The more time passes the more I am glad I was forced out. I hear stories filtering out and am just so glad that I am not forced to watch it all happen, unable to do anything. I am just too different from them.
Been praying about whether I should leave as mod of the depression forum to keep a repeat of this "former forum" from happening there, but I didn't have a peace about it, so for now I will stay. I wish I would have done the same then. I could have saved myself a lot of pain and feelings of violation. I let my desire for power and my desire to help others overcome my common sense.
God allowed me to be tried sorely, and allowed HER to whisper sweet nothings in my ear. They will never know how close I came to going back, and how it was God's hand that slapped HER down when I could take little more, to stay my hand from doing something I would regret. He let me be tried, but not beyond what I could handle - just to the edge. When I finally told God, from the heart, that I could not take much more, He stepped in. Good came out of this experience, though - I saw how much more powerful God is than HER. When I am tempted again, I will have something to make me stop and think.
So yes, Romans 8:28 has been at work, and God has managed to bring some small good out of the massive pain that could have destroyed me. I am still trying to forgive. So far all I can do is pray that I be forgiven for my unforgiveness. I know forgiveness would be true freedom; why can I not walk through that door? Untimate freedom will be when they are so far from my mind that they no longer merit any mention here. Lord, bring me to that place!
If I am such a bad judge of character, how can I be sure that anybody I allow myself to care about won't hurt me just as bad? Thank God for Brian, Christian Humor Refugee, especially the private folder I have access to, and my church.
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