Broken

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I was PMing a friend last night about my Glory, part 3 note, which reminded me of the first two "Glory" notes (Glory and Glory, part 2), which reminded me that everything is as it is for God's glory. He will be glorified even in what is about to happen, even if I can't see how.

I woke up this morning from a dream thinking, "Don't give up on God" - a message not for me, but for all those who will be disillusioned by Mr. Camping's teachings when May 21 comes and goes without anything happening.

In the dream (I can barely remember) there was a list of things people would need to do after May 21, and "Don't give up on God" was the first thing on the list, the first thing these people need to remember when nothing happens on May 21.

I'm restless, waiting for the other shoe to drop, heartbroken. I weep over the judgment I see falling. I believe false prophets are one way God judges people who won't listen. I know this is His doing for His reasons, and I'm not mad at Him. I am just saddened.

Generally speaking,there are going to be three groups of people after May 21 - those who fall away entirely believing that Mr. Camping is teaching the Bible and therefore the Bible - and God - can't be trusted, those who cling to Mr. Camping's teachings no matter what, and (usually the smallest group) those who come to their senses, come out of Camping's teachings, and come to know the true God. I have seen a couple of people already come out. I know God has more and I need to be reminded of their existence to stay sane.

God's sovereignty is one of the few things that gives me hope in this.

I really didn't think this would effect me so much. But what is going on is truly demonic. I'm not that spiritually sensitive anymore - God took that away from me several years ago - but even I can feel the oppression that pervades my workplace. Fallen angels are delighting over Family Radio right now. It grieves me deep inside.

God does not rejoice over the death of the wicked (Ezekiel 18:23), but His holiness demands justice. If these people will not find their righteousness Christ, they will fall. They have itching ears (2 Timothy 2:3-4) and God has given them over to what they want because they will not listen (Psalm 81:11-12).

I have said that the anthropologist in me finds everything at Family Radio terribly exciting. But who I am deep down in my heart is a Christ-follower, and so in the deepest part of my being I am grieved, crying, broken.

I didn't know how grieved I felt until I knelt down to pray last night and dissolved into tears. I weep as I see a once faithful ministry, and many people, under God's judgment. I know the end will not be pretty, and I know I will see it, and so I grieve, and I pray that is His wrath, God will remember His children here and have mercy.

Romans 5:1-5 says "we exult in hope of the glory of God" and that tribulation eventually produces hope. So even as I cry, I know all hope is not lost. I am seeing something I have only read about in the Bible played out in front of me (and it is sad), but God is still on His throne, and in complete control of
everything that is happening at Family Radio. In that is my hope.