God and I

I went to church today. I didn't mean to, but I felt I had to because I thought I was scheduled to do refreshments. (I just sent an e-mail to the coordinator asking what happened - two others were doing the work when I got there).

I went to City Church today ONLY because I had the refreshments to do. One lady said to me maybe God had another reason for my being there. Perhaps she's right. God has a way of putting me in church services I don't want to attend if only because He has a strange sense of humor.

The services at City Church have a way of convicting me more than my home church. I sailed through church at my home church yesterday, but today I was squarely confronted by God.

I didn't take communion. They have it most every week, but I did not feel that I was in the place I could take it, not when I am running from God like this. I buried my face in my hands as they passed it out. I felt ashamed that I could not take it and knew that my friend Carol sitting near me would wonder why I didn't take it, even if she didn't ask (she didn't).

This is where I am right now, and was my prayer at church today:

Lord, I love my sin more than You. I won't give it up. I don't want to give it up. But I WANT TO want to give it up.

I *do* love Him. I just love something else more. :(