Forgiveness and Grace

Well, I got hit with the "clue by four" yesterday and it was QUITE painful. God's tried various ways to love me back to Him, but when that failed to work, He pulled out the "clue by four" and whapped me with it. It got my attention, I'll tell you that!

Among the stupid sinful stuff I've been doing, I did something else just as stupid yesterday, and this one I will share with you all - I got drunk. Not just got drunk, but then proceded to seriously get sick and threw up into the toilet for a while. Then as I lay in bed feeling awful I realized I'd been thwapped.

I crawled off to City Church this morning still feeling a bit hungover, and it all stops here today. I'm putting this secret sin I've been indulging in behind me (not the drinking since some drinking isn't wrong IMHO, I just overdid it majorly - the other thing) and I want to start over with God again. I felt so ashamed in church today, and all I wanted from God was for Him to forgive me. And I needed to be reminded of grace.

And grace I got. Because not only does He forgive, but He invites me to the table. The wine and bread have never meant so much to me. Me, who was screwing up in so many ways yesterdays, partaking in so many sins...He invites me to the table! I can't tell you what a beautiful thing that was today, to be able to take the wine and bread and know that He accepts me and cleanses me.

I feel both overwhelming sadness and happiness right now.

I don't know why I do this sometimes, going off my own way and hurting the One who loves me most. He's given me so many good gifts lately, and I just snubbed my nose at Him and took the gifts and used them on my own selfish desires. How stupid could I have been?

So God, I ask for Your forgiveness and I thank You for it. I thank You for getting my attention even if it had to hurt. And I thank You for the wonderful grace and beauty I saw in the table today. Thank You for letting me come. Thank You for grace.

He is so good.

Please, all of you, forgive me for my foolishness. I've been blind.