So the door lies open. Do I take the hand being offered, and let it lead me into the unknown darkness, or do I turn my back on it? The greater the darkness, the greater the chance for light. I know this. What will I do?
I keep trying to visualize a door with myself on one side and Jesus on the other. He has his hand outstretched toward me. I know I should take his hand, but no matter how hard I try I just can't. Maybe I'm just not quite ready.
I felt a bit of a "recommitting" when talking to J. this morning. I keep vacillating between seriously wanting to study Christianity and not. I know I must study, and today (unlike yesterday) I do feel more like doing it.
He {J.} compared my situation with hanging onto a branch hanging over a pit. There's no technique he can teach me for letting go; it just has to be done. I have to trust God.
That's where getting to know God comes in. He said I couldn't get to know God until I committed. We can't get to know God and build a relationship until we commit ourselves. I said something about knowing or trusting the Goddess or some such before I committed to Her - until I remembered my initiation, and come to think of it now, my dedication a year earlier. I pledged to love, honor, and by extension, serve these Beings who I really didn't know that well. He said I needed to do the same with Jehovah.
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