Yesterday at church I was actually smiling. I was happy, for no real reason at all. Even in Sabbath School when we studied Titus 2 and 3 which touches on the issue of church discipline, and we discussed that for the whole time. I smiled through that all. It can't touch me now. Those who have hurt me have showed their true colors, and my church has shown theirs.
I feel like I am slowly emerging from a dark tunnel. It started back at Conference. It was only at Conference that I was in a place to listen and respond to God - a totally safe place where my issues don't matter to those around me, hense they won't judge me. Only in that sacred time and space could I truly begin to heal. The worst is over, the storm came and went, and by the grace of God, I still stand. Now the damage from the hurricane must be cleaned up and mended. Conference was the beginning of this process.
It was especially hard to not feel the presense of God when all this started in January. I would lay crying out to Him, wounded to the heart, and I got no response, felt nothing. It was hard to go forward. I felt like I was standing alone in the storm.
It in often only when the rain ceases and the clouds clear and the sun begins to peek out, that you can see that, alone or not, you were supernaturally protected from doing something really stupid, like walking away and chucking the whole Christian faith. He is in control of the storm, and will never let us be tested beyond what we can bear.
Father, praise You. Thank You for bringing me through the dark night of the soul into the light of a new day. The dawn I am witnessing is breathtaking.
Blessed be Your name, when I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be Your name.
Blessed be Your name, on the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name.
--"Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt and Beth Redman
Thank You, Father, for teaching me this song.
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