Saturday, March 27, 2004

They Turned Off Our Water!, take 2

Now that I've had some time to process this, I realized I typed a bit too hastily in my rush to leave for work. I need to clarify what I wrote earlier today. The EBMUD guy actually dropped by our house looking for payment. This is for the December bill, mind you. I explained the owner was gone (Eden was also gone, probably at work). So he said he was turning off the water, and gave me the notice of doing so. I placed the notice on the kitchen table, along with my rent check, since April rent is coming due soon.

What I'm most mad about is a couple weeks ago Lou asked me for $250. In exchange, I'd be given 45 days to move out when I leave, instead of 30. He said he needed to pay the water bill or they would turn the water off. Well Lou, what did you do with that check, eh?

Ah well, I swore my next move would be to my own place. I'm tired of the roommate treadmill.

For now, I need to snag the two bottles of water in the kitchen before Lou remembers where they are. They were mine, and I'm going to take them back now. I can brush my teeth at work. Don't know what I'll do Friday, but Saturday I can brush them at church. Laundry I'll do at the laundromat again. If worse comes to worse, I can probably wash my hair in a sink here at work. Don't yet know what do to about the shower situation.

Ah well, another adventure on the path of life. LOL. I wonder if I'm doing something right and getting certain, er....things...pissed off at me. (c:


After church today, the Indonesian church came along and were all over, so after lunch we decided to have the money study at pastor's house. We also had to do something else - pray for Julia. Pastor and Becky's daughter ran away earlier this week (I think Sunday) and hasn't been seen since, though they did receive one phone call. They think she is staying with her birth mother. After the money study we stayed to pray for her and Steve and Becky, and even a little for her birth mother, Mary. Becky had stayed home from church in case Julia tried to come back to get some of her stuff. However, she did not show up.

My diet is not coming along well. There are so many bad carbs in this house. Some I am taking to church, but some I am eating. I had chocolate Malt O' Meal tonight because there was only really 1 serving left. And I want to learn how to make pizza dough so I can use the Atkin's bake mix and make my own low carb crust instead of the sky high refined carbs in Boboli.

Weird goings-on with scales. On Friday I weighed myself at Curves and came out to 206.8 pounds. When I was at the Crouch's today, they have a scale in their bathroom, so I decided to step on it. I noticed it was off by a few pounds - only a few - and I don't know if that is intentional or not. Anyway, their scale weighed me in at only 195 pounds! Now I know I was wearing lighter weight tennis shoes, but I had on a heavy velour dress. So how can their scale be off from the scale at Curves by 10+ pounds?! My dress today would have made up for the different shoes. Could regular bathroom scales, even set at dead zero, be off by that much?

Sunday, March 21, 2004


Short on time today, but I wanted to say happy birthday to my blog, which turned one year old a few days ago! :)

I'm still struggling with a sore throat. I did go to the doctor Tuesday, but by then I was starting to feel better. However, I haven't gotten better. I still have a sore and/or leathery throat every day. I don't know what's up, as I have NO other symptoms.

The doctor and I talked about new medication, and he prescribed me Wellbutrin. I will see him back in 2 months (one month to get the medication from Canada, and one month to try it out.

Due to water retention, I ended the month with only a 3.8 pound net loss. I lost some inches in various places, however, so hopefully there was some muscle gain. My body fat percentage dropped 0.6 percent. I am faithfully working my toosh off 3 times a week and trying to eat low carb, though on no specific diet.

Monday, March 15, 2004

Yep, I'm sick..., take 2

...and sick enough to see the doctor tomorrow. A three day sore throat just isn't normal. Have no idea what's wrong. Guess we will find out. They will have to gag me with a throat culture I'm sure. No going to Curves until I know what's wrong and go back to work. :-p Today I did just a little working out at home. Totally freaked out poor Xena. She had never seen me excercise before and she was pretty scared.

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Yep, I'm sick...

Yep, I'm sick. I still have the sore throat today, and now the lymth glands on both sides on my neck are swollen and tender. Yesterday just the left side was. Bleh. I called Davina last night, got her to fill in for me, and I'm taking a sick day.

Saturday, March 13, 2004

"S" is for "Stress" and "Sick"

Last Sunday (the day after the incident with Anita), Eleanor came over so I could try on a dress she bought me (it didn't fit). Abby initially hid when she called to say she was close because the sound of the phone, and me walking quickly toward her to get the phone, scared her. But when Eleanor came in the house, she came out from under the bed. She didn't let Eleanor near her, but to have her show herself at all is pretty good! I'm slowly making progress with her. :)

This was a busy week. I got in four workouts at Curves, and lost another three pounds. Check out my fitness journal to see how I'm doing.

We got rid of Windows NT at work and installed Windows 2000. The IT guy was on my computer for my entire shift Wednesday. They took away our IM (now their excuse it that it's a security risk), failed to install Java so we can't play Yahoo games, and failed to install the printer driver. It made trying to print out the bulletin real fun. Maybe next week we can get back some of the things.

I think I'm getting sick AGAIN. I have never been sick so often before, so I know it's all the excess stress starting with my casting out from EW, and continuing with trying to add excercise and diet into an already crammed schedule. I get a half hour less sleep on days I excercise, and on days I don't, it's because I have errands and have to get up even earlier. I've had a sore throat all day today. All I can do is dose on vitamin C and take echinacea and goldenseal.

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Trust and Forgive

It's time to move on to the next step God calls me to. Yesterday night on the way home from work (yes, I worked a half shift Saturday night...I can use the overtime) I prayed and told God that I'll say the words. I don't know if I could mean them, but I'll say them and hope that the feelings follow.

So I told God that I was giving them over to Him, and I named them each (including those who believed what she told them and never gave me a chance to speak for myself), and said that He could take them and do what He wanted, whether it was justice or mercy.

I wish I could say it was a stunning success and that I've forgiven them and it's all over now, but life is rarely that simple. I can say this...the words felt like more than just words when I said them, and for the first time I was able to smile about the whole thing. I felt freedom, if only for a moment. Then it shifted back.

I'm still hurt and bitter, but God calls me to do this nearly impossible thing. I have been praying that He would help me to forgive. Since praying that has done no good, I will just have to keep giving them over to Him again and again. My anger and bitterness hurts no one but me.

God is with me and I'll be okay. Now I'm just in the long, slow process of learning to trust people again. Honestly, I was hurt so bad that I am having trouble trusting Christians that I meet online. I'm just waiting for the boom to be lowered. :(


Yesterday when Anita drove me home from church, Abby acted strange when I got home. Anita had to help me up to my apartment because I had too much stuff, so we both walked in together. Abby and Xena were in the middle of the living room floor, and Abby didn't bolt under the bed. In fact, she stayed out the entire time Anita was there, until Anita got close enough to touch her. Abby put up with a couple pets until she turned around and realized that it wasn't me touching her. Then she ran under the bed.

She's come out before when the front door was open, hoping to find a way to get outside. But yesterday the door was closed, so she had nothing to gain by staying out in the open, and everything to lose. I really hope this is the beginning of her learning to trust other humans.

Saturday, March 06, 2004

Let's lose weight!

Well first, I set up a little site this morning to be able to record my measurements on. The coding needs some work (not sure why it's displaying the way it is), but the info. is there and I hope to update my measurements monthly (when I am weighed and measured at Curves).

My current approach isn't really dieting, but rather redoubling my efforts to eat healthier, only eating when I am hungry, taking diet pills and drinking green tea (1 cup per day), and keeping a journal of what I do eat during the day.

I did better today because it was Saturday which means CHURCH! :) Jane brought a chicken noodle soup made with whole wheat noodles to the potluck. Becky brought chicken and homemade wheat bread (still warm!). Someone brought a salad, and Anita brought a veggie platter and a fruit platter. I ate lots of celery because I was told it had "negative calories" - the energy your body uses to digest it is more than it contains. I had some mashed potatoes, but only a little.

Jane gave me the leftover soup to take home, and Anita gave me what was left of the veggie and fruit platters (mostly veggies).

I also asked for prayer for my weight loss and exercise during the Sharing and Prayer Time. It certainly can't hurt to ask for God's help.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Being Used By God

Monday's devotional reading was about God giving us the strength to do things for Him - helping and encouraging people, sharing our story, overcoming fear through faith, etc. It encouraged us to pray that God would strengthen and use us, so Monday night I prayed that God would use me on Tuesday. Well, He did! Tuesday I got to help train Devina at work. It was her first day and I had so much to teach her. Maybe not what I expected, but God moved everything into postion before I even prayed! Not bad, I'd say!

I'm going to have to change meds. The Zoloft's effectiveness is waning and the anxiety and depression are starting to come back. I have a doctor appointment the end of the month. I will talk with the doctor then.

I have't made it to Curves this week. I planned to go Monday, but then I thought I was running short on time, so I went straight to work - and arrived an hour early. So - I'm so proud of myself - I went for a walk down to the Hilton and back...20 minutes or so. :) I'll go later today for sure.