Moving away from Wicca

Talked to Eleanor on the phone tonight and got my first real confirmation that there have been positive changes in my life over the past months. She gave a concrete example - complaining. She said that normally I would have complained to her endlessly about having to get up at 5 a.m., but that when we were out looking at the room last Sunday night I didn't complain. And she's right. I didn't. I did just state matter-of-factly that it had to be done. This is the first time really that someone has said I've changed. It felt really good to get outside confirmation because sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees.

At work tonight I was working with the Chinese guy I only work with once a week. He was being negative, complaining about work that Jerry or Tylor told him to do that he thought was not our job. (I later found out most of it is our job.) I told him it's our job. Later I was talking to Tylor to find out what he wanted done. He wanted the floor spot mopped for scuff marks and the cardboard taken down for recycling. It was slow so I left the Chinese guy in the dishroom and went to do these jobs. The funny thing is, something like this - Tylor telling me to do unexpected work, even if it was a slow night - would have really upset me. But it didn't phase me at all. I just stood there and said okay and accepted it. This is not like me. What is happening? Also, on the Chinese guy tonight I saw a mirror of myself, how I used to be. What is going on that I have not been like that lately?

Found out today I'm not supposed to have my Walkman at work. The Chinese guy got yelled at by Jerry for having his yesterday. I managed to sneak mine around him all day. Being able to listen made work a lot easier.

I took off my pentagram today, but it wasn't my choice. Just before work today, my pentagram and cross necklace chain broke. I decided to repair it when I got home. I wrapped it in tissue paper before leaving for home. When I got home it was hopelessly tangles. I spent quite a bit of time untangling it. In the middle, frustrated, I told God that if I got it untangles I wouldn't put the pentagram back on. So when I got it untangled and fixed the break, I left the pentagram off. The cross I'm still wearing. I paid good money for it and it was the cross I bought the day after I became a Christian. So I am wearing two crosses and no pentagrams. I think I will still carry the pentagram in my pocket, though. I only said I wouldn't put it back on the chain.

I also took down the little Brigid wall altar I had. This was more out of sheer joy and thankfulness for the good changes God has wrought in me. I keep wondering, "What if I change back? What if these changes aren't permanent?", but this is me questioning in my human weakness and/or demons. These questions are not from God. No doubt between the wall altar and the necklace this will put me under pressure. The enemy doesn't like it when I take steps toward God. Even praying seems to bring ramifications. This is more than praying. It's just that as I see God working in my life I have to give Him more because He's giving me more. He's trying to work me to the point of giving Him 100%. That's still a ways off. He's been getting maybe 80% so far.