Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Banned to the bone

I ended up binging yesterday so I don't have any stats. It was a rough day. I was crying and shaking and had to take 9mg of Xanax (a hefty dose) to calm myself down. As of January 1 I have been banned from the Internet forever at work. It's purely punitive - my boss wants me to either quit out of boredom, or have a reason to fire me if he catches me. My boss has made it no secret that he does not like me. The feeling became mutual.

This was precipitated by an incident last week - which I got chewed out (twice!) for, and then a document was written up yesterday which he made me sign. Funny, but the other party at fault didn't get any punishment, but that's because they have a different boss.

This document goes too far and he has backed himself into a corner with it - even if he realizes he's wrong he can't back out. I took the extraordinary step of calling one of the people on the Board of Directors at their home last night. He said we'd take it up after Christmas since the board member is not at work today and he is leaving before I come in tomorrow.

This is very serious. My boss has my personnel file and will use it against me. I need to pull together a document with all the bad things and overreactions Jon has done. I also still have the video where he jokes about having "power" when he became the boss of this department. He is going to pull out all the stops to get me fired, and I have to do likewise.

I am not going to go "quietly into that good night" this time. Last time I had to talk to the board member he counseled me to let it blow over and do nothing. That is not an option this time. There is too much at stake.

I know I need to pray - God is is ultimate control and I will need Him to act in this situation. I am reminded a long time ago of a troll on a forum about depression where I was a co-mod. I was not allowed to ban her unless she stepped over the line, and she was walking the line, but not quite over it so I couldn't ban her. I prayed hard for two days asking God to do one of two things - 1) calm her down so she could become a contributing member of our community, or 2) have her go so berserk that I would have a reason to ban her. Within two days she went completely crazy and I had cause to ban her.

I can still post to my blog via my work e-mail address since I have not been banned from e-mail. The following security text will appear on any blog post done this way:

__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signature database 4713 (20091223) __________The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.

There is no way to get rid of this. It's automatically appended to all e-mails sent from my work addy. I can't post from my home address because I have to get online to do that.

I binged out of pure stress yesterday - I don't even remember what I ate! I called Brad and he picked me up at work at the end of my shift and took me home. I was too depressed to make it to the gym today and I got a late start so I didn't do any walking.

Prayer are appreciated if you are the praying type. I know God has to be involved in this.

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