It's almost over!

...and I can't say I'm sad. This will be a new year, and an anniversary. Somehow one year seems like a milestone and closure to an era I would rather forget. Sure the scars will always be there - time does NOT heal all wounds, but time does dull the pain so that one can go forward with life.

Last night I posted my annual end-of-the-year wrap-up (something I do every year to capsulize the major events), and my New Year's resolutions (7 of them, all doable with some diligence). The wrap-up is similar to the Christmas letter I sent out this year, though I don't think anyone here is on my Christmas letter list.

I have a co-worker coming over to my house and we will have shrimp, home made pizza(suitable for my new way of eating), and champagne. I get champagne exactly once a year. Well, this past year twice: I had a glass at a winery when I went wine tasting with my sister, her boyfriend, and a family friend. We hit about 4 wineries, and one also made champagne. At any rate, it's a treat and normally just once a year.

Let's see, what else? With nothing else positive to focus on this year (yes, the year really WAS that bad), I threw my energy and focus into weight loss and lost 40 pounds. Did anyone see A&E's Biography program Wednesday night? It was about Dr. Atkins. Very informative. The ending was a bit of a downer, but overall it was good. Anyway, I have 11 more pounds to go to be a "healthy" weight for my height and bone structure. In the meantime I am developing new eating habits and learning to count calories and enjoy foods I didn't used to like. At last check my body fat was down by about 8%.

I have a whole new group of non-religious online friends that I talk about weight loss with. My main religious hangout now is CH Refugee, a group I have been hanging out with for so long that I'm part of the inner circle. This gives me access to a private folder that only the inner circle can see, so I can say anything I want without worrying about who will see it and spread it around.

I dealt with my first suicide on the Depression forum I help out at. Christmas Eve a man threatened to kill himself. I got his address from another chatter, and from that I was able to get the phone number for his local police. When he later posted that he had just overdosed, I called the cops. I have never had to do this before and it scared me terribly, but turned out to be very easy. They said they would send someone out. I hope the man is okay. It ruined my Christmas Eve, but Christmas Day was much better. I spent it with a family from church and they were very kind.

My church has been the biggest help this year. They have lived Christ in front of me when nobody else would. They helped me believe that God was good at a time when all I saw was a mean ogre God that I wanted nothing to do with. Sometimes Christ has to have skin on to keep you believing. They filled that roll, especially my pastor, God bless his heart. He spoke Jesus' words to me, "Go and sin no more." No condemnation, no "discipline," just Christ.

I reestablished contact with an old Pagan friend from my past. Robin is the only person who regularly mailed me post cards during my two years of exile in Chico. I saved every postcard he sent and tacked them up along the bottom of the tack board in my dorm room. Anyway, an e-mail from another Pagan friend had him listed as a CC, so I copied out the address and mailed him. So it's good to be in contact with someone else. Robin is a very nice guy.

I will NOT be singing Auld Lang Syne this year. It's a year filled with people and experiences I want to forget. And somehow, in some way I can't explain, all the old will cease to exist at midnight tomorrow. :)

My new name, "Stumbling To Bethlehem," seemed especially relevant during this Advent season, but I think if we call ourselves Christians and are honest, we all stumble at times, whether on our own or because we are tripped, and we must once more try to stay on our feet and make for Bethlehem where we can gaze anew on baby of promise. This song by Patti Scialfa is definitely my favorite song this year.

Did everyone else have good/bad/indifferent years?

Ok, I'll shut up now. I'm rambling. :)