Thursday, November 26, 2009


Calories eaten yesterday: 1198
Fat: 25g (22%)
Carbs: 85g (33%)
Protein: 121g (45%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

The silliest thing was said to me yesterday in a Flickr photo comment. The person claims I "binge often (on CARBS) because you don't get enough whole grains." WTF? How did mankind exist before the advent of agriculture when there were no whole grains and any form of carbs were few and far between?

No, I binge because carbs are physically addictive and I am an addict. You don't give a drug addict more drugs so why do people push carb addicts to eat more carbs?

At any rate, HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everybody!

Brad is sick and didn't want any Thanksgiving dinner. He bought two very anemic looking boneless, skinless chicken breast because he didn't want anything. Boneless skinless chicken breast holds about as much interest for me as the boneless skinless chicken breast I used to eat every day and am sick of. I eventually dug up some tilapia (a kind of fish) and had that along with the cauliflower potatoes and rum cake, alone at work.

Brad went back and forth with the time. I eventually started around noon today and will get off at 8 or 9 - not exactly sure yet.

Let's see, I guess I have to say what I'm thankful for. I am thankful for
having a job
my kitties Xena and Abby (the bestest kitties in the world!)
Brad's friendship

Have a good weekend everyone! I'll be posting a bit of Facebook while I am gone, and other than that I should be back with blog posts next Wednesday and a report on my trip. I may or may not have internet access while gone, but I should be able to post some updates to Facebook via my cell phone if you want to keep up with me.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The craziness before Thanksgiving!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1148
Fat: 37g (33%)
Carbs: 80g (31%)
Protein: 97g (36%)
Weight this morning: 134
Calories burned in exercise today: 96

I want to get to the 120s so bad! Why can't I lose a single ounce?!?

I decided not to go to the gym today. I did laundry, which will give me Thursday to pack. I walked to the laundromat and back and that was it for exercise. I was running late so I didn't have time to do more walking. I took the bus to the train station, hopped a bus to Alameda and stopped at Trader Joe's for more Greek yogurt before continuing in to work.

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in and pack a but more for my trip. Brad will pick me up around 1 or so and bring me to work and we will have a little Thanksgiving here. Then he has to go to his ex-wife's and have Thanksgiving there. I'll be getting off a couple hours early (around 9 pm) so I can get a couple hours sleep before catching my early AM flight.

I called Dad to say hi and all he could talk about was the van. April called me to get on my case about not telling her when Brad gives me money for the car, and mentioned that all Dad talks about to her is the van. It's not really about the van. It's a classic psychological scenario - the van stands for power and control. He feels he has no control over his life and refuses to accept his current situation. Having the van - even though he can't drive and his caregiver doesn't drive - is his way of feeling in control of his life.

I've been asking Brad to bring my lunch and dinner into work when he comes in in the morning; he's living with me so it just makes sense and saved me having to haul it. It's simple - I prepare a bag and all he has to do is take it to work and stick it in the fridge. But it's not simple for him.

Earlier this week the chicken I had packed fell out of the bag on the drive and remained in the car all day. I discovered it was missing just before he left. Today he left the whole bag in the car all day, making everything warm. Gee thanks.

Things are crazy busy with Thanksgiving and my trip coming up. I cashed in a day of vacation time but didn't get the check until today. I tried signing it over to Brad, but his bank wouldn't take it. He deposited it in my bank and now I have to get the money out of an ATM - either have Brad do it tonight (give him my card and PIN), or do it before I fly out tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Simply fat

Calories eaten yesterday: 1386
Fat: 37g (26%)
Carbs: 75g (24%)
Protein: 158g (50%)
Weight this morning: 135.8 (Ouch!)
Calories burned in exercise today: 181

Today was my mail run into San Francisco to check my P.O. box. I walked down to the train station, went into the City, came back, and walked from my stop into work.

135.8 this morning. Normally by this time in the week I would be lower. I need to face it - my binging has caused me to gain several pounds. I need to stop eating so damn much! My body simply has no metabolism. I think I could fast and not lose a single ounce!

Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym one last time before my trip. I'll do laundry on Thursday since the laundromat is open (thankfully - nice pun, eh?).

Monday, November 23, 2009

Some vacation details

Calories eaten yesterday: 1104
Fat: 28g (25%)
Carbs: 61g (24%)
Protein: 125g (50%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

XenaLet's start with another cute photo of Xena. She loves sleeping on my bed. :) Click it for a larger size.

Went to the gym today. I did an hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio. I wanted to use one of the newer ellipticals, but all of them (newer and older) were being used, so I settled for the stairmaster. I did levels 6-7.

After taking the train I walked in to work, talking to my Mom on the way to find out more about my vacation. What are we doing? How's the weather? Should I bring a swimsuit? And so on.

It turns out the weather is quite nice with lows in the 60s and highs in the 80s. Hello shorts! The resort has seven pools, most outdoors, a miniature golf course, and several exercise rooms. Yay! I'll bring back lots of photos!

Mom is inviting everyone down this year because it's a time share and they are selling it. So it's the last chance to have fun and she wants to share it with everyone. A day or two after I leave my brother and sister and their families are coming to visit.

I won't be updating my blog while I am gone, but I will be able to update my Facebook status by cell phone at the very least. Messages don't always go through, but it's the best I have. Today I sent a status update from my phone before and after my workout. The first made it through, the second didn't. :-p

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Binged again...

I didn't weigh-in this week. I ended up binging for three days, including two days of all out carb binging. I pledge to stay on plan until I leave on vacation in the wee hours of Friday morning.

Because I'll be leaving for Florida this Friday to see my Mom and her husband there will be no weigh-in until December 6. I plan to make healthy choices while gone, but eating to satiety means gaining weight because of the huge appetite my anti-depressant gives me, so I expect to gain some while gone. I fly out Friday morning (Nov. 27th) and back on Tuesday evening (Dec. 1st). I can't afford to miss work so I am heading back to work that Wednesday.

I was up until early Friday morning baking the cauliflower "potatoes," the rum cake, and mixing everything I needed for the oatmeal cookies besides the oatmeal (which I didn't have).

Friday while portioning my pills I nearly ran out of my anti-depressant Celexa. I looked for another bottle and could have sworn I had bought it, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I called my doctor and they phoned in a prescription to WalMart for me, and even gave me refills. :)

I had some overtime on my last paycheck so Brad and I went on a shopping spree Friday after he got off work. We hit Costco, WalMart, Trader Joe's, Safeway, Starbucks, had wine at Zeytini's, and then did some Christmas shopping at Old Navy. Then when did a run through the McDonald's drive-through. Whew!

After we got home I finished the oatmeal cookie dough and baked the cookies. They are for Mom and her husband when I fly to see them later this week.

Saturday after church Brad and I went to WalMart to exchange an item I'd bought the day before. Due to vanity sizing, the sweatpants I bought were huge, so we returned it for a smaller size.

Then we went to Costco again because Brad needed gas. I called Tuttimelon (a frozen yogurt shop) to see if they had chocolate frozen yogurt that day, but they didn't so we had it at Costco. I also had a churro and a chicken bake sandwich.

We went back to WalMart because I had forgotten to check on the prescription they didn't have on Friday. They had it now so we picked it up.

Back at home Brad helped me dye my hair (I'm doing black this time). It's much easier to get all the hair when someone else is doing it (thanks, Brad!).

Brad helped me wrap presents. He did most of it and I made homemade egg nog, served him, and washed up the stuff afterwards. All family gifts have to go to Florida because my sister and her family will visit Mom after I leave.

Then Brad and I watched a Dr. G episode I had recorded, drank wine (I had a bottle of Merlot that turned out to be fantastic), and relaxed. Brad drove me to the 7-Eleven up the street for some fatty, carby dinner stuff.

This morning I am back on my diet plan. I managed to drag my ass out of bed about 9:30 and Brad and I went hiking in Anthony Chabot Regional Park. We did a section of trail we hadn't done before then re-hiked some trail we had already done because the first part of the hike wasn't long enough. In total we hiked for almost 2 1/2 hours and covered about 6.9 miles. :)

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I just keep gaining...

Calories eaten yesterday: 1489
Fat: 33g (21%)
Carbs: 93g (27%)
Protein: 182g (52%)
Weight this morning: 133
Calories burned in exercise today: 204

Up another 0.6 today. *sigh* My body hates me. I wish I do do a 1200 calories Atkins. Then I might actually lose weight. I think I'm eating too many calories and so gaining weight even though I feel like I'm starving and only eat healthy food. :(

I'm so hungry today and had all my food eaten by 6 pm! That's 8+ hours still left in my day! I'm going to try to keep this eating frenzy to low-carb stuff, but I did have two small pieces of candy. I'm craving carbs and don't want to feed that craving with any more candy. There is 100% whole wheat bread and peanut butter down the hall, plus the vending machine has peanuts. I know I will show a gain when I weigh-in this week. Just one day even slightly off plan and my body hourds it as fat.

Today is payday and I had some overtime in this paycheck so I used the money to buy a box of shirataki noodles. They are mega expensive or I’d eat them every day. With shipping included, I pay about $2 for a 9 oz. bag. I only bought them because of the overtime I have in this check.

I also got more Walden Farms salad dressing with their 2-for-1 sale.

My arms are so sore! I think it was the concentration curls I did at the gym yesterday. That’s a good thing so I’ll have to do them again. :)

My cell phone ran out of power! I was on my way to work today when I noticed it was dead. I just checked it yesterday and it showed that it was half charged. How could it go dead so quickly? I sent it home with Brad and asked him to plug it in.

Today I did laundry and got some good walking in I checked with the people at the laundromat and they will be open on Thanksgiving so I can do my wash that day.

I sent Brad home with a list of thing to buy so I can cook stuff tomorrow. I’m planning on making the cauliflower potatoes (recipe) and rum cake for the Thanksgiving feast we’ll have at work. Tomorrow I’ll buy oatmeal and make my healthy oatmeal cookies (recipe) for Mom and Bill, then freeze everything until next week.

Tomorrow we need to hit Costco, Safeway, Trader Joe’s, and Old Navy. I need some leggings and want to see what Old Navy has. At some point this weekend we also need to go to WalMart.

Saturday I have to do whatever didn’t get done on Friday so I asked Brad if we could go home right after church and Sabbath School are over. Other than errands, I need to dye my hair. I’ve been meaning to dye it black and it will be done before I fly to Florida!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Today's temptation - chocolate cake!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1346
Fat: 40g (29%)
Carbs: 77g (25%)
Protein: 149g (47%)
Weight this morning: 132.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Up 0.2 from yesterday. Bleh. My body hates me.

Went to the gym today even though I'm tired. I did my "usual" - an hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio, this time on the stairmaster. I walked the 30 minutes into work from the train station. I'm wiped.

Tomorrow is laundry day.

I successfully avoided all the pastries at work yesterday - I didn't have even one bite! :) Today the temptation is chocolate cake. I don't just love chocolate cake I lurve it. Someone threw a partially eaten piece in the garbage can outside my office and I am ashamed to say that I want to take a finger dip of the frosting. Am I bad or what? I am so damn addicted to sugar!

I brought healthy food to eat - broccoli, salad, and chicken. Hopefully I can stick with just that.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Fighting the Addiction

Calories eaten yesterday: 1324
Fat: 25g (19%)
Carbs: 62g (21%)
Protein: 143g (46%)
Weight this morning: 132.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Xena's pawsI'll start this post off with a photo of Xena's paws just because everything about her is so cute. Click the photo to view it in a larger size. As you can tell I do not declaw my cats. It's a barbaric procedure.

Breaking a carb addiction is hard. Everywhere around me is temptation. I can ban things from my house, but I still have to deal with work. Yesterday I successfully avoided a caramel apple empanada dessert from Taco Bell. I've had them before and know how good they are. I took a photo, but didn't take a bite. Today at work there are pastries everywhere. Someone must have given us several packages because everywhere I turn there is at least one package, sometimes more.

I hope I can resist because I know how bad sugar and white flour are. I looked at the nutritional info on one of the packages and one pastry has 430 calories - for something that a person would consume in 3 minutes flat! I think my breakfast of 2 hard boiled eggs was much healthier and more filling than a pastry. Two large eggs have 154 calories, 10.6g of fat, 12.5g of protein, and only 1.1g of carbs! :)

Exercise today was lots of walking. I walked down to the train station, turned, and walked partway through Alameda before catching the bus the rest of the way in. I wanted to stop at Southshore for groceries but didn't have time. I was a few minutes late as it was.

I've stopped using the "134" tag on my posts. It was originally to mark days when I showed a 20 pound loss from when I started NutriSystem at 154 pounds. Since I am beginning a new diet I'm ditching that tag. My overall goal remains 136 pounds as a high weight and 126 pounds as a low weight. Water weight can easily cause a 10 pound difference from one day to the next. My official Atkins starting weight is 140.2, so I need to lose 4.2 pounds.

The only thing that will derail me is my vacation at the end of this month. I leave at o' dark thirty the day after Thanksgiving (and I'm working on Thanksgiving night!) to visit my Mom and her hubby in Florida. I won't be able to log food while I'm gone. I can make healthy choices, but will be somewhat limited in those choices.

Tomorrow I hope to go back to the gym.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I got a compliment! :)

Calories eaten yesterday: 1096
Fat: 38g (33%)
Carbs: 53g (21%)
Protein: 122g (46%)
Weight this morning: 135
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Decent weigh-in the morning. I'm okay with it, though of course I always want to see something lower. About 10 pounds lower and I'd be happy!

Went to the gym this morning. I did one hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio on one of the older ellipticals. I finished by walking the 30 minutes into work from my train stop.

I received a compliment at the gym today from the buff black guy who hits on all the pretty women. He say my photos on the member success board and complimented me on how well I had done. He said I did the best of all the people with stories posted. (The truth is that most of the stories don't have before and after photos, but mine does.) He told his friend with him to take a look at my story and joked about getting personal training from me. LOL! I was embarrassed, but it felt good. :)

Here's the photo the guy commented about. I wrote the text out below the photo since you can only read the text in the larger sizes.

I forgot to bring in the 2 oz. of cheese I put on my menu for today. I bought an 8 oz. block yesterday and cut it into 4 pieces. I was going to eat one of those pieces today. :-p Less food means more Diet Coke and chewing gum. :-p I also forgot to bring two teabags from home to have tea. Oh well.

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in and go back to the gym on Wednesday.

I send birthday cards to Mom and Eleanor yesterday. Their birthdays are only a new days apart, at the end of November. The next project to to wrap Christmas presents.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Week 1 Weigh-In

Start: 140.2
Week 1: 139.2 (-1)
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -66.8

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1272
Fat: 35g (27%)
Carbs: 59g (20%)
Protein: 118g (40%)

I ended up having a mini binge on fat and protein (peanut butter and low-carb bread!)on Friday, so I don't have stats for that day.

Weight Thursday morning: 133.4
Weight Friday morning: 131.8
Weight Saturday morning: 136.6
Weight this morning: 139.2

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 251
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

The only reason I lost weight is my mini binge on Friday made me poop a lot this morning before I weighed in, so I didn't lose any real weight this week. :-P

Friday Brad and I went to Costco and Safeway. I got chicken at Costco but they were out of romaine salad so I bought regular lettuce. It has way more carbs than romaine so I won't be doing that again and just get the romaine at Safeway. Safeway had sardines (and even on sale - how perfect!) so I stocked up on those, and also bought peanut butter (the no sugar added kind) because I have been craving peanut butter.

Saturday after church we ran a few errands and then stayed in the rest of the night.

Today we slept in, made a short stop at Safeway where I bought birthday cards for Mom and Eleanor plus some cheese as a source of healthy protein and fat for my diet.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Calories eaten yesterday: 1468
Fat: 34g (23%)
Carbs: 77g (23%)
Protein: 178g (54%)
Weight this morning: 133.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 251

Same weight as yesterday. Bleh. My body wants to be fat. :(

Maybe I'm hitting ketosis today; the cravings are worse than yesterday and the hunger is really bad. I'm eating more calories, but less food because I'm getting more fat, and fat is higher in calories than carbs and protein combined. *sigh*

I am a carbohydrate addict. I want carbs; I crave carbs. My body react poorly to them. Most of us are addicted and don't even know it. Yes, carbs are physically addictive. Going on a low carb diet is like taking drugs away from a drug addict - you will experience physical symptoms. Craving for the addictive substance is just one of these symptoms. The more addicted you are, the worse the symptoms will be.

Today I walked down to the laundromat and back, then down toward the train, then turned and walked partway through Alameda. I finally found a bench where I could rest, then took the bus to Southshore and did some shopping at Safeway before coming in to work.

I'm tired. There is so much gunk going around right now I feel like I am always fighting something.

Tomorrow Brad and I are hitting Coscto. Saturday is church, and then Sunday it's back to work for me, as well as my weigh-in day.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Calories eaten yesterday: 1390
Fat: 42g (29%)
Carbs: 57g (18%)
Protein: 169g (53%)
Weight this morning: 133.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Went to the gym this morning. I did an hour of weight training, plus 40 minutes on one of the newer ellipticals. It wasn't very crowded because it's a holiday and this gym services the people who work in the downtown area.

Tomorrow is laundry. Bleh.

It takes most people two full days (48 hours) to burn through liver glycogen and get into ketosis (fat burning), which initially gives you carb cravings. With my slow metabolism I hit that point today (three full days). I am hungry and craving. So far I have avoided eating even one bite of a cracker, cookie, fry, etc. And trust me, that sort of thing abounds around here!

I'm worried I won't lose any weight because my calories are higher than before. At least my fat is up. I was eating 20g a day and that's not healthy, and hopefully that's the reason I couldn't lose. I'm up to 30-40g a day now - still low, but an improvement for me. Baby steps and all that. :)

I'm planning on picking up fattier stuff this week when I go grocery shopping, such as sardines and whole eggs.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Week 1, Day 3

Calories eaten yesterday: 1347
Fat: 29g (20%)
Carbs: 96g (30%)
Protein: 159g (50%)
Weight this morning: 137
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

giving blood at the Red CrossI'll start with a photo of me giving blood on Saturday. I am way behind uploading photos and just got this one up this morning. Click the photo for a larger size.

Went into San Francisco this morning to check my P.O. Box. I walked down to the train station (30 minutes), and I walked from my stop to work when I came back (30 minutes). The property check came so I deposited it. Now I can pay another bill that came by e-mail.

I am proud to say that I haven't had one single bad thing since I started my new diet Sunday morning! Not one single chip, cracker, fry, or bite of cookie. And believe me, the opportunities have been there!

Now it gets hard. Today is day 3, when the carb cravings usually get the worst.

I have also been trying to cut back the amount of diet soda and Crystal Light I drink and bring three 12 oz. water bottles with me each day. I've had Kombucha the the last three days to help me detox (one 16 oz. bottle). Today is the last day. Too bad, because this stuff is low in calories (60 calories per bottle) and super healthy.

Tomorrow I hope to go back to the gym again. My butt is sore from yesterday's workout so maybe I'll focus more on arms, lol!

Monday, November 09, 2009

Fat is up, carbs still too high

Calories eaten yesterday: 962
Fat: 29g (27%)
Carbs: 88g (36%)
Protein: 86g (37%)
Weight this morning: 138.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Xena doesn't like the camera flashLet's start with a photo of Xena being her cute self. She didn't like the flash of the camera and covered her eyes. Click the photo for a larger size. :)

Made it to the gym today. I did one hour of weight training and 40 minutes of the stairmaster. I wanted to do one of the new ellipticals but they were all being used. Maybe Wednesday.

So far I haven't been able to get my carbs down, but I have been able to get my fat up a bit. It's hovering around 30g a day instead of 20g a day.

Tomorrow I have to go check my mail in the City, then hopefully back to the gym on Wednesday.

Sunday, November 08, 2009

Atkins Diet, Day 1!

I'm starting over. I have gotten way off track and am binging frequently. It's time to get unaddicted from sugar again. I started NutriSystem in March of 2007 (this post links to that one). Now it's time to begin again, this time with a low-carb diet.

Last week's Tuesday binge was a wake up call for me - it's time for a change! I need a new start with a more Atkins-style diet. I tried to give it a test run last week after my binge, but I just continued to binge. However, I've done a lot of meal planning to try to make this work. So now it is time to do it.

Original start weight in 2004: 206
Start for this round: 140.2
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -65.8

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 146
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

Today I am restarting the Atkins diet - sort of. My carbs aren't any lower, at least for now. I have some carby salads that I need to use up fast as they are already starting to go bad. After that is gone I'll have less carby salads.

Also, for the next three days I am drinking Kombucha which adds 14g carbs to my menu. Kombucha is a good detox and a good start to any diet. I have a lot to detox from! It's the healthiest 14 carbs you'll ever drink. I wish I had the money to drink it daily.

I also need more of the liquid iron than I have been taking. This adds 5g of carbs a day, five days a week. It can't be helped as this is more effective than iron pills (of course I take the pills too).

I have been off my old diet for days. I ate as I pleased Thursday-Saturday with some all out binging tossed in for good measure. :-p

Today is the first day of my new life! I will break this sugar addiction and lose this excess weight!

The weekend:
Friday Brad and I went to Costco, WalMart, Petco (for fish food), Safeway, and Trader Joe's. I bought Atkins-friendly foods: whole chicken, cheese sticks, Greek yogurt, salad, and broccoli.

Saturday after church we went to the Red Cross so I could donate blood. The minimum hemoglobin level to donate is 12.6%. I came in at 12.5%. This is why I need to take more of the liquid iron. With the liquid iron I can at least get the minimum daily value for iron in my diet.

After giving blood we went to Applebee's. I had my payday Mochatinis and a glass of wine. Brad had a salad, cheese sticks, and beer. We had dinner at McDonald's and I ate lots of other bad foods that day. I'll spare you all the play-by-play, but donuts, cookies, hot dogs, and cheeseburgers were included.

Now the binging is out of my system and I am ready to start fresh!

Brad and I slept in this morning, something we both needed. Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym. I only made it to the gym once last week due to the overtime I pulled. Maybe now I can get back into a rhythm again.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

I am a failure.

Calories eaten yesterday: 1108
Fat: 34g (30%)
Carbs: 75g (30%)
Protein: 105g (40%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 146

First, Technorati won't let me ping my blog anymore so I won't be no longer use technorati tags at the bottom of my posts.

I will be weighing in this week because I am hoping to start over next Sunday. More details will be in Sunday's post, but my binging is not going to stop me from getting a start weight for the next round.

I failed again today. It started with a cinnamon twist doughnut at the snack shop at the laundromat. I ate a bunch of crap after that, but then I was sugared out and am not craving sugar as I type. I had a double cheeseburger (no mayo) with fries at the burger joint next door and that filled me up so I am not hungry right now, nor do I feel a need to stuff my face. I would call today so far a "moderate binge."

Weekend plans:
Shop at Costco and Safeway tomorrow for groceries for the week. Buy Atkins-friendly stuff like whole roasted chicken.

Saturday after church everyone is going over to the Crouch's for a potluck lunch. We do not have use of the regular building this week and will have worship in the dome building next door. Brad and I have to leave before lunch as I have a blood donation appointment at the Red Cross.

Hopefully Brad and I will be able to go to Applebee's for Mochatinis that night.

I will see you all Sunday with a plan and hopefully the resolve to carry it through. I'm fearful to write too much as it will be embarrassing if I fail.

I want to end this post with a family photo. This is my Dad (now 87 years old!) with his new grandson Maxwell, my nephew, born October 9.

Dad with baby Maxwell

Wednesday, November 04, 2009


Binged yet again. It's time to do something drastic and cut back on the carbs and eat more meat. I am so fat right now. It's unreal how much crap I can stuff in my face and how it all turns to fat on my belly and thighs the same day. :-p

I think it might be time to restart Atkins and restart my weekly count. I started Week 1 when I started NutriSystem. I've strayed way off their plan. I try to fill myself with salad, but then I eat too much and start craving protein and fat and end up binging.

Last night, like many times before, I craved peanut butter. It turned into a binge-fest of peanuts butter, peanuts, chocolate, and sugar. :( I can't keep doing this. I keep gaining weight and my skin keeps breaking out. Sugar = pimples, which is why Atkins helped my complexion so much.

I keep craving peanut butter and I'm not sure if it's the fat or protein I crave, or both, or something the peanut butter has that my body needs (Janis knows about my PB addiction).

I asked Janis to tell me what she eats so I can get an idea of what to eat. I've been busy with my food journal today trying to figure out a more Atkins-type diet to eat. Today's plan is a couple of large beef patties with fat-free cheese and ketchup, some salad, and some cottage cheese (another addiction of mine).

I clearly have an unhealthy relationship with food. I don't know when that started, but somewhere in the process of losing weight the healthy way I began to obsess about food and ended up living to eat instead of eating to live. That is where I am now.

I want to be that thin, lithe girl, the one who can fit into skinny jeans, the one others are jealous of. But I keep binging and keep gaining and I am so sick of the whole process. My jeans are tight, my belly distended, and I feel horrible about myself.

I had a 12 hour shift at work yesterday ending at 3 a.m. and I am running on a lack of sleep and a weird sleep cycle today. I'm worn out and grumpy and argued with the people at the burger place when they tried to wrap my plain double burger in the lettuce, tomatoes, etc. I wanted the lettuce on the side and plan on eating the two patties separately, adding my own cheese, and using the lettuce, tomatoes, etc. as a side salad. I have no patience today and snapped at them.

So...I don't know. Maybe I can restart, maybe I will fail. But I have to try or I will just be that fat, unhappy, miserable person who weighed over 200 pounds again. I don't want to go back there. I have worked too hard.

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Tuesday, November 03, 2009


Calories eaten yesterday: 1493
Fat: 27g (17%)
Carbs: 120g (34%)
Protein: 175g (49%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Slept in today. I have to work 3 pm to 3 am today so I need all the sleep I can get. I brought extra food to work. I will need to eat more since I am staying so late.

I felt pretty good yesterday and am worn out today. I had to change my Armour dosage around since the new pills don't cut well. My the current pills I'm using I need to take 2 1/2 a day, so yesterday I took three (hence more energy), and today I took two (hence less energy). The half life of the active T3 is only a fraction of the T4, but there's nothing I can do about that until these pills are gone. After this I am going on the compounded stuff I bought and those pills cut quite well.

Nothing much going on other than that. I dragged myself out of bed and did an hour of walking for exercise and to save on bus fare, but I am just overwhelmingly tired.

I won't get to bed until 4 or 4:30 am tonight so I am definitely sleeping in tomorrow. No way I can get up at 9:30 if I don't get to sleep until after 4!

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Monday, November 02, 2009

Medicine Mix-Up

Calories eaten yesterday: 1059
Fat: 16g (14%)
Carbs: 94g (37%)
Protein: 117g (49%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Went to the gym. Got in one hour of weight training following by 40 minutes of cardio on one of the new ellipticals. Afterwords I took the train to the closest stop to work and walked the mile and a half in to work (30 minutes). I feel good. :)

There was a mix-up with Brad and I's pills. I accidentally put his vitamins in my container and mine in his. That includes the 60mg of my anti-depressant. :-p One dose won't hurt him, but damn, it was a stupid mistake. He also took both of my iron pills that I need. :-p I went ahead and took his men's multi so I would get some vitamins at least. He didn't get my thyroid medication because I take that in the morning and it goes straight from my pill-minder into my mouth.

Today's workout will be my only one this week. Tomorrow night I am working 12 hours from 3 pm to 3 am so I will be sleeping Wednesday morning instead of going to the gym. Tomorrow I get to sleep in and hopefully catch up on some sleep. My exercise will be walking instead of taking the bus.

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Sunday, November 01, 2009

No weigh-in due to Halloween

Calories burned in exercise today: 634

Friday I walked to my Safeway and bought a few things like celery, prepped that, then after Brad got off work, he and I hit his Safeway and Costco.

I fell off my diet in the early morning hours of Friday morning. I bought a dozen Halloween cupcakes at Safeway, intending to have a few and take the rest to church. I ended up eating nine of them on Friday and Brad had one. That left only two. I ate one Saturday morning and the other Saturday night so they never made it to church.

I also bough more Halloween candy at the same time. I pigged out on a bunch of that Friday and Saturday. We only got one group of trick-or-treaters so I pigged out on the rest Saturday night. Basically, it was a candy- and cupcake-fest for two days.

Saturday we celebrated Brad's birthday, which is actually today. I cooked him breakfast and did the dishes.

Saturday we left right after worship and before Sabbath School to see the new Michael Jackson movie, This Is It. With the Bay Bridge still closed we didn't know how bad traffic and movie lines would be. As it turned out it was clear sailing and very few people at the movie. We spent the time before the movie sipping Starbucks drinks and then Cabernet at a small restaurant in the complex. We toasted Michael Jackson. Brad was going to pay for my second glass but I insisted I pay for it because we were celebrating his birthday.

The movie was good, and if you like Michael Jackson's music you'll like this. It chronically the months of preparation for his "This Is It" tour. It will give you a better appreciation of how much work goes into something like this. Of course, it includes lots of songs. Anyway, if you are a Michael Jackson fan see this, and see it in the theater. It's worth the cost, even in this economy.

I bought the tickets online and then realized this could be my birthday gift to Brad so I told him not to pay me back.

After the movie Brad and I stopped at Boston Market for there $1 meal deal for this weekend only. I paid for our meal, not that $1 is a hardship, lol.

We also went to Starbucks (it's in the same shopping center) and I offered to pay for a drink for Brad. He got a tall breve latte, but the girl forgot to heat the milk so he got a cold latte instead. He decided not to drink it and had it this morning. I got a nonfat chocolate banana Vivanno. I love those.

We went back home to watch the Dr. G I thought I'd recorded, but it didn't record. We drank wine and watched a little TV and then I fired up iTunes for some dance music. A little later we reheated the Boston Market meals.

Brad was tired and sacked out. I stayed up later, played on the computer, and had a beer. I got a little hungry before bed so I ate some cottage cheese and heated some soup and then went to bed.

I got Brad up early this morning so we could do some hiking for work. We hiked in Redwood Park for about 2 1/2 hours. I gotta burn off those 11 cupcakes and all the Halloween candy, lol.

Brad dropped me at work and left for his weekly Bible study. I wanted Kombucha to help me detox so he says he'll go to the store for me after his Bible study. He loves Kombucha too (he introduced me tothis brand) so I know it's not a hardship and he'll buy one or two for himself.