The Dream

Last night I couldn't sleep. I took a shower around midnight figuring it has to be done and I wasn't getting to sleep anytime soon so I should take advantage of the time. Around 2:15 I was still wide awake. I used a visualization of me in the Goddess' arms and this calmed me down. I woke up at 3 a.m. sharp, from a nightmare. Usually a nightmare will just blend away into the rest of the night and I sleep fitfully. But this time was different. I slowly came "up" from sleep to a waking state, and I remembered every detail of the dream. I lay there a minute, deciding if I should write it down. I finally did.

In the dream I was walking to school, and it was night (I always walk from school at night, so this is already strange). The next things I know there is a van, and the Satanist guy from my class is driving it. Then, in the way dreams just "move," I was in the van, in the passenger seat. No invitation, no acceptance on my part, just there.

I ask him to let me out at the next block, but he doesn't. So I try to talk him into letting me out, as I don't want to talk to him. I crawl behind the front seats, but I soon realize this won't do any good, so I crawl back up front. I can't avoid him merely by going to a different part of the van. I'm trying to stay away from religious conversation with this person.

The next thing I know we're away from the school. I ask him where we're going and he says for a bite to eat. Now somewhere in here I remember thinking that we should have arrived at the place, and I try to switch the scene to a restaurant, but it's never clear to me whether or not we were even out of the van (I must have been semi-awake at this point, as I've never had a lucid dream before). Sometime along the trip I tell him that I am a "white-light, fluffybunny" type. This seems to turn him off.

Now for the interpretation. Jim is convinced that this is just my subconscious playing out my fears. I think so, too. For instance, (and I forgot to tell this part), when I asked him what he wanted, he said to get to know me better. This comes from the fact that I stare at him in class, and he has caught me staring a few times. It is just my own fears of what he wants.

There is, however, heavy symbolism that does have meaning.

1. I am walking in the dark.

2. I am walking to school. This could be interpreted as walking to a place of learning, possibly learning about God.

3. He takes me away from the place of learning. This is one of my fears.

4. I am afraid that he wants to get to know me, that evil and/or Satan wants me.

5. I realize in the dream that I can't avoid the issue.

6. I find myself in the van without my consent. This is another fear.

So there it is. The stress is finally taking a high enough toll that it's encroaching on my dreams. I wasn't able to get back to sleep until about 4 this morning, after writing everything down. I slept the next 5 hours very soundly and peacefully. That was a relief.