Sunday, January 23, 2005

My trigger points - Just venting, take 5

I wrote:
It's funny - right after one of N's e-mail's to me was an e-mail from a Pagan friend entiled "In the Day of Trouble"

Ok, God's trying to tell me something. I decided to get serious with God again...I really have no choice anyway with the hell this past weekend has been. Friday and Saturday sucked exceptionally.

Anyway, at City Church I sit near the front and am therefore one of the first people to get communion. I take the cracker and wine back to my seat and sit there thinking (and often praying) while everyone else goes forward. That short little quiet time with God is often rewarding.

Today I just basically thought of everything that happened in the past week, and the last two months, telling Him I wanted to come back, for Him to please accept me back, that I was so sorry for all the things I've done lately. I was on the verge of tears as I prayed this holding the bread and wine in my hands. Why? Because He does accept me, and tells me so by inviting me to the table.

So anyway, church finishes and I head to work, and I check my e-mail and there's another e-mail from the same Pagan friend. This one is entitled "Prayer of Confession and Restoration." It's like he's following me around, knowing just what I need. Perhaps he's reading my blog and that's how he knows, though the first e-mail was sent before this weekend, and the last time I updated my blog was late December, just before New Year's.

Yes God, I want to come back, back home where I belong, to be forgiven and restored, to start over once again. I have been the stupid prodigal daughter thinking that she could ignore you and make it on her own. But it's so empty without You. Only You can fill the hole in my soul, for You created it to fit only You. Let's start again, Daddy. I need You.

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