Sunday, September 13, 2009

Epic Fail, take 2

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 233
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 70
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 319

CelexaI know I promised to weigh-in today, but I got depressed and binged last night. I haven't been totally honest about my depression lately. The truth is, I can feel my medication beginning to stop working. I get depressed more easily than I used to. I've been on Celexa for about 5 years and am currently on the highest dose. The next step will be to take a new medication. I know I respond well to SSRIs, so I'll pick another of those. It will have to be an older medication such as Prozac or Paxil - something that has a generic available. So whenever I next see the doctor I'll ask to switch to one of those.

Anyway, increased depression means I am more likely to binge.

Friday I bought some basic groceries at Safeway, then Brad and I went to Costco and I bought salad and stocked up on Brita water filters.

Saturday we left church early to go to the "Community Workshop" about changes in bus service. It was standing room only - the place was packed.Community Workshop meeting was a short presentation, followed by a chance to talk to a staff member. Each staff member had a clipboard so write down our concerns and suggestions. I also made out a comment form and voiced my concerns there.

After this Brad and I went home. I prepped celery for this week and then had Brad help portion and cut salad. Then we went to Applebee's for drinks and then a bought some yogurt at Safeway. It is after this that a good day goes bad.

At Applebee's Brad asks if I want to go to The Wild Vine (a wine bar) in Livermore. I say okay. We have a couple local stops first however. We go to Subway to redeem my "free chips" coupon. Nope - have to buy something. So I bought a small drink and gave it to Brad and ended up paying $1.50 for "free" chips. I am not going back to Subway again.

Next we go to Tuttimelon for chocolate frozen yogurt. They didn't have chocolate. I should have walked out, but instead I got plain. I asked for M&Ms on it and they skimped so I asked for more. Then I got a skinny latte from Starbucks and a chocolate brownie since I was depressed at this point.

We drove to Livermore. We walked to the wine bar and they have the loudest live band ever. It was awful! We used the restroom and then left. I wanted someplace quiet. We eventually wine up at a restaurant and bar and order wine. This is when Brad decided to eat dinner there since it was getting late and we wanted to go hiking today. I didn't get anything because nothing on the menu appealed to me. I wanted McDonald's.

By the time he finishes eating and having two glasses of wine (I also had two) no fast food restaurant had their dining room open and I didn't want drive-through. We eventually found a Jack in the Box with an open dining room and I ate there; I ended up pigging out I was so depressed and disgusted with the day.

We got home too late to go hiking today, but now that Brad has a car we can drive places so we got a good walk in along the San Leandro shoreline. Afterwords he dropped me off at work and he went off to do stuff.

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2 comments:

Don Q. said...

I was on anti-depressants for years with mixed success. I was finally able to get out from under the depression (so far so good) and to get off the meds. It was a difficult journey. I hope you can keep on "keeping on" until it gets better.

Laura said...

Living with depression is truly horrible. I'm writing with sincere concern for you, not criticism or snark. Looking at your latest blog post, can you point out what, exactly, make this day so bad? It seems, from the outside looking in, that the day made a drastic turn south because the coupon didn't work as you had planned. After years of my own depression, I know it doesn't take much to cause the tide to turn. I'm just wondering if, in hindsight, you can pinpoint the turning point on Saturday. Maybe by identifying the trigger, you can prevent future bouts. (((Victoria)))