Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Crap at work

I'm not going to log food stuff anymore. It's too hard without decent computer access and html code doesn't post right so I can't make a link anyway.

The crap at work is still getting me down. I haven't wanted to do anything except curl up and die. Boss J. either has no idea how disruptive he is to this department, or he doesn't care.  And just today he sent out an e-mail saying he was going to become more involved in this department - i.e. he's going to become even more controlling - and that we better know our jobs completely and totally and follow everything he and the SOP books say.  Crap and double crap.

I can only think of one other boss I had that was this controlling. That was a woman, a mid-level manager at McDonald's.  Brad thinks boss J. is insecure, that insecure people try to make up for it by controlling others. I think he may be right. I'm truly beginning to wonder if J. really is saved and if he might be truly evil rather than just inept.  We both know he's a very unstable person and wonder what mental issues he might have.

Diet-wise I'm struggling big time.  I'm a stress eater and the stress of working under someone who hates you both personally and professionally is oppressive.  Yesterday I ended up crying at work and self-medicating with carbs.  I took 4 Xanax tablets to make myself stop crying.

Today I worked out at the gym - 30 minutes of weight training and 1 hour of cardio on one of the new ellipticals.  I walked to work from the train station.

You can tell it's January - lots of new faces at the gym and it's harder to get equipment and machines.  I can't wait until the crowd dies down.  New Year's resolutioners...blech.  Leave the gym for those of us who want to pay for the privilege of going.

I'm liking my new fitness shoes.  They are comfortable and do throw you off balance so your muscles have to work harder to compensate.  I'm working on getting a photo of them on Flickr.  With limited online time I am not just getting to bed later than usual, but falling behind on basic tasks such as uploading photos to Flickr.

Between work and my weight I've been feeling really down lately.  Without a doubt I'd be suicidal if it weren't for my anti-depressant. So instead of suffering and wanting to die, I just plain suffer.

I know God is all-powerful, but when will He step in and fix this intolerable situation?


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6 comments:

Pendell said...

Hey sis,

" I can only think of one other boss I had that was this controlling. That was a woman, a mid-level manager at McDonald's. Brad thinks boss J. is insecure, that insecure people try to make up for it by controlling others. I think he may be right. I'm truly beginning to wonder if J. really is saved and if he might be truly evil rather than just inept. We both know he's a very unstable person and wonder what mental issues he might have."

I have known at least one person who was insecure, hyper-critical and emotionally unstable, who was nonetheless saved. I have *been* that person myself.

I can't judge your boss' salvation. But I do know that when I came to God I needed a *lot* of work. It could be God isn't done with your boss yet.

Another possibility is that he has a health problem that is neither diagnosed nor prescribed for. Would you be fun to be around with out your depression and thyroid meds?

" I know God is all-powerful, but when will He step in and fix this intolerable situation?"

I, personally, would recommend a review of Genesis 31. Sometimes God's solution is for you to move out of the situation, and allowing the situation to become intolerable is his way of getting you to move out of it. See also Israel in Egypt. If they were still Pharoah's guests instead of his slaves, would they have ever left? It was hard enough as it was!

Respectfully,

Brian P.

Nan said...

I just prayed to the Blessed Mother for you, Victoria.
You always live up to your name in the end - Victorious!

Your boss does sound as if he has some kind of problem. I've been abused by such people, too, and I've decided that the only solution for myself is to get out of the situation. I'm simply unwilling to suffer due to other people's problems any longer.

But I've also been in a situation like yours, where I have a boss I can't work with, but didn't want to leave the job because the job itself meant a lot to me. I hung on for years until I finally got the right manager!

I know it's hard, but just keep the faith! You're doing everything you can. Keep it up!

Lori said...

Victoria - I think you need to step in and make changes for yourself. It's no good to be in a toxic environment. I think you need to look for work elsewhere. Even a pay cut is better than having your soul sucked dry.

Arthur_of_Old said...

Well, I think the Lord wants you to endure as a soldier and give good. Not run, or judge. We can speculate or we can pray for the good of them that spitefully abuse and use us. That is the Father's way.
Proverbs 3:5 & 6.

Loving Annie said...

Keep taking your anti-depressant.
I've tried the other alternative you mentioned, and trust me, it sucks even worse to be stuck in a hospital for ten days with doctors who could care less about you but want to keep you there until the insurance runs out. They don't help you AT ALL.
I bless the day natural progesterone was invented - it's saved my life in the last 15 years.

Loving Annie said...

p.s. God helps you when you help yourself, I've found out.
You have to be loving to yourself in small ways (actions, thoughts and deeds) and then God steps in and matches your efforts.
It really DOES work that way.
Asking to be rescued unfortunately doesn't get you anywhere - you have to show God you will do ANYTHING to get unstuck from what you are doing that isn't working effectively.
You have to change. Then God applauds and life gets easier.