Tuesday, January 30, 1996

More on the Accident

My injuries are getting better. It almost doesn't hurt to walk. Taking a bath tonight I discovered the true extent of my injuries. Lots of bruises - some big, some small; some very noticeable, some that only were noticed today.

It makes me think. What if these bruises weren't bruises? What if the skin had been broken? My injuries them would have been much more series. (Not to mention that the bruise on the back part of my upper thigh would have ruined my clothes. :) )

I'm not limping today. Yesterday I think I was only limping a little/off and on.

Sunday, January 28, 1996

This morning on God Talk Bernie Ward was talking about free will and how God cannot interfere in out lives. Gives me a lot to think about.

Today I feel a little better. Everything still hurts, but it hurts less. Except tonight the right side of my back (lower back) hurts like hell (to do things life take a deep breath).

Eleanor took me to the beach today, and also helped me to begin tracking down the police report for my accident.

Today in church during Candles of Sharing I got up and told the congregation that I was happy to be with them today, and gave a real short version of the story. I was so nervous.

Saturday, January 27, 1996


I am very relieved that my run-in with the motorcycle yesterday (about 3 p.m.) wasn't worse. I walked out of the emergency room at 7 p.m., only about 4 hours after the incident occurred.

I was mad at God at first for letting it happen, but now I am relieved that I was hurt so little. God or a guardian angel must have been looking out for me. I have thanks to the Lady and Lord that all I got was some cuts and bruises. I give thanks for being alive and not being seriously injured.

I called J.H. today to let him know what happened. (I know today is Saturday, but he's been putting in a lot of overtime.) He assured me that him and K. would be praying for me. Can't hurt. Might help.

I've never had to be in an ambulance before. It was scary yesterday, though (get this) I was more angry that I would be missing SBC {South Bay Circles, a Pagan group}, where I had been headed when the accident occurred.

I was crossing 6th Ave. with a yellow light against me (it would soon be green for me) when a motorcycle came out of nowhere. He was headed straight for me. He swerved to avoid me, but clipped me with the handlebars. That's what the doctors said. I just remember the intense pain of being hit, and the next thing I knew I was sitting on the ground, my Birkenstocks had been knocked off, and my nose started bleeding. Bystanders were handing me tissue - whatever they had with them - and some good Samaritan - Goddess bless them whoever they are - called 911 for an ambulance.

The motorcycle rider stopped for a few moments, but I think he rose on, making it a hit and run. I don't know for sure, but no one to my knowledge saw him after that. {This later proved to be false; he stayed.}

Every part of me aches today. I called in sick to work today, not because of my injuries, but because I didn't get to sleep last night for a long time - I just couldn't sleep.

I look at my cuts and bruises and think how bad things could have been, or would have been if the rider hadn't swerved. At the least I was given my health; at the most, my life.

They took six x-rays: one of my chest when I first came in; then when I complained that my right arm and shin hurt, they x-rayed those to be cautious. Two x-rays for my arm, two for my leg; but they messed up and had to take a third for my leg. A total of six.

In the ambulance they put a brace around my neck, an oxygen mask over my face, and an IV in my arm. The IV hurt when she put it in. I was crying, I think mostly out of anger that I wouldn't be going to SBC, but probably out of fear, too.

They tried to tell me that my pentagram necklace would have to come off (I think so they could take an x-ray - no metal allowed). I told them no way. It stays on my neck. It's a religious thing. They pushed it around to the back of my neck. The Asian doctor asked me what religion I was and I said Wicca. He asked me if I belonged to a coven and I said yeah.

Love is what life is about. That selfless love that one feels toward another human; that unconditional love that God has for us. Maybe one reason we're here is to learn to love the way S/He loves. A love for the Divine and a need to communicate with It drives people to churches. A love for the Divine drives people to worship. In both cases it is the same. The room of communion and worship is love. And the root of all positive magick, up to and including binding, is love, for in a binding you are binding one person to protect others.

To strive to live like Jesus,
To strive to love like God.
Keep your highest ideal in mind and strive ever toward it;
This is the life of righteousness.

Thursday, January 25, 1996

Praying to Jehovah, take 2

Prayed for J.H. again last night. The first night I prayed to the Lady and Lord, the second night the Lady and Lord followed by Jehovah, last night only to Jehovah. Both times I prayed to Jehovah I tacked something on the end for myself about getting to know Him. The first time it was an afterthought, after the "Amen," but last night I remember to put it before. I guess I felt He heard me both times.

I didn't know whether or not Carlos would want me to work today, but he did. I worked from 3-8. He also wants me this Saturday. I don't know if he will want me most Saturdays. I have Sundays off, as well as Mondays, and hopefully Friday days.

Wednesday, January 24, 1996

Praying to Jehovah

I've been praying for J.H. the last couple of days, praying to the Lady and Lord to help him. (He's been having a hard time at work - lots of overtime and Saturday.) Last night I decided to take a chance and pray to Jehovah, since this is who he worships. It was weird praying to Him because I don't like Him much and haven't spoken to Him really in so long. But I felt like my prayer was heard.

Tuesday, January 23, 1996

Spring has sprung!

Winter came late last year, with our first rain not until Samhain, then little to no rain during November. Now, in January, the trees (plum blossoms?) have been blooming for more than a week, and leaves are starting to appear on some of the trees near my apartment. Spring is early.

Sunday, January 21, 1996

Why does he worship Him?

I have a few questions to ask J.H. next time when I see him (well, talk to him), i.e. Jehovah in the Old Testament is a pretty nasty guy. Yet J. worships Him. Why?

Friday, January 19, 1996


Last night I was trying to read my Bible with the rats {I had two pet rats} running around. Artemesia walked on my Bible and pissed on it! And she got away with it twice. Hmmm. A rat who's name is derived from that of a Greek goddess pissing on my Bible...

Thursday, January 11, 1996


I'm 25 today!

On Saturday I had a tickle in my throat. I thought I would be really sick Sunday the 7th, but the tickle continued. When all I had Monday the 8th was still a tickle, I thought I had it beat. Then on Tuesday the 9th I came down with the cold finally, and Wednesday it was terrible. Today I feel much better - no need for any cold medicine today.

Tuesday, January 09, 1996

poem: The Darkness' Gift

The Darkness' Gift
She walked in bereft of fear, no thought of shedding a tear,
Knowing only joy and love, and trusting God from up above,
She walked into the blackest night, thinking it was really light,
And only found the milk had spilled when all her dreams were killed.

Fear now seeping in around, she tried to find a way to ground,
She cursed the One that stole her away, and snatched away the light of day,
Never seeing the gift in hand: a chance to fall, a chance to stand,
And so she fell away from hope, never seeing the way to cope.

She dared not dream that she could play, she dared not dream she would not stay,
When she was once more granted sun, then she did see the lessons won,
The darkness was a gift, she knew, the dark was light, it was so true!
The One who took her from her friends, restored what's good and made amends.

Without the dark she'd not know light, the sweetness from the serpent's bite.
The aching of orgasmic joy, or the separation of girl and boy,
And so she thanks the darkest night, for appreciation of the light,
Once more knowing only love, and once more trusting God above.

Wednesday, January 03, 1996

There was a heat wave here on the 1st and 2nd. The heat wave brought temps in the low 70s. But that broke today and the temp was back in the low 60s.

Yesterday I went down to the Haight to Curios and Candles to buy The Meaning of Witchcraft by Gardner. It seems to deal more in histories than his Witchcraft Today book, so it seems drier to me.

P. called today about their group having an ice cream social at L. and P.'s on the 14th. I'm invited, and I'd like to go.