Easter vigil and thoughts

Woke up this morning and the pull wasn't bugging me. I think I can relax a bit in this vein.

On T.V. on Bonanza (?) one of the major groups on this show was some Quaker (?) or some God-fearing group. Another call? But it isn't bothering me much. Maybe Jehovah will go away, or maybe He's just busy because it's Easter weekend. Yeah, right. He's God. He can do me and Easter weekend at the same time.

From a song on the radio this evening: "I loved you, You didn't feel the same. Though we're apart, You're in my heart. Give me one more chance to make it real." This was on the way to St. Mary's for Easter services for my class.

When to St. Mary's Cathedral for Easter Vigil services tonight. Lasted about 2 1/2 hours. There were a couple of magick moments, but only a couple. One was when the organ wads playing, a bell was ringing, and I looked up at the thing above the altar that looks like silver rain that some guy had told my symbolized the Holy Spirit's descent. I could almost imagine the Spirit descending. The other time was communion. I can't give the specific portion, but it was before people lined up to take it.

The guy sitting next to me said that even though I couldn't take communion (because I'm not Catholic) I could cross my arms over my breast and receive a blessing. I do so and the priest touched my head with his right hand.

My back hurt a lot during the service, decreasing it's magic.

I felt a little tug during the service, but it's nothing I can't ignore. From Monday on through Friday night it was a terrible pull. This morning it was gone. It came ever so little during the service, but is almost nothing now.

I wonder. Is God changing His tactic? Is He going to wait for me to come to Him, knowing I'll have to at some point? He has more patience than me. I have no doubt He can wait me out.

But the hate that I've been cultivating has made me stronger. As long as I hate God, I cannot love Him.

I woke up late this morning again - third day in a row. I think my body is just getting onto a vacation schedule.

So, is God going to chase after me, or wait me out? Will I come back?

It's about midnight as I write, but we go on daylight saving tonight and lost an hour of sleep, so I have to be up in 5 hours. And I do have to be up. I told Cynthia I'd help with breakfast, and I need to be at church at 8 to do that. But I am not tired. Don't know why. Maybe something to do with church tonight. Maybe to do with daylight saving. It's harder to sleep when you know you have to.