When I went to make coffee this morning, I found my mail, with two good arrivals - Hole in the Stone magazine, and a letter from Sc. (of Sc. and Su.). I opened the magazine straight away and looked for my article. It was there ! Then I remembered my letter to the editor. I looked, and it was there, too! Cut a bit, but it had all the important stuff.
I also called Charles Scott about last night. He said to only call in emergency, and this was not exactly, but I did need to talk to someone. We talking for about 1 1/2 hours I think. (I get special rates on weekends.) He gave me his idea of communion, and I told him why I wanted to take it.
The upshot of the call, the magazine arriving (with my Coming Home to Wicca article in it), and having a night to sleep on it, is that taking communion last night would have been wrong. I am not Christian; I am Wiccan, and Wiccan I shall remain. With the magazine arriving today my resolve was strengthened. This doesn't mean I'm setting aside Christianity, though. The search must go on. I think I just got caught up in the moment, and my tiredness didn't help.
I feel bad for making a fool out of myself in front of Paul, and for getting caught up in the moment. I will try to avoid future repeats. I will try to be more of who I am - a Wiccan.
If God wants me, He'll have to try harder. I will study the Bible still, but I am tired of actively looking so hard. Maybe I'll stop praying to Jehovah, or only pray for Christian friends. No more events - the energies always suck me in. I've got "cakes and wine." This should be good enough for me. This is my communion.
He's calling me away from someone who I love with all my heart - the Goddess. And I feel like I've lost touch with Her. This may be why I'm being drawn to Jehovah - it's another living presence to draw from. I must find a way to reconnect with Her, and make the need for Him no longer necessary.
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