More NutriSystem drama

Calories burned in exercise today: 85

I'm going to show a gain this week after my binge yesterday. I'm bloated and my fingers are puffy. I had to take my ring off with hand lotion. I was too scared to weight myself this morning. I am just drinking up and eating light and lower carb.

I'm better today, but still feeling bleh (a pre-coffee feeling even though I have had coffee) so I skipped the gym and slept in. I walked to work from BART for some exercise (30 minutes, about 85 calories burned), and stopped at WalMart for their store brand of Crystal Light, Special K Protein Water, and bread.

I know. Only two gym workouts this week. Slap me.

My protein and calories are on the low side today. Other than veggies all my other food is protein and I am still low on protein. Breakfast was a half cup cottage cheese with 1 scoop of Muscle Milk Light. Lunch will be a soy burger with fat free cheese (I never use a bun). Dinner will be a half cup cottage cheese with 1 scoop whey protein. Snack will be the NS nacho crisps. I'll have another half cup cottage cheese before bed.

Friday:
Brad and I will go for hopefully a very long walk. I'd like to go over 2 hours to burn off my liver glycogen.

Saturday:
Church. Dinner will be Boca cheeseburgers and tuna melts with fat free cheese on low-carb, whole wheat bread with fat free mayo. Veggies on the side and red wine (for me) and beer (for Brad).

Sunday:
I *will* go back to the gym.

ANewYouin2008 attacked me on the NutriSystem forums today. Here's what she wrote and my response in red.

"Umm Victoria, your post is sort of freaking me out. Not sure anyone knows how to respond to it, hence the silence on the thread today? Eating then making yourself throw up, esp when you plan to overeat, is bulimia. Have you ever thought of or talked to the counselors at NS or elsewhere about this practice you have."

It's not bulimia. I was sick to the point of pain. I have NEVER thrown up before. But you don't know me, so you seem to assume this is common.

"Someone stop me if I am making too much of this, but...it sounds like you found an excuse to overeat (taxes), had guilt about all you ate so you made you ate something else yourself sick feeling, then literally sick, to purge the food and the guilt. Then , right after, rationalizing that you needed to to feel better, then mention that this is not the first time this has happened."

No guilt here, honey. I always eat whatever I want when I do taxes. I gave up the guilt long ago. :) I didn't throw up because I felt guilty. I threw up because I was SICK. I physically felt better after, not mentally. I had some Diet 7-Up and a shortbread cookie to settle my tummy.

I did feel better, managed to get off work early and had some bad food when I got home (and didn't throw it up!).

"I am not saying this at all to judge you. All of us americans have to file our taxes or have in the last few / coming months. But, very few need a xanax to do it, and do a binge and purge cycle based on its event. And the tax company actually did your taxes, so I am not sure where the stress came from? I admire you and the weight you have lost. I am just worried for you and your health. This sounds like a very unhealthly cycle, both mentally and physically, that you discuss, even if it only happened once or a few times."

I did take Xanax. I suffer from depression and anxiety, professionally diagnosed and am under treatment. I take Xanax as needed for those stressful situations that might cause an anxiety attack. Surely you're not suggesting it's better to have an anxiety attack at the tax office??? Don't take this the wrong way, but unless you suffer from anxiety you can't understand what it's like and how little it can take to trigger it. I also take Celexa (an anti-depressant that also helps anxiety) every morning. Before I got on these meds my life was a living hell.

For the last time, I don't do a binge and purge cycle. This is the only the second time in my life I've been that sick (the first time was LONG ago and I didn't throw up)! Good grief. You don't even know me and are making all sorts of assumptions about my life. And because you don't know me, all your assumptions are wrong. My best friend was with me during the whole thing and he would say something if he felt there was a problem. I don't think I belong here. The Race to Goal and TLFC threads were much kinder to me. They know me so don't make false assumptions.

She came back and attacked me after that again. This time she claimed that to make up for my supposed bulimia I undereat and overexercise. I really hate people who think they know you better than anybody else. Making a diagnosis over the Internet! What lunacy!

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