Thursday, August 13, 2009

Epic Fail

Weight this morning after yesterday's binge: 134

This is a lower weight than I really am because I woke up dehydrated. It was unbearably hot and I slept on top of the covers last night, sweating.

Why do I binge? Sometimes I don't know myself. I just know that I have two ways of dealing with stress - drinking alcohol and eating crap. Why do I do destructive things to myself?

Normally I can binge and get right back on plan, but last night I went to sleep craving chow mien noodles. The little restaurant in the laundromat has them. I had that and macaroni and cheese when I washed my clothes today. I also had a cinnamon twist donut. I was craving that, too. And that was just breakfast. :-p

I ate lots more on my way to work and after I got to work. I feel like a fat cow today and the stress is joined by self loathing. I don't think I will weigh in this Sunday. Hopefully I can pull myself together and get back on plan tomorrow. :-p I need to get back on plan because the sugar am eating will cause me to break out.

The only exercise I got was about an hour of walking. I would have walked more but I was an hour late to work as it was.

I hate myself, I hate my life, I hate everything.

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2 comments:

Don Q. said...

Hey Victoria,

It is dissappointing to let yourself down, but there is not much worth hating yourself over. I know that you know this, but I expect its nice to hear every once in a while.

Hope the binge bugs leave you be!

Pendell said...

Sis,

*I* don't hate you. I think you're pretty wonderful. Brad must think so too, since he won't leave you alone :).

Two websites --- opposites of the same coin -- may be useful.

http://www.givesmehope.com/
http://www.fmylife.com/

Hmm ... how's the thyroid meds going? My grandmother had some really interesting moods when her thyroid went kaput. I have to wonder how much of what you're feeling is biology.

Respectfully,

Brian P.