power corrupts

I am alive even though sometimes I wish otherwise. I still have a job and boss J. is still being an a**hole. There was a time when he wanted to do better, or at least he tried to do better.  I think that changed when his supervisor retired and they didn't replace him.  All of a sudden boss J. had *power.*  As a child I learned one thing about power - power corrupts.  So now boss J. acts as dictator over his little kingdom of Network Control. I hate to so say it because it is wrong to do so, but I hate the man.

I have been praying for myself and this department. I have adopted (and pray) Psalm 13. I cry because of the stress J. causes me, I skip church because I don't want to be around people, and I am just overwhelmingly depressed. I have never had a supervisor as bad as J.

"The meeting" finally happened and was everything I feared. Boss J. was his best politician self and got both Thad and board member Bill on his side before the meeting ever happened. It was a long meeting where they mostly beat up on me telling me I had to trust J. (um, isn't trust something that's earned?) and other nonsensical stuff.  J. made a few empty promises to do better in certain areas. I have no hope of his following through.  He has truly deceived himself that he is hurting me for my own good.   The real reason is power of course. I have never seen a man more enamored with power.

Internet-wise, boss J. let me have 50 minutes of Internet use between 10 and 10:50 pm when I get off.  At the meeting I asked for a very meager amount of time online - just 3 hours total minus any time handling problems and such, but in the end I had to settle for 8:20 pm to 10:50pm - just 2 1/2 hours. So they are still being hard asses and relegating me to staring at a wall the rest of my shift.

I'm wearing all black all the time. I am in permanent mourning for what J. has done to this department.  No one likes him.  The overnight girl thinks he's an "idiot," and of course Brad and I have been on the receiving end of his power mongering for a long time now.  I stopped at Old Navy earlier this week and bought some black tank tops, another pair of black yoga pants (they are so comfortable!), and a black purse.  Everything except the pants were on sale.  :) I bought more black nail polish today. I'm pairing down my closet and need to box up all my non-black clothes.

Brad and I are still planning on moving into the one bedroom apartment in the front of the building. It still isn't ready, nearly two months after it was supposed to be ready.  :-p

Gym time has been minimal, mostly just because I'm too depressed to motivate myself to go.  The constant rescheduling of "the meeting" has also played a part in some missed sessions. The lack of heavy exercise has not helped my weight. Most of my exercise is just walking places to save on bus fare - not anything that burns many calories.

My weight is continuing to climb.  I'm up around 20 pounds at the moment.  I am trying so hard to be good, but then something comes along and knocks me for a loop and I binge.  I have come to understand that I have Binge Eating Disorder.  The basic definition is to eat past the point of being full at least twice a week; this behavior must continue to three months or six months - I've seen both numbers. By the three month definition I am already there.  :(

Anyway, so that's another update.



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