I've been going through all my old journals looking for poetry to type up and put on a poetry site I'm working on. Some of the stuff dates as far back as 1990, the first time I attempted to keep ANY kind of records. Well, along with all the old poetry I'm reading, I'm also reading some of my old entries. After wading through some of the older journals today (1992-1993), I had to pull out my Walkman and put some Christian music on. I just couldn't take anymore.
I remember being the girl I see in these pages, but I don't recognize her anymore. It hurts. I put myself through so much needless pain, and for what? I can't think of a single good thing I gained.
Anyway, I wanted to share with you something I wrote about Wicca and Christianity back in March and April of 1993, about 3 years before I actually became a Christian. It's so sad and I wish I could have changed the girl I see here. Alas, only time and God can make that sort of change in a person. I was 22 year old when this was written.
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3/30/93 and 4/2/93
The Craft is, to me, more a religion than anything else. I like that it recognizes the feminine as well as the masculine. I really like worshipping the Lady and the Lord. They don't seem to be like the angry, jealous Christian God. They seem fun, like to party, and have a sense of humor. They seem more loving.
I like the magick in the Craft, too. It empowers me and makes me feel like I can have some control over circumstances. I feel like I can do something. I'm not completely helpless anymore. When I was a child I wanted to believe in magick; now I know it exists. The Craft is a fun, empowering religion. It has more to do with Life and the here and now than with the afterlife, like Christianity does. It has so far proven itself to me.
Why else does Wicca make sense to me? Well, don't you think the Lord and Lady like to party? Don't you think they want us to be happy This cannot be accomplished by abstinence from anything fun. Christianity's main problem is that pleasure is a sin. If it is, then why did God give us THC receptors in our brains, and verve ending on our backs and erogenous zones? No. They were put there for pleasure and, of course, procreation. The Lord and Lady want the race to survive and be happy. The reason we feel pleasure and have alcohol, pot, peyote, etc. is pleasure. And when we party, don't you think they join in or at least rejoice that we are happy? They do not want us to spend our time trying to control biological urges, spend our time trying not to think of sex, drugs, and rock and roll. There is a part in the Charge of the Goddess that goes "All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals." This, to me, is the kind of deity I want to worship. Not one who is going to send me to hell for fulfilling biological needs and partying on Friday nights.
May the Lord and Lady truly bless me in all that I do. So mote it be!
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