I don't know where to begin; the title says it all. This month is already rough in a hundred other ways, so the feeling of separation from God is just insult to injury. For sure, it's all my fault and I will take full responsibility. God didn't move; I did. But the whole affair just makes me want to bury myself in Perelandra and vicariously live through Ransom. Anything to take my attention away from the emptiness I feel in my soul. Though the book just makes me want to pray. I find the story in Perelandra touching me deeply.
This is NOT me walking away from God. I'm not angry, and I don't want to take my toys and go off in a huff. It's more of keeping a safe distance from God. I hope the difference makes sense. After everything I have been through this year I don't ever want to walk away again as I have in the past.
It's only Sunday and it's already rough. My workout went okay but things are rather crazy at work my weight is up (again) and we had a Christian religious nut on the Weight Loss forum who seemed to be there only to proselytize. I had to put her on ignore. The moderator there finally put the chick on moderation so only approved messages will get through.
Yes, there is an issue that's causing me to keep God at a distance, but after the flack I caught here over the cat issue, I don't feel comfortable stating the problem. Guess I'll just have to work it out with Him on my own. We still are on some sort of speaking terms; as I said, I'm not walking away. I do want to keep the lines of communication open.
No comments:
Post a Comment