Heaven and Hell

***For anyone who cares, a silly little online test:***

Your fate has been decided....
You are one of the lucky ones! Because of your virtue and beliefs, you have escaped eternal punishment. You are sent to Purgatory!


Purgatory
------------------------------------------------------------------
You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Moderate
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Moderate
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

INDirectTV

I can now see it was a big mistake to ever get "Direct TV." It's turned into a nightmare of INDirectTV. As I watched TV this morning, my signal just cut out all of a sudden, and they can't get anyone out to even LOOK at it until Friday. I've only had the system about two months. I am so NOT impressed by this. I tried to call X-Satellite to see if I was still under warrentee, but they don't answer their phone, and goodness only knows when they might deign to return my phone call.

I try to take a couple vacation days to relax and see my favorite shows and I can't even do that. I'm stuck on my stupid computer because there isn't anything else to do! Grrrr..... I should have just gotten basic cable. I can't deal with all this without even having had my coffee.

Let this be a lesson to anyone who is thinking of getting "DirectTV" - DON'T!

Which Witch is Which?

Well, I finally saw the first Harry Potter movie. I liked it. It was a little hard because of my past - the mere mention of magic and witches and wizards can be hard to listen to - but overall it was a good movie, and the magic in it was all Hollywood; there was no magic that is the real magick real Witches practice.

I fail to see how it's so different than Lord of the Rings with its magic and wizardry. I don't see the horror in it that some people see. And it does teach children good life lessons - friendship, courage, and sacrifice. After seeing the movie today, I stand by my original assessment now posted among Kathi's articles. It hooked me. I'll have to see the next movie now, since the story does continue. Still can't read the books, though. Doubt I ever will.

How Do You Spell L-O-S-E-R?

We had another blowup tonight, so it looks like after Sabbath I'll have to call Direct TV and find out what the penalty is for moving before 6 months is up. It's also quite clear that I'll have to move, sooner than later.

His newest way of dealing with me is by using thinly veiled insults and making up new rules. The newest rule is "I don't allow candles in the house." Seeing as how he's been fine with me burning candles before as long as they were away from the window, the only motive I can think of for this new rule is anger.

No wonder he has a hard time keeping tenants. He constantly pulls stuff like this. I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. He's a master at guilt-tripping, or at least trying to by deflecting responsibility off of himself and onto the other person. I've had enough psychology to see through his attempts. It must be an awful way to live, not being able to take responsibility for yourself.

More Rants

The owner here is having money troubles yet again, and was putting the squeeze on me to get the rent money early. He now needs to be paid the 29th of every month, not the 1st. My next paycheck isn't until May 1, and I was planning to pay then. Once again, he tried to pin the blame on me, as if I'm the reason the bank wants to forclose the house. He stops short of actually blaming me for that, but that's the tone of voice. I'm sorry, but I ain't going for it. It's not my fault that you can't get your act together. Period.

He said he would take partial rent of $400, and asked if we had to go into the City to get money from my savings. Sorry, but I'm so wiped out right now that I'd have to use most of what little is left to pay the rent, and I ain't doing that. Additionally, I don't enjoy being guilt tripped and told to pay up now, especially when I haven't even had my coffee.

So there I was, sitting on my bed, trying to catch up on my checkbook (which was a couple weeks behind) without my coffee. I paid him $396, taking off $4 for the extra receiver TV charge his receiver incurs. Yes, that's right, he gets Direct TV for only $4 a month. Thankfully he was in the shower when I went downstairs and so I just left the check on the table.

So then he says he doesn't want the check because it takes 5 days to clear. So off we went to my bank to cash the check and give him the cash. (See the cash.) I made sure to ask for a receipt from him. His intention may not be to screw me over, but it may happen anyway and I want to be prepared - just in case.

Can we say L-O-S-E-R boys and girls?

Eden, the girl in the back room up here on the second floor has evidentally moved out. I don't know why, but the when appears to be sometime earlier this week. So I'm the only tenent right now. That does not bode well.

The Cross of Life

Easter got me to thinking about the cross and how it's a symbol of death, yet many Christians (including me) wear it around our necks as a decoration. One of the Easter songs we sang called the cross, "the cross of life." And you know what? It's true. It was a symbol of death, but has been transformed into a symbol of life. On the cross our sins were paid for. That Friday afternoon, 2,000 years ago on that cross, I was forgiven. Truly it is a symbol of life.

Missing Missy

I couldn't help thinking this past Easter Sunday about Missy and how she should have been baptised. But instead she forsook God for her boyfriend and is now firmly agnostic. Satan has made good and sure that she is surrounded online by atheists, as well as her atheist boyfriend in real life.

She does not come to EW anymore because after her "anti-conversion" we took away her mod status as well as her access to the Ex-Witches Only folder. This should be a lesson to us to not give new believers too much responsibility too soon. Too often it only ends in disaster and hurt feelings. It saddens me. If she hadn't left RCIA classes (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults), she would have been baptised this past Easter. :-(

I am reminded of Jesus' parable of the soils. The seed that fell on the second type of soil sprang up quickly, but just as quickly withered when the sun grew hot, because its roots did not go deep.

Dear Lord, help us all to go deep into You, that we may withstand the hot sun. Thank You for saving us.

Cold and Lonely

It was sooooo cold coming home from work Monday night. My EW sweatshirt did little to stop the cold. The light, slow, steady rain didn't make it warmer so I spent all my time waiting for the bus trying to keep warm and not get too wet.

Thinking back on all the prayer request on the board recently, and all the troubles everybody there has realy make sme wonder about the Resurrection. Nights like tonight I feel like God abandoned us after the Resurrection. Where is God? Where are the miracles? Why do the believers - His very children - suffer so much?

At least I caught up on sleep, sleeping until almost 1 p.m. Monday afternoon after going to bed about 2:30 a.m. that morning. That helps me feel better.

The Son Also Rises

Since I haven't gotten to an entry in the last week, I decided a short entry today would be better than nothing. Pardon any mispellings. I don't have the energy to edit tonight. So...here goes.

Christ is risen! He is risen indeed! Alleluia!

This weekend provided plenty of opportunities for reflection on the meaning of Easter. I figure that over three days (Friday-Sunday) I spent about 8 hours in church services (!). Good Friday was 3 hours (12-3 pm), then my regular church Saturday morning, then Easter Vigil Saturday night and Easter Sunday morning services. It leaves one tired but happy. :-)

One thing I realized yet again on Friday was that when my sins were placed on Jesus on the cross, all of my sins were - which means that God looked at Jesus and saw Him practicing Witchcraft and Him worshipping other gods. That blows my mind! And that Jesus would do that willingly for me. Our sin was great, so His suffering for us was great.

Thank You Jesus for Your great sacrifice for us. We put You on the cross, yet You went willingly because You loved us when we still hated You. Thank You God, for Easter. Thank You for Your Son's death, and His triumpth over death. Truly we can now live and die in hope. Amen.

Pagan Acquaintances

For some reason, I've recently been running into old Pagan acquaintances that I haven't seen since I left the community 7 years ago. (I turn 7 next month.)

This time it was Artemesia, a chick who's name I liked so much I named one of my rats after her. :) I got on the bus Friday afternoon to go to the BART station because I was going to little Christian music concert. I saw Artemesia and we just stared at each other because we recognized each other and were trying hard to remember how. It was only when I asked her name and she told me that I remembered.

She probably didn't think to well of my ExWitch t-shirt I was wearing at the time. Because I didn't have an EW business card to give her I gave her the cards from my church and scribbled the EW URL on the back.

We didn't have much time to talk, but I did tell her I was Christian, and she asked about my headcovering. We both got off at the BART station (she was headed to Berkeley to hear a Buddhist speak), and as we crossed the street (I nearly got hit by a car that was backing up - I would have been hit had Artemesia not yelled out for the driver to STOP), she told me that Wicca wasn't for everyone. I didn't say anything but I admit it upset me. It has nothing to do with it not being for me. It has to do with finding something better meant for everyone.

I feel like everything is coming full circle in a sense. Not in the sense of me going back - not at all - but more in the sense of closure. After 7 years I can run into these people and be comfy where I am and strong in my faith. Hard to put into words. I just don't think it's coincidence. :-p

I'm coloring my hair right now, waiting for the color to develop. Red doesn't stay worth squat, but oh well. I managed to make a nice mess on the bathroom rug/floor, and turn my forearms spotchy red. We'll see how the color "takes" and how bad it stains the bathtub. I'm managed to pretty well stain one of my blue towels. *sigh* Coloring hair shouldn't have to be so messy.

Tomorrow (well, technically, later today) I'm going to see Jesse Manibusan in concert. The last time I saw him was 7 years ago. That night I experienced God as love and it got me searching for Him. It will be so cool to hear Jesse again.

Having My Eyes Opened, take 2

I think what saddens me the most is the e-mail Herb sent to me and a couple other people, distancing himself from me. It's as if he's afraid of loosing these people as friends if he so much as says I have a right to my opinion. No, he was firmly on their side. I am deeply saddened by this. I've known him and Ren for around 10 years. I really thought we were closer than that. Only Bragi dared to stand up for me and say I had a right to my opinion.

On the way home I couldn't help but pray that God will help me to forgive everyone. I'm very angry over the whole episode and it can be hard to forgive, especially when the other party will admit no wrongdoing and feel completely justified in name-calling and other things. Lord, help me to forgive. Help me to let go of my anger. Let me see these people through Your eyes and love them as You love them. Amen.

Having My Eyes Opened

Well, I sent the little piece on war and celebrities to Herb and hit "Reply All" to give people a different opinion. I've been on his mailing list for months and I didn't mind the e-mails until all the e-mails became anti-war. To say the least, my opinion was not appriciated. In fact, one woman (she certainly was no lady), Ms. Sheffield, actually stated that she wasn't interested in my opinion. This is liberal-speak for "I don't want to hear any opinion that disagrees with mine and therefore refuse to discuss it with you." She also called my viewpoint "moronic" and employed other adult ways of handling disagreements. I truly feel sorry for people like her. Like a child, they stick their fingers in their ears and say, "Lalala, I can't hear you." (Which is how it ended when she said she would delete any further e-mail. At least I got the last word, even if she refused to read it, lol.)

But this was a good experience. Why? Because it showed me who these "anti-war" people really are. They don't even want to consider that there might be good reasons for the war. So instead, they call names and do everything else to end rational debate so they don't have to hear those reasons and can pretend they don't exist.

This has really opened my eyes because it wasn't just her. She was simply the most abusive one who had the guts to e-mail me. From what she said, there's an AMEN chorus to her point of view going on behind my back. As I said, they are afraid of any other POV and must protect themselves from it. The most common way is to use ad hominum attacks and refuse to reply to your opponant's arguments. They truly do not see this as sticking their heads in the sand. They don't think of themselves as being afraid of debate. No, they are the righteously angry protecters of America and freedom of speech - provided you don't say anything that disagrees with them.

Water, take 3

Now that I've had some time to process this, I realized I typed a bit too hastily in my rush to leave for work. I need to clarify what I wrote earlier today. The EBMUD guy actually dropped by our house looking for payment. This is for the December bill, mind you. I explained the owner was gone (Eden was also gone, probably at work). So he said he was turning off the water, and gave me the notice of doing so. I placed the notice on the kitchen table, along with my rent check, since April rent is coming due soon.

What I'm most mad about is a couple weeks ago Lou asked me for $250. In exchange, I'd be given 45 days to move out when I leave, instead of 30. He said he needed to pay the water bill or they would turn the water off. Well Lou, what did you do with that check, eh?

Ah well, I swore my next move would be to my own place. I'm tired of the roommate treadmill.

For now, I need to snag the two bottles of water in the kitchen before Lou remembers where they are. They were mine, and I'm going to take them back now. I can brush my teeth at work. Don't know what I'll do Friday, but Saturday I can brush them at church. Laundry I'll do at the laundromat again. If worse comes to worse, I can probably wash my hair in a sink here at work. Don't yet know what do to about the shower situation.

Ah well, another adventure on the path of life. LOL. I wonder if I'm doing something right and getting certain, er....things...pissed off at me. (c:

Meanwhile, Back At the Ranch... (Water, take 2)

...I finally get ahold of Lou, who tells me the water is back on. He then procedes to blame everything on me. "You should have called me on your cell phone;" "I didn't deposit the check you gave me two weeks ago because I've been busy" (for two WEEKS you couldn't make a trip to the bank? yeah right!). This guy is a master at blaming others for his problems. From listening to Lou today you'd think it was all my fault! Luckily, I don't fall for that, or play that blame game. Go make someone ELSE feel guilty, sweety, because it don't play with me.

I've decided it must officially be "beat up on Victoria week." First I get the angry idiot gung ho for the war on Darce's board on Delphi, then I get blasted by a guy on EW who's against the war. (Hey, our first troll. We hit a milestone today!) Then the bus home last night breaks down at the BART station, causing me to miss my connection. I got home about 12:30 a.m. instead of the usual midnight. Then the water problem today, then Lou trying to blame ME for it. (Sheesh!)

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. :-p

They Turned Off Our Water!

I'm in shock. EBMUD came out today and turned off our water for non-payment! How do I get into situations like this? I'm just a subletter here; how come this idiot of an owner can't make the water payments? Where's the money? I'm upset about this, and both he and his dog are gone (probably at the dog park) so there is no water and no answers. Grrr... Some people's children! How are we supposed to live without water, and for how long?!?

My first thought was the cats, so I filled their water bowl. Then I used the toilet one last time. I'll take my toothbrush to work with me.

This totally sucks.

Living Beyond My Means

Victoria is living beyond her means. I've really screwed things up.

I found not one, not two, not three, but FIVE letters from my bank in my mailbox today. All were overdraft charges, two had two charges each. That's what...? About SEVEN charges? At $21 apiece. That's $148!

I called my bank and found I didn't even have enough to pay the rent. Ok, I thought. I'll just transfer some money from savings and deposit my state and federal refund checks - $530 all told. Surely that will get me through the next two weeks and pay my rent.

WRONG. After paying a couple of bills, entering everything in my checkbook and running the numbers, I STILL don't have the rent money, much less food and everything else. Looks like I'll be making another trip into the City to transfer more money just so I can get by this month. :(

Rumors of War

I still feel strange about this war - not gung ho for or against. *shrug* And I have one person ranting on IM to me about how Bush has committed war crimes, and another talking to me about Makani and her private forum and how she isn't at all like Obsidian and Otep. I'm getting it from both sides I guess.

The news is saying that Hussein was the target of this early beginning to the war. Personally, I doubt we'll get him. I think, like Osama bin Laden, he'll escape. Let's all pray for a quick end to the war and for protection of coalition troops.

No changes really on my Web sites except that I changed all main pages on all my sites so that the text scrolls over the background. I think it looks real nice. I also put some new pix up on Xena's site. Here Abby plays with a stuffed mouse that I put fresh catnip leaves inside. And, old pictures from before my move, Xena and Abby getting friendly with each other. (The top picture was taken earlier. Scroll down to the bottom three pics.)

Running Into My Past

Occationally, mostly during the Easter season, I like to visit an Episcopal church near where I live. The past year or so when I've dropped by, a lady I remember from the Pagan community has been there. We've never really talked. Well, today we finally were able to chat for a few minutes, and I have to say, I feel conflicted after our talk, not sure whether to celebrate or weep in sadness.

Her name is Dale, and she comes with her husband Brian. She was dating another man the last time we chatted, about 7 years ago, or more. She said they have been coming to the church for about a year. I asked if she was Christian or Christo-Pagan or what. She said she was Christo-Pagan. Mostly Christian, but with some Pagan parts still there. She said God has many faces.

And therein lies my conflict. Here's a woman, attending a church every week with an evangelical litergy, but a liberal priest and congregation. She believes in women pastors and other things that the Episcopal church now teaches. Additionally, she claims to still have some Pagan beliefs, though I didn't have a chance to ask for clarification. Perhaps another time.

I asked her why she was coming to church (i.e. why is she not practicing Paganism anymore), and she said that Paganism was lacking in redemption and forgiveness (I think she actually used those exact two words!). I thought that was very insightful. Paganism denies many things even are sins, and those things that are wrong - well, there's karma, but no forgiveness. Forgiveness must be an attractive option to anyone who knows how bad they've messed up. I am humbled when I consider the depth of my sin, and therefore, the depth of Jesus' forgiveness.

I left church today feeling stronger than ever how important it is to reach out to Witches and other Pagans and bring them into a relationship with Christ.

Thinking about the Saints

A friend gave me a link to a Web page about St. Teresa. It includes a little gem about my favorite quote from her, one I've used often when feeling down: "Lord, if this is how you treat Your friends, no wonder You have so few."

Here's the relevant paragraph:

Sometimes, however, she couldn't avoid complaining to her closest Friend about the hostility and gossip that surrounded her. When Jesus told her, "Teresa, that's how I treat my friends" Teresa responded, "No wonder you have so few friends." But since Christ has so few friends, she felt they should be good ones. And that's why she decided to reform her Carmelite order.

I also managed to find a St. Victoria on the site! :) Too bad I was named after the former Queen of England and not the saint.