Thursday, December 30, 2004

It's almost over!

...and I can't say I'm sad. This will be a new year, and an anniversary. Somehow one year seems like a milestone and closure to an era I would rather forget. Sure the scars will always be there - time does NOT heal all wounds, but time does dull the pain so that one can go forward with life.

Last night I posted my annual end-of-the-year wrap-up (something I do every year to capsulize the major events), and my New Year's resolutions (7 of them, all doable with some diligence). The wrap-up is similar to the Christmas letter I sent out this year, though I don't think anyone here is on my Christmas letter list.

I have a co-worker coming over to my house and we will have shrimp, home made pizza(suitable for my new way of eating), and champagne. I get champagne exactly once a year. Well, this past year twice: I had a glass at a winery when I went wine tasting with my sister, her boyfriend, and a family friend. We hit about 4 wineries, and one also made champagne. At any rate, it's a treat and normally just once a year.

Let's see, what else? With nothing else positive to focus on this year (yes, the year really WAS that bad), I threw my energy and focus into weight loss and lost 40 pounds. Did anyone see A&E's Biography program Wednesday night? It was about Dr. Atkins. Very informative. The ending was a bit of a downer, but overall it was good. Anyway, I have 11 more pounds to go to be a "healthy" weight for my height and bone structure. In the meantime I am developing new eating habits and learning to count calories and enjoy foods I didn't used to like. At last check my body fat was down by about 8%.

I have a whole new group of non-religious online friends that I talk about weight loss with. My main religious hangout now is CH Refugee, a group I have been hanging out with for so long that I'm part of the inner circle. This gives me access to a private folder that only the inner circle can see, so I can say anything I want without worrying about who will see it and spread it around.

I dealt with my first suicide on the Depression forum I help out at. Christmas Eve a man threatened to kill himself. I got his address from another chatter, and from that I was able to get the phone number for his local police. When he later posted that he had just overdosed, I called the cops. I have never had to do this before and it scared me terribly, but turned out to be very easy. They said they would send someone out. I hope the man is okay. It ruined my Christmas Eve, but Christmas Day was much better. I spent it with a family from church and they were very kind.

My church has been the biggest help this year. They have lived Christ in front of me when nobody else would. They helped me believe that God was good at a time when all I saw was a mean ogre God that I wanted nothing to do with. Sometimes Christ has to have skin on to keep you believing. They filled that roll, especially my pastor, God bless his heart. He spoke Jesus' words to me, "Go and sin no more." No condemnation, no "discipline," just Christ.

I reestablished contact with an old Pagan friend from my past. Robin is the only person who regularly mailed me post cards during my two years of exile in Chico. I saved every postcard he sent and tacked them up along the bottom of the tack board in my dorm room. Anyway, an e-mail from another Pagan friend had him listed as a CC, so I copied out the address and mailed him. So it's good to be in contact with someone else. Robin is a very nice guy.

I will NOT be singing Auld Lang Syne this year. It's a year filled with people and experiences I want to forget. And somehow, in some way I can't explain, all the old will cease to exist at midnight tomorrow. :)

My new name, "Stumbling To Bethlehem," seemed especially relevant during this Advent season, but I think if we call ourselves Christians and are honest, we all stumble at times, whether on our own or because we are tripped, and we must once more try to stay on our feet and make for Bethlehem where we can gaze anew on baby of promise. This song by Patti Scialfa is definitely my favorite song this year.

Did everyone else have good/bad/indifferent years?

Ok, I'll shut up now. I'm rambling. :)

New Year's Plans

Plans for New Year's. Brad said he'd come over between 7 and 8ish. I have to bake the communion bread. That should be the first item to do that day. Then I have to make the low carb pizza crust. And slice and weigh and cheese and top and bake it all.

Safeway no longer carries Fifty50 peanut butter! I refuse to buy the Carb Options. It has Splenda and I have worked hard on getting myself away from the sweetened PB. Guess I'll have to buy it online, but I did talk to customer service and they made a note that I had requested they carry it again. I *need* the hydrogynated stuff for work. It keeps quite well in my locker.

166 again today. Maybe if I stick to my diet pretty well I will never see 170 again. I'm praying that when TOM visits, he'll take some pounds with him when he leaves.

New Year's Resolutions

To do one of two things:

1) Either get down to 155 pounds OR Get my body fat down into a "normal" range for my age.

Or both. :)

2) Run the first two miles of the Bay To Breakers race before slowing down to a walk.

3) Do more work with weights to increase muscle mass.

4) Continue going to the gym at least 3 days a week.

5) Continue eating low carb, but play with my carb and fat grams to better fuel my time at the gym.

6) Let go of those who hurt me this past year and give them wholly over to God for HIM to deal with as He best sees fit, and not as human justice desires.

7) To read the Bible cover to cover this year. I have a "Bible in a year plan" already printed out.

A Look Back At 2004: Losing Everything

I might make some more changes still, but this is pretty much my wrap-up for the year.

Losing Everything: A Look Back At 2004

This has been a very hard year, and one I don't wish to repeat. New Year¹s Day 2005 will be the one year anniversary, and I am hoping for a feeling a closure, to leave behind this rotten year and move forward.

On New Year's Day I was kicked out of Ex-Witch Ministries. It had been a long time in coming and perhaps if I had cared to read the handwriting on the wall instead of sticking my head in the sand I could have left on better terms, before it all blew up in my face. I am now convinced God wanted me out and since I wasn't listening, He forced me to listen. Plus, He had warned me before I was ultimately caught. I spent the fall of 2003 wrestling with the issue, and at one point we studied the book of James in Sabbath School - very convicting. However, He comforts His hurting children and just as I don't believe studying James was coincidence, neither do I believe that studying Job this January was either.

I nearly lost my faith and I am still surprised at just how close to going back I came. I tried with all my human strength to keep hold of Jesus, but it was hard. See, SHE showed up when I was at my weakest and most hurting. Those who claimed to represent Christ in my life had just hurt me more deeply than any human being ever had. It wasn't like losing a job; it was like an acrimonious divorce, complete with the stalking and false accusations that often accompany such things.

Into this, SHE pounced when she knew I was least likely to offer resistance. As God was being quiet right then, the offer of something supernatural communicating with me was too good to resist. I craved it, so I stupidly let her stay. It was the beginning of five weeks of hell. Once I'd given her a foothold, she talked to me quite often, telling me what I wanted to hear. It usually wasn¹t the truth of course, but I wanted to believe it.

One thing that stayed my hand on going back to her was that she had upped the anti. This wasn't a simple offer to turn my back on God and play with her for a while. I've done that before. She's always wanted me back, but never with conditions. This time, it was different. She placed one condition on my return to her ­ to renounce the God I worshipped. I sensed this was BIG, and was reticent to do it. I think there may have been more at stake than anybody knew at the time. It was my biggest test yet of loyalty to Him, and who knows what would have happened if I had failed it. God takes His covenants seriously, and trying to break it would likely have horrible consequences.

Finally, on a night in early February I leveled with God and told Him that I would go back if He didn't do something ­ she was just plain wearing me down. It took a few days, but something happened the following Sunday at City Church. I can't explain it, but I walked out without her as a problem. I learned something important from that - the God of the Bible is much more powerful than any other so-called God. They flee before Him.

In the middle of February and joined Curves and began trying to lose weight. I was over 200 pounds, having gained roughly 40 on the Zoloft. In mid-March I had my first weigh-in and had lost a disappointing 3.8 pounds. I was so depressed that I decided I needed to get serious with my diet. I started Atkins the end of March. To date, I have lost that 40 pounds, and am now working on getting to a healthy weight since I have been about 15 pounds overweight for most of my adult life.

In July, 10 days before I was to leave on vacation, I was mugged while waiting for the bus. The man had a gun that he made sure I saw so I'd know he was serious. He only took my wallet and not my whole purse, thank God, so he didn¹t get my bus pass, BART pass, or commuter checks. He did get about $44, a few dollars of the church bulletin money, stamps, address labels (with my P.O. box on them), a calling card, one credit card, my ATM/debit card, and of course my ID. For my trip I found an old ID and that along with my receipt from the DMV when I applied for a new one was enough to get me through airport security.

In early August I flew to Pittsburgh, PA and then got a ride to West Virginia, where General Conference was held this year. It was a wonderful week and when I first began to emerge from the black cloud that my departure from Ex-Witch had placed over my head. There's something special about being at Conference, a place away from the "regular" world where God can work. The scars and pain will never go away. Time does not heal all wounds. It does, however, dull the pain so that life can go on.

I changed medications this year. The Zoloft began to poop out late last year, so I asked my doctor to switch me to Wellbutrin. I weaned off the Zoloft and onto the Wellbutrin sometime in the spring. After a while it became apparent that the Wellbutrin wasn't cutting it and I really needed something that effected seratonin. I asked my doctor for Celexa (it's the cheapest) and started that in early December. It seems to be okay, but I may have to talk with my doctor about raising the dose at my next appointment.

All in all, a sucky year, but the weight loss did give me something positive to pour my energy into. I hope 2005 is significantly better!

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Brad will come over to my house for New Years. I'll make low carb pizza to pig out on and buy a bottle of champaigne.

Christmas Eve I pigged out on low carb chocolate and finally discovered that wonderful digestive upset side effect. I'd never experienced it before with smaller amounts. Gack. It was horrible. I never want to experience that again.

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Christmas Day, take 2

I had a very nice Christmas. The Mackintosh's from church invited me to their house for Christmas dinner. What they didn't tell me is that coming over got me the same treatment as a family member. I wound up with a small stocking full of goodies, and three presents! A chocolate brown full length skirt with slits up the side to the knees to make walking easier (I'm wearing it as I type), and a pair of really warm brown boot that were too large so she will exchange them and I will get them later. Also "Fitness In A Bottle," a water bottle with a small FM radio, headphones, a pedometer, and a "fitness towel" (really a washcloth). Unfortunetly, the batteries that came with it were dead, and when we replaced them we still couldn't get the radio to work. So I left that also for her to exchange. I spent the night and got up at 4 and she drove her youngest son to the airport and then drove me home. I crawled back in bed around 7 and went back to sleep and slept till 11.

As for Christmas Eve, let's just say that calling the cops because someone is committing suicide online isn't fun. Christmas Eve was stressful to the max.

Ok, Christmas Eve sucked and here's why

[Later edit: Names have been removed to protect the innocent (and not so innocent) and replaced by first initial only.]

(Originally posted to the private Yahoo forum for Depression forum mods.) This was my Christmas.


Christmas Eve sucked and here's why...

Thankfully Christmas Day was much better, and now I am back from my little overnighter and back at work.

Anyway, as a lot of you know, "cb" has been theatening to kill himself, even going so far as to say how and when - pills, Christmas Eve at midnight.

I logged in from home, which made talking h*ll because of the slow connection and the seeming incompatiblity of the darn thing with my Mac. I kept getting locked up and having to exit and enter again.

C. (his real name) was there, still talking about killing himself that night. P. came in at some point and we chatted via whisper. She said she had C's address and would I like it. I wrote it down and she left. Bless P's little heart - that action likely saved C's life!

I used Google to find the phone number to C's local police department. EPG came on and we talked and I gave him C's address and the police number. He called the police around 10 pm NY time (where C. lives). The cops went out, but C. told them to leave; he was with someone and would be fine. (A lie!)

L. came on about 10:30 or 11 Eastern time and she and I talked about C. via AIM. At one point C. got angry about EPG calling the cops and left, but came back about 11:30 Eastern. About 12:30 he said he had taken a bunch of Klonopin and Wellbutrin. He told us not to call the cops (a clear cry for help!). L. said the med combo was potentially fatal. I called his local police and they said they would send someone out.

C. said very little for the next 15 minutes. Everybody was pleading with him to talk. At that point his nick logged off and that's the last I've heard. I assume the police arrived and maybe gave him some time to gather his stuff (and log off). The police neglected to get my phone number when I called so there was no call back.

I have never been so scared. I have never had to call anyone because of someone trying to commit suicide. Having the power of life and death in my hands is an awesome resposibility. I'm pissed at C., too. He was serious, but he knew this would wreck people's holiday and that makes me angry. In fact, the fear of calling paralized me and I was going to ask L. to call. What spurred me to make the call was my anger at C.

After that I took a Benedryl, opened some presents, and went to bed.


As you can see, a very exciting Christmas here. :-p

Christmas Day

Failed yesterday. For Christmas Day I ate everything carby in sight. Going to climb back on the wagon today and be good again. I ate a sweet potato and lasanga and tons of sugar - pie and whipped cream and egg nog and hot apple cider and sparkling cider. And that was dinner. That doesn't cover lunch or the tons of Cheese-Its I snacked on.

I'll be good from now until at least New Year's.

Thursday, December 23, 2004


I am so hungry today and don't know why. I just ate all the food and more that I'm allowed to have at work, and my shift has hardly started. I had 3 hot dogs wrapped in 3 small low carb tortilla, with 3 tablespoons of salsa for taste, 3 1/2 cups of frozen veggies, an Atkins Atvantage granola bar, and a low carb chocolate candy bar. Oh, and 17 slices of turkey pepperoni. Why am I so gosh darn hungry today? :( Up to 2200 calories and counting!!!

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Keeping God at Arm's Length

I don't know where to begin; the title says it all. This month is already rough in a hundred other ways, so the feeling of separation from God is just insult to injury. For sure, it's all my fault and I will take full responsibility. God didn't move; I did. But the whole affair just makes me want to bury myself in Perelandra and vicariously live through Ransom. Anything to take my attention away from the emptiness I feel in my soul. Though the book just makes me want to pray. I find the story in Perelandra touching me deeply.

This is NOT me walking away from God. I'm not angry, and I don't want to take my toys and go off in a huff. It's more of keeping a safe distance from God. I hope the difference makes sense. After everything I have been through this year I don't ever want to walk away again as I have in the past.

It's only Sunday and it's already rough. My workout went okay but things are rather crazy at work my weight is up (again) and we had a Christian religious nut on the Weight Loss forum who seemed to be there only to proselytize. I had to put her on ignore. The moderator there finally put the chick on moderation so only approved messages will get through.

Yes, there is an issue that's causing me to keep God at a distance, but after the flack I caught here over the cat issue, I don't feel comfortable stating the problem. Guess I'll just have to work it out with Him on my own. We still are on some sort of speaking terms; as I said, I'm not walking away. I do want to keep the lines of communication open.

Thursday, December 16, 2004


When I started losing weight I bought two belts - a XL that fit me, and a "L/XL" that was a little shorter and barely fit. Well, as of today I am on the last notch of the XL belt, and the second to last notch of the L/XL. :) I don't remember which notch I started on with the XL belt, but on the L/XL I know I started this weight loss journey on the first notch.

New pic

Ok, newest pic. I apologize for the poor quality. The first was taken March 9 this year, about 3 weeks after I started working out. The second was taken 2 days ago. I looked dorky in the first picture so I blanked out my eyes.

Side By Side

Ok, newest pic. I appologize for the poor quality. The first was taken March 9 this year, about 3 weeks after I started working out. The second was taken 2 days ago. I looked dorky in the first picture so I blanked out my eyes.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Personal Training, Sessions 3&4

[Note: Can't find anything I wrote about session 2.]

Gained another 1/4 pound today so I am up to 165.5.

Let's see. Tuesday was session #3 with my personal trainer and I remember we did lots of ab excercises in the ab section of the gym. We also did some leg excercises. Dowell is very nice and stays focussed on his clients during their time. And he pushes but isn't pushy, if you know what I mean.

Today was the forth and last session. He said we would do a whole body workout so I wanted to get it out of the way, lol. We started with lunges up a small ramp that leads to an emergency door. Then I had to bend my knees and walk up the ramp partially squated. That was evil.

Then we worked my calves - both sets of muscles down there on two separate machines. He always seemed to know how much weight I could handle - challenging without it being too much. Then we went to the stretching area and did legs raises to work the abductors and adductors.

By the time we were done I was joking that I'd just crawl to our next excercise because I couldn't walk.

Then it was on to arms and shoulders. He showed me how to use several of the machines, which is good because now I might actually make use of them, lol. I did point out one machine that I wanted to learn that he was going to skip and so we did that.

I am so sore. The stairs at work seem much harder than usual. Everything aches, but in a good way. I had my usual protein drink after, and also added an Atkins breakfast bar (13g of protein) for extra.

Monday, December 13, 2004

God takes care of His kids...

...sometimes through the most surprising means. Greg and Brian from CH Refugee both sent me money, and now Lunnah from the Depression forum (she is another co-mod like me and we have become friends) sent me money along with the pills she promised me. I was expecting the pills, but when I opened the enclosed note, there was cash! Dang. Thank You, Lord! That was totally unexpected. I feel so unworthy. And cared for. I did nothing to deserve this.

And Dad sent me $700 this month - the $200 he usually sends, and $500 for Christmas. Wow. That's $800 total in the mail today. I feel so humbled and awed of God's power.

On that same note, I told Jane this past week my plans for Christmas dinner - either go out to dinner or order in pizza. I was looking forward to it and would not have been the least bit disappointed to spend Christmas alone. She must have thought different and invited me over to their house for Christmas dinner after church. I could then spend the night, and, as Micah has an early flight (a VERY early flight!) the next day so close to where I live, they could drive me home.

God has given me all this, on top of His greatest Gift, Jesus, who we remember coming physically into this world on December 25. Thank You, Father. I am so undeserving, as I know my sinfulness better than anybody. You are so gracious.

Sunday, December 12, 2004

New Goal Weight

I need to get to 155. That's near the higher end of normal for my range. After that I need to work on maintaining while losing fat and gaining muscle.

Friday, December 10, 2004

Base Metabolic Rate

I weighed today at 24 Hour Fitness and saw 164.5! But it was far from a normal morning. I couldn't have breakfast because of having my BMR done; I could even have coffee! At any rate, it's good to see that I haven't gained anything this past week. That's a VERY good sign!

Oh, they tagged my BMR at 1870!? How can it possibly be so high? Certainly explains why I was so hungry at 1850 calories.

Thursday, December 09, 2004

The Good Side of Bad Side Effects

This has been on my mind lately, and today I was finally able to put the whole thing into words to a co-worker. So it is time to share my thoughts here.

I started Zoloft in the summer of 2001 when I was 29 and weighed about 170 pounds - a little overweight but as long as I didn't gain I was okay with that. The Zoloft was a true miracle drug. The side effect of insomnia was gone in less than a week, and within 2 weeks I felt my depression lifting. What a relief! Living in my own head had been he11!

Unfortunetly, it had the fun (NOT!) side effect of weight gain. In two years I put on about 40 pounds without even trying. When I turned 30 I knew I had to clean up my diet and eat better, but I didn't have the motivation to make the changes. So instead of getting healthy and making positive changes, I got fat and lazy. I wasn't stuffing myself; I ate when I was hungry and what I craved, and stopped when I was full. The weight piled on. But I figured being un-depressed and fat was better than being depressed at any weight.

It was February of this year when I decided enough was enough. I was 208 pounds, and even on my frame at my height, I couldn't hide that I was quite overweight.

But I hid it well enough that no one would have considered me obese, even though the height/weight charts indicated that. And my body fat was at 37.8% - off the charts!

I signed up at Curves, resolved to eat better and excercise 3 days a week, and I did. I lost a disappointing 3.8 pounds that first month, and that after working my butt off! I decided I needed to make big changes to my diet.

I started Atkins the end of March. In the first month I lost 9.5 pounds, in the second months 8 pounds, and then the weight loss slowed, but continued.

As of today I am 166 - 4 pounds below my pre-Zoloft weight - and am still losing ever so slowly. I am in shape and can run 2.5 miles before having to slow down to a walk. I recently left Curves and joined 24 Hour Fitness, and still work out 3 times a week. My body fat has dropped about 9% to about 28.7% - still high but now ON the charts and moving in the right direction. I now have confidence in my ability to lose weight and change my life. It's not a dream for those who have the willpower - it's the reality of MY life and MY abilities!

All in all, my life is better. The weight gain the Zoloft caused has turned out to be positive because it motivated me to make the serious life changes I needed to. Without it I'd still be at 170 pounds with no interest in losing weight, and out of shape. It is only the bad side effect of this med that has helped me get where I am today, and so, as strange as it sounds, I am thankful for the weight gain.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Personal Training, Session 1

First meeting with the personal trainer today. We're going to test my Base Metabolic Rate on Friday because I'd already eaten today and this test is worse than a cholesterol test. No nothing except water for four hours before and since I hope to sleep in it'll be no nothing since the night before for me. He told me to bring a meal bar so I'll have something in me afterwards, and I also plan to bring coffee, my vitamin B, and my medication.

Today he just measured me, weighed me, and took my body fat using the calipers. He had me fill out a questionaire so they can design a meal plan. Hey, the worst that can happen is I decide to ignore the meal plan, so I figured what the heck. He had me do some squats in the office so he could see my form and where some problems might lie. (Like when I squat down how I unconsciously swivel my knees in just a bit.)

Overall it was okay and I really like him. The trainer I was supposed to get (he had a meeting at the last minute, but I saw him later) wasn't nearly as good looking as the one I got.

Next time he's going to use some big foam roller thing to help me find the knots in my muscles, and of course we'll do the BMR testing.

Oh, the trainer did my body fat with the calipers (didn't hurt). Curves uses the Omicrom device that runs a current through your arms (you can't feel it, though). The last two months at Cuves i have been 29.9%. With the calipers today I was either 27.8% or 28.7% (I forget), but probably 28.7. I hope he's right and not Curves!

Tuesday, December 07, 2004


Saw my lowest weight yet on the scale today. It's oh so slow, but the scale is inching down. Today I was 166! I was so surprized I got off the scale, reset it, and stepped on again. I didn't think it could be right. :) I know I'll bounce up after this, but slowly, slowly, I'm getting there.

Monday, December 06, 2004

24 Hour Fitness; I signed up!

Ok, I signed up at 24 Hour Fitness today. It ended up costing a bit more than I expected because the special quoted sign-up price that *included* 4 sessions with a personal trainer was only if you signed up for all club membership (meaning I can work out at any club - something that's nice but I would rarely use), and that's $4 extra a month. Still I would want personal training in the future so I decided to go with that. It's $2 over the max I was willing to pay for monthly dues, so I hope I can swing it. All together it came to $11 more for the initial signup than I was quoted two days ago :-p but I took everything out of savings and depostited what I could into checking today, so I just had them use my Visa debit for the extra $11. The rest ($356) I had in cash (also taken out of saving this morning). The $367 dollars includes the processing fee, 4 sessions with a personal trainer, and 1st and last month's workout fees. (It's like rent - meaning that when I decide to cancel, I don't pay the last month.)

I know I'm babbling. I'm sorry. I'm tired. Neighborhood dogs were STILL barking at 2 a.m. so I didn't get enough sleep.

Started on the Celexa today, another of those wonderful anti-depressants that cause weight gain. :-p I hope I can keep myself from gaining this time. A regular starting dose is 20mg, but I still remember how a starting dose of Zoloft had me climbing the walls the first 3 days (and crashing down on the 4th before I adjusted to the med on the 5th day). So I decided to quarter the first pill and only take about 10mg this morning. At least for now, I won't be going up to a "regular" dose of 40mg; I'll stay on 20mg if it works for me and only add more if I need to. I will also be taking a very small dose of Wellbutrin still (100mg a day). I'll remain at 200mg for now and go down to 100mg once the Celexa has a chance to kick in.

Money, Meds, and Metabolism

Ok, today I am supposed to sign up for 24 Hour Fitness. Due to some unfortunate circumstances, my bank account stood at -$200 last week. Therefore, the money that Mom sent only put my back to 0, and now that the rest of the low carb stuff I ordered from the Vitamin Shoppe has been shipped, I'll be back into negative numbers again, and get dinged with yet ANOTHER overdraft charge. *sigh* I'm withdrawing all most everything from my savings tomorrow to 1) pay for the health club ($356 for all the setup and first and last month's dues), and 2) to deposit into my checking account to get the balance around 0 again. I'm a bit stressed. I am eating only what is in the house (no cash), and that will last about a week I guess, maybe longer. I'm trusting God to take care of me, and there is something on the horizon that might help.

Today is the last day I can join 24 Hour and get the special that includes the personal training. After today, it'll cost $20 more and include no personal training. And January they won't be hurting for new members (New Year's Resolutions and all), so there won't be all the cool specials they have now when they DO need members. So I have to get up early and run into the City to both my banks, then back over here with the money to join. It's going to be a busy morning.

My medication arrived Friday, so I found it in my box Sunday. I dug out my pill cutter from the closet and decided to start on a VERY small dose for the first four days. Instead of cutting the pills in half (a regular starter dose and also the dose I will remain on for now), I cut the first pill into something approximating quarters.

This is where the rubber meets the road and my theory on cravings gets put to the test. If all the SSRIs do is make me crave carbs, then staying on Atkins and journaling my food should prevent any gain. In I'm wrong and it effects metabolism, I'm screwed.

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Thanksgiving week aftermath, take 2

Ok, I think I've lost the water weight. I don't feel any lighter, but I can get into my size 12s again. I hope to weigh myself tomorrow, but I won't be able to get an accurate weight until I can go to the gym in my workout clothes on Tuesday. Tomorrow I'm hoping to sign up, but I'll be in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt.

Thursday, December 02, 2004

Thinking out loud...

Ok, I have 2 1/2 months left at Curves. My contract there ends mid-February. I rather doubt she will let me out. She's too desperate for money to be nice. At the same time, I am bored out of my mind.

I want to join 24 Hour Fitness. I've called several gyms and checked out two that were in my price range. 24 Hour is by far the best. I was thinking of joining the end of December before the annual flock of people with New Year's Resolutions decends. BUT...they said if I join the first week of December I can get a few sessions with a personal trainer (something I think would really help), and get my BMR tested, something else I really want. This special is only good for the first week (well, actually, the 6th) and I was told to come in by this Sunday if I wanted to sign up for that. So I'm torn.

Now, Curves is roughly $40 a month, so 3 months forfeited is roughly $120. However, if I had not signed the contact I would have paid roughly $50 a month. 9 months (where we are now) at $10 a month more comes to $90. So really, it's pretty even steven either way. The only difference is $30 and when the money is paid. If I can get out of the contract with a penalty I would in a heartbeat. I just doubt she'll allow that. She'll most likely hold to me every last penny, and have every legal right to do so. Not sure how to pay for two memberships at once except to raid my savings. It's only until next February, not forever.

So I'm just trying to decide to leave now and start at my new gym, or wait until January or February and somehow deal with the intense bordom I feel.

Just thinking out loud...

Christmas, Blogs, and Excercise

I need to get two boxes of presents out tomorrow. The one for my "Vickitim" was easy to pack. April's will be harder. An umbrella and a large flat rectangular object are the worst. Hard to find a box that will fit both.

Our old friend Wolf from ExWitch has a blog of his own now, and he's been writing voraciously. His blog can be found here.

Looks like I will be joining 24 Hour Fitness this month, possibly this week. They have a special deal the first week this month that includes some personal training. And I discovered that I have to have a personal trainer to get my BMR tested. But losing all that Curves money, 2 1/2 months worth...that's like $100! :o(