Thursday, May 21, 2009

FEAR

Calories eaten yesterday: 1168
Fat: 20g (16%)
Carbs: 70g (25%)
Protein: 132g (46%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 262

Things at work just keep getting worse. No matter how much I improve it's never good enough. Only complete perfection is "enough." I never hear about the improvements, just the areas lacking. On top of that I think boss J is purposefully causing Conex switching problems to make sure I am right there during Open Forum. It's happened for two days straight now, at different times. I don't know whether he did it himself or whether he asked someone else to do it, but I have little doubt that he is doing it looking to make sure I am standing right there at the switches, and if I am not, having a reason to fire me.

Yes, he wants me gone. There is not a doubt in my mind. He doesn't like me personally or professionally. I am trying so hard, but it seems everything is a forgone conclusion. FEAR pervades this place when he is here, and long after he leaves, and that is how he "supervises" - through fear. If "perfect love casteth out fear" (1 John 4:18) which spirit is he acting in? Where is the mercy?

And so I live in fear - of boss J, of my job, of my livelihood. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an angry boss. I am praying that God will soften his heart to show mercy, and give me favor in his eyes. Please pray for me. Only God can change him.

The ironically funny part of all this is it started because I had logged a mistake. I am being punished for telling the truth! If I hadn't logged it, no one would have known better. No stations or programming were affected. No one was hurt. No programming was lost. Nada. Nothing. And yet it has snowballed into an effort to get me fired. My stomach is always in knots.

J is out of control and needs to be reigned in. God help us all.

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Today was laundry day. I got a late start because all this trouble at work has made me absent-minded. I couldn't find my keys and spent a half hour looking for them. I finally found them in a spot I never would have expected - the inside pocket of my backpack. They were supposed to be in my purse, but an angry boss makes for a stressed out and absent-minded Victoria.

Having found the keys I walked to the laundromat, did the laundry, walked back and put it away, then had some breakfast (1 cup of liquid egg whites). Then I walked to the train, and walked from my stop into work - about an hour and a half total.

Weekend plans - tomorrow is groceries and food prep, then Brad will take me to Costco. Saturday is church in the morning and Applebee's that night for drinks because today is payday. Sunday I hope to weigh-in and then hike with Brad before work.

I'll be posting a book review this weekend (about Jeane Dixon & Edgar Cayce). Watch for that. I came into possession of some out-of-print books a while back so I have been busy reading and reviewing them. Most are available used through Amazon.

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2 comments:

Arthur_of_Old said...

Victoria, we do not need fear Jon, but fear in the context of doing what is right in the "eyes of God". Then, if Jon do wrongly it is under God's power and judgment. Christians, like Christ are perfected in suffering. IF Jon is apart form the Spirit of God in this, we should not contend with the Spirit to show him good. For, we must give good for evil. Let us pray to God for mercy and not depend on Jon for it. Let us work in the Righteousness of the risen Lord. Jesus of Nazareth. He will do us good and bring to good all things as we follow after Him.

Proverbs 3: 5 & 6!

Carol Bardelli said...

You're in my prayers, Victoria.