Bruce picked me up at 12 for our pre-baptism meeting. We went to his house and he proceded to ask questions and I proceded to spill my guts to him about the last 5 months or so of my life. We had lunch and talked. Some thing that I said about Paganism and rituals and the fun I have must have prompted him to ask this question: am I planning on going to any more rituals? The implication here is if I'm going to completely forsake Paganism - no Pagan activities. I said I didn't know. There must have been something about the question or the wau that he asked it that told me it had a lot to do with my baptism. My answer was not the right one to get his approval, but it was honest. What it boils down to, he said, was that unless I was ready to completely forgo all Pagan activities he wouldn't baptize me.
I was hurt. But I could see his point. He said he had been so willing to baptize me before because he thought I was willing for forswear it. He said he'd give me some time to think it over and if I could say I was willing to give it all up by Saturday morning, he would baptize me. He said to call him tomorrow regarding the meeting I had with H. and R. tonight to let him know how it went.
I was ready to give it all up right there - painful, yes, but I want to be baptized. And pride enters the oicture. I have already told everyone it would happen. If I backed out now I'd lose face. I told him I would give him his answer tomorrow when I called him about H. and R. We left about 3 and he dropped me off at a 29 bus stop to head home. I went home. Then I cried for a while about all I was being asked to give up before getting myself together and leaving for the meeting with H. and R.
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