Monday, March 30, 2009

Thinspiration

Calories eaten yesterday: 684 (I'm never hungry after I stuff myself the previous day)
Fat: 14g (18%)
Carbs: 56g (33%)
Protein: 84g (49%)
Weight this morning: 135
Calories burned in exercise today: 395

I've got to cut calories. Food rules and ruins my life. I skipped my cottage cheese before my workout and just had my protein shake. I had another shake after as usual. No protein after a workout means precious muscle mass loss. I want to be thin, but certainly not a stick.

My workout was one hour of weight training (always my favorite), followed by 30 minutes on a stationary bike. I met my monthly step goal today quite easily so I figured I could do the bike. It doesn't count steps, but if I don't need the steps then it's okay. :) I walked to work from BART as usual for the extra calorie burn and bus fare savings.

I know something is wrong with my relationship with food. I know I binge and that means an unhealthy relationship with food. I've been looking up some "thinspiration" pics on the Web and Flickr. I printed out a few to help me stay on track. I have really let my eating and stomach get the best of me. This is a very bad thing when your metabolism is as low as mine. I need to eat in accordance with my metabolism and "eat to live" rather than "live to eat." I need to embrace the hunger and cravings my anti-depressant gives me and remind myself that it is not true hunger, just a fake hunger induced by the med.

There's not much more to say, or rather, there's a lot to say but I don't know how to express it. My thoughts are a jumble and if I say the wrong thing people would get worried and jump all over me. So I think I need to stay quiet until I can sort it all out.

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1 comment:

Janey said...

I too am struggling with the bingeing. Apart from the weight gain issue my erratic eating makes me feel pretty ill as well.
Hope we can both put an end to it.
take care and good luck! x