poem: The Rock

The Rock
Epiphanies fade.
Like dust blown away in the wind the
Memory cannot be recalled.
Was it real?
Though the memory is gone,
Leaving only the faintest ripples
Of a stone long since thrown, the
Effects linger.
The lake,
Though looking the same to the untrained eye,
Is forever different.
Outwardly the same,
Inside, forever changed.
Something new has been placed within:
The smallest thing,
A tiny pebble of purest love.
A stumbling block to those
Who do not comprehend,
But to me a stone of love to
Soften my heart of stone.

Church Search, Weeks 22 and 23

Weeks 22 and 23: St. Francis'

Who is the Goddess? Who is this Spirit that I have gotten to know so well, only to leave behind? Who is she?! Is She Divine, or demonic? What is Her true nature? Why was She there sometimes when I needed Her, but not other times?

poem: Between

October 18-19, 1996

Between
I want to leave God--
Party, get drunk, have fun;
Laugh, talk of inconsequential things;
Dance wildly by firelight as the moon and stars look on.
I want to live for myself.

I want to worship--
In the old ways,
Listen to the spirits in the babbling brooks,
Pour out libations by moonlight,
Revel in worship and worship in revelry.
I want to live for other gods.

But

I know He wants me to come back,
Worship in the old ways of Israel
As they entered the Promised Land;
Worship in the old ways of Jesus
As He lived for God, and died for me.

He wants me to listen to Him,
Pour out myself in libation,
Revel in Him, and in Him find happiness;
He wants me to live for Him.

Quake anniversary, and dream

Seventh anniversary of Loma Prieta quake.

I had kind of a weird dream last night, and its symbolism is compelling enough to record here. I'll write what little I remember. I had 2 snakes in a container of some sort. I picked up one carefully, one hand on its neck so it couldn't bite me. I showed this snake to another person, a man I think, who somehow got it angry. It tried to bite me, but I had a good hold on it. I controlled it until I was able to drop it back in its box. It wasn't thrashing too hard anyway. I was only afraid for a minute that it would get away. That's all I remember.

poem: Desire

Desire
In the sweetness of the longing, in the bitter of the sigh,
In the atmosphere and firelight, I listen to the lie:
That the path is clearly seen, and the sun shines on the Way,
The moon is just illusion; this is really light of day.

In the decisions and the choices of choosing right from wrong,
I listen for some guidance, and hear an age-old song,
Of dancing by the fire and running in the hills,
Of revelry being worship, an emptiness to fill.

In the darkness of the chamber where the molten lava flows,
I hide myself from myself, and yet He knows, He knows.
In the coldness of the embers, or the pain of iron hands,
He pushes and cajoles me, whispering a Promised Land.

But then the sound of slippered footsteps, a music in my ear,
A touch upon my shoulder - ­She is so very near.
Whispering Her promises by day or dark of night,
She promises Her love and more, embracing me in light.

Yes, even He most powerful of any ever been,
Cannot keep one single one from slipping into sin.
Even He, most powerful, of all the earth and sky,
Cannot keep me, a little one, from listening to a lie.

At SCA October Crown. The spirits are here.

Daughters of Diana

"Daughters of Diana." This phrase "came to me" during World Mythology. We were not studying Greek Mythology. I jotted the phrase down and would now like to finally make some notes about it.

I would say I used to be a daughter of Diana. I was always very big on the moon aspect of the Goddess. I even did a ritual with B. out at the Diana statue in that one park.

But I am a daughter of Diana no more. I am now a daughter of Jehovah/El Shaddai. May He always protect, guide, and love me. May He never leave or abandon me.