Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Week 114, Day 4 (again)

Calories eaten yesterday: 1186
Fat: 19g (16%)
Carbs: 82g (31%)
Protein: 105g (39%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 352

Made it to the gym finally. I did an hour of weights, 20 minutes on a stationary bike, and 20 minutes on one of the new ellipticals. I walked to work from my train stop for extra exercise and to save on bus fare.

Tomorrow is laundry day, so I should get some good walking in.

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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Personal and work issues

Calories eaten yesterday: 803
Fat: 12g (15%)
Carbs: 55g (31%)
Protein: 63g (33%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Exercise today was the same as yesterday - walking to the train station, and then my my stop to work.

Personal issues:
While watching one of those daytime court shows the other day I saw one about an apartment rental and their contract. That prompted me to pull out my rental agreement. I noticed for the first time that I am not allowed to have anyone stay with me more than two weeks in any calendar year without that person also having a rental agreement. I talked to the owner about getting an agreement for Brad. He gave me the days and time the other apartments would be open for showing.

I noticed the other apartments open today with the owner there to show them. I picked up a rental agreement for Brad. I also got him to let me see the one bedroom front apartment in the building as Brad and I are thinking about sharing it. It's not bad and the rent was reasonable (I forget the price right now) so it's an option. The bedroom was bigger than I thought it would be and the living room was smaller, but overall it's a nice (if tiny) one bedroom apartment. It's not ready to live in yet, but could be made ready if we decided to move in.

Work issues:
Boss Jon is on the rampage again. I assume it's another depressive phase and he's taking it out on everyone. I got chewed out for a good 10 minutes yesterday (10 minutes of my life that I will never get back) for failing to follow the protocol exactly for adding and testing of the "Strings" computer.

Every aspect of our life in this department is ruled by two SOP (standard operating procedure) binders. These are huge behemoths of rules and regulations for everything we do. Because I did not follow the Strings procedure to the letter I was chewed out in person, as well as made to do the whole thing over again in a tersely worded e-mail.

Jon of course blamed my lapse on playing on the Internet. I tried to point out to him that I am not allowed online (by his decree) between 5 and 7 pm and that the Strings work was done at 5:50 pm so I couldn't have been online. It did no good - he launched into me for an additional 5 or 10 minutes.

Good grief, he just does not get it! He expects 100% perfection 100% of the time and the world does not work that way.

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Monday, September 28, 2009


I know I didn't blog or weigh-in yesterday. I was too depressed. After two days of eating bad I fell into a total binge yesterday. I don't want to think about how many calories I ate. I went from 127 on the scale to 147 and now I'm avoiding the damn thing all together. Today all I am having are some low-calorie protein shakes, cottage cheese, and salad.

As for my weekend, Brad and I ran errands on Friday. Saturday we did the hike around Lake Chabot. It was far too short for both of us. We covered 11.5 miles in a little over 3 hours of actual walking time (not counting rest breaks). It was an awesome hike, but left both of is wanting more.

Sunday Brad drove me into work and we stopped all over the place so I could buy binge food. I stuffed myself silly from when I got up to when I went to bed. I will do better from now on! No more!

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Thursday, September 24, 2009


Calories eaten yesterday: 1409
Fat: 26g (18%)
Carbs: 88g (27%)
Protein: 158g (48%)
Weight this morning: 127.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 306

Did laundry today. I walked to the laundromat and back, then down to the train station, and then from my stop to work. I stopped at Pac N Save for a few groceries. Brad and I are hiking this Saturday and I just remembered that I promised to bake him my healthy, no-sugar-added oatmeal cookies the next time we did a long hike. I bought wheat gluten (to use in place of flour) and unsweetened applesauce (in place of butter). My recipe for the cookies can be found here.

Tomorrow I'm baking cookies and preparing stuff for Brad and I's hike on Saturday. Saturday we will be hiking all day. Saturday night we will have drinks and eat a pre-bought dinner in. I'm thinking of getting burritos tomorrow and then reheating them Saturday night. Geraldo's restaurant is run by a man and his wife from Mexico and they made the best Mexican food in this area.

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Week 114, Day 4

Calories eaten yesterday: 1251
Fat: 18g (14%)
Carbs: 93g (32%)
Protein: 122g (42%)
Weight this morning: 129
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

I removed the calendar from the right hand column. I don't think anyone paid any attention to it. I've subbed in my Facebook profile. If you are on Facebook you can follow me there.

I went to the gym today, but dragged through my entire workout. I had no strength for weight training or energy for cardio. Plus I'm still sore from Monday's workout.

Tomorrow is the big laundry day - stripping the bed, washing everything including blankets, separating whites and colors (and bleaching the whites), etc.

Tomorrow is payday! It's already spent. Brad used a lot of my cleaning materials to unclog my bathtub drain so I have a lot of stuff to buy at WalMart. We'll do that Friday, as well as hit Costco for salad.

I'm so damn hungry today and want to binge, but am trying hard to control myself. I must lose weight and that means restricting calories and not binging.

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Take a hike!, and medications

Calories eaten yesterday: 1299
Fat: 21g (16%)
Carbs: 82g (28%)
Protein: 131g (44%)
Weight this morning: 130.8
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Walked to the BART (train) station, went into San Francisco, ran errands, came back, and walked from my stop into work - about 1 hour total walking.

Tomorrow I hope to go back to the gym again.

Lake ChabotBrad and I are hoping to go hiking this Saturday. I want to do the Lake Chabot bicycle loop while the weather is still good. We get paid this week so I'll be able to buy the stuff we need - lunch meat, trail mix, granola bars, PowerAde Zero, etc. We hiked the loop last year and it was great. The loop is about 14 miles long and it was an awesome hike.

My edginess is coming out again. I really think it's the effects of the Celexa wearing off, which is why I know I will need to eventually switch anti-depressants. Edginess is the first sign of an AD not working.

I'm putting off seeing the doctor. I won't be able to get accurate thyroid blood tests for a while and I don't want to schedule an appointment just to change ADs. Hopefully the Celexa will keep working well enough until I see the doctor again for thyroid med adjustments.

That won't be anytime soon; in order to get accurate blood tests results you need to be on the same medication at the same strength for at least 6 weeks. I am juggling three different meds right now to get my T3 until this Armour shortage is over. Once I get on a stable dose I have to wait 6 weeks, get blood tests, and then I can see the doctor.

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Monday, September 21, 2009

But it was just one bite...

Calories eaten yesterday: 943
Fat: 17g (16%)
Carbs: 86g (39%)
Protein: 102g (45%)
Weight this morning: 133
Calories burned in exercise today: 348

Overslept because I forgot to turn on my alarm so I was a half hour late getting to the gym. I did the full one hour of weight training, but shortened my cardio to 30 minutes. I walked into work from the train station (30 minutes) and barely clocked in on time.

Tomorrow is my bi-monthly mail run into San Francisco. I should get about an hour of walking in.

I want to talk a little about calories and how quickly they can add up when trying to lose weight. Why not to have "just one bite."

Calorie counts of "just one bite" of various popular foods:

One small cheese cracker (i.e. Cheese-It): 5
One almond: 7.4
One saltine cracker: 13
One Triscuit cracker: 20
One mini bite size candy bar: 37
1/4 of a cupcake: 45
One Oreo cookie: 50
One tablespoon jam: 55
One mini Reese’s peanut butter cup: 55

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Sunday, September 20, 2009

Week 113 Weigh-In

Start: 154
Week 1: 150 (-4) - Week 25: 137.6
Week 50: 138.4 - Week 75: 137.6
Week 100: 140 - Week 101: 138.4 (-1.6)
Week 102: 138.6 (+0.2) - Week 103: 139.4 (+0.8)
Week 104: 136.4 (-3) - Week 105: 137.8 (+1.4)
Week 106: 137.8 (-0) - Week 107: 138.2 (+0.4)
Week 108: 137.4 (-0.8) - Week 109: 136 (-1.4)
Week 110: 133 (-3) - Week 111: 134.2 (+1.2)
Week 112: 132.8 (-1.4) - Week 113: 135.4 (+2.6)
Total loss since starting a low-fat diet: -18.6
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -70.6

Up 2.6 from the last time I weighed in several weeks ago. *sigh* I'll do better and get this weight under control! Still, I'm a teeny bit below the 136 goal I set for myself, so I am not doing too bad.

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1259
Fat: 21g (16%)
Carbs: 74g (26%)
Protein: 127g (43%)

I had a mini binge late Friday night and ate way too many calories. There was no way to log some of what I ate because it wasn't measured. I pigged out and while it was mostly healthy, it was way too many calories.

Weight Thursday morning: 132.6
Weight Friday morning: 128.8
Weight Saturday morning: 133.2
Weight this morning: 135.4

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 262
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 70
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 29
Calories burned in exercise today: 281

Friday I did some basic grocery shopping at Safeway. Then Brad and I hit Costco for salad and then we drove out to San Ramon to get my thyroid meds. They gave me 50 pills for about $50, but I only have to take 1/2 a pill a day so it will last me more than 3 months. I fed Brad dinner since he is broke. I gave him gas money for the drive out to San Ramon and he used that to buy cottage cheese; I then gave him two pieces of chicken I had cooked earlier that day.

Saturday Brad did his spiritual retreat, but his son called him so he spent the remainder of the day with him. After church I went to Safeway for two yogurts and a banana, then took the bus to KFC for an 8 piece bucket of grilled chicken for dinner. At home I relaxed. Brad showed up after finishing with his son and his friends.

Today Brad and I slept in, then went for a walk along the coast before Brad dropped me off at work. He said he was going to do more walking and praying and stay at my house tonight. It's a matter of cost at this point. It's cheaper to stay here then drive to and from Concord each day. Nicole charges him $200 a month to keep some of his stuff there and sleep there. I said I'd charge him a lot less - just something to help cover the water costs of a second person. My water bill is huge enough already!

That's the weekend in a nutshell. More tomorrow. I'm at work today and things are crazy. I have been dealing with Taiwan and don't have a lot of leisure time.

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Friday, September 18, 2009

Member Success Story

As promised, here's the story my gym posted on their "Member Success Story" board. The photo they used is this one.

I’ve been overweight my entire adult life. At 5’7" and 170 pounds I was squarely in the "overweight" area on the BMI scale. I decided to live with it as making a change is hard – working out and dieting is hard work. I learned to like myself at 170. At 29 years old I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. I was put on medication, and while the meds gave me my life back, they brought more weight with them. I was over 200 pounds now. In February of 2004 I was given a free "body composition" test. They told me I was 206 pounds with a body fat of 37.8%. On the BMI scale I was now "obese." I began working out the next day. After not losing much in the first month, I added a strict diet to the mix and the weight started coming off. I lost the "medication weight" and was back to 170. I joined 24 Hour Fitness in November of 2004. I’ve continued losing weight from 170 down to 140 – a healthy weight range for my height. My last body fat test showed a body fat percentage of 23.6% - that’s a drop of more than 14%! I have never weighed this little my entire adult life. I love working out at 24 Hour Fitness and have really begun enjoying weight training – I can actually see some muscles now! And best of all, I am still not bored 3 ½ years later. I have so many choices for weight training and cardio that I can change it up whenever I need to and the exercise is so important in keeping the weight off. I am never going back to my fat self. I’ve gotten rid of all my fat clothes except for two pairs of my fattest jeans to remind myself how far I have come.

And if you want to read the original that the above is based on, it can be found here.

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Thursday, September 17, 2009

Compounding the Problem

Calories eaten yesterday: 1329
Fat: 25g (18%)
Carbs: 85g (27%)
Protein: 160g (50%)
Weight this morning: 132.6
Calories burned in exercise today: 262

Up another half pound today! Whether I eat light or heavy, I just keep gaining!

Exercise today was walking to the laundromat and back, then down to the train station, and from my stop to work - about 1 1/2 hours total.

To make one thing clear - the gifts I bought are for my family for Christmas. They want gifts no matter how broke I am, so chill out! :-p

I found a compounding pharmacy to get my thyroid meds at. They had to contact my doctor, but they have the inside line and got right through. They are going to give me 50 300mg pills. Since I take 150mg a day, I'll cut them in half and they will last me 3 months. :) Yay! I thought for sure I was going to have to go to Cytomel which is $1 per pill. This is half that cost! :)

I talked to Brad and we will drive out there tomorrow to pick it up. Today I got the check for the vacation day I cashed in. I'll deposit that and use it for groceries and use the cash Brad gave me today to pay for the meds.

The used book I ordered came today. It's a true crime paperback called Written In Blood by Diane Fanning. I just finished watching a very biased documentary on the case and wanted to see what other evidence there was.

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Wednesday, September 16, 2009

New purse

Calories eaten yesterday: 882
Fat: 18g (19%)
Carbs: 77g (36%)
Protein: 98g (46%)
Weight this morning: 132.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

new purseHere's a photo of my new purse that came yesterday. Isn't it totally cute? Click on it for a larger size.

Gained 1.2 pounds since yesterday. I only ate 882 calories! Argh!

Made it to the gym. Yay! I did one hour of weight training followed by 40 minutes on the elliptical. I walked from the train station to work to save the bus fare and burn extra calories.

Tomorrow is laundry day.

Last night the bus home never showed up. At that time of night they have only one bus running that route so one broken bus means no bus at all. I called Lisa at work and had her rescue me. I also asked her to take Janette home. She's a lady I know who takes the bus. She works at a hotel in San Francisco. We gave her a ride to Foothill and she walked home from there. Lisa dropped me at my apartment. Thank you Lisa!

Money-wise April said for Brad to go ahead and give $100 of his car payment to me. They weren't going to give me any more money this month but I asked real nice and I guess Dad said okay. That brings the total this month to $200 which is what I have been getting. Gotta buy groceries on Friday.

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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Week 113, Day 3 (again & again)

Calories eaten yesterday: 1409
Fat: 26g (18%)
Carbs: 94g (28%)
Protein: 163g (48%)
Weight this morning: 131
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

I finally weighed in today. I'm a disappointing 131. :-p I skipped breakfast and walked down to the train, then from my stop to work - 3 miles. It took 1 hour.

Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym again.

The Christmas gifts I ordered online came today, plus a couple items I ordered for myself (a purse and a 2010 cat calendar). I'm still waiting on a paperback book I bought for myself.

I asked to cash in my one remaining vacation day so I can buy groceries this Friday. My boss asked me (half jokingly) if I'd considered fasting, lol! Little does he know how little I already eat!

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Monday, September 14, 2009

Going to the wall

Calories eaten yesterday: 911
Fat: 16g (16%)
Carbs: 70g (32%)
Protein: 97g (43%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Went to the gym and worked out. One hour of weight training and 40 minutes going hard on the elliptical (in the upper cardio range)! I am so wiped! Walked into work from the train station to save the bus fare and get extra exercise.

My photo is up on the "Member Success Stories" wall at my gym! :) I wish I could show you what it looks like, but no one is allowed to take photos inside my gym. I can say that they used this photo and the story they printed is based on what I wrote here, only with with the Curves stuff taken out of course. I'll see if I can get a copy of what they wrote and post it here. They did a bit of rewriting of my story, something authors hate.

Anyway, I'm pleased as punch to be up on their wall! :)

Tomorrow I'm planning on sleeping in since there are no errands to run, and then Wednesday I hope to go back to the gym again.

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Sunday, September 13, 2009

Epic Fail, take 2

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 233
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 70
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 319

CelexaI know I promised to weigh-in today, but I got depressed and binged last night. I haven't been totally honest about my depression lately. The truth is, I can feel my medication beginning to stop working. I get depressed more easily than I used to. I've been on Celexa for about 5 years and am currently on the highest dose. The next step will be to take a new medication. I know I respond well to SSRIs, so I'll pick another of those. It will have to be an older medication such as Prozac or Paxil - something that has a generic available. So whenever I next see the doctor I'll ask to switch to one of those.

Anyway, increased depression means I am more likely to binge.

Friday I bought some basic groceries at Safeway, then Brad and I went to Costco and I bought salad and stocked up on Brita water filters.

Saturday we left church early to go to the "Community Workshop" about changes in bus service. It was standing room only - the place was packed.Community Workshop meeting was a short presentation, followed by a chance to talk to a staff member. Each staff member had a clipboard so write down our concerns and suggestions. I also made out a comment form and voiced my concerns there.

After this Brad and I went home. I prepped celery for this week and then had Brad help portion and cut salad. Then we went to Applebee's for drinks and then a bought some yogurt at Safeway. It is after this that a good day goes bad.

At Applebee's Brad asks if I want to go to The Wild Vine (a wine bar) in Livermore. I say okay. We have a couple local stops first however. We go to Subway to redeem my "free chips" coupon. Nope - have to buy something. So I bought a small drink and gave it to Brad and ended up paying $1.50 for "free" chips. I am not going back to Subway again.

Next we go to Tuttimelon for chocolate frozen yogurt. They didn't have chocolate. I should have walked out, but instead I got plain. I asked for M&Ms on it and they skimped so I asked for more. Then I got a skinny latte from Starbucks and a chocolate brownie since I was depressed at this point.

We drove to Livermore. We walked to the wine bar and they have the loudest live band ever. It was awful! We used the restroom and then left. I wanted someplace quiet. We eventually wine up at a restaurant and bar and order wine. This is when Brad decided to eat dinner there since it was getting late and we wanted to go hiking today. I didn't get anything because nothing on the menu appealed to me. I wanted McDonald's.

By the time he finishes eating and having two glasses of wine (I also had two) no fast food restaurant had their dining room open and I didn't want drive-through. We eventually found a Jack in the Box with an open dining room and I ate there; I ended up pigging out I was so depressed and disgusted with the day.

We got home too late to go hiking today, but now that Brad has a car we can drive places so we got a good walk in along the San Leandro shoreline. Afterwords he dropped me off at work and he went off to do stuff.

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Thursday, September 10, 2009

"Community Workshops"

Calories eaten yesterday: 1391
Fat: 27g (18%)
Carbs: 84g (26%)
Protein: 162g (49%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 233

sister, me, and Mom in 1991Here's another "retro" photo from 1991. I'm in the middle with my sister and Mom. I was 20 years old and already overweight. Click the photo for a larger size.

Did laundry today. I walked to the laundromat and back, then down toward the train station. I wanted to take the 50 bus through Alameda all the way to the WalMart near my work, but I got on the wrong bus, causing a 10 minute walk back. I finally did catch the 50 and did the shopping I needed at WalMart. It’s payday so time to buy the necessities. Tomorrow Brad is driving me to Costco so I can buy their cheap salad. I also want to see what other basics they might have cheaper than WalMart. Time to start pinching pennies!

Tomorrow I also need to hit Safeway for wine, cottage cheese, and celery. Yes, Safeway has wine cheaper than Costco. You just have to shop the sales and drink the cheaper stuff.

Saturday Brad and I are leaving church a bit early to go to the "Community Workshop" in Alameda about changes in bus service. The proposed changes to the 53 line on Fruitvale Avenue (the line I take home at night) would leave me with no way to get home.

They want to replace the 53 with two new lines – the 20 and the 21 – but these lines would only run until 10 pm. I don’t get off work until 11, as do other people who ride that bus. I’m going to have my say about keeping some sort of late night service on Fruitvale Avenue – not just for me, but for all the other late night riders. AC Transit is once again completely clueless on how to best serve the community.

Hell or high water, I will weigh-in on Sunday and assess the damage.

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Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Retro & Responses

Calories eaten yesterday: 998
Fat: 20g (20%)
Carbs: 58g (27%)
Protein: 122g (53%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

my family in 1991Here's an old photo of my family from 1991. I'm the one in the tie dye on the far right. I cannot believe how overweight I was then. I was 20 years old. Click the photo for a larger size.

I'm still afraid to get near the scale.

Made it to the gym today. Woot! I may be feature on a board of "member success stories" from my gym. They have a board of members of that particular location and are looking for more stories to post. My older friend John at the gym introduced me to Sandi. I told her I'd e-mail her the link to the story I posted on the 12 Million Lives website and attach some photos.

My butt is sore today. Just about everything from Monday is sore. That's what I get for not getting to the gym for a week and a half, but my butt is the worst. Cardio was 40 minutes on the stairmaster. I'm kind of tired from Monday's workout so I spent most of my time at level 5 instead of 6.

Because of my weight training and how much cardio I do I have been having 1 1/2 scoops of protein powder before and after my workouts instead of one scoop each. This gives me 30g of protein before and 30g after and I think it will help protect my muscles.

I'm nearing 13 million steps! I should hit it tomorrow. :) Tomorrow is also laundry day - fun, fun.

I downloaded a new game onto my iPod. It's a word search game and was only $1.99. I figured I could swig that given how much time it will help me kill.

Ok, now for the comments people leave here.

Janey - You have been commenting on my blog for a while now. I noticed you never have anything positive to say. All you ever do is criticize. I'm tired of it and will not allow that anymore. It must be a hard life to always see the negative in stuff and put people down. I feel sorry for you. If you can't say something nice don't say anything at all.

The diet pills are because of everything happening - I need to stock up while I can because lean times are ahead.

Justine - Thank you for your concern. I do know about water weight fluctuations. It freaked me out at first, but now I know that I usually weigh the most on Sunday and the least on Friday. So the ups and downs don't freak me out too much and I can usually predict whether my weight will be up or down on any given day.

I'm not as hard on myself as I sometimes show here. I just don't log the everyday successes in staying on plan.

I don't measure myself, but I do have a body fat scale. My body fat has remained pretty stable over the last couple of years - about 25%. I try to measure body fat once a month.

Vickie - I'm not just figuring out how to lose the weight I gained while I was away. I knew I would gain when I was on my trip so I dieted like crazy before I left and did manage to lose a couple pounds. But even at that weight I was above my ultimate goal. So there was some foresight and I worked really hard before I left, but I am still not where I want to be.

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Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Diet Pills

Calories eaten yesterday: 1196
Fat: 25g (20%)
Carbs: 69g (25%)
Protein: 153g (55%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 210

Went into the City today to get my mail – first time in three weeks. Exercise was walking to the train station and then from my stop to work when I returned.

My thighs and butt are sore from yesterday's workout. Hopefully I can go back to the gym tomorrow.

Decided to stock up on diet pills today. I ended up re-upping my GNC Gold Card and buying Lean System 7 (review) and Rapid Slim SX (review).

On my walk into work I stopped at WalMart for a new Pullman (the same as the one I have now with the "all terrain" wheels). I also bought Lipo 6 Hers (review). I’ll take only one diet pill at a time and decided to start with the Lipo 6. Yes, I’m desperate yet again.

I've taken Lean System 7 before with some success. The other two are ones I've never tried before.

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Monday, September 07, 2009

FINALLY made it back to the gym!

Calories eaten yesterday: 696
Fat: 15g (21%)
Carbs: 39g (25%)
Protein: 89g (54%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 348

First, to the anonymous person who said I made no effort to look after Brad on Friday, perhaps you'd like to know the rest of the story and not make snap judgments.

How am I supposed to look after him when he is at someone else's house? I offered to let him stay at my apartment, and I offered a glass of wine before he left and/or our favorite TV show that was about to come on. He turned me down on all of it. How do I "look after" someone who doesn't want to stay?

So get off your high horse because you weren't here. I offered him stuff and he turned me down. He wanted to be in his rented bedroom at Nicole's and I had to respect that. I wanted him to stay, just as he normally does on Friday nights. He wanted to go.

Xena drinking tuna waterLet's start off with a photo of Xena drinking the water I drained off a can of tuna. She thinks it's the best thing since wet food. Click the photo for a larger size. :)

Made it to the gym today. I overslept but it didn't matter because the buses are on a Sunday schedule due to Labor Day (the bus to the gym runs only once per hour) so I couldn't get to there until nearly noon anyway. I did one hour of weight training and then shortened my cardio from 40 minutes to 30 minutes. I walked into work from the train station (30 minutes) and made it with a little time to spare.

Tomorrow I have to do my City run to get my mail. I was supposed to check last week but didn't feel up to it so now it has to be done tomorrow.

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Sunday, September 06, 2009

Epic Fail

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 169
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 70
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 175
Calories burned in exercise today: 365

Friday Brad and I went to Costco now that he has a car. I bought $237 worth of stuff. Yikes! But I was out of almost everything. Brad was very tired and didn't want to hang with me. He also thought he might be getting sick. He helped me unload everything and then left for Nicole's trailer, leaving me alone.

Saturday I went to church without him and later found he had spent the entire day in his bed at Nicole's. I went out for frozen yogurt in the afternoon and had two small frozen yogurts with toppings (and not healthy ones!). Trying to get home took forever - there were simply no buses coming, then I missed my connection, then got off one stop too late which took me WAY out of my way. That along with having already eaten way too much crap earlier caused me to binge and I ate an apple fritter from 7-Eleven. :-p

Beck's homemade cinnamon breadI had already eaten a ton of Becky's homemade cinnamon bread and three granola bars at church, plus the yogurt with unhealthy toppings. Breakfast had been Cookie Crisp cereal, cinnamon bread that Brad had left, two bananas, and two Yoplait Light yogurts, and some cottage cheese. I ate "breakfast" throughout the night because I couldn't sleep. I kept waking up to eat until I had eaten so much that I was full and could finally sleep.

So yeah..the whole day was an epic fail.

I had low-fat hots dogs for dinner on low-carb bread with fat-free cheese, plus some cottage cheese. That's the only healthy thing I ate yesterday.

Today I walked to work from my apartment. I made a couple of stops so my total was 6.4 miles instead of 6. It took me just over 2 hours. :) I stuffed myself yesterday so I skipped breakfast and lunch today.

Tomorrow I hope to go to the gym.

Why do I let food control me? Who's in control - me, or that food sitting in front of me? Why do I have to eat it? My body needs very few calories to maintain my weight, so why do I consistently eat more than that?

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Thursday, September 03, 2009

Week 113, Day 5 (again)

Calories eaten yesterday: 624
Fat: 15g (24%)
Carbs: 41g (29%)
Protein: 69g (47%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 169

Talked with Mom and redid my plane ticket for Florida. I'll fly out the day after Thanksgiving, stay with them over the weekend, go to Disney World on Monday, and fly out Tuesday afternoon. This will enable me to work Wednesday and Thursday and not have to take those days off. April wanted me to fly up and see Mom (and everyone) the following weekend, but being around my sister, brother Rob, and three kids is most definitely NOT a vacation to me. I'm flying up the previous weekend and it will be just Mom, Bill, and I.

Today I walked to the laundromat and back, then down to the main street by the train station. I took the 50 bus to Alameda Towne Center. I am pretty much out of garlic wine vinegar so I bought several bottles of that at Safeway, then went over to Petco to get a new filtered mini aquarium. The one my fish has been living in has not worked since the brief power outage this weekend. I'm guessing it fried the motor, so a new tank is in order.

I cashed in one week's worth of vacation time - $450. I am using it to pay down my credit card bill and buy stuff at Costco. Costco is going to be mondo expensive because I am out of everything. Hopefully Brad and I can go tomorrow after he gets off work.

I won't weigh-in this Sunday. I need more time to get the weight gain off.

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Wednesday, September 02, 2009

From One Hell To Another

Calories burned in exercise today: 175

My time off was a long, hard, and horrible. I never want to go through that again, but know I will have to.

Ok, my time off:

flying to SeattleLast Thursday I flew to Seattle. My sister April picked me up and the airport. We picked up Dad from the adult care home and went back to April's house. I took my suitcases upstairs while April reheated dinner. After dinner we took Dad back to the home.

my hotel room Friday we spent all day driving from Seattle to Grants Pass in southern Oregon. During the trip April said, "You are completely useless to me" simply because I can't drive. Um...who took care of Marina (April's baby) during the trip? Who fed her and watched her at the baby store while you shopped and stood in line? You've made the same trip without me and you still say I'm "useless"?

Saturday we spent all day working in Sunny Valley at my Dad's house (mostly throwing out food or taking it to the food bank) and the storage space in Merlin where Mom put her storage stuff when her and I moved to California 24 years ago.

Saturday night everyone took showers, went for a swim, and went out to dinner. I showed Brad around Sunny Valley and Wolf Creek, took a shower, and had dinner with Brad in his hotel room - PB&J, beef jerky, granola bars, and wine.

Sunday we all packed up and headed home. Dad said he would sell the van to Brad for $4000 (he wouldn't budge on that price), but he threw in a one year warranty on the engine and Brad said okay. April had a few things to do at Dad's house, but told Brad and I to go ahead and leave since the house was in the opposite direction from where we were. Brad and I drove back to California.

Monday Brad and I were both off. He left early to do stuff on the car (getting it cleaned, etc.). I was sick all day. I threw up twice that morning. I think it was a combination of too many days of stress, too much alcohol (to help deal with the stress), and too many Alli pills to deal with my horrible diet while I was away. I crawled out of bed only once to buy some groceries and stayed in bed other than that.

Tuesday was a binge day for me - eating whatever I wanted in whatever amounts I wanted. In the evening Brad and I went to Applebee's for dinner but I didn't feel like drinking much. I had a half glass of wine (couldn't finish it) and a Mochatini and that was it.

Today I am back at work. I slept in again today, getting disturbed three times by phone calls (once on my phone and twice on Brad's phone that he left my apartment). Tomorrow is laundry.

I ate horrible during the time I was gone and am just getting back on track today. The last time I was off plan this long I gained 10 pounds. I'm not getting on the scale for a while and am doing a 24 hour fast today.

Yesterday April e-mailed me that Dad and her will no longer be giving me the $200 a month they have been. The reason they gave was the cost of Dad's care was too high and he couldn't afford it anymore. I know he can.

The real reason if they want me to not be able to afford to stay in California so that I will move to Seattle and help take care of Dad. They have both made it very clear to me that the "right" thing to do is quit my job, move to Seattle, somehow find work there (even my sister couldn't find work and she has a college degree, I don't), learn to drive, then then work full time and take care of Dad after work. They reason that I am single and therefore have no obligations.

At any rate, the deal with the money is an effort to make me move to Seattle. I've been in California since I was 14 (the end of 1986) and and was born here. I have no intention of moving; being blackmailed won't change that.

April also said that I spend too much money on fresh food and wants me to eat frozen food because she claims it's less expensive. What can you do with a sister who wants you to quit eating fresh food?

I'm most likely canceling my trip to Florida this November/December. Mom and Bill are paying my way but I can't afford the time off. They will call the travel agent tomorrow. I also will not be visiting Dad in Seattle (again, can't afford the time off). I will take off as few days as possible (1-2) when I return to Oregon next spring. Hopefully Mom will come and rent a dumpster so we can get rid of a bunch of stuff.

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