Talking to my pastor, and a confession

Bleh.

Well, I took Brian's advice and talked to my pastor yesterday, outlining some of the things in K's e-mail. He agreed with you on one point, Brian. People shouldn't feel broken over other peoples' sin, only their own.

I told him how I was afraid that I would mess up (like when I was booted), that K would find out, and then she would tell pastor. He suggested that I tell him first if I do, rather than him hearing it from her. Strangely enough, that makes me feel better. Not that I would (or wouldn't) tell him, but to know that if I am truly sorry that I won't be judged. I realized that since they booted me and made sure Pastor Steve knew everything, I have been afraid that my church would treat me the same. It appears now, happily, that I may have been wrong.

I don't know if he heard me in the jumble, but I did say that I had failed once since we had last talked, though I don't think I said when. In truth, it had been just the night before (this past Friday).

Pastor said that he prays for me, but that this particular thing had slipped, but said he would start praying about it for me again.

I've confessed to God and asked for forgiveness, but I still feel guilty. It's doubly bad because I think God tried to stop me. All of a sudden when I started trying to do things I shouldn't, my computer started going REAL slow and acting strange. I know from experience that I have to shut everything down and restart. Which I did. All this took several minutes during which time God was saying, "Don't do it, Victoria. Stop now before you do something you'll regret." But do I listen? Nooooo. I restart the dang thing and proceed on to stuff I shouldn't be involved in. So now I feel dirty for failing when God gave me an open door through the computer trouble to walk away and gave me several minutes of warnings. Why do I consistently fail to listen to Him?