Wednesday, July 14, 2004

I give the fuck up!, take 2

I've prayed and asked God to deal with the situation because it is beyond me. Maybe he just wants me to come to the end of myself, and frankly, I don't think I'm quite there yet.

God has allowed everything this year to happen, and I don't suppose fighting Him on it will do any good. It is as it is, and none of it took Him by surprize. He saw it all before it happened and was therefore in the midst of it when we in our time/space mindset got there. I missed Him before, but now I see that He was there, even if He could not be seen, even though He chose to remain silent and let me suffer.

It's true what the Bible says about Him not allowing us to be tested beyond what we're able (1 Cor. 10:13). When I finally reached the end of my strength and cried out, He answered and pulled me back from the edge of the cliff.

I know the lesson I am supposed to learn this year; it couldn't be clearer. But it frustrates me to no end that I can't grasp it. How *do* you forgive someone who feels justified in hurting you, and in fact believes it is love?

I have nowhere else to go, but following Him is truly hard.

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