Praying

Last night in my prayers to Jehovah I felt that I needed to tack on a part about asking Him to help me love Him. I was very fervent and emphatic about this request. I don't know what emotion moved me to ask for this. Was it an irrational love asking for help finding a rational love - a love that comes from experiences and knowing? Or was it rather just a yearning for this loving Being? And what is this feeling in my heart? How did it get there? How did it start, and how is it nourished?

When I pray I have been asking to get to know the new God and learn about Him. I ask Him to tell me what He wants me to do so I can do it if I can. I get no response to this. In response to getting to know and learn of Him, the only thoughts I get are to do what I am doing - read. Read the Catholic book, read the Bible - just read. The ball is still in my court. God's Holy Spirit may be moving in my life, but I have to actively chase Him.

I'm not at all sure the light at the end of the tunnel isn't an oncoming train.

At the Pagan Interest Group at church {the Unitarian Universalist church} I have to "hide" who I am becoming. These people cannot support me in this search. There is no one I physically talk to on a regular basis who is there for me. Physically, I am alone in this, as in everything.