Happy New Year!

So long to '09!



Calories eaten yesterday: 794
Fat: 21g (28%)
Carbs: 66g (38%)
Protein: 61g (34%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 204

Happy new year everyone! It’s late on new year’s eve as I type this. I’m pretty much binging. :-p I ate my way to work after doing the laundry. At least I got over an hour of walking in. Fueled by sugar, I had plenty of energy.

Tonight Brad and I are having pizza and drinking champagne (ok, technically sparkling wine). Tomorrow is Friday which means grocery shopping. Brad won’t get much sleep tonight since he’ll be up late and then has to get up at 6 a.m. tomorrow, but I promised him an early bedtime Friday night.

Saturday is church. We are doing communion this week. I bake the bread, and this time pastor asked me to serve it. :)

As for my diet, I’ll eat healthy tomorrow, restart on Sunday, and stay on plan (with Saturday being a "cheat day"), until my birthday. I’m off plan on my birthday and then I can really start over without having to worry about any holiday coming up. :) I can’t wait.

See you all in 2010!

DMV

Calories burned in exercise today: 204

I binged yesterday so I have no stats. I weighed about 150 this morning (yes 150!), but I didn't take an official weight.

Today I skipped the gym to go to the DMV. I chose the one near to where I work. Exercise was walking down to the train, then from my stop to the DMV, then the rest of the way into work - 1 hour 10 minutes and about 3.6 miles total.

The DMV didn't take that long - I was in and out in probably about an hour. My ID card is expiring in about two weeks (my birthday) so I had to pay for a new one and have my photo taken. I wrote down 150 for my weight on the form.

A secretary down the hall, S., says I should talk to Rich H. downstairs about boss J. and harassment. Oh boy. There's a can of worms, but one I think should probably be opened.

On the apartment front I talked to the owner today who says the front apartment will be ready in about two weeks. He had trouble getting the electricians scheduled, but they are now and he says he should be able to zoom through the rest once that is done. The apartment needs lots more outlets to be brought up to code.

I talked to him about the fridge and discovered that I currently have a 14 cubit foot one. He promised me a 16 foot one when I move in. The one currently in the apartment looks to be about 12 feet and is smaller than my current one. I think I had a 12 foot when I moved in, but it broke and was replaced with the current 14 foot.

Crushed and devastated

Calories eaten yesterday: 1267
Fat: 30g (24%)
Carbs: 67g (24%)
Protein: 152g (52%)
Weight this morning: 138.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

I don’t know where to start. Bill (on the board of directors) doesn’t want to do anything. He wouldn’t read the paper I wrote and lost the paper I gave him that Jon wrote! So I am left to die a slow and tortuous death at the hands of a boss who hates me and wants to get rid of me. Additionally, Bill is worried what would happen if Jon pulls out my personnel file, something he would surely do if we press the matter. Jon wants me gone and my file with every "sin" I’ve ever committed on the job would be powerful ammunition.

I am crushed, devastated, binging, feeling like all hope is gone. It looks like 2010 is going to suck; I have a boss who is out for blood and nobody to take my side. I feel like one of the three most important things has been taken from me; faith, hope, and love are the three greatest things according to the Bible, and I am having hope ripped from me.

Good bye to all my Facebook friends. I will miss you. My computer time at home is extremely limited. Beginning January 1 I will now spend my days at work staring at a wall for 8 hours, with nothing to do and no hope of things ever getting better – as long as Jon is boss, and I don’t see that changing.

I am crushed. I really don’t know any other way to say it. :(

I’m not going to the gym tomorrow. My state ID card is about to expire so I need to get a new one and that means a trip to the DMV. So exercise tomorrow will be plenty of walking to get to the DMV. I’ll go to the one close to work which is in a less nice section of town and therefore less busy (most people want to go to the nicer Claremont branch).

Speaking of ID cards, while walking to work yesterday I came across two ID cards on the sidewalk just up the street from the DMV. I picked them up and, since ID cards have addresses, will send them back to the people. Someone did this to me once when I lost my ID, so it’s time to "pay to forward." :)

Stairmaster

Calories eaten yesterday: 903
Fat: 16g (18%)
Carbs: 69g (34%)
Protein: 100g (48%)
Weight this morning: 141.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 415

Still in the 140s. I am so fat. :-p

Made it to the gym today. I did about 35 minutes of weight training and then spent an hour on the stairmaster. Afterwards, I walked into work from the train station.

Didn't get to talk with Bill today about the trouble at work. He wasn't in his office when I checked, and by the time I went down to leave a note for him he had already left! Argh! Hopefully tomorrow I can catch him. :-p

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in for once. I have no errands to run. :)

Christmas

Calories eaten Thursday: 1427 (I know - why too much food!)
Fat: 24g (16%)
Carbs: 66g (18%)
Protein: 113g (32%)

Friday was Christmas Day so I was off plan.

Weight Thursday morning: 141.4

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 277
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 255

Friday Brad got off a little early and we hit Safeway because they were closing early for Christmas. We spent the rest of the day at home relaxing and had a Christmas dinner of Cornish games hens, cauliflower potatoes, and rum cake. Yes, I ate almost all the rum cake myself. :-p

Saturday Brad was tired so we left church after the service. He crashed on my bed while I puttered around the house doing household stuff. In the evening we went to Costco and then I had to work from 7-11 pm. Afterwards we went to Applebee's for drinks since we didn't get to go last week.

When we got home I found the Alli pills I bought at Costco missing and I had torn up and thrown away the receipt at work! Since I couldn't do anything right then, we sipped wine and ate McDonald's and stayed up pretty late.

I woke up at 9:30 and saw it wasn't raining and could even see some blue sky. I pulled Brad out of bed and we came to work, found the pieces of the receipt and taped it together. We went back to the store and the cashier remembered that she had forgotten to put the Alli in my cart. So we got the pills.

We also ended up buying napkins and See's candy gifts certificates (those are for my Mom). Brad also upgraded to the Executive membership. :) Along with the we got a coupon for a free Costco pizza. I am thinking of having Brad pick up the pizza Wednesday and then eating it Thursday since I will be off plan for New Year's Eve and we needed something for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. :)

We managed a walk along the San Leandro shoreline before work.

Tomorrow is my meeting the one of the members of the Board of Directors here about the problems with boss Jon. He has no one over him, so I have to go to the board member. I hope to hit the gym before I come into work.

Christmas Eve Day

Merry Christmas everyone!
Calories eaten yesterday: 1010
Fat: 9g (9%)
Carbs: 79g (36%)
Protein: 89g (39%)
Weight this morning: 141.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 277

Back into the 140s again. *sigh* I just need to suck it up and learn to fast. I'm a fat pig.

Today was laundry. I walked to the laundromat and back, then down to the train, then from my stop to work. I stopped at WalMart to give some money to the Salvation Army bell ringer and pick up a few items. Over 1 1/2 hours of total walking and I skipped breakfast. :)

I'm too upset to be very hungry so I sent my salad back home with Brad when I got to work. I'm not going to eat the sardines I packed, but I left them in the fridge here for next week.

Tonight I'll be up late. When I get home I have to hop in the shower, then cook the cauliflower potatoes and rum cake for Christmas dinner. Brad is supposed to buy some meat for us and cook it.

Tomorrow Brad has to work and we are going to Safeway after he gets off. I arranged for him to get off 1 hour early because the store closes really early.

Saturday after church we have to hit Costco, and then I am working 7 pm-11 pm. I need the overtime.

See you all Sunday! No weigh-ins until after my birthday, though.

Banned to the bone

I ended up binging yesterday so I don't have any stats. It was a rough day. I was crying and shaking and had to take 9mg of Xanax (a hefty dose) to calm myself down. As of January 1 I have been banned from the Internet forever at work. It's purely punitive - my boss wants me to either quit out of boredom, or have a reason to fire me if he catches me. My boss has made it no secret that he does not like me. The feeling became mutual.

This was precipitated by an incident last week - which I got chewed out (twice!) for, and then a document was written up yesterday which he made me sign. Funny, but the other party at fault didn't get any punishment, but that's because they have a different boss.

This document goes too far and he has backed himself into a corner with it - even if he realizes he's wrong he can't back out. I took the extraordinary step of calling one of the people on the Board of Directors at their home last night. He said we'd take it up after Christmas since the board member is not at work today and he is leaving before I come in tomorrow.

This is very serious. My boss has my personnel file and will use it against me. I need to pull together a document with all the bad things and overreactions Jon has done. I also still have the video where he jokes about having "power" when he became the boss of this department. He is going to pull out all the stops to get me fired, and I have to do likewise.

I am not going to go "quietly into that good night" this time. Last time I had to talk to the board member he counseled me to let it blow over and do nothing. That is not an option this time. There is too much at stake.

I know I need to pray - God is is ultimate control and I will need Him to act in this situation. I am reminded a long time ago of a troll on a forum about depression where I was a co-mod. I was not allowed to ban her unless she stepped over the line, and she was walking the line, but not quite over it so I couldn't ban her. I prayed hard for two days asking God to do one of two things - 1) calm her down so she could become a contributing member of our community, or 2) have her go so berserk that I would have a reason to ban her. Within two days she went completely crazy and I had cause to ban her.

I can still post to my blog via my work e-mail address since I have not been banned from e-mail. The following security text will appear on any blog post done this way:

__________ Information from ESET Smart Security, version of virus signature database 4713 (20091223) __________The message was checked by ESET Smart Security.http://www.eset.com

There is no way to get rid of this. It's automatically appended to all e-mails sent from my work addy. I can't post from my home address because I have to get online to do that.

I binged out of pure stress yesterday - I don't even remember what I ate! I called Brad and he picked me up at work at the end of my shift and took me home. I was too depressed to make it to the gym today and I got a late start so I didn't do any walking.

Prayer are appreciated if you are the praying type. I know God has to be involved in this.

Bad bosses

Calories eaten yesterday: 1355 (I hate that I eat so damn much!)
Fat: 32g (24%)
Carbs: 79g (26%)
Protein: 161g (51%)
Weight this morning: 136.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 190

Went into the City today and got my mail. The property check was there. All of the money is spoken for, including groceries next week. I'm still trying to get Christmas coverage sorted out for Brad and get my birthday off for both of us. Boss J. is being his usual hard ass self - some people don't belong in management because they lack people skills, and J. is one of them. The confirmations that were already sent are not good enough for him and he wants everything confirmed again in exactly the way he wants.

Anyway, he's making it hard for Brad to get off a little early on Christmas, and making it hard for either of us to have my birthday off. So three days before Christmas and I am still pulling my hair out trying to get Brad off even a tiny bit early and still trying to get my birthday covered exactly the way he wants. Damn I wish he's be taken out of management as much as he wants me out of his department. Some people let power go to their heads and he is one of them. :-p

Tomorrow I plan to go to the gym. Thursday is laundry, work, and then I am cooking stuff for Christmas when I get home - cauliflower potatoes and rum cake. Today I picked up some light egg nog for Christmas dinner and Brad already bought us a nice bottle of wine. :)

I'm not proud...I'm simply stating a fact

Calories eaten yesterday: 766
Fat: 6g (8%)
Carbs: 72g (42%)
Protein: 90g (51%)
Weight this morning: 136.6
Calories burned in exercise today: 404

To address a nasty comment I received, no, I'm not proud I have an eating disorder. That's too silly to even bother to address. I am simply stating a fact. It's time to face up to it. I'm not going to stick my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist, because it does.

I am proud of my good accomplishments - weight loss, working out, etc. - not something that I didn't choose and don't want! Get real, and please, if you can't say something nice, keep it to yourself.

Today I went to the gym. I'm trying to cut back on weight training and do more cardio, so I spent 30 minutes in the weight room and then did one hour of cardio - 45 minutes on the stairmaster and then 15 minutes on an elliptical. It stopped raining long enough to walk into work from the train. Whew! I am wiped out!

I have an eating disorder.

I have an eating disorder. Yes, me. Get over it. Don't worry too much because Brad and I are sharing an apartment and we both work for the same employer in the same department. We see each other a lot.

According to Wikipedia,(a)n eating disorder is any psychological condition characterized by abnormal eating habits that may involve either insufficient or excessive food intake to the detriment of an individuals physical and emotional health. Eating disorders are estimated to affect 5-10 million females and 1 million males in the United States. Although not yet classified as separate disorder, binge eating disorder is the most common eating disorder in the United States affecting 3.5% of females and 2% of males according to a study by Harvard affiliated McLean Hospital. Bulimia nervosa was the second most common followed by Anorexia nervosa.

I don't quite meet the criteria for Binge Eating Disorder, but I'm close. Wikipedia says, The formal diagnosis criteria are...that subjects must binge at least twice per week for a minimum period of three months. I usually binge about once a week, although lately it has been closer to twice a week with all the holiday stuff going on.

I do seem to fit the criteria for compulsive overeating. Per Wikipedia,
(a)n individual suffering from compulsive overeating disorder engages in frequent episodes of uncontrolled eating, or binging, during which they may feel frenzied or out of control, often consuming food past the point of being comfortably full. Binging in this way is generally followed by feelings of guilt and depression. Unlike individuals with bulimia, compulsive overeaters do not attempt to compensate for their binging with purging behaviors such as fasting, laxative use or vomiting. Compulsive overeaters will typically eat when they are not hungry.

If that isn't me I don't know what is!

I'll do okay for a few days, but then something just takes over. I know one bite of something can be the kiss of death for me. Saturday's binging started with a donut with my breakfast and it went downhill from there. I'll spare you the details, but it was really bad.

I definitely feel out of control when I binge. I simply can't stop and will eat until I'm not just full, but stuffed. Sometimes I eat so much that I get queasy.

Today Brad and went hiking. We hiked in Redwood Park, but had to cut the hike a little short so I could get back to the parking lot where there was a port-a-potty. After that we went to the San Leandro shoreline and walked the 1 mile parcourse. Total walking time was 2 hours and 22 minutes. Walker Tracker tells me that's about 6.9 miles and FitDay says I burned about 357 calories. :)

After the first walk, we went to Costco and bought protein shakes. They have a kind with only casein and whey proteins (no soy), and lots of added vitamins and minerals so they can be used as a meal replacement. I'm thinking of using them as such for breakfast (on non-gym days) and lunch, then have Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, or sardines for dinner. On gym days I of course have my usual whey protein shake before and after my workout. I also need to shoot for about 30g of fat a day, just for good health.

Christmas is coming up so I'll be off plan two days this week (Friday and Saturday), then the week after is New Years so I'll be off plan New Year's Eve (Thursday) and Saturday. Then my birthday 11 days after that (a Monday this year). :-p

Weekly Weigh-Ins with links

I thought I would publish my weekly weigh-ins with their links from the time I started NutriSystem to my most recent start.

Start: 154
Week 1: 150 (-4) - Week 2: 148.6 (-1.4)
Week 3: 146 (-2.6) - Week 4: 147.2 (+1.2)
Week 5: 145.6 (-1.6) - Week 6: 144 (-1.6)
Week 7: 143 (-1) - Week 8: 142.8 (-0.2)
Week 9: 143.6 (+0.8) - Week 10: 141.2 (-2.4)
Week 11: 143.8 (+2.6) - Week 12: 142.4 (-1.4)
Week 13: 142.4 (-0) - Week 14: 141.6 (-0.8)
Week 15: 139.4 (-2.2) - Week 16: 140 (+0.6)
Week 17: 139.2 (-0.8) - Week 18: 139 (-0.2)
Week 19: 138 (-1) - Week 20: 135.4 (-2.6)
Week 21: 137.2 (+1.8) - Week 22: 139.6 (+2.4)
Week 23: 143.2 (+3.6) - Week 24: 143.6 (+0.4)
Week 25: 137.6 (-6) - Week 26: 139.6 (+2)
Week 27: 142 (+2.4) - Week 28: 137.2 (-4.8)
Week 29: 137 (-0.2) - Week 30: 136.8 (-0.2)
Week 31: 142.2 (+5.4) - Week 32: 136.8 (-5.4)
Week 33: 137.8 (+1) - Week 34: 135.8 (-2)
Week 35: 137.6 (+1.8) - Week 36: 143.8(+6.2)
Week 37: 142.8 (-1) - Week 38: 140 (-2.8)
Week 39: 142.4 (+2.4) - Week 40: 140.4 (-2)
Week 41: 139.6 (-0.8) - Week 42: 142 (+2.4)
Week 43: N/A - Week 44: 141 (-1)
Week 45: 138.8 (-2.2) - Week 46: 139.6 (+0.8)
Week 47: 133.6 (-6) - Week 48: 132.4 (-1.2)
Week 49: 138.6 (+6.2) - Week 50: 138.4 (-0.2)
Week 51: 138.8 (+0.4) - Week 52: 139.4 (+0.6)
Week 53: 137.8 (-1.6) - Week 54: 139.4 (+1.6)
Week 55: 137.6 (-1.8) - Week 56: 136.4 (-1.2)
Week 57: 136.6 (+0.2) - Week 58: 139.4 (+2.8)
Week 59: 136.6 (-2.8) - Week 60: 134.6 (-2)
Week 61: 137 (+2.4) - Week 62: 138.6 (+1.6)
Week 63: 137 (-1.6) - Week 64: 137 (-0)
Week 65: 141.8 (+4.8) - Week 66: 135.4 (-6.4)
Week 67: 136 (+0.6) - Week 68: 139.2 (+3.2)
Week 69: 137.2 (-2) - Week 70: 138.2 (+1)
Week 71: 136.4 (-1.8) - Week 72: 140 (+3.6)
Week 73: 139.4 (-0.6) - Week 74: 140 (+0.6)
Week 75: 137.6 (-2.4) - Week 76: 141.6 (+4)
Week 77: 136.4 (-5.2) - Week 78: 139 (+2.6)
Week 79: 138.2 (-0.8) - Week 80: 139.2 (+1)
Week 81: 139.4 (+0.2) - Week 82: 137.6 (-1.8)
Week 83: 137.8 (+0.2) - Week 84: 137.2 (-0.6)
Week 85: 137.2 (-0) - Week 86: 136.2 (-1)
Week 87: 140.6 (+4.4) - Week 88: 138.8 (-1.8)
Week 89: 139.4 (+0.6) - Week 90: 142 (+2.6)
Week 91: 135.6 (-6.4) - Week 92: 140 (+4.4)
Week 93: 138.8 (-1.2) - Week 94: 138.6 (-0.2)
Week 95: 137.2 (-1.4) - Week 96: 137.6 (+0.6)
Week 97: 139.8 (+2.2) - Week 98: 139.6 (-0.2)
Week 99: 141.4 (+1.8) - Week 100: 140 (-1.4)
Week 101: 138.4 (-1.6) - Week 102: 138.6 (+0.2)
Week 103: 139.4 (+0.8) - Week 104: 136.4 (-3)
Week 105: 137.8 (+1.4) - Week 106: 137.8 (-0)
Week 107: 138.2 (+0.4) - Week 108: 137.4 (-0.8)
Week 109: 136 (-1.4) - Week 110: 133 (-3)
Week 111: 134.2 (+1.2) - Week 112: 132.8 (-1.4)
Week 113: 135.4 (+2.6) - Week 114: 136 (+0.6)
Week 115: 139.8 (+3.8) - Week 116: 137.8 (-2)

Bad bosses

Calories eaten yesterday: 1335 (I know, too much)
Fat: 31g (24%)
Carbs: 93g (32%)
Protein: 136g (44%)
Weight this morning: 135.8
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Walked to the laundromat and back, then down toward the train. Caught the bus to the shopping center and bought some groceries. That will keep my busy tomorrow portioning and cutting stuff.

Brad and I will hit Safeway tomorrow for the rest of what I need and hopefully Old Navy for a pair of jeans. I did Trader Joe's today so that's done, and we'll do Costco on Saturday evening.

I'll weigh-in this Sunday, but probably not again until January because I'll be off plan too much to lose weight the next two weeks - Christmas Day and New Year's Eve. Then back on plan until my birthday January 11. I can't wait until the holidays are over!

Boss J. chewed me out again today for the second time about the same one incident. Why? He just wanted to reiterate what he said on Monday. Someone needs reign him in! I'm on edge when I know he's here, and can't relax until he goes home.

He must be going through a depressive phase because he is angry at everyone and taking it out on those us us who happen to be here when he is. He's a terrible manager. He's good at the other stuff he does, but he has no clue how to manage interpersonal relationships - a necessary trait in management. He likes the feeling of power that being a manager gives, but has ruined morale in this department. It's no wonder he's not married even though he desperately wants to be.

Vicki Boxes

Calories eaten yesterday: 1186 (I know, too much)
Fat: 39g (33%)
Carbs: 74g (28%)
Protein: 110g (39%)
Weight this morning: 135.6
Calories burned in exercise today: 404

First, to the people leaving the nasty comments that were deleted, get a life. There were cookies, cakes, and candy all over work yesterday and I didn't have a single bite. So take that because I bet you wouldn't fare as well. :) Now you need to get going because I received a phone call and your village is missing its idiot. :)

Christmas is in full swing here with listeners sending us tons of crappy "food." Cakes and cookies are everywhere, in every single department and office. I'm staying away from all sugar so I won't have any. One bite is the kiss of death.

To answer the question about what a Vicki Box is: It started as a tradition on a cat forum I used to frequent. A woman named Vicki used to send out boxes to people who needed a little pick-me-up. It became a Secret Santa sort of thing. People sign up and are assigned another person to give to. You don't know who is giving you your box until the box arrives. Each person posts a bio so you know a little about them, and of course we all have the common bond of loving and owning cats. This year I received a big box, and am sending out two small boxes. Since my family either gives me nothing or gives me something I can't use, the Vicki box is the only way I know I'll get something cool and surprising for Christmas. So even though I rarely go to that cat forum anymore, I make sure to take a spin through and make sure my name is on the list.

Ok, today was gym day. I did 30 minutes of weight training and 1 hour of cardio on the elliptical. I walked into work from the train station. I am wiped!

Tomorrow is laundry.

I got off work about 11:30 last night. Lisa didn't go to the concert because he had to take her father to the hospital. Bereket filled in for her and gave me a ride home.

Calories, cookies, cakes, and Christmas

Calories eaten yesterday: 1227
Fat: 30g (25%)
Carbs: 80g (29%)
Protein: 130g (46%)
Weight this morning: 136
Calories burned in exercise today: 117

Got to sleep in today - yay! I did about 40 minutes of walking to the 7-Eleven by the bridge, then took the bus the rest of the way in.

I got the Vicki box labels printed. Estimated delivery date was Dec. 22, but since they won't go out until tomorrow that will be Dec. 23. How they will get from here to South Calolina by Dec. 23 I don't know as I selected UPS ground. It cost $27 to send these two boxes! Yikes!

Tomorrow I hope to go back to the gym.

Calories today will be a little over my non-gym day max of 1100. I'm working late and that means I'll need more food, but I should be under 1200. There are massive Christmas treats all over work and so far I am resisting them. Why is Christmas all about sugar, cake, cookies, etc.? Isn't it supposed to be about the Redeemer of the world being born? How did He get lost?

I am no longer getting the $200 per month from the sale of Dad's van. Dad said no way was Brad going to give me anything, so that money stops as of last month. Brad paid me the rent and half the PG&E bill he owed, but it wasn't nearly enough to meet my bills so I'm cashing in some vacation time.

Workout, jeans, and Mom update

Calories eaten yesterday: 786
Fat: 22g (29%)
Carbs: 58g (34%)
Protein: 66g (37%)
Weight this morning: 138.8
Calories burned in exercise today: 407

Changed up my workout a bit. I think I need less weight training and more cardio, but it's hard to stop a weight training session once I start because I love it so much. I ended up doing 50 minutes of weight training followed by 50 minutes of cardio on one of the newer ellipticals. I had my protein shake on the train and then walked from my stop to work.

There's this one machine I use that targets the lower back. You have to wear a seat belt to keep yourself pinned to the seat and I am now so fat that in the upright position with the belt just below my hipbones I have a roll of fat that hangs over and meets below the belt. Ugly!

My favorite pair of jeans is stained so it looks like I'll have to hit Old Navy to get another pair. :-p Brad and I will do Costco on Saturday since they haven't had my salads on Friday for the last two weeks. Friday we'll hit Safeway, and maybe Trader Joe's for yogurt and Old Navy for jeans.

I called around yesterday and got my birthday covered at work for both Brad and I. This year it falls on a Monday. Our plan is to drive down to San Jose and tour the Winchester Mystery House and the Rosicrucian Egyptian Museum. I haven't been to either in a couple decades so this should be fun!

Tomorrow I get to be lazy and sleep in - yay!

On a more serious note my Mom was taken to the hospital on Saturday so she and Bill never made it to their next destination. I wish she hadn't taken this vacation - being sick close to hope is better than being sick far from home. They don't know what's wrong, but yesterday they moved her to a room in a higher care area - not good. Bill is with her so at least she's not alone. Mom is only in her mid-70s and yet she has more health problems than Dad who's in his late 80s. She's ambulatory (barely), but not well. To the right is a photo of her and Bill. Click it for a larger size.

Starting week 1 over again

Start: 140.2
Week 1: 144.2 (+4)
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -61.8

Yep, I gained 4 pounds in my first week of dieting. Lovely eh? I haven't weighed this much in ages. My body wants to hold onto fat.

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1069
Fat: 15g (14%)
Carbs: 96g (42%)
Protein: 106g (44%)

Calories eaten Friday: 1288
Fat: 14g (11%)
Carbs: 71g (25%)
Protein: 116g (38%)

Weight Thursday morning: 141.2
Weight Friday morning: 137.6
Weight Saturday morning: 141.2
Weight this morning: 144.2

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 219
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 158

It's raining and miserable out so I didn't get much walking in this weekend. Brad and I managed to go around Lake Merritt once today. I wanted to go twice, but we kept having to pull out our umbrellas and my shoes were wet.

Due to the fact that I am now 10 pounds above where I used to be I am going to have to restrict more. No more bedtime cottage cheese; it is not helping me gain muscle, but it is helping me put on even more fat. :-p

Since I gained - again - I am going to start over with 144.2 as my new starting weight and I'm going to cut back on food. 1100 calories MAX on non-workout days, and 1300 MAX on workout days.

Being off plan two days a week for the last two weeks hasn't helped. The good news is that there is nothing planned this week; the bad news is that Christmas, New Year's, and my birthday are still ahead. I am planning healthy food for Christmas and New Year's. My birthday is always a free for all because it only happens once a year. :) I'll be glad when January 12th comes and I can get back to normal with all the holidays behind me.

I think I'll make one rule to keep me away from sweets - nothing with added sugar except for maybe the fat-free frozen yogurt at Costco, which would be once a week max anyway.

FAT

Calories burned in exercise today: 219

Ate way too much yesterday. Mostly healthy stuff, but way too much. Once I start eating, I can't stop. I forget my weight this morning and I forgot to log it. It was something like 141.4. :(

I am back on plan today and not that hungry. I had a hard boiled egg and the last few bites of some chocolate yogurt stuff I made and didn't quite finish.

Exercise was walking to the laundromat and back. It rained on the way down so I pulled my cart with one hand and held the umbrella with the other.

After I put the clothes away I walked down to the train station, then turned and walked as far as the 7-Eleven just outside Alameda. I wanted to stop at Safeway for a couple items, but I was running too late. Total walking time - about 1 hour 15 minutes.

Tomorrow is grocery shopping with Brad. Saturday is church and Brad wants to clean his car (we'll see if that happens!). Hopefully we can go hiking on Sunday.

The apartment at the front of the building will be ready the first of the year, so we may be moving there fairly soon. :)

Staff dinner

Calories eaten yesterday: 944
Fat: 14g (15%)
Carbs: 87g (42%)
Protein: 94g (43%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 273

Today I went to the gym. I did 40 minutes of weight training, 40 minutes on the stairmaster, and 10 doing a brisk walk on the treadmill. With the staff dinner I am off plan today so I treated myself to a protein bar and protein shake at the gym after my workout. I walked into work from the train station, stopping at Starbucks for a treat of a Venti skinny vanilla latte. I got a 6 inch turkey breast and ham sandwich at Subway for lunch.

Tonight was my department's Christmas dinner. I successfully survived. I ate healthy at the dinner and so-so at work. I had some bad stuff and a little candy, but not too horrible. I didn't weigh myself this morning but plan to weigh myself tomorrow no matter how bad the news is.

Dinner at Applebee's was a large steak (something like 600 calories - yikes!) with a double serving of veggies. I had grilled shrimp with it (200 calories) and a side salad with low-calorie dressing. I drank unsweetened iced tea and brought some liquid saccharin with me to sweeten it. I stopped briefly at Trader Joe's to get a protein bar that I shared with Brad and a large carton of Greek yogurt that I ate when I got back to work. I'll probably have a peanut butter sandwich before I go home and have my bedtime snack. Tonight I'm having the "chocolate pudding" made with Greek yogurt and protein powder.

Back on plan tomorrow and it's laundry day.

Fat, fat fat!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1462 (WAY too many calories!)
Fat: 44g (30%)
Carbs: 73g (22%)
Protein: 169g (48%)
Weight this morning: 139
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Ate way too much yesterday so even with all the exercise I did I gained weight. I tell you, with no metabolism my body stores every single calorie I eat as fat. I decided to skip my planned breakfast of a can of sardines and just had a low-fat cheese stick. My jeans are tight again and I am fat fat FAT! I haven't weighed this much in months! :( Damn I wish I was Ana instead of having a binge eating disorder. :-p

Today I went into the City to check my mail. Exercise was walking to the train station and then from my stop to work when I got back. The property check wasn't there, so it's going to be a lean month. Brad owes me $100 for December rent so that will at least cover groceries next week.

Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym before work and tomorrow is also my department's staff Christmas dinner so I will have no way of counting calories. I can eat healthy, but I know it will be too many calories because any amount of calories is too much for me.

It's freezing out there today - a cold front is moving through. With no metabolism I'm cold all the time and it's a fight to stay warm in the winter. I can't find my fingerless gloves and I have only one pink scarf that clashes with the red Christmas sweater I'm wearing as we near Christmas.

I stopped at various stores in the City looking for fingerless gloves and had no luck. I finally tried Old Navy even though I didn't think they would have them. They didn't have fingerless gloves, but they did have some cool fingerless mittens with a "hood" that can be pulled over your fingers. I bought them and also picked up a warm red scarf to go with my sweater. And the best part was that they were both on sale for $8 each! :) I love Old Navy!

Christmas gift FAIL!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1152
Fat: 39g (34%)
Carbs: 78g (30%)
Protein: 96g (36%)
Weight this morning: 138.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 402

I received a package from my sister of Christmas gifts. One is a wrapped gift that appears to be clothing (it's soft). The other is an unwrapped gift of an opened, partially used package of maxi pads (!?!?!). Don't ask me why she'd send this. I don't even have periods anymore, something that she as my sister should know. Massive FAIL.

I spent a lot of time and money finding several gifts for her and her husband; in return I get one gift and an opened bag of maxi pads. This ranks just below the year Mom gave me - all wrapped and everything - a bunch of Weight Watchers literature that she has gotten for free. Gee, thanks for telling me I'm fat, Mom.

This is shaping up to be a great Christmas. (NOT!)

I made it to the gym today. I did my "usual" - an hour of weight training followed by 40 minutes of cardio followed by walking into work. I stopped at WalMart on the way for a large package of Diet Coke.

Tomorrow I have to go into the City to check my mail. Wednesday I hope to hit the gym again. That's also the day of our staff Christmas dinner at Applebee's.

Day 1 of my new diet!

Start: 140.8
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -65.2

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1381
Fat: 44g (31%)
Carbs: 86g (27%)
Protein: 140g (42%)

Calories eaten Friday: 1166
Fat: 9g (7%)
Carbs: 51g (18%)
Protein: 80g (29%)

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 277
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 217
Calories burned in exercise today: 408

So I begin again and I am back up into the 140s. :( At least I got to hike with Brad both today and yesterday. I have been on plan since Wednesday of last week, but the week always begins with Sunday in my mind, so today is day 1. I am fat and must get this weight off!

Today is an anniversary for me. Five years ago today I started Celexa. Of the three anti-depressants I've taken, this has by far been the best and lasted the longest. :)

Friday Brad and I did grocery shopping. We could not find Diet Coke at either Costco or WalMart. :-p When we got home I drank some wine but ended up skipping dinner and still sleeping through the night somehow. :)

Saturday after church Brad and I hiked for about 1 1/2 hours, then went to Costco for frozen yogurt. They didn't have romaine lettuce on Friday (so I bought it at Safeway), but they did have it Saturday so I bought two more packages.

After this we went to Applebee's where I had one Mochatini and Brad had a beer, then we hit Starbucks where I got a nonfat Venti latte, then the auto parts store for Brad to get some stuff, and finally home.

I ate okay on Saturday and didn't really pig out except for eating a lot of peanut butter as part of dinner. :) Overall a fairly successful day food-wise.

Today I managed to get up early and Brad and I hiked for about 2 1/2 hours. Then he dropped me off at work.

Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym before work. I haven't been to the gym since November 23! Yikes!

Monkey Wrenches

Calories eaten yesterday: 866
Fat: 19g (21%)
Carbs: 64g (31%)
Protein: 98g (47%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 277

So, I begin again on my diet. There's only one major monkey wrench coming up, and that's the bi-annual staff dinner for my department. That is next Wednesday, Dec. 9. We are going to Applebee's and I can eat healthy. I know exactly what to order so that I can stick to protein and fat foods.

I also have some overtime coming up on the 17th and 26th. I generally need to eat more when I work more because I am awake for more hours. The 17th is a Thursday and will be a 12 hour shift. The 26th is a Saturday and I'll just be doing 4 hours from 7 pm to 11 pm.

For Christmas, Brad and I will have dinner at our apartment after he gets off work. It should be fairly healthy - meat, low-carb side dish, low-carb dessert, and egg nog. The egg nog may be homemade or may be from the health food store - I'm not sure yet.

Today I did laundry - about a 33 minute round trip walk. I told Brad I'd do a few items for him and he gave me every pair of underwear he has (except for the ones he's wearing), every paid of socks, and two shirts! I told him I'm not doing that again. I'm not his wife or his maid and he needs to do his own laundry. I don't mind helping out so he can have clean underwear or something, but it costs time and money when I have to do bigger or extra loads.

After laundry I walked down to the train station, and then walked from my stop to work. I stopped to WalMart since I only needed one item. That will save Brad and I a trip this weekend.

Tomorrow we are hitting Costco and Safeway for groceries.

Dad has instructed Brad to stop giving me any money from the sale of the van. I know why. Dad's trying to "starve me out," so I will come to my senses and move to Seattle. It's not going to happen. I don't want to live in Seattle. I have a life and friends and job here in the Bay Area.

April has the final word on the matter, but she always does what Dad asks so there goes $200 a month. This is why I shortened my vacation from a week to a few days - I need to cash in all the time I can to make ends meet.

My Vacation to Orlando

I was very badly off track during vacation, so while I am back on plan now, I'm going to start completely over with Week 1 beginning next Sunday. I ate horrible on vacation and gained a lot of weight. I don't know how much because I am avoiding the scale at the moment.

Ok, to catch you up:

Last Thursday (Thanksgiving) I ended up working 12 noon to 8 pm, so I got a full 8 hours. :) Friday morning I woke up just before my alarm went off at 4 a.m., and Brad and I were off to the airport by 4:30.

My flights to Orlando went smoothly and I arrived on time. Mom and Bill dropped me off at their time-share vacation condo at the resort. I only had time to do a little unpacking before we went out to dinner at Olive Garden and then went grocery shopping.

I bought healthy stuff, but Mom got instant oatmeal and chocolate cake. These proved to be part of my undoing.

After the shopping I finished unpacking.

Saturday Mom got sick and so we took her to an urgent care center. Bill and I went out to lunch at Cici's (my first time!) while Mom was seen. We picked her up and got her prescription. They had to go to a medical supply store to get Mom's gauze dressings for her stomach tube; I begged to be dropped off at the condo so I could go swimming while they made the drive.

When I finished swimming they were back. We stayed in the rest of the day except that I asked to get McDonald's for my dinner and we took it back to the condo.

Sunday morning Bill and I went to church. It was an Episcopal church, but we went to the late service which is contemporary. It was very upbeat with a band and praise songs. They used some of the same music/video worship disks that my church uses.

After church we went to lunch at Red Lobster. I ate a lot of church biscuits and had fries with my lobster tail. I also had a sugary smoothie. After lunch I went to the tiny workout center nearest our room (there was a bigger one but it was a long way). I did 30 minutes on one the the ellipticals. All of the machines were better than the ones at my gym, with screens where you could watch TV, and the screens were operated by touch.

Monday we went to DisneyWorld's Magic Kingdom; I will spare you the play-by-play. I have photos while I will upload to my Flickr account as I am able. I got to go on five rides - the haunted mansion, It's A Small World, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, and something else I can't remember right now. It was too crowded with waits for rides that were too long for the length of the ride. The best ride by far was Space Mountain, a roller coaster in the dark - you can't see where you're going or what's ahead. :) I also managed to squeeze some shopping in. Of course I bought a Disney hat with the Mickey ears and had by name embroidered on the back.

We left far earlier than I was ready to. Mom was in a wheelchair, but both her and Bill were tired, being far older than me. We came back to the condo, ate in, and even I went to bed fairly early.

The next day, Tuesday, Mom and Bill drove me to the airport and dropped me off. After checking my bags and getting through security I noticed my flight to Denver was running 1 1/2 hours late, meaning I would miss my connection.

I spoke to the woman at the gate I was supposed to leave from and she re-booked me on a flight connecting in Albuquerque. Then she had to find my bags and have them rerouted, too. I had a three hour layover in Albuquerque. I ended up arriving in Oakland about the same time as I would have if everything had gone as planned.

The only downside was that on the second flight I found a seat in the middle front, but no space to store my carry on bag. I had to have it checked and had nothing but my paperback to read for the entire 2 1/2 hours. :-p

Brad picked me up and we went to Starbucks, then went home to unpack. I just asked for one favor - a trip to a local Jack In the Box drive-through for dinner.

Today I am back at work and back on my diet. After binging for five days I'm not very hungry, so I am eating very light and drinking lots of water to detox. Tomorrow is laundry day.

Thanksgiving

Calories eaten yesterday: 1198
Fat: 25g (22%)
Carbs: 85g (33%)
Protein: 121g (45%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

The silliest thing was said to me yesterday in a Flickr photo comment. The person claims I "binge often (on CARBS) because you don't get enough whole grains." WTF? How did mankind exist before the advent of agriculture when there were no whole grains and any form of carbs were few and far between?

No, I binge because carbs are physically addictive and I am an addict. You don't give a drug addict more drugs so why do people push carb addicts to eat more carbs?

At any rate, HAPPY THANKSGIVING to everybody!



Brad is sick and didn't want any Thanksgiving dinner. He bought two very anemic looking boneless, skinless chicken breast because he didn't want anything. Boneless skinless chicken breast holds about as much interest for me as the boneless skinless chicken breast I used to eat every day and am sick of. I eventually dug up some tilapia (a kind of fish) and had that along with the cauliflower potatoes and rum cake, alone at work.

Brad went back and forth with the time. I eventually started around noon today and will get off at 8 or 9 - not exactly sure yet.

Let's see, I guess I have to say what I'm thankful for. I am thankful for
God
having a job
my kitties Xena and Abby (the bestest kitties in the world!)
Brad's friendship

Have a good weekend everyone! I'll be posting a bit of Facebook while I am gone, and other than that I should be back with blog posts next Wednesday and a report on my trip. I may or may not have internet access while gone, but I should be able to post some updates to Facebook via my cell phone if you want to keep up with me.

The craziness before Thanksgiving!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1148
Fat: 37g (33%)
Carbs: 80g (31%)
Protein: 97g (36%)
Weight this morning: 134
Calories burned in exercise today: 96

I want to get to the 120s so bad! Why can't I lose a single ounce?!?

I decided not to go to the gym today. I did laundry, which will give me Thursday to pack. I walked to the laundromat and back and that was it for exercise. I was running late so I didn't have time to do more walking. I took the bus to the train station, hopped a bus to Alameda and stopped at Trader Joe's for more Greek yogurt before continuing in to work.

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in and pack a but more for my trip. Brad will pick me up around 1 or so and bring me to work and we will have a little Thanksgiving here. Then he has to go to his ex-wife's and have Thanksgiving there. I'll be getting off a couple hours early (around 9 pm) so I can get a couple hours sleep before catching my early AM flight.

I called Dad to say hi and all he could talk about was the van. April called me to get on my case about not telling her when Brad gives me money for the car, and mentioned that all Dad talks about to her is the van. It's not really about the van. It's a classic psychological scenario - the van stands for power and control. He feels he has no control over his life and refuses to accept his current situation. Having the van - even though he can't drive and his caregiver doesn't drive - is his way of feeling in control of his life.

I've been asking Brad to bring my lunch and dinner into work when he comes in in the morning; he's living with me so it just makes sense and saved me having to haul it. It's simple - I prepare a bag and all he has to do is take it to work and stick it in the fridge. But it's not simple for him.

Earlier this week the chicken I had packed fell out of the bag on the drive and remained in the car all day. I discovered it was missing just before he left. Today he left the whole bag in the car all day, making everything warm. Gee thanks.

Things are crazy busy with Thanksgiving and my trip coming up. I cashed in a day of vacation time but didn't get the check until today. I tried signing it over to Brad, but his bank wouldn't take it. He deposited it in my bank and now I have to get the money out of an ATM - either have Brad do it tonight (give him my card and PIN), or do it before I fly out tomorrow.

Simply fat

Calories eaten yesterday: 1386
Fat: 37g (26%)
Carbs: 75g (24%)
Protein: 158g (50%)
Weight this morning: 135.8 (Ouch!)
Calories burned in exercise today: 181

Today was my mail run into San Francisco to check my P.O. box. I walked down to the train station, went into the City, came back, and walked from my stop into work.

135.8 this morning. Normally by this time in the week I would be lower. I need to face it - my binging has caused me to gain several pounds. I need to stop eating so damn much! My body simply has no metabolism. I think I could fast and not lose a single ounce!

Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym one last time before my trip. I'll do laundry on Thursday since the laundromat is open (thankfully - nice pun, eh?).

Some vacation details

Calories eaten yesterday: 1104
Fat: 28g (25%)
Carbs: 61g (24%)
Protein: 125g (50%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Let's start with another cute photo of Xena. She loves sleeping on my bed. :) Click it for a larger size.

Went to the gym today. I did an hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio. I wanted to use one of the newer ellipticals, but all of them (newer and older) were being used, so I settled for the stairmaster. I did levels 6-7.

After taking the train I walked in to work, talking to my Mom on the way to find out more about my vacation. What are we doing? How's the weather? Should I bring a swimsuit? And so on.

It turns out the weather is quite nice with lows in the 60s and highs in the 80s. Hello shorts! The resort has seven pools, most outdoors, a miniature golf course, and several exercise rooms. Yay! I'll bring back lots of photos!

Mom is inviting everyone down this year because it's a time share and they are selling it. So it's the last chance to have fun and she wants to share it with everyone. A day or two after I leave my brother and sister and their families are coming to visit.

I won't be updating my blog while I am gone, but I will be able to update my Facebook status by cell phone at the very least. Messages don't always go through, but it's the best I have. Today I sent a status update from my phone before and after my workout. The first made it through, the second didn't. :-p

Binged again...

I didn't weigh-in this week. I ended up binging for three days, including two days of all out carb binging. I pledge to stay on plan until I leave on vacation in the wee hours of Friday morning.

Because I'll be leaving for Florida this Friday to see my Mom and her husband there will be no weigh-in until December 6. I plan to make healthy choices while gone, but eating to satiety means gaining weight because of the huge appetite my anti-depressant gives me, so I expect to gain some while gone. I fly out Friday morning (Nov. 27th) and back on Tuesday evening (Dec. 1st). I can't afford to miss work so I am heading back to work that Wednesday.

I was up until early Friday morning baking the cauliflower "potatoes," the rum cake, and mixing everything I needed for the oatmeal cookies besides the oatmeal (which I didn't have).

Friday while portioning my pills I nearly ran out of my anti-depressant Celexa. I looked for another bottle and could have sworn I had bought it, but I couldn't find it anywhere. I called my doctor and they phoned in a prescription to WalMart for me, and even gave me refills. :)

I had some overtime on my last paycheck so Brad and I went on a shopping spree Friday after he got off work. We hit Costco, WalMart, Trader Joe's, Safeway, Starbucks, had wine at Zeytini's, and then did some Christmas shopping at Old Navy. Then when did a run through the McDonald's drive-through. Whew!

After we got home I finished the oatmeal cookie dough and baked the cookies. They are for Mom and her husband when I fly to see them later this week.

Saturday after church Brad and I went to WalMart to exchange an item I'd bought the day before. Due to vanity sizing, the sweatpants I bought were huge, so we returned it for a smaller size.

Then we went to Costco again because Brad needed gas. I called Tuttimelon (a frozen yogurt shop) to see if they had chocolate frozen yogurt that day, but they didn't so we had it at Costco. I also had a churro and a chicken bake sandwich.

We went back to WalMart because I had forgotten to check on the prescription they didn't have on Friday. They had it now so we picked it up.

Back at home Brad helped me dye my hair (I'm doing black this time). It's much easier to get all the hair when someone else is doing it (thanks, Brad!).

Brad helped me wrap presents. He did most of it and I made homemade egg nog, served him, and washed up the stuff afterwards. All family gifts have to go to Florida because my sister and her family will visit Mom after I leave.

Then Brad and I watched a Dr. G episode I had recorded, drank wine (I had a bottle of Merlot that turned out to be fantastic), and relaxed. Brad drove me to the 7-Eleven up the street for some fatty, carby dinner stuff.

This morning I am back on my diet plan. I managed to drag my ass out of bed about 9:30 and Brad and I went hiking in Anthony Chabot Regional Park. We did a section of trail we hadn't done before then re-hiked some trail we had already done because the first part of the hike wasn't long enough. In total we hiked for almost 2 1/2 hours and covered about 6.9 miles. :)

I just keep gaining...

Calories eaten yesterday: 1489
Fat: 33g (21%)
Carbs: 93g (27%)
Protein: 182g (52%)
Weight this morning: 133
Calories burned in exercise today: 204

Up another 0.6 today. *sigh* My body hates me. I wish I do do a 1200 calories Atkins. Then I might actually lose weight. I think I'm eating too many calories and so gaining weight even though I feel like I'm starving and only eat healthy food. :(

I'm so hungry today and had all my food eaten by 6 pm! That's 8+ hours still left in my day! I'm going to try to keep this eating frenzy to low-carb stuff, but I did have two small pieces of candy. I'm craving carbs and don't want to feed that craving with any more candy. There is 100% whole wheat bread and peanut butter down the hall, plus the vending machine has peanuts. I know I will show a gain when I weigh-in this week. Just one day even slightly off plan and my body hourds it as fat.

Today is payday and I had some overtime in this paycheck so I used the money to buy a box of shirataki noodles. They are mega expensive or I’d eat them every day. With shipping included, I pay about $2 for a 9 oz. bag. I only bought them because of the overtime I have in this check.

I also got more Walden Farms salad dressing with their 2-for-1 sale.

My arms are so sore! I think it was the concentration curls I did at the gym yesterday. That’s a good thing so I’ll have to do them again. :)

My cell phone ran out of power! I was on my way to work today when I noticed it was dead. I just checked it yesterday and it showed that it was half charged. How could it go dead so quickly? I sent it home with Brad and asked him to plug it in.

Today I did laundry and got some good walking in I checked with the people at the laundromat and they will be open on Thanksgiving so I can do my wash that day.

I sent Brad home with a list of thing to buy so I can cook stuff tomorrow. I’m planning on making the cauliflower potatoes (recipe) and rum cake for the Thanksgiving feast we’ll have at work. Tomorrow I’ll buy oatmeal and make my healthy oatmeal cookies (recipe) for Mom and Bill, then freeze everything until next week.

Tomorrow we need to hit Costco, Safeway, Trader Joe’s, and Old Navy. I need some leggings and want to see what Old Navy has. At some point this weekend we also need to go to WalMart.

Saturday I have to do whatever didn’t get done on Friday so I asked Brad if we could go home right after church and Sabbath School are over. Other than errands, I need to dye my hair. I’ve been meaning to dye it black and it will be done before I fly to Florida!

Today's temptation - chocolate cake!

Calories eaten yesterday: 1346
Fat: 40g (29%)
Carbs: 77g (25%)
Protein: 149g (47%)
Weight this morning: 132.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Up 0.2 from yesterday. Bleh. My body hates me.

Went to the gym today even though I'm tired. I did my "usual" - an hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio, this time on the stairmaster. I walked the 30 minutes into work from the train station. I'm wiped.

Tomorrow is laundry day.

I successfully avoided all the pastries at work yesterday - I didn't have even one bite! :) Today the temptation is chocolate cake. I don't just love chocolate cake I lurve it. Someone threw a partially eaten piece in the garbage can outside my office and I am ashamed to say that I want to take a finger dip of the frosting. Am I bad or what? I am so damn addicted to sugar!

I brought healthy food to eat - broccoli, salad, and chicken. Hopefully I can stick with just that.

Fighting the Addiction

Calories eaten yesterday: 1324
Fat: 25g (19%)
Carbs: 62g (21%)
Protein: 143g (46%)
Weight this morning: 132.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

I'll start this post off with a photo of Xena's paws just because everything about her is so cute. Click the photo to view it in a larger size. As you can tell I do not declaw my cats. It's a barbaric procedure.

Breaking a carb addiction is hard. Everywhere around me is temptation. I can ban things from my house, but I still have to deal with work. Yesterday I successfully avoided a caramel apple empanada dessert from Taco Bell. I've had them before and know how good they are. I took a photo, but didn't take a bite. Today at work there are pastries everywhere. Someone must have given us several packages because everywhere I turn there is at least one package, sometimes more.

I hope I can resist because I know how bad sugar and white flour are. I looked at the nutritional info on one of the packages and one pastry has 430 calories - for something that a person would consume in 3 minutes flat! I think my breakfast of 2 hard boiled eggs was much healthier and more filling than a pastry. Two large eggs have 154 calories, 10.6g of fat, 12.5g of protein, and only 1.1g of carbs! :)

Exercise today was lots of walking. I walked down to the train station, turned, and walked partway through Alameda before catching the bus the rest of the way in. I wanted to stop at Southshore for groceries but didn't have time. I was a few minutes late as it was.

I've stopped using the "134" tag on my posts. It was originally to mark days when I showed a 20 pound loss from when I started NutriSystem at 154 pounds. Since I am beginning a new diet I'm ditching that tag. My overall goal remains 136 pounds as a high weight and 126 pounds as a low weight. Water weight can easily cause a 10 pound difference from one day to the next. My official Atkins starting weight is 140.2, so I need to lose 4.2 pounds.

The only thing that will derail me is my vacation at the end of this month. I leave at o' dark thirty the day after Thanksgiving (and I'm working on Thanksgiving night!) to visit my Mom and her hubby in Florida. I won't be able to log food while I'm gone. I can make healthy choices, but will be somewhat limited in those choices.

Tomorrow I hope to go back to the gym.

I got a compliment! :)

Calories eaten yesterday: 1096
Fat: 38g (33%)
Carbs: 53g (21%)
Protein: 122g (46%)
Weight this morning: 135
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Decent weigh-in the morning. I'm okay with it, though of course I always want to see something lower. About 10 pounds lower and I'd be happy!

Went to the gym this morning. I did one hour of weight training and 40 minutes of cardio on one of the older ellipticals. I finished by walking the 30 minutes into work from my train stop.

I received a compliment at the gym today from the buff black guy who hits on all the pretty women. He say my photos on the member success board and complimented me on how well I had done. He said I did the best of all the people with stories posted. (The truth is that most of the stories don't have before and after photos, but mine does.) He told his friend with him to take a look at my story and joked about getting personal training from me. LOL! I was embarrassed, but it felt good. :)

Here's the photo the guy commented about. I wrote the text out below the photo since you can only read the text in the larger sizes.

I forgot to bring in the 2 oz. of cheese I put on my menu for today. I bought an 8 oz. block yesterday and cut it into 4 pieces. I was going to eat one of those pieces today. :-p Less food means more Diet Coke and chewing gum. :-p I also forgot to bring two teabags from home to have tea. Oh well.

Tomorrow I hope to sleep in and go back to the gym on Wednesday.

I send birthday cards to Mom and Eleanor yesterday. Their birthdays are only a new days apart, at the end of November. The next project to to wrap Christmas presents.

Week 1 Weigh-In

Start: 140.2
Week 1: 139.2 (-1)
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -66.8

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories eaten Thursday: 1272
Fat: 35g (27%)
Carbs: 59g (20%)
Protein: 118g (40%)

I ended up having a mini binge on fat and protein (peanut butter and low-carb bread!)on Friday, so I don't have stats for that day.

Weight Thursday morning: 133.4
Weight Friday morning: 131.8
Weight Saturday morning: 136.6
Weight this morning: 139.2

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 251
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

The only reason I lost weight is my mini binge on Friday made me poop a lot this morning before I weighed in, so I didn't lose any real weight this week. :-P

Friday Brad and I went to Costco and Safeway. I got chicken at Costco but they were out of romaine salad so I bought regular lettuce. It has way more carbs than romaine so I won't be doing that again and just get the romaine at Safeway. Safeway had sardines (and even on sale - how perfect!) so I stocked up on those, and also bought peanut butter (the no sugar added kind) because I have been craving peanut butter.

Saturday after church we ran a few errands and then stayed in the rest of the night.

Today we slept in, made a short stop at Safeway where I bought birthday cards for Mom and Eleanor plus some cheese as a source of healthy protein and fat for my diet.

Addiction

Calories eaten yesterday: 1468
Fat: 34g (23%)
Carbs: 77g (23%)
Protein: 178g (54%)
Weight this morning: 133.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 251

Same weight as yesterday. Bleh. My body wants to be fat. :(

Maybe I'm hitting ketosis today; the cravings are worse than yesterday and the hunger is really bad. I'm eating more calories, but less food because I'm getting more fat, and fat is higher in calories than carbs and protein combined. *sigh*

I am a carbohydrate addict. I want carbs; I crave carbs. My body react poorly to them. Most of us are addicted and don't even know it. Yes, carbs are physically addictive. Going on a low carb diet is like taking drugs away from a drug addict - you will experience physical symptoms. Craving for the addictive substance is just one of these symptoms. The more addicted you are, the worse the symptoms will be.

Today I walked down to the laundromat and back, then down toward the train, then turned and walked partway through Alameda. I finally found a bench where I could rest, then took the bus to Southshore and did some shopping at Safeway before coming in to work.

I'm tired. There is so much gunk going around right now I feel like I am always fighting something.

Tomorrow Brad and I are hitting Coscto. Saturday is church, and then Sunday it's back to work for me, as well as my weigh-in day.

Ketosis

Calories eaten yesterday: 1390
Fat: 42g (29%)
Carbs: 57g (18%)
Protein: 169g (53%)
Weight this morning: 133.4
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Went to the gym this morning. I did an hour of weight training, plus 40 minutes on one of the newer ellipticals. It wasn't very crowded because it's a holiday and this gym services the people who work in the downtown area.

Tomorrow is laundry. Bleh.

It takes most people two full days (48 hours) to burn through liver glycogen and get into ketosis (fat burning), which initially gives you carb cravings. With my slow metabolism I hit that point today (three full days). I am hungry and craving. So far I have avoided eating even one bite of a cracker, cookie, fry, etc. And trust me, that sort of thing abounds around here!

I'm worried I won't lose any weight because my calories are higher than before. At least my fat is up. I was eating 20g a day and that's not healthy, and hopefully that's the reason I couldn't lose. I'm up to 30-40g a day now - still low, but an improvement for me. Baby steps and all that. :)

I'm planning on picking up fattier stuff this week when I go grocery shopping, such as sardines and whole eggs.

Week 1, Day 3

Calories eaten yesterday: 1347
Fat: 29g (20%)
Carbs: 96g (30%)
Protein: 159g (50%)
Weight this morning: 137
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

I'll start with a photo of me giving blood on Saturday. I am way behind uploading photos and just got this one up this morning. Click the photo for a larger size.

Went into San Francisco this morning to check my P.O. Box. I walked down to the train station (30 minutes), and I walked from my stop to work when I came back (30 minutes). The property check came so I deposited it. Now I can pay another bill that came by e-mail.

I am proud to say that I haven't had one single bad thing since I started my new diet Sunday morning! Not one single chip, cracker, fry, or bite of cookie. And believe me, the opportunities have been there!

Now it gets hard. Today is day 3, when the carb cravings usually get the worst.

I have also been trying to cut back the amount of diet soda and Crystal Light I drink and bring three 12 oz. water bottles with me each day. I've had Kombucha the the last three days to help me detox (one 16 oz. bottle). Today is the last day. Too bad, because this stuff is low in calories (60 calories per bottle) and super healthy.

Tomorrow I hope to go back to the gym again. My butt is sore from yesterday's workout so maybe I'll focus more on arms, lol!

Fat is up, carbs still too high

Calories eaten yesterday: 962
Fat: 29g (27%)
Carbs: 88g (36%)
Protein: 86g (37%)
Weight this morning: 138.2
Calories burned in exercise today: 388

Let's start with a photo of Xena being her cute self. She didn't like the flash of the camera and covered her eyes. Click the photo for a larger size. :)

Made it to the gym today. I did one hour of weight training and 40 minutes of the stairmaster. I wanted to do one of the new ellipticals but they were all being used. Maybe Wednesday.

So far I haven't been able to get my carbs down, but I have been able to get my fat up a bit. It's hovering around 30g a day instead of 20g a day.

Tomorrow I have to go check my mail in the City, then hopefully back to the gym on Wednesday.

Atkins Diet, Day 1!

I'm starting over. I have gotten way off track and am binging frequently. It's time to get unaddicted from sugar again. I started NutriSystem in March of 2007 (this post links to that one). Now it's time to begin again, this time with a low-carb diet.

Last week's Tuesday binge was a wake up call for me - it's time for a change! I need a new start with a more Atkins-style diet. I tried to give it a test run last week after my binge, but I just continued to binge. However, I've done a lot of meal planning to try to make this work. So now it is time to do it.


Original start weight in 2004: 206
Start for this round: 140.2
Total loss since I began dieting and exercising in 2004: -65.8

Ok, now to catch up on other stats.

Calories burned in exercise Thursday: 146
Calories burned in exercise Friday: 0
Calories burned in exercise Saturday: 0
Calories burned in exercise today: 0

Today I am restarting the Atkins diet - sort of. My carbs aren't any lower, at least for now. I have some carby salads that I need to use up fast as they are already starting to go bad. After that is gone I'll have less carby salads.

Also, for the next three days I am drinking Kombucha which adds 14g carbs to my menu. Kombucha is a good detox and a good start to any diet. I have a lot to detox from! It's the healthiest 14 carbs you'll ever drink. I wish I had the money to drink it daily.

I also need more of the liquid iron than I have been taking. This adds 5g of carbs a day, five days a week. It can't be helped as this is more effective than iron pills (of course I take the pills too).

I have been off my old diet for days. I ate as I pleased Thursday-Saturday with some all out binging tossed in for good measure. :-p

Today is the first day of my new life! I will break this sugar addiction and lose this excess weight!

The weekend:
Friday Brad and I went to Costco, WalMart, Petco (for fish food), Safeway, and Trader Joe's. I bought Atkins-friendly foods: whole chicken, cheese sticks, Greek yogurt, salad, and broccoli.

Saturday after church we went to the Red Cross so I could donate blood. The minimum hemoglobin level to donate is 12.6%. I came in at 12.5%. This is why I need to take more of the liquid iron. With the liquid iron I can at least get the minimum daily value for iron in my diet.

After giving blood we went to Applebee's. I had my payday Mochatinis and a glass of wine. Brad had a salad, cheese sticks, and beer. We had dinner at McDonald's and I ate lots of other bad foods that day. I'll spare you all the play-by-play, but donuts, cookies, hot dogs, and cheeseburgers were included.

Now the binging is out of my system and I am ready to start fresh!

Brad and I slept in this morning, something we both needed. Tomorrow I hope to hit the gym. I only made it to the gym once last week due to the overtime I pulled. Maybe now I can get back into a rhythm again.

I am a failure.

Calories eaten yesterday: 1108
Fat: 34g (30%)
Carbs: 75g (30%)
Protein: 105g (40%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 146

First, Technorati won't let me ping my blog anymore so I won't be no longer use technorati tags at the bottom of my posts.

I will be weighing in this week because I am hoping to start over next Sunday. More details will be in Sunday's post, but my binging is not going to stop me from getting a start weight for the next round.

I failed again today. It started with a cinnamon twist doughnut at the snack shop at the laundromat. I ate a bunch of crap after that, but then I was sugared out and am not craving sugar as I type. I had a double cheeseburger (no mayo) with fries at the burger joint next door and that filled me up so I am not hungry right now, nor do I feel a need to stuff my face. I would call today so far a "moderate binge."

Weekend plans:
Shop at Costco and Safeway tomorrow for groceries for the week. Buy Atkins-friendly stuff like whole roasted chicken.

Saturday after church everyone is going over to the Crouch's for a potluck lunch. We do not have use of the regular building this week and will have worship in the dome building next door. Brad and I have to leave before lunch as I have a blood donation appointment at the Red Cross.

Hopefully Brad and I will be able to go to Applebee's for Mochatinis that night.

I will see you all Sunday with a plan and hopefully the resolve to carry it through. I'm fearful to write too much as it will be embarrassing if I fail.

I want to end this post with a family photo. This is my Dad (now 87 years old!) with his new grandson Maxwell, my nephew, born October 9.

Restart?

Binged yet again. It's time to do something drastic and cut back on the carbs and eat more meat. I am so fat right now. It's unreal how much crap I can stuff in my face and how it all turns to fat on my belly and thighs the same day. :-p

I think it might be time to restart Atkins and restart my weekly count. I started Week 1 when I started NutriSystem. I've strayed way off their plan. I try to fill myself with salad, but then I eat too much and start craving protein and fat and end up binging.

Last night, like many times before, I craved peanut butter. It turned into a binge-fest of peanuts butter, peanuts, chocolate, and sugar. :( I can't keep doing this. I keep gaining weight and my skin keeps breaking out. Sugar = pimples, which is why Atkins helped my complexion so much.

I keep craving peanut butter and I'm not sure if it's the fat or protein I crave, or both, or something the peanut butter has that my body needs (Janis knows about my PB addiction).

I asked Janis to tell me what she eats so I can get an idea of what to eat. I've been busy with my food journal today trying to figure out a more Atkins-type diet to eat. Today's plan is a couple of large beef patties with fat-free cheese and ketchup, some salad, and some cottage cheese (another addiction of mine).

I clearly have an unhealthy relationship with food. I don't know when that started, but somewhere in the process of losing weight the healthy way I began to obsess about food and ended up living to eat instead of eating to live. That is where I am now.

I want to be that thin, lithe girl, the one who can fit into skinny jeans, the one others are jealous of. But I keep binging and keep gaining and I am so sick of the whole process. My jeans are tight, my belly distended, and I feel horrible about myself.

I had a 12 hour shift at work yesterday ending at 3 a.m. and I am running on a lack of sleep and a weird sleep cycle today. I'm worn out and grumpy and argued with the people at the burger place when they tried to wrap my plain double burger in the lettuce, tomatoes, etc. I wanted the lettuce on the side and plan on eating the two patties separately, adding my own cheese, and using the lettuce, tomatoes, etc. as a side salad. I have no patience today and snapped at them.

So...I don't know. Maybe I can restart, maybe I will fail. But I have to try or I will just be that fat, unhappy, miserable person who weighed over 200 pounds again. I don't want to go back there. I have worked too hard.

Technorati tagged: diet, low fat, weight loss, health, exercise, obesity, overweight, fitness

Overtime

Calories eaten yesterday: 1493
Fat: 27g (17%)
Carbs: 120g (34%)
Protein: 175g (49%)
Calories burned in exercise today: 175

Slept in today. I have to work 3 pm to 3 am today so I need all the sleep I can get. I brought extra food to work. I will need to eat more since I am staying so late.

I felt pretty good yesterday and am worn out today. I had to change my Armour dosage around since the new pills don't cut well. My the current pills I'm using I need to take 2 1/2 a day, so yesterday I took three (hence more energy), and today I took two (hence less energy). The half life of the active T3 is only a fraction of the T4, but there's nothing I can do about that until these pills are gone. After this I am going on the compounded stuff I bought and those pills cut quite well.

Nothing much going on other than that. I dragged myself out of bed and did an hour of walking for exercise and to save on bus fare, but I am just overwhelmingly tired.

I won't get to bed until 4 or 4:30 am tonight so I am definitely sleeping in tomorrow. No way I can get up at 9:30 if I don't get to sleep until after 4!

Technorati tagged: diet, low fat, weight loss, health, exercise, obesity, overweight, fitness