday, August 25, 1997
poem: Heartsong - For My Dad
Heartsong--For My Dad
This book of fairy tales to you, a book of truth to me,
Full of hopeful promises of all that I can be.
Promises, yes promises, this thing, yes it is sure,
His aspirations and His love are beautiful and pure.
Chorus:
Lord God draw him near to You, as You did so with me,
Open his eyes, open his heart, and cause him now to see
That there is life after death, for salvation only one Name,
Jesus, yes Jesus, our only Redeemer, now and forever the same.
Yes, Dad, this "pack of lies" to you, is truth to friends and I,
Calling me out from myself, and calling self to die.
This book was written by "ignorant men"--that's what you have said,
There is no truth contained within; God's Word, yes, it is dead.
Chorus
The prophets, kings, and heroes, looked forward to the One,
They prophesied and promised a time that was to come
When truth and fiction would collide--all people then would know
Whose word would stand in this land, and death would be laid low.
Chorus
Daddy, I can't make you know, or force you now to see
That God's Word lives on within my heart--it's at the core of me.
I wait in living hope for you; I wait in living fear
That you would come to know the One, and He would draw you near.
Final Chorus:
Lord God draw him near to You, as You did so with me,
Open his eyes, open his heart, and cause him now to see
That there is life after death, for salvation only one Name,
Jesus, yes Jesus, our only Redeemer, now and forever the same.
Jesus, yes Jesus, our only Redeemer, now and forever the same.
This book of fairy tales to you, a book of truth to me,
Full of hopeful promises of all that I can be.
Promises, yes promises, this thing, yes it is sure,
His aspirations and His love are beautiful and pure.
Chorus:
Lord God draw him near to You, as You did so with me,
Open his eyes, open his heart, and cause him now to see
That there is life after death, for salvation only one Name,
Jesus, yes Jesus, our only Redeemer, now and forever the same.
Yes, Dad, this "pack of lies" to you, is truth to friends and I,
Calling me out from myself, and calling self to die.
This book was written by "ignorant men"--that's what you have said,
There is no truth contained within; God's Word, yes, it is dead.
Chorus
The prophets, kings, and heroes, looked forward to the One,
They prophesied and promised a time that was to come
When truth and fiction would collide--all people then would know
Whose word would stand in this land, and death would be laid low.
Chorus
Daddy, I can't make you know, or force you now to see
That God's Word lives on within my heart--it's at the core of me.
I wait in living hope for you; I wait in living fear
That you would come to know the One, and He would draw you near.
Final Chorus:
Lord God draw him near to You, as You did so with me,
Open his eyes, open his heart, and cause him now to see
That there is life after death, for salvation only one Name,
Jesus, yes Jesus, our only Redeemer, now and forever the same.
Jesus, yes Jesus, our only Redeemer, now and forever the same.
Wednesday, July 09, 1997
poem: Story
Story
He let me go, gave freely o'er, to the one who could devour
All I am and was, could be, sinking soul, endless sea.
Despair and darkness close around, hearing darkness, seeing sound.
It was then they thought they'd won, this little one would see no Son.
It must have been a great surprise the day that I suspected lies.
The day I prayed and asked for light, and He began to give me sight.
Though consciously I didn't know why, I knew through prayer that I must try
To ask Him who He is and more--to know Him through the open door.
Though I deserved to be reprimanded, He through music apprehended,
Made me question, made me doubt, all my knowledge sure and stout.
Came after me when I ran, chasing me--the Son of Man!
God of hatred, so I thought; now God of love--He has sought.
Fateful night, through confession, in Him I have found remission.
He has sought and bought me from the one who'd keep me from the Son.
Mortal lips, simple words, yet He came as He heard
Me speak and say I wanted Him in my heart to save from sin.
He let me go, gave freely o'er, to the one who could devour
All I am and was, could be, sinking soul, endless sea.
Despair and darkness close around, hearing darkness, seeing sound.
It was then they thought they'd won, this little one would see no Son.
It must have been a great surprise the day that I suspected lies.
The day I prayed and asked for light, and He began to give me sight.
Though consciously I didn't know why, I knew through prayer that I must try
To ask Him who He is and more--to know Him through the open door.
Though I deserved to be reprimanded, He through music apprehended,
Made me question, made me doubt, all my knowledge sure and stout.
Came after me when I ran, chasing me--the Son of Man!
God of hatred, so I thought; now God of love--He has sought.
Fateful night, through confession, in Him I have found remission.
He has sought and bought me from the one who'd keep me from the Son.
Mortal lips, simple words, yet He came as He heard
Me speak and say I wanted Him in my heart to save from sin.
Monday, June 02, 1997
poem: To See With New Eyes
To See With New Eyes
To know the dark truth, to see with new eyes,
Once swimming in darkness, 'midst islands of lies.
What once seemed light, now seen in truth,
Dawning in old age, setting in youth.
Shutting my eyes against God's truthful plan,
Self-imposed darkness, the death of a man.
I lived in that darkness! I think in disgust,
I loved it and lived it to satiate lust
For things so much lower; I couldn't conceive,
Of His love and plan, yet He did not leave.
Running at night till the darkness seemed day,
Will He yet love me, and will He remain?
New eyes and spirit, new truth to see,
Unrighteousness, sinfulness, is the old me.
Anger and shame, I can't lose myself,
Truth in the darkness, recover my health.
Swimming in silence and dancing in rain,
Squirming in pleasure, exulting in pain.
To know the dark truth, to see with new eyes,
Once swimming in darkness, 'midst islands of lies.
What once seemed light, now seen in truth,
Dawning in old age, setting in youth.
Shutting my eyes against God's truthful plan,
Self-imposed darkness, the death of a man.
I lived in that darkness! I think in disgust,
I loved it and lived it to satiate lust
For things so much lower; I couldn't conceive,
Of His love and plan, yet He did not leave.
Running at night till the darkness seemed day,
Will He yet love me, and will He remain?
New eyes and spirit, new truth to see,
Unrighteousness, sinfulness, is the old me.
Anger and shame, I can't lose myself,
Truth in the darkness, recover my health.
Swimming in silence and dancing in rain,
Squirming in pleasure, exulting in pain.
Tuesday, April 01, 1997
Come In From the Cold
I wrote this for a writing contest for a now-defunct devotional for high school and college students called Campus Journal. What has replaced it is Our Journey, a devotional available by paid subscription only. It was put out by RBC Ministries, and is now published by Walk in the Word.
This was written sometime in the Spring of 1997, so I'm sticking it here as a rough guess.
Here's the other contest entry I wrote.
----------
Read: Hosea 14:1-4
Have you ever run away from home? Have you felt like your parents just didn't understand and you wanted to leave? I tried once, but when it started getting dark I got scared and returned. The fear of the approaching darkness and cold was more than I could take.
While few of us have ever run away from our earthly parents, all of us have run from God our Father at one time or another. Sin and shame have kept us from coming to God and calling Him Abba - Daddy.
God is our Father and He has adopted us into His family. Adoption=redemption. In the New Testament this is even more vividly illustrated. Through Jesus the way has been opened for us to return and stand directly before God.
The author of Hebrews wrote, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).
There are two things to remember. One, God is our Father. We have done nothing to earn His love, and we can do nothing to lose it.
Two, when we mess up, all we must do is come to God humbly, and with confidence that He will forgive.
Make time for God is your life, time for prayer and Bible study. God likes being with us, and wants you to get to know Him better. Talk to Him, and listen to Him through His word.
Have you run away from God? Living with sin is like the darkness and cold of night. If you are tired of running, God Himself extends an invitation to you: Come home. God is extending His hand, waiting to warm you in His arms. Won't you come in from the cold?
Reflection
Am I running from God? Do I think there is any place I can hide from Him?
What other gods (work, friends, school) are distracting me from taking time for God? Where is God calling me to a closer relationship with Him?
This was written sometime in the Spring of 1997, so I'm sticking it here as a rough guess.
Here's the other contest entry I wrote.
Read: Hosea 14:1-4
Have you ever run away from home? Have you felt like your parents just didn't understand and you wanted to leave? I tried once, but when it started getting dark I got scared and returned. The fear of the approaching darkness and cold was more than I could take.
While few of us have ever run away from our earthly parents, all of us have run from God our Father at one time or another. Sin and shame have kept us from coming to God and calling Him Abba - Daddy.
God is our Father and He has adopted us into His family. Adoption=redemption. In the New Testament this is even more vividly illustrated. Through Jesus the way has been opened for us to return and stand directly before God.
The author of Hebrews wrote, "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16).
There are two things to remember. One, God is our Father. We have done nothing to earn His love, and we can do nothing to lose it.
Two, when we mess up, all we must do is come to God humbly, and with confidence that He will forgive.
Make time for God is your life, time for prayer and Bible study. God likes being with us, and wants you to get to know Him better. Talk to Him, and listen to Him through His word.
Have you run away from God? Living with sin is like the darkness and cold of night. If you are tired of running, God Himself extends an invitation to you: Come home. God is extending His hand, waiting to warm you in His arms. Won't you come in from the cold?
Reflection
Am I running from God? Do I think there is any place I can hide from Him?
What other gods (work, friends, school) are distracting me from taking time for God? Where is God calling me to a closer relationship with Him?
Sunday, March 30, 1997
poem: Easter
3/30/97
Easter Sunday
Easter
E very "god" that's ever been wants our worship and our love, but
A t the sunrise of this day, only Christ shows God above.
S unrise, daybreak, reassurance of completed sacrifice,
T riumpth over grave and Satan, this atonement shall suffice.
E arly on this happy morning, all their mourning turned around,
R isen! Alleluia! Risen! Let reconciliation sound.
Easter Sunday
Easter
E very "god" that's ever been wants our worship and our love, but
A t the sunrise of this day, only Christ shows God above.
S unrise, daybreak, reassurance of completed sacrifice,
T riumpth over grave and Satan, this atonement shall suffice.
E arly on this happy morning, all their mourning turned around,
R isen! Alleluia! Risen! Let reconciliation sound.
Thursday, March 27, 1997
poem: Staying the Course: A Poem for Maundy Thursday
3/27/97
Maundy Thursday
Staying the Course: A Poem for Maundy Thursday
You gave us gifts that we misused, You gave us gifts, Your name to praise,
And yet we turned, misused your gifts, and grieve You so all of our days.
In You is hope and happiness, in You made, in You must be,
In You our only hope salvation, laying Your body on the tree.
In grieving You we grieve ourselves, You are our sustenance and love,
You come to us in condescension; glory to the God above!
On the night of Your betrayal, You could have left and run away,
Instead You prayed, stayed in the garden, willing that our sins be laid
On You instead of those deserving - us, the wretched and the lost,
You did the Father's will and bidding - came as man and paid the cost.
They came and took You from the garden to trial, cross, and finally grave,
You bore our sins and our transgressions, in Your love You came to save.
Love like this beyond my grasping, love this strong, and love this fierce,
Love that loves us as we're sinning, Love that shall His own hands pierce.
Love that long to reconcile, even as we turn from light,
It's never too late to re-embrace Him, turn from darkness and the night.
His cup of suffering now becomes the cup of our salvation through
Him who loves us and redeemed us - there's nothing more that's left to do!
Maundy Thursday
Staying the Course: A Poem for Maundy Thursday
You gave us gifts that we misused, You gave us gifts, Your name to praise,
And yet we turned, misused your gifts, and grieve You so all of our days.
In You is hope and happiness, in You made, in You must be,
In You our only hope salvation, laying Your body on the tree.
In grieving You we grieve ourselves, You are our sustenance and love,
You come to us in condescension; glory to the God above!
On the night of Your betrayal, You could have left and run away,
Instead You prayed, stayed in the garden, willing that our sins be laid
On You instead of those deserving - us, the wretched and the lost,
You did the Father's will and bidding - came as man and paid the cost.
They came and took You from the garden to trial, cross, and finally grave,
You bore our sins and our transgressions, in Your love You came to save.
Love like this beyond my grasping, love this strong, and love this fierce,
Love that loves us as we're sinning, Love that shall His own hands pierce.
Love that long to reconcile, even as we turn from light,
It's never too late to re-embrace Him, turn from darkness and the night.
His cup of suffering now becomes the cup of our salvation through
Him who loves us and redeemed us - there's nothing more that's left to do!
Friday, March 14, 1997
poem: When I Can't Seek You
When I Can't Seek You
Burning, burning in the night; crying embers, dying light.
Burning passion in my soul; longing, yearning, make me whole.
Father, Spirit, through your Son, render sinless little one.
I am needful, weak with pride, unmindful of the One who died.
I don't pray and so I fear, that You in anger won't draw near:
I don't talk, I don't ask, that in Your Presence may I bask.
I don't intercede or pray, asking for a better day.
I don't act as Your child; I am yet untamed and wild.
I don't love You so I fear that You in anger won't draw near.
How can You love, how can You lead, so slowly; I am not Your speed.
How can You reach into the dark, illuminate with holy spark?
How can You love one such as me; how can You hear, how can You see?
Father, fill me, lift me up, and I shall take and drink the cup.
Sweet grapes, bitter wine, cup of suffering now is mine.
Oh to run and hide my eyes; oh to listen to the lies!
But He loves me, I must return; let His love within me burn.
Burning, burning in the night; crying embers, dying light.
Burning passion in my soul; longing, yearning, make me whole.
Father, Spirit, through your Son, render sinless little one.
I am needful, weak with pride; do not let me longer hide.
Burning, burning in the night; crying embers, dying light.
Burning passion in my soul; longing, yearning, make me whole.
Father, Spirit, through your Son, render sinless little one.
I am needful, weak with pride, unmindful of the One who died.
I don't pray and so I fear, that You in anger won't draw near:
I don't talk, I don't ask, that in Your Presence may I bask.
I don't intercede or pray, asking for a better day.
I don't act as Your child; I am yet untamed and wild.
I don't love You so I fear that You in anger won't draw near.
How can You love, how can You lead, so slowly; I am not Your speed.
How can You reach into the dark, illuminate with holy spark?
How can You love one such as me; how can You hear, how can You see?
Father, fill me, lift me up, and I shall take and drink the cup.
Sweet grapes, bitter wine, cup of suffering now is mine.
Oh to run and hide my eyes; oh to listen to the lies!
But He loves me, I must return; let His love within me burn.
Burning, burning in the night; crying embers, dying light.
Burning passion in my soul; longing, yearning, make me whole.
Father, Spirit, through your Son, render sinless little one.
I am needful, weak with pride; do not let me longer hide.
Saturday, February 22, 1997
poem: The Touch
The Touch
Sonshine breaks over an icy heart,
As when first frozen, the Sonlight now hurts.
Inside is stone, the result of many years of pain.
She did it, and I let her.
I gave myself to her, to her who could love naught
But power.
So I am afraid, I cannot trust.
He says the pain is necessary.
Yet I fear.
"But the Sonlight cannot melt the stone," I think.
I hide in the rock of my heart,
Never seeing the true Rock.
A form emerges from the Light.
I cannot see Him, but I see His chisel.
He has come to break me.
"I will break, but then remake," He says.
I do not trust.
Why should I, after how she hurt me?
Then I feel it,
The feeling that cannot be explained away, or
Denied.
The feeling so overpowering that I let Him move toward me
With the chisel. The feeling
Beyond words. The feeling
Beyond fear. The feeling
Beyond feeling to
Truth,
The truth of love.
Sonshine breaks over an icy heart,
As when first frozen, the Sonlight now hurts.
Inside is stone, the result of many years of pain.
She did it, and I let her.
I gave myself to her, to her who could love naught
But power.
So I am afraid, I cannot trust.
He says the pain is necessary.
Yet I fear.
"But the Sonlight cannot melt the stone," I think.
I hide in the rock of my heart,
Never seeing the true Rock.
A form emerges from the Light.
I cannot see Him, but I see His chisel.
He has come to break me.
"I will break, but then remake," He says.
I do not trust.
Why should I, after how she hurt me?
Then I feel it,
The feeling that cannot be explained away, or
Denied.
The feeling so overpowering that I let Him move toward me
With the chisel. The feeling
Beyond words. The feeling
Beyond fear. The feeling
Beyond feeling to
Truth,
The truth of love.
Saturday, January 18, 1997
poem: David, Why?
For David Nadel, who was shot and killed outside Ashkenaz, the dance club he owned.
David, Why?
What, oh what, your lot in life?
Why was it so filled with strife?
Why must the meek die by the knife?
And why did you have to go?
The good die young they say to me,
But I don't know why it had to be
That you wing you way o'er the crystal sea,
And why did you have to go?
In its season violence gains,
Until the Lord of all shall tame,
But until that time we have the pain.
Oh, why did you have to go?
You fought for the Park through thick and thin,
You fought and swore you'd never give in,
You fought for the way it had always been
Oh, why did you have to go?
David, why did you have to go?
David, Why?
What, oh what, your lot in life?
Why was it so filled with strife?
Why must the meek die by the knife?
And why did you have to go?
The good die young they say to me,
But I don't know why it had to be
That you wing you way o'er the crystal sea,
And why did you have to go?
In its season violence gains,
Until the Lord of all shall tame,
But until that time we have the pain.
Oh, why did you have to go?
You fought for the Park through thick and thin,
You fought and swore you'd never give in,
You fought for the way it had always been
Oh, why did you have to go?
David, why did you have to go?
Tuesday, December 24, 1996
poem: My First Christmas
My First Christmas
Advent ends and He is born, in a manger so forlorn.
Messiah as a Babe arrives, born to us to save our lives.
Giving up His splendor true, all for us to make us new.
Though divine He puts on flesh, all for us to make us fresh
And new in heart and mind and soul. He came to us to make us whole.
Yes, when time was full God's Son was sent, to mend and heal what we had rent.
When we were faithless, He fulfilled. He was holy, yet we killed
Him in our ignorance, with our sin, yet He wants to enter in
To our heart and minds to mend, far from us our sin to send.
As a Babe He comes in love, fully man, yet God above.
He came down--His Father's will. He came down--His blood to spill.
For our lives He came and sought, through this Babe our lives were bought.
In happiness, yet sadness, too, the Father cries out, cries out for you.
On that first Christmas Day, the Father wept as if to say,
"Unworthy children though you are, though truth from you is very far,
Though I weep at My Son's birth, knowing He will die on earth,
Joy yet sparkles in my eyes, for I know through His demise,
Sinners will I welcome warm, through what begins this Christmas morn."
Advent ends and He is born, in a manger so forlorn.
Messiah as a Babe arrives, born to us to save our lives.
Giving up His splendor true, all for us to make us new.
Though divine He puts on flesh, all for us to make us fresh
And new in heart and mind and soul. He came to us to make us whole.
Yes, when time was full God's Son was sent, to mend and heal what we had rent.
When we were faithless, He fulfilled. He was holy, yet we killed
Him in our ignorance, with our sin, yet He wants to enter in
To our heart and minds to mend, far from us our sin to send.
As a Babe He comes in love, fully man, yet God above.
He came down--His Father's will. He came down--His blood to spill.
For our lives He came and sought, through this Babe our lives were bought.
In happiness, yet sadness, too, the Father cries out, cries out for you.
On that first Christmas Day, the Father wept as if to say,
"Unworthy children though you are, though truth from you is very far,
Though I weep at My Son's birth, knowing He will die on earth,
Joy yet sparkles in my eyes, for I know through His demise,
Sinners will I welcome warm, through what begins this Christmas morn."
Wednesday, December 04, 1996
poem: Who Is She?
11/6/96
last verse 12/4/96
[It was between these dates that the goddess' personal pronoun "She" became just "she." It was during this time that I came to the conclusion that she was not a god. I needed to know this in order to fully give myself to God.
This poem begins with me asking who she is, and ends when God gives me the answer.]
Who Is She?
I was once a child of night, thinking that I dwelt in light,
And yet the God of Light did come, and the Son eclipsed the Sun.
Calling, calling, always clear; calling, calling, ever near,
Saying what must be said for change; moving moving - rearrange.
I call out to earth and sky; I call out my doubts must die.
What¹s the lie and what is true, who is She and who are You?
Will You answer, One of Day, will You speak and will You say,
Who She is and what You've done, conquer Her with Light of Son?
I called out to earth and sky; I called out my doubts must die.
And You came and spoke to me, from Your word You broke to me
The news of what She is so true; She is not at all like You.
She is demon, You divine; I give Her up - You are mine!
last verse 12/4/96
[It was between these dates that the goddess' personal pronoun "She" became just "she." It was during this time that I came to the conclusion that she was not a god. I needed to know this in order to fully give myself to God.
This poem begins with me asking who she is, and ends when God gives me the answer.]
Who Is She?
I was once a child of night, thinking that I dwelt in light,
And yet the God of Light did come, and the Son eclipsed the Sun.
Calling, calling, always clear; calling, calling, ever near,
Saying what must be said for change; moving moving - rearrange.
I call out to earth and sky; I call out my doubts must die.
What¹s the lie and what is true, who is She and who are You?
Will You answer, One of Day, will You speak and will You say,
Who She is and what You've done, conquer Her with Light of Son?
I called out to earth and sky; I called out my doubts must die.
And You came and spoke to me, from Your word You broke to me
The news of what She is so true; She is not at all like You.
She is demon, You divine; I give Her up - You are mine!
Wednesday, November 13, 1996
poem: The Prodigal
11/13/96
11/20/96
The Prodigal
Failing, failing, every day; looking, looking, where's the way?
Choosing, choosing, guidance not; suff'ring, suff'ring, this my lot.
Searching, searching, ever night; thinking, thinking, I stood in light.
Coming, coming, You stood near; holding, hugging, make love clear.
Chorus:
For life is a struggle with pain and with sin,
But all we must do is let Jesus in.
Ask Him into out black, sinful hearts,
Praise be to Him who died, took out part.
Yes now I see much better true; You've known me, now I know You.
Loving me out from the dark, with the Spirit's hold spark.
Giving, living, patient cross; crying, dying, gain or loss?
Losing fear within Your love, finding peace in you above.
Chorus
Take me, take me, offer up; tasting, drinking, from the cup.
Drinking, eating, wine and bread; "Follow me," You have said.
Offer on the altar I; for life in You, self must die.
Praying to You within my fear, sensing You so very near.
Final Chorus:
Yes, life is a struggle with pain and with sin,
Yet all we must do is let Jesus in.
Through Him we are made pure of heart,
Praise be to Him who died, took our part.
Yes, praise be to Him who died, took our part.
11/20/96
The Prodigal
Failing, failing, every day; looking, looking, where's the way?
Choosing, choosing, guidance not; suff'ring, suff'ring, this my lot.
Searching, searching, ever night; thinking, thinking, I stood in light.
Coming, coming, You stood near; holding, hugging, make love clear.
Chorus:
For life is a struggle with pain and with sin,
But all we must do is let Jesus in.
Ask Him into out black, sinful hearts,
Praise be to Him who died, took out part.
Yes now I see much better true; You've known me, now I know You.
Loving me out from the dark, with the Spirit's hold spark.
Giving, living, patient cross; crying, dying, gain or loss?
Losing fear within Your love, finding peace in you above.
Chorus
Take me, take me, offer up; tasting, drinking, from the cup.
Drinking, eating, wine and bread; "Follow me," You have said.
Offer on the altar I; for life in You, self must die.
Praying to You within my fear, sensing You so very near.
Final Chorus:
Yes, life is a struggle with pain and with sin,
Yet all we must do is let Jesus in.
Through Him we are made pure of heart,
Praise be to Him who died, took our part.
Yes, praise be to Him who died, took our part.
Sunday, November 03, 1996
Church Search, Week 24
Sixth months today I became a Christian. I was expecting to go to the Episcopal Church today, but two Muni metros just never showed. When the third showed up at 10:04 and said he was taking a 20 minute break, I knew I couldn't get to St. Francis' until after 10:30. I decided on plan B.
Plan B is to go to the Assembly of God church two blocks from Balboa Park where I normally transfer busses. So no St. Francis' today. But I have to go to church. I've been meaning to come here anyway. I guess I've just been waiting for the busses to get messed up like this. Otherwise I never would have come. It pisses me off because I'm tired of searching and I don't like having my schedule thrown off. Besides, being my six month anniversary and how it just happens to fall on a Sunday, it's supposed to be a good day.
Week 24: Community Assembly of God
Somewhat pentecostal. I felt good about them until the pastor explicitly endorses the Toronto Blessing and the Pensacola Outpouring. I've just been influenced too much by the Bible Answer Man. So I can't come back here. It's not that good anyway.
The sanctuary fits about 900 people, but there's much fewer people than that. Not real packed at all.
The preacher yelled and talked very fast during the sermon.
Why did things happen the way they did to bring me to a place like this this morning?
Plan B is to go to the Assembly of God church two blocks from Balboa Park where I normally transfer busses. So no St. Francis' today. But I have to go to church. I've been meaning to come here anyway. I guess I've just been waiting for the busses to get messed up like this. Otherwise I never would have come. It pisses me off because I'm tired of searching and I don't like having my schedule thrown off. Besides, being my six month anniversary and how it just happens to fall on a Sunday, it's supposed to be a good day.
Week 24: Community Assembly of God
Somewhat pentecostal. I felt good about them until the pastor explicitly endorses the Toronto Blessing and the Pensacola Outpouring. I've just been influenced too much by the Bible Answer Man. So I can't come back here. It's not that good anyway.
The sanctuary fits about 900 people, but there's much fewer people than that. Not real packed at all.
The preacher yelled and talked very fast during the sermon.
Why did things happen the way they did to bring me to a place like this this morning?
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