Monday, February 01, 2010

guess I haven't updated in a while

Hi all,

As usual my lack of updating isn't a lack of time, but motivation.  Depression de-motivates you to do nothing but the necessary tasks to get by.
Boss J. is still a problem and his unfair ban continues to stand.  Bill had a talk with him which resulted in nothing more than J. having a talk with me afterwards.  I was honest, and he was not happy.  When he asked if I trusted him, I said no.  This made him mad and he launched into a short tirade about how we can't have communication if I can't trust him, blah, blah, blah.  Sorry, J., but trust is earned and you have not earned it.

I tried to talk to Mr. Camping and he did come to see me before the Open Forum program one day last week.  However, I don't think he really understood the problem.  I took the paper that I wrote for Bill, expanded it and turned it into a letter format, and put it in Mr. Camping's box.  I don't know if he will read it or care, but it's my only  recourse.  In it I spell out exactly what I want - a lift on the ban and someone other than J. to discipline me because I don't feel Jon will be fair.  I doubt it will help, but I am going stir crazy back here and I can't take much longer.  I'll try to attach my letter to Mr. Camping to this e-mail, but I doubt it will work.  It's a Word document, but I don't think my blog allows attachments.

I have regular melt downs and cry, sometimes at work.  My most recent was today.  I had to take some Xanax to calm me down, but it has a side effect was tiredness, so now I'm calm but I want to do nothing more than sleep.

Bill said there will be a meeting next week.  I'm not sure who else will be there besides Bill, J., and me.  I do not believe it will solve anything.  I am losing hope of things ever getting better.

The stress is taking a toll on Brad and I.  We got into a big fight after the Walk For Life on January 23, then got into it again last Thursday when he drove me home from work.  The situation is killing both of us since he has to listen to me complain and he doesn't like J. either.

Anyway, I still alive and still depressed.  I just want to curl up and die because at least then the pain would go away.

Diet and weight-wise I am not doing good.  I got an annual questionnaire from the Weight Control Center. One of the things they ask is you weight one year ago and your weight now.  I looked up one year ago and I was about 135.  I have been avoiding the scale but had to step on it to complete the questionnaire and now I am 150.  I have gained 15 pounds since Thanksgiving - vacation, holidays, my birthday, and, the single biggest contributor, stress at work.  I am struggling because I tend to medicate my mental pain and stress with junk food.

Bye all.


__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signature database 4825 (20100201) __________

The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.

http://www.eset.com

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Victoria - I posted this note on an earlier entry by mistake...

You do NOT have to put up with the bullying that you describe.

I get really miffed when I hear stories like yours. Yes, there are always two sides to every story, and I don't have J's....but the treatment you have described over the months, fits the definition of bullying and has OSHA ramifications. PS - don't even THINK about trying to submit a Workers Comp stress claim - that will stress you out more than you could possibly imagine. I know...I work in the industry!!!

I just mention the OSHA aspect as a possible item to discuss with Mr Camping - not in a threatening way, but as a way to suggest that he examine his approach and think, in his role as manager and company representative, about his duty to provide a safe place of work - where bullying is not tolerated

The prospect of looking for work is no doubt very daunting but you do not deserve this kind of treatment. No one does.

You can't change J but you can change your job. Yes, this will require some extra energy from you re: looking at job sites...but the energy is positive! Not negative like trying to figure out how to deal with J!

You obviously have transferrable skills in radio back room work - I don't imagine those skills are readily available in the general market??? So you have a better 'edge' than most in this tough employment market.

Wishing you well!

A

It's Only Me said...

Thinking of you.

Pendell said...

Praying for you.

TBH, I'm not surprised Mr. Camping wasn't much help. I've been through management training, and one of the maxims is 'thou shalt never undercut thy subordinates'. Which is to say, if you're Big Boss and there's an argument between a lesser boss and an employee, Big Boss MUST always back the lesser boss unless it's something really egregious like child molestation or something.


Why? Because management has to trust the middle managers. Someone like Harold Camping doesn't have time to second-guess his line managers over every personnel decision, or they'd never have time to get anything done during the course of the day. Lesser bosses also can't get anything done if they know that every decision they make will be countermanded by Big Boss. They become powerless and ineffectual, rubber stamps while Big Boss makes all the decisions.

Consequently Big Boss will always back his line managers unless you can prove that there is a problem and it's not you. And by 'prove' I mean documentary evidence, witness testimony and so forth.

So your choices are to make peace directly with your line management and reach some sort of accommodation, or find another job.

Somehow, being a Christian, I doubt you'll go for the 'hire a prostitute to seduce him, a private eye to photograph him in the act, then use the evidence to ruin his marriage, his job, and give him a nasty STD' plan. :)

You are loved, sis. I and Susan will be praying for you and Brad.

Respectfully,

Brian P.

Pendell said...

Been thinking more ... can human resources help you? They usually have a mediator or two on call to help solve situations like this.

Or have you already tried that?

Respectfully,

Brian P.

Arthur_of_Old said...

Hello,

I don't dislike the boss, but I am appalled at the base behavior he describes as professional. He would be better served to back off and to support those that have supported him so well.

Richard said...

After thinking about your job situation, a couple of thoughts came to mind.

1. Dr. Robert Cook would say on your network that if you can't work for the boss you have, do the work for God. Example: "God, I'm cleaning this bathroom for you today!" He'll honor that.

2. Could it be that God wants you out of there before Mr. Camping and his supporters get Biblical egg all over their faces in about 15 months? Perhaps moving to a better, more accurate ministry?

Praying for you about these things....